There are different reasons a person might be despondent, and some of these reasons are chemical imbalance or things beyond our control. We often don't know the reason for people feeling the way they do.

God doesn't tell us ALL the truth at one time. God doesn't rub our noses in the dirt when what we really need is love and encouragement. When a person already is well aware that he's sinful and feeling "low," it's not a good time to emphasize that he's sinful and should feel still lower. It's time to say, "Look up and see Jesus standing up for you. Live! There's no reason to despair. There's every good reason to hope. God is all powerful. Just take his hand and walk one step at a time with Him. He won't fail you. Just keep trusting Him."

Good Post John317.

@ Rush4hire: Thanks for your advice. It might sound strange for people who love to live to talk about suicide like a release of a very heavy burden. However i have always been a fighter and i don t want to be a coward so i ll just keep fighting. Today i have trained heavily (fitness, taekwondo) and now i am feeling much better. There were nights i really couldn t stand my life, then i prayed to God to kill me, biting in my hand in anger. After many times asking, i am still alive. Maybe God wants me to hang on and keep on fighting. I don t have outstanding talents, except that i have always been a fighter. This suicidal period began after i bought a lot for God to invest it in his work and i only won 7 Euros. I had prayed many nights for this, and suddenly my dreams of doing something for the lord, thereby making my life valueble, were out of reach. In addition i was faced with the hard realities because i gave up many things for the Lord: my girlfriend, a year of education etc etc. Also, i had many dreams; becoming a prof sporter etc. that are now out of reach. Furthermore i don t have friends, except the guys/woman on this forum. I reject people before they have a chance to reject me causing a lot of loneliness. Only through excercise i am now able to write down some of the things i am struggling with. Once i am in a very dark depression, my reasoning stops and my concious seems far away and i forget things like to turn off the water supply, where i put my keys etc etc.

@ Taylor I am glad that you experience the love of God and believe me if i say i truly am seeking for it for years now. It started with going to a regular church. I didn t hear any word but i wanted to grasp some presence of the Lord. The next times i was begging God for truth and thought i found it in the SDA church so i went to the SDA church in town. At first i was very nervous, the people seemed so fragile to me, but some were very kind, offering me flowers etc. My parents kind of freaked out because i was going to that strange church. At first i was indoctrinated by fear, i was a perfectionist and a legalist, causing my life to be miserable. All i was doing, was surpressing who i really was, an egocentric lover of power. It was very hard for me to kill the ego. I think i don t have a really big ego anymore. I still about what other people tell me, because those things hurt me very much sometimes. Once i was very insecure so i decided to train on a sabbath morning. I was very late so i couldn t take a shower, it must have smelled awfull because the people next to me began to sit elsewhere. I felt so rejected by the people that used to embrace me. Since, i only once went to church again. I really felt depressed and sad that day, thinking maybe it was the holy spirit making me feel this. So the thought that maybe God loves me was easily attacked.

@ John Thanks for your encouragement and love. I always consider you as one of the wise guys on this forum, kind of like a Sherlock Holmes in different fields.

@ Denise Thank you so much for your prayers. It really means very much to me. I also believe it is my only hope, because i don t think God will listen to prayers from a sinner like me.

Praise the Lord you are feeling better and can see with more clarity. During this good period ... how about making a private list of all the good things that you can praise God for? I am sure you could come up with a few if you tried real hard.

Okay Redwood i ll try to make a list and ignore stuff like "i should be converting the North Korean government right now to stop the mass murders, hunger etc.

1. There are people closely connected God with whom i have contact on this forum, meaning i am not totally isolated from God. Sometimes i am thinking i just have to hang on, till God thinks it is the right time to intervene in my life.
2. Thanks to Redwood and others i still have some social interaction.
3. I have a saltwater tank and a little pond with koi (fish)
4. I am 23, nearly 24, meaning i can still sport a couple of years longer
5. I know stuff about the great controversy, so the world makes sense
6. No matter if i go to hell or heaven, both is better than this life. Sometimes i am saying to myself, maybe it is better that my life seems like a living hell. No matter where i ll end up, it is better than this.
7. I think i am studying something important at university (international relations), so maybe one day when religion will be the major force of religion, i am able to defend the people of Israel at international organisation, on television etc.
8. I still have the oppurtunity, to study the writings of Ellen White and the bible, thereby giving me peace/rest.
9. I don t have to worry about money because my parents pay everything for me.
10. I am living near a town with a huge garden.
11. I don t drink, use alcohol, smoke, do drugs etc anymore.

There is a lot of material wellbeing, but that doesn t mean much to me. This forum is the main reason i am still alive. When i feel low, i come here, and i find new strength to carry one. I think i would become completely schizophrenic if i was totally isolated from you guys. There are not many people who care about truth or wisdom. You guys are like a part of me. I cannot do this on my own.

Actually there is only two questions that need to be answered that are able to set me free. 1 Is there a God? 2. Does this God love ME?

Everybody will answer yes on both questions. I think i ll answer yes on the first one and NO on the second. Everybody will now tell me that God loves me, but that is not what i have experienced so far. I feel condemned and i don t feel any symphathy coming from heaven during all of my struggles. Only here i feel supported, but i think if you would know how evil i was, none of you would still be supporting me.

I am SOOO glad for you truthseeker! I hope we will always be able to show you the love of God!

If i only knew there was a God that loves me, i would do everything to please and serve him...

How do you feel about Christ dying a painful death on the cross ... just for YOU?

Does this not prove God's Love for you? The question now is ... are you willing to suffer for your Saviour and prove YOUR love for HIM ?

Try to transition your questions from 'Does God Love ME?' to How can I love Him and Glorify Him in my life. How can I live the life HE lived? His life was all about service for others. Can WE do the same?

Personally, I am trying hard to get the focus off myself and my trials ... and focus on how I can someway ... in a limited way ... be of service and help to those around me.

I am not there. I am a work in process. But I am happier if I can get the focus off ME and onto others.

Truthseeker...YOU ARE LOVED! I know you don't feel it, but here is at least some evidence. And beyond that...there is a bit of evidence here on this forum..cuz without ever having met you we love you and want the best for you and trust me God is WAY more awsome than any human could ever be..his love is like Niagra falls and ours is like a rivlet of water. There is hope! Please continue to hang in there!


Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you...plans to help and not to harm..plans to give you hope and a future"

Jeremiah 31:3 Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;

Therefore with loving-kindness I have drawn you.”

Vs. 17 “I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds.”

Vs. 22 “You shall be My people, and I will be your God

(John 10:10) "The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly.

(Isaiah 49:15-16) "Can a woman forget her nursing child, And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. "Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;

(Romans 5:8-10) But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

(Jeremiah 29:13) ‘And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

(Ephesians 2:8-9) For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast.

(Romans 8:38-39) For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Luke 19:10) "For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost."
(Luke 15:7) "I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents, than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

(1 John 4:19) We love, because He first loved us.