A Christmas Suggestion for Your Calendar

Thursday, November 15, 2007

It has already started - ideas for Christmas events, plays, Nutcrackers, zoo lights, breakfast with Santa, projects at the library.......

Are your days already pretty full? How many extra hours do you have in a day now? When you think about what you need to do for Christmas, where will the time come from? Here is an idea that several parents have said works very, very well for them.

Take out your calendar now, and put a big X through several days between now and the new year. Some before Christmas, and some just after Christmas. Try to make them days that, if possible, both parents are available. If that isn't possible, then do it anyway and know that the X extends into the evening. Now those days are committed to your family. When someone calls and says "Come to our holiday open house" you can say, "I'm so sorry, but we have a commitment that day". When the people from work want to go out for a holiday dinner, you can say "I'd love to, but I have plans". And the commitment, the plan, is that you'll be home with your family. Your family, the people you love most, won't get lost in the holiday shuffle of demands that aren't even especially close to your heart. Safeguard those days from turning into catching up on housework and errands. Your commitment is to family time.

Perhaps you'll use one of the days for a family trip to buy a few wreaths and your Christmas tree, and you can make a leisurely outing out of it and call it "Hanging of the Greens Day". Maybe you'll use those crossed-off days to just stay home and do the things that help your child feel connected and peaceful - reading stories, playing, cooking together, having time. Maybe a leisurely stroll through the zoo, without a time crunch or an agenda, would feel good to all of you.

Having a predictable routine and relaxed, loving parents makes children feel secure and safe. Isn't it ironic that the holidays, which are theoretically focused on children, so often get us out of routine and make us frazzled? If you've never said "No" to the office party or a yearly gathering before, it can seem strange and difficult. You aren't saying no to it forever, just for these few years while your children are young and home is the center of their universe. So many adult choices are between two good things, not a clear-cut choice between the good thing and the bad thing! Parties, ballets, zoo lights are all wonderful things. Young children can only do a little bit of them at a time, cushioned by their routines. So you can choose, instead, the other good thing - quiet, relaxed family time that has been carefully preserved on the calendar. Time to lie under the Christmas tree, looking up at the lights, and telling stories. What a gift! Now, off to your calendar........


-Donice Wooster, from a blog at http://www.fcchurch.com

To Know You Is To Love You

The word "know" has so many layers of meaning that it can be hard to pinpoint what we mean when we use it in different contexts. If one of the goals of being a good parent is to help a child really know himself or herself, that kind of knowing implies understanding and acceptance, and ultimately loving oneself just as one is. Hard work, that can take a lifetime. The role parents have is to be a mirror for their children, reflecting back to them what they notice and understand about their child: strengths, interests, growing edges, struggles, joys. The most challenging part of being that mirror is being an objective mirror that doesn't judge what it sees. (I don't mean by this that you don't set limits. As you reflect a child's anger you also keep them from expressing it aggressively, but you allow the feeling and help them to understand it.) What makes it hard to be a reflective mirror?

If you haven't had much experience yourself of people reflecting your feelings without judgment, it's a learned skill. There may be aspects of yourself that you don't know very well, like why certain behaviors send you over the brink while you can take others in stride. You can begin practicing this skill on yourself. Practice simply observing yourself - what you like, what you don't like, what you do well even when you don't feel like it, what interests you. Practice describing these things to yourself without adding any judgment.

For example: "I like being a worker bee more than an organizer. When I help out at elementary school, I need to choose the hands-on activities, not the phone-calling." Or even "This isn't a time in my life that I can volunteer any extra time to school; I feel too conflicted and busy already." or "I seem to handle my child's anger and happiness well, but when she's scared I have a different reaction and want her to get over it. What do I do when I'm scared? How did my parents react when I was scared?" or "Every time I walk by the library I feel this longing to just spend some time browsing by myself." Which might mean that you find a time to get a sitter and give yourself a couple of hours at the library keeping yourself company.

In each of these examples and any others you might imagine, you are being careful not to add judgment; you are not saying "and I shouldn't feel that way" or " but that would be self-indulgent" or "I shouldn't want that". You are just observing yourself and caring for what you observe.

You might even notice ways that you've changed - that you used to really desire things that don't interest you much now. You might notice that having children has changed your thinking about priorities. Recently I asked some parents what surprised them the most about parenting, and one said "I didn't realize how much of myself I would enjoy sacrificing for the needs, pleasures and growth of my son."

This kind of non-judgmental self-observation can lead to a much deeper self-acceptance and love of who you really are. It is from that place, that grounded self-understanding, that you can be a mirror for your child. It's much easier to accept and reflect a child's longings and dislikes and struggles if you have accepted your own. You are both human beings with human emotions, and the more you know of yourselves the more loving you can be toward yourselves and each other.


-Donice Wooster (Director of Early Childhood Ministry), from a blog at http://www.fcchurch.com

Give Happiness a Chance

The framers of the Declaration of Independence must have thought happiness is something you can achieve. They put it right along "life and liberty."

From that time on "life and liberty" have been given vigorous protection. And we have been left to sort out the meaning of "happiness" on our own.

I owe this column to Eduardo Porter, a New York Times reporter and an insightful observer: "Despite all the wealth we have accumulated - increased life expectancy, central heating, plasma TVs and venti-white-chocolate-mocha Frappuccinos (and 18,000 other choices at Starbucks) - true happiness has lagged our prosperity."

Back in 1968, a politician said, "The nation's gross national product measures everything except that which makes life worthwhile."

"Most disconcerting" says Porter, "happiness seems to have little relation to economic achievement, which we have historically understood as the driver of well-being. A notorious study in 1974 found that despite some 30 years worth of stellar economic growth, Americans were no happier than they were at the end of World War II. A more recent study found that life satisfaction in China declined between 1994 and 2007, a period in which average real incomes grew by 250 percent."

What is being discovered is this: more money and a lottery win can bring fleeting happy moments. Non-monetary rewards, like more time off, or more time with friends or family are likely to produce more lasting changes in the level of happiness.

Porter's final conclusion: "One thing seems certain, lining up every policy incentive to strive for higher and higher incomes is just going to make us all miserable. Happiness is one of the things that money just can't buy."

Take all the words of Jesus that point to happiness, they boil down to this: Happiness is never found when seeking it directly. Happiness is the by-product of giving yourself to the greatest need and cause you can find in life.

Do this and happiness might have a chance of finding its way into your life.


Peace to you,

Dr. Richard A. Wing
Senior Minister

- from a blog at http://www.fcchurch.com

Sacred Necessity

Friday, December 14, 2007

"An American traveler planned a long safari to Africa. He was a compulsive man, loaded down with maps and time tables and agendas. Workers had been engaged from a local tribe to carry the cumbersome load of supplies, luggage and "essential stuff."

"They all woke very early the first morning and traveled very fast and very far. On the second morning, they all woke very early and traveled very fast and also went very far. On the third morning, they all woke very early and traveled very fast and went farther still. And the American seemed pleased. On the fourth morning, the tribesmen refused to move. They simply sat by a tree. The American became incensed. "This is a waste of valuable time. Can someone tell me what is going on here?"

"The translator answered, "They are waiting for their souls to catch up with their bodies."

"That story that inspirational speaker Terry Hershey gave me describes us, except we don't stop and wait for our souls to catch up with our bodies. We just keep on going until we collapse and then wonder, "what went wrong?" Blaise Pascal said, "By means of a diversion, we can avoid our own company 24 hours a day." God's company, too. We go many places, but are not present at any of them.

"In Advent, we are invited to look again at sacred necessity. Sacred necessity is not another "to do" list, but an invitation to savor moments of stillness, even silence. Our sanity depends on sacred necessity. That sacred necessity is not negotiable.

"I can hear a choir of voices saying, "But Dick, you don't know how full my life is - especially coming into this season. How about making this a new year's resolution?" To that, I respond with a Dr. Phil voice: "What part of 'not negotiable' do you not understand?"

"Start here now:

"1. Get the book Open Spaces by Gretel Ehrich. Read it in small chunks.
2. Spend 10 minutes daily in absolute quiet. See if after a week you crave more minutes, and then add them. If 10 minutes is good, stay with it. That time is your Sabbath time.
3. Sabbath time means to quit. Stop. Be uncluttered. Waste time with God.
4. Stillness speaks in ways busyness cannot. Stillness restores.

May your Advent begin with an adventure into that which your soul craves and that only you can give.

Peace to you,

Dr. Richard A. Wing
Senior Minister"


- from a blog at http://www.fcchurch.com

Family Matters

by Donice Wooster,(Director of Early Childhood Ministry)

Some Thoughts and a Poem for Christmas

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

"The Christmases that one spends as a parent of young children can be especially harried, since children's needs either stay the same or increase as the days get busier, and they work at keeping us connected to them, instead of distracted. They aren't capable, yet, of cutting us any slack just when we need some. So we might miss the connection to the mystery and, one might even say, holiness that is right in front of us, especially at this season. It is no accident that many cultures celebrate ceremonies of deep meaning at the time of year when it is darkest, but we begin to turn again towards the light.
The historical Jesus was born in a particular time and place, but spiritual rebirth can happen in each of us, over and over, and we are especially tuned to the possibility as the story is retold at this time of year. As the story is told, there is a longing in us to be part of that Holy Family, attended by shepherds, angels and Magi. There is an interface between our world and the world in which that holy birth happened, separated only by time. It is an archetypal and a deeply moving story. When you have young children, it is easier to imagine yourself into the story, but it is also possible to be so busy that you miss the quiet sacredness in which you live.
So here is a poem by a favorite of mine, Wendell Berry. Berry lived on his family homestead farm, going back several generations, and tried to live in the old ways as much as he could. I find that each time I read it I find something new in it. It reminds me that a holy birth is possible now and here, as much as in that long ago time and place."


Remembering that it happened once,
We cannot turn away the thought,
As we go out, cold, to our barns
Toward the long night's end, that we
Ourselves are living in the world
It happened in when it first happened,
That we ourselves, opening a stall,
(A latch thrown open countless times
Before), might find them breathing there,
Foreknown: the Child bedded in straw,
The mother kneeling over Him,
The husband standing in belief
He scarcely can believe, in light
That lights them from no source we see,
An April morning's light, the air
Around them joyful as a choir.
We stand with one hand on the door,
Looking into another world
That is this world, the pale daylight
Coming just as before, our chores
To do, the cattle all awake,
Our own white frozen breath hanging
In front of us; and we are here
As we have never been before,
Sighted as not before, our place
Holy, although we knew it not.


- from a blog at http://www.fcchurch.com

Care and Spirit

Peace of Mind

"I do not agree with the popular success literature that says that self-esteem is primarily a matter of mind-set, of attitude - that you can psych yourself into peace of mind. Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true principles and values and in no other way." -Daily Reflections for Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey

The bookstores are full of self-help books that offer people many ways to achieve personal goals and dreams. At stages on our spiritual journeys, we may look for just the "right" book on religion, spirituality, psychology, business, athletics, health, fitness, or such in hopes that it will bring positive change in our lives. Many of these books can be helpful, but we all know that reading alone will not bring the desired change. It requires focus and commitment, perhaps even an inner awakening or transformation.

Often we go from one thing to another without truly staying with whatever program is offered. People who benefit from a particular book or approach may encourage others to embark on the same path with an evangelical zeal. While the substance of any program is important, it is more important for someone to stick with one thing that seems to work for them than to look constantly for the next new approach.

I think the work of Stephen Covey has had staying power because it reaches some deeper truths about people and the process of change. I share his skepticism that you can talk yourself into peace of mind, although I do believe that prayer and meditation can quiet the mind of fear and anxiety. At some foundational level, it is living life consistent with certain principles and values that brings peace of mind.

For Covey, the principles and values are the seven habits of highly effective people, but I believe that underlying it all is a life of faith or trust. At some point, no matter what happens, we have to stake our very lives on a loving God who knows us and never will let us go. That brings true peace of mind.

Peace and blessings,

James M. Long
Minister of Pastoral Care

from a blog at http://www.fcchurch.com

A Psalm for the Shadows Monday, December 24, 2007

"Come Be My Light" was the recent book written about the spiritual struggle of Mother Teresa. We discovered long after her death that she was terrified by doubt and the fact that God seemed not to be present to her. Her spiritual life was lived almost exclusively in the shadow of doubt and seeming abandonment.

Bottom line: Mother Teresa simply shoved her painful struggle aside, didn't gripe, kept praying anyway and kept doing good. In an earlier book about her life, a rendition of Psalm 23 was printed. This translation was a favorite of Mother Teresa in the moments of doubt and shaky faith.

If you don’t need this translation for your life now, there will be a day you do, so keep it close by.

"The Lord is my pacesetter…
I shall not rush;
He makes me stop for quiet intervals;
He provides me with images of stillness
which restore my serenity.
He leads me in the way of efficiency through calmness of mind
and his guidance is peace.
Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day,
I will not fret, for his presence is here;
His timelessness and his all importance will keep me in balance.
He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activity
by anointing my mind with his oils of tranquility;
My cup of joyous energy overflows.
Truly harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruits of my hours
for I shall walk in the Pace of my Lord
and dwell in his house for ever."

— A version of Psalm 23 from Japan, as reprinted in
Mother Teresa, Life in the Spirit:
Reflections, Meditations, Prayers



Peace to you,

Dr. Richard A. Wing
Senior Minister

from a blog at http://www.fcchurch.com

The Life

Monday, December 24, 2007

The last in that trinity of "I Am" statements accorded to Jesus in John 14:6 is "I Am, the Life."

His followers saw and experienced in Jesus the embodiment of God. As later followers searched the Hebrew scriptures to describe their experience of Jesus, one idea they latched on to was "Immanuel," God-is-with-us (Isaiah 7:14). They saw Jesus living out the true Life: both gentle - "a bruised reed he will not break (Isaiah 42:1-4) - and powerful - "he will bring forth justice to the nations," dethroning the mighty and lifting up the poor (Samuel 2:1-10; rf. Luke 1:46-55).*

God-with-us is what we really celebrate at Christmas - the personal incarnation of Divine Being in a particular person in a particular place in a particular historical time. But that's not just about Jesus, in my opinion.

Nor is it the opinion of Meister Eckhart, the 13th century Christian mystic: "People think God has only become a human being there - in his historical incarnation - but that is not so; for God is here - in this very place - just as much incarnate as in a human being long ago. And this is why God has become a human being: that God might give birth to you as the only begotten Son [or Daughter], and as no less."

Many spiritual traditions, including Christianity, identify this personal essential identity as a singular shooting star of light shining in the utter black void of the night sky.

In the mystical Christian tradition, more appropriately for Advent, this personal essential identity has been symbolized in the Star of Bethlehem

- it arises to witness the birth of essence in its own particular way in your soul. You, a particular incarnation of the Divine, are a particular shooting star of divine light in this field of Mystery.

Or, as Donice Wooster reminded me of the language given this idea by Jungian analyst Pauline Napier of Pittsburgh: We are all shards of the Godhead, and each of us is the only one that can live out the shard that we are.

Shalom,

*Early Christian usage of the Hebrew Bible belies humorist Stephen Colbert's great little snippet: "After Jesus was born, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up."

David Hett
Minister of Religious Life and Learning

from a blog at http://www.fcchurch.com

God's Whisper of Love

I know what is inside your heart.
I see your courageous impotent love, and your fear, and the
tears you would cry if you could.
And I do so love you.
- Gerald G. May, M.D.

At a recent gathering of the Shalem Society for Contemplative Leadership, I was given a copy of these words by the late Dr. Gerald May, psychiatrist and contemplative theologian at the Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation. According to Jerry, these words "seemed to be whispered by God to me." They spoke of God's love.

Most of us have a hard time accepting that God really loves us. We may proclaim God's unconditional love and grace for all people, but down deep it does not seem to apply to us. We are too used to evaluating ourselves and being evaluated by others. Our world seems to contradict any notion of unconditional love.

And yet, mystics and poets through the ages have proclaimed God's unconditional love found in that still, small voice within each of us. It seems that only in prayer, that deepest, most intimate encounter with God, can we find this love.

Dr. May wrote a book on the Spanish mystic, St. John of the Cross, called The Dark Night of the Soul. Although John wrote commentaries on his poetry, he recognized that words were inadequate in describing the spiritual life. Only poetry could come close to expressing this deep reality of God's love.

In The Living Flame of Love, John wrote:

How gently and lovingly
you wake in my heart,
where in secret you dwell alone;
and in your sweet breathing,
filled with good and glory,
how tenderly you swell my heart with love.

This is what Jerry encountered when he heard God whisper, "And I do so love you."

Peace and blessings,

James M. Long
Minister of Pastoral Care

- from a blog at http://www.fcchurch.com

The Truth

Jesus embodied the divine Presence. It is clear from the reaction to his death that those closest to him experienced God in him. Later followers who mystically experienced Jesus the Christ, could put in his mouth these words so misused and misunderstood: "I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life."

In this statement, says Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth, Jesus "speaks of the innermost I Am, the essence identity of every man and woman, every life-form, in fact."

This is the significance of the "I Am" statements in John. The I Am is the Truth. The I Am is the great source of life; It is the manifested life in each moment; in fact, It is All there is.

Thus, Tolle can say, "you are the Truth. If you look for it elsewhere, you will be deceived every time. The very Being that you are is Truth."

As I write this, I am looking at the kindergarten and preschool pictures of my two granddaughters. If they are not the reflection of Truth, then I don't know what is. Those are Beings of divine essence, and it wouldn't matter if they happened to be born into a Buddhist family, a Muslim family or a family of atheists. God is not threatened by this. Jesus is not threatened by this. Why should I be?

There is no question that Jesus was a seeker after Truth. Jesus' life, therefore, points to the Truth for Christians: that the Truth is loving and therefore can be followed all the way, even if that means giving up outmoded ideas contained in the Bible, or outmoded concepts of God, or even those about Jesus himself. It's also why we needn't fear the scientific truths that have been discovered over the past 500 years or more like some Christians seem to be.

I don't know why this is so hard to grasp, but even that reality - that the Truth is often feared and denied - is part of the Truth that is God, that is Love. This is why for me, the message of Jesus is so inclusive - it includes everyone and everything.

Thus, Jesus could say "Come to me, all who are burdened down…my yoga (practice) is easy…relax into me and I will give you peace."

Shalom,

David Hett
Minister of Religious Life and Learning

- from a blog at http://www.fcchurch.com