I was just talking with Naomi about our deceased mothers and how much we miss them.

I keep thinking how much I enjoyed my mom's phone calls. She was faithful in keeping in touch, much more than I. So caring, she was.

What are your thoughts of your departed and sorely missed loved ones?

Last Sunday, I went to see my mother. She is dying and it could be 2-3 days or it could be 2-3 weeks. She fell a month ago and suffered 2 compressed vertebrae and now her body is slowly shutting down. Sometimes she's coherent and at other times in extreme pain and out of it. She no longer eats.

On Thursday I had to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I said goodbye and left for home because of work. Now, I'll only see her at her funeral.

Will she be missed? Greatly!

Oh, Darlene- is there no way you can take a compassionate leave and just go?

All last week I was in Alberta. I could just go but, we don't know how long it will be. It could be just a few days or it could be a couple of weeks. That is why I came home.

My dad died of lung CA when I was a senior in high school. I missed him then...a couple of years later, I bawled my eyes out when I was at PUC, cause I missed him more accutely...

Several years ago, my dad's dad [my grandfather] died when I was in Korea, as an SM... I miss him...

A couple of years later, I got married...and a couple of years after that, my dad's mom died. I miss her as well...

About 10 years ago, my mom's dad passed away. And last year, my grandmother died as well.

My mom is the only one left of my immediate family. And I feel a bit more alone now that I have gone thru a divorce and the kids have left home.

I think I will call my mom tonight....

AWW Darlene and Niel! If you lived closer...we'd include you in our family outings and things. I wish I could take the pain away from your losses! I can't wait for heaven where we will never have to go through painful experiences again!

I lost my dad about 12 years ago but he abandoned me as a child and we were never close. I lost my sister a couple years ago and even yesterday I teared up thinking about her. Another sister of mine now has cancer and is going through radiation treatment. I will be checking tomorrow to see how she is.

However most of my family is not close as we come from such a dysfunctional family we are all deeply scarred from our childhoods. I ave one brother I am very close to and the sister that died was very close too. There are 12 of us siblings in total and I am not close to any of the others primarily because of my faith they don't want much to do with me. I still send them pictures and home videos of the family on a regular basis. But in a way, the emotional separation is in itself like death in that it leaves me feeling alone. I speak to my mother a lot so that is good.

My Grandmother died early in the Christmas season of 1993. The following spring I received a series from an archaeologist that I had studied with and quote a lot, Dr. Jim Fleming, on the Bible and the feasts of the land.

One of the things that he pointed out that we have lost sight of with our ignorance of the feasts and the story being about half starting in the middle of one chapter and the rest in the next chapter (John 10 and 11) is that John tied the story of the raising of Lazarus to the story of Hanukkah, which of course falls in our Christmas season.

At Christmas time the loss of our loved ones are felt even more keenly, but Jesus preached a sermon that John was expecting us to think about every year durring that season: The story that Jesus is the resurection and the life and looking at the resurection and reunion with our loved ones.

We have a lot of traditions durring the Christmas season: besides the story of the birth of Jesus there is the tradition of home for the holidays, the gift of the magi, a christmas carol, for those of us who love "Your Story Hour" there is the sheaf of grain, not to mention Santa, Rudolf and Frosty. Since I've learned this the story of Lazarus and the coming resurection and looking forward to that reunion with Grandma has become as much of my holiday celebration as any of the rest of it.

(If any of you are good with music, I'd like to see some christmas songs that include the story of Hannukah, Lazarus, our loved ones who have fallen asleep and the grand reunion with the chorus looking at the birth of Jesus; and for it to be real Christmasie, like how Hark the Herald Angles sing, Mary's boy child, For Unto us a Child is Born and Joy to the World, maybe with sort of a Jewish musical sounding type thing: sort of a "Hava Nagala the Herald angles sing."

Another aspect is the power and gift of memory. As Luke the Drifter, Hank Williams had a version of "Beyond the Sunset" which had a line about the wonderful memories made and that "Memory is one gift from God that death cannot take away."

Our loved ones live in our memory, and our loved ones live in God's memory, and if you think about it, living in God's memory is in a lot of ways more alive than our conscious existance and how God can resurect us from the dead.

Enjoy your memories, and as the holidays approach in a few months spend time with the story of Lazarus and the birth of the resurection and the life.

Oh Darlene, I read your message with tears. So many recent memories. That is what happened to mother. She had experienced a very bad year and then the vertebrae issue. My heart goes out to you. Courage

Please know you are in my heart and prayers.

Naomi

Yes, Kevin, the gift of memory is a very special gift. Time can take away the pain, and some painful memories, but the good memorys substain us.

As Gail & I were visiting last evening the subject of missing our Mothers came up. She could not have known that only a few minutes earlier I had a strong urge to pick up the phone and telephone Mother. With few exceptions for the past 20 or so years I telephoned Mother & Daddy at least once a day; and for six+ years only Mother. Often during the day as well … but still around bedtime. I still have urges to pick up the phone; or think “Oh, no I forgot to call Mother!”

In my prayers sometimes I began to ask for His protection and loving peace to surround Mother. At times I have to smile and tell myself, “We don’t have to pray for the dead.”
As long as I could physically get Mother into the car, after Church on Sabbath I would take her for a long ride. Most of the time it was pleasant … sometimes human nature dictates that one or the other would be grumpy! Some times on Sabbath afternoon I attempt to plan to be busy; other times I choose to spend in solitude and meditation. I always miss our Sabbath afternoon drives. I also miss playing the piano and singing; that was also a Friday night favorite of Mothers, my brother and I. I am certain that time will erase some of the empty moments but thankful for the memories. )

There is much for which to be thankful. I am thankful that I had my parents live to such an advanced age. I am thankful that in spite of the personal cost I was able to spend a great deal of time at their side during the long lasting final illness. I am thankful that I could be alone with Mother, reading to her from the Bible and holding her hand (even though I am not sure she was aware); thankful to have felt a final squeeze of my hand. As I felt her temperature quickly change and observed her color change I hesitated to call the nurse. Those minutes were important to me … to absorb the finality of the moment.

The telephone call to my brother was intended to sound factual and calm; I don’t believe I accomplished my goal.

After a lifetime of having my parents, of the responsibility which at times felt excessive; of being a part of their world, and they mine, has left a major void in my routine. The subtle self-inflicted guilt trips for loosing patience, not doing more, etc., mingle with the good memories. One wonders how to fill the empty space.

One day we plan to be together, far from this sinful ball of mud, a place where there is no more sadness, sorrow, pain or parting. We have this hope …………..

As a lot of you know I lost my wife about 10 days ago. (Thanks to all of those who wrote thoughtful and compassionate messages to me on the thread which Gail started - and that includes everyone who posted.)

I am still doing things very tough - I miss her just so much it is very difficult at times.

However it has had one important side effect - it has drawn me much closer to Jesus. He is wonderfully consistent, holding me in His arms when I most need to be held. He has also given me assurance that I will be reunited with my beautiful wife when He come again. I can hardly wait (Come quickly, O Lord).

Just a side note (not related to Gail's original question. On the day she died I had to go home for a dialysis session. During the afternoon after Jeanette's mother and sisters had left to go home Megan (my daughter) kept talking to her mother saying "Dad will be here soon. Only another hour and a half (then hour, 45 minutes, half an hour etc)" Now realise that Jeanette was deeply asleep (unconscious?) at this time. Nevertheless, when I finally arrived back at her bedside in the hospital she was still hanging on. I bent over her, told her gently "Hello, my precious, I love you so much. You are the most wonderful person I know." Then I took my courage in my hands and said "You don't have to hang on any longer, Precious. You can let go if you want to."

Within 90 seconds she had breathed her last.

I loved her just so much and it was just so typical of her to hang on until I got there.

Graeme

Hello Graeme,

I am so sorry for your loss, and understand that you are still adjusting to loosing Jeanette. It was admirable, considerate and brave of you to give her permission to sleep.

I have read that that is a very important thing to convey to our loved ones. Having done just that I understand the courage it took for you to say those words.

God Bless

Thanks for your sympathetic understanding, Naomi. It sounds like you have been through something similar. It is never easy to lose a loved one, especially a mother.

We had a nurse come by my mother's bedside this past week who prayed with me and told me that we should tell my mother it was okay if she went to sleep. Many times it's the family that keep them holding on but, it's good to tell them they can go. We need to release them as Graeme did his wife, otherwise their agony will continue because the one dying thinks the family needs them. Yes, the family does, but need to let them go.

Last night they took my mother back to the hospital where she can get morphine for the pain. The pain was becoming all consuming. Now, I think it's just a matter of time.....

In my immediate family, my father died two years ago and I've had two sisters die from breast cancer. Death is no stranger, but it never gets any easier. We will really miss my mother!

Darlene, I would recommend to go back, you will never regret that but may regret not going back.

Darlene, I must agree with Stan. That is what I was attempting to say in my last message. Somethings you can't redo; but you know that.

Love, Peace & Courage
Naomi

There's too much death in this world! Last week the day before I left to visit my mother my 93 year-old neighbour was taken to the hospital with a very black foot/leg(gangarene). This morning I went to visit him in the hospital and he asked if I wanted his house or knew of someone who needed it. (How can someone refuse that!?) Anyway, he will be going to a nursing home and not coming home. Tomorrow I will be scouting around to find a place that will take some African statues which he says are very valueable. A museum? Any other suggestions?

So.....we all face death sooner or later.

Darlene, let me add my pleas to the others above - go and be with your mother. Later you may regret doing this (as it may impact on your employment/finances) but I don't believe that could compare with the regret you will experience if you don't go. You will only get this one chance to be with your mother as she lies on her deathbed. It was hard watching my lovely wife die, but nowhere near as hard as not being there.

Go to her.

Graeme

(((((Darlene)))))

My 33 yr.old physicist son was last seen scuba-diving off the island of St. Croix fifteen years ago, He was 400ft. deep in an area with 2000 ft. depth. It took us over a year to have him legally declared dead so that his 'widow' could remarry and get on with her life. He was a terrific bass singer (sang with Harvest Celebration for a year) and sang only religious music. He was also an excellent cartoonist. What a waste......................It still hurts................

With the importance of family in our lives, and while this pain hurts through out the year, Jesus knew what he was doing by tieing the story of Lazarus to Hannakuh and to a time of the season where we think more about our familys and thus miss our loved ones. And we can see how Satan is trying to make us loose this story by having the start of the story show up in the middle of one chapter and end in the middle of another chapter.

Paul talks about the grain burried in the gound only to break forth in the spring. Elsewhere he discribes our bodys as being tents and looking forward to the heavenly buildings that will replace this tent, and while Paul did not want to be "naked" (in either this tent nor the building to come, i.e. death) he was looking forward to being absent from this tent and in the building which is pressent with the Lord. (again, not teaching going to heaven when we die as he views death as nakedness between these two homes, and it's better to be in this tent than to be naked), as we see our tents and the tents of our beloved become old and also the horrible time of nakedness, that we are not going to stay in that condition, but that the resurection and the life is going to come and put us in our buildings where we will be present with each other and with the Lord.

Yes, Kevin we have that hope. It is such a comfort and beautiful vision.

While we have God’s promise for Heaven, we are emotional beings and live on a sinful planet. As with sadness, anger, love, etc. grief is a very real emotion that we all have to deal with in our own time and way. No two people will deal with their grief in the same manner. Often you hear the words “manage our grief” perhaps my view is slanted but to manage grief is, in my opinion, putting a bandage on a festering sore. Eventually we have to face our loss.

After many long months of preparing for my father’s emanate death, as I faced his final sleep I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I now realize that I was in a state of controlled shock. During the days to follow my nerves raw, however in my opinion, I was completely in charge of the situation.

In retrospect, during the months to follow I made some poor decisions. I made choices that were based not on facts, but on raw emotion.

Daddy would always say “I love you Sis” While I still had my Mother, there was an empty feeling. I would often think about how I would never again hear anyone say, “I Love You Sis,” or take my hand in his big, strong hand and just walk and talk about life, or walk the fields in easy silence.

I would go on a business trip and when the plane returning to my home would circle the city I would feel so painfully alone. “Who really cares?” On one occasion a friend was in town for the weekend and it was so exciting to know someone was there to care that my plane landed safely. I had family and friends, who did care, but they had their lives, someone to care that the plane landed safely evoked a very real emotion. Unconsciously I was living on emotion and not logic.

Two or three years later I was in another country holding a Revelation Seminar. The picture on the screen was of Jesus holding his hand towards the congregation. I spoke the words “When we feel alone and afraid all we have to do is put our hand into God’s big strong hand and know that we are loved and not alone.” At that moment I almost completely lost it. It was all I could do to minimize the number of tears in my eyes and continue with the call. A large number of people came forward that night. The Holy Spirit used my grief release to touch the hearts of the people who were attending.

I believe the Holy Spirit also gave me the opportunity to finally face the grief which I was refusing avoiding.

I can not imagine how one would deal with the loss of a child or grandchild but I am certain that grief is a real emotion which will manifest itself in many ways. The positive knowledge which we cherish is that we can do all things through God who strengthens us.

Wow! Thank you so much, all of you that shared your stories. In this world we have something in common, that of having lost someone close.

I thank the Lord for His precious promises and that you all hold those promises dear.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Everyone here}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks for all your comments. I've had a very heavy heart for several days and thoughts of my own beloved daddy and granny have been running thru my mind lately since my own mother has been somewhat under the weather (so to speak).

Darlene, I hope you've either already gone to see your mother or are getting ready to go.

Planey, you have been in my prayers for so long regarding your relationship with the Lord and now, with the passing of your wife. Your post made my heart smile thru my tears! Hang in there beloved!

Folks, this thread was such a blessing to me. We've all suffered loss of our loved ones and it's comforting to me that we have each other to lean on here in our grief and sorrow. I can't tell you how many times I've heard this little voice tell me to "not let satan steal your joy!" and it seemed that was exactly what I was doing. Death isn't fun by no means but we have the hope of seeing our loved ones again and that is of great comfort to me.

Thanks Gail for starting this thread and to everyone else for your posts. We may be from all corners of the world but here at CA, we are family!

My mother passed away one hour ago. She had a lot of pain last night and much of today. However, she just breathed a couple of heavy breaths and was gone. I don't know plans for her funeral yet.

Oh, Darlene, please know you have my sympathy. Just remember, your mother is resting now without any more pain -- and the next face she sees will be Jesus' face!

My mother passed away four years ago, in much the same manner. Just breathed a heavy breath, and then she was gone. We have so much to be thankful for -- our mothers gave us so much!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Darlene}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

My thoughts and sympathy too, Darlene - it is only 7 months since my mother died, and the memories are still
fresh. May you be sustained through this time of necessary busy-ness, and then in the empty days which follow.

Oh Darlene, my heart absolutely bleeds for you. There is not too much that anyone can say to you at the moment which will really help (especially from1 10 000 kilometres away.)

I hope you have friends and family close enough to you to give you lots of meaningful hugs. These can definitely help a bit.

May I just reiterate what Jeannie said - no more pain, peaceful sleep, and the next face she sees will be her Saviour who loves her deeply. And she will have a perfect, disease-free, pain-free body which will stay that way forever!!

And now, I know this is not all that satisfying, but here is my cyberhug:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Darlene}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Graeme

Hello Darlene,

Words are empty at a time such as this, please know that you are in my heart and prayers.

One day the pain and sorrows from this old ball of mud will be no more. Until then, You are loved {{{{Darlene}}}

Naomi

Thank you for all your word's of sympathy, encouragement and prayers. They are so much appreciated!

I'm at work today trying to concentrate a little, but(sitting at home alone is not fun at this time) will be going to Alberta as soon as we decide on a funeral date.

Darlene please let us know when you will leave..

Some of use would like to send flowers, which is the best way? To Alberta? and where.


To do those how would like to contribute to the flower fund please paypal to stan@clubadventist.com

PM me for other details...

I'm leaving on Wednesday or Thursday, depends when and if my niece, Joan can come with me. The funeral is at the College Heights Church at Canadian University College at 1 p.m. on Friday the 29th. I'll be staying in Clive with my sister -Alberta and John Blake.

Thanks to Stan and all the others who contributed to the floral arrangement. It is beautiful! I will be taking it with me tomorrow when I drive to Lacombe, AB, so that my family can enjoy it too. We will really, really miss my mother but, are glad that her suffering is over. The next thing she will see is Jesus face when He returns along with her family. Now, that is very comforting to us.

Today, was my mother's funeral. What a draining experience! Especially when you get to sing for your mother's funeral. Barely made it through but, did. I've sung for hundreds of funerals and once before I sang for one of my sisters'. But, this was really difficult.

My mother was a very special, godly person and many there shared memories of her, especially her grandkids and children. She will be greatly missed. I think there must have been at least 300 people there; many of them her family members. She will be missed but, we have something beautiful to look forward to when Jesus Comes.

Darlene

Would you mind putting some information into the obituary section here? Those who live in Western Canada will know of the impact and Christian Experience your mother had, others can be encouraged by her life as well.

We also get thousands and thousands of viewers from all over, and I am sure there are some who would want to know of the change.

I feel your pain, and dread the moment when I get 'that' phone call regarding my mother.

Courage

Stan