Conference aims to empower men to bring positive change to communities



I am the Men's Ministry director in my local church and it is one tough field. Most men isolate themselves. They don't have close, intimate relationships with other men. When asked who their best friend is, many men will name an old high school or college friend they haven't seen in years.

Then there is the big male ego. Pride tells them they don't need any help. Why would they need to go to men's ministry. They don't need help becoming a better father, husband or leader. Simply attending a Men's Ministry function would be too humbling for many men.

Our church has about 200 adult men in our membership and about six to ten attend our Men's Ministry functions.

I guess women are more into relationships, but personally, I don't get Women's Ministries, either. I don't feel a need for it. Maybe I'm too independent minded. I've never been to a women's retreat or had a desire to go to one. I love church campouts, but a one-gender retreat or activity holds no interest for me.

I went to a single moms retreat years ago (someone paid for it) and wasn't very impressed. If they had had more activities to do with our kids, it would have been more fun for me, but they had meetings for the women and babysitting for the kids for a good part of the days. I was already resenting the fact that, as a working mom, I didn't see my kid enough, so that was a big turnoff. And the meetings were on discipline, money, and time management - which I could have taught those. The only class I enjoyed was the one on how to choose a mate. This was before Oprah's new age transformation, but it was basically the same thing - make a list and give it to the universe - I mean, God. Yes, it was SDA, and yes, the method does work because it's based on sound psychological principles of knowing exactly what you're looking for. (Most people don't find what they're not looking for.)

Anyway, I know how much work and money goes into those things, and I feel bad that I'm not more interested. I can't see that there's anything men's or women's ministries do that can't be accomplished, maybe better, by another ministry that's not as exclusive.

My final thought is that if you really feel Men's Ministries is important, then make it into a true ministry by taking it to the community. Take the few men who do attend and go do something in and for the community, at a neutral location (not your church). For example, join sports or other organizations for the *purpose* of inviting friends/neighbors/colleagues to participate. I feel certain other men in the church would be attracted to that kind of Men's Ministries. Your byproduct will be that men who do things together will bond. Voila!

These ministries seem to me to perpetuate the idea that changes will come about by 'separation' from something, that is, minister to each in their own comfort zone. How about Family Ministry, they are a family aren't they? If each can only 'learn' when by themselves, what happens when they are back 'together'?

This is how I went about finding a mate. I asked my wife to marry me six days after I met her (we were engaged over a year). She was working at one of our schools. I talked to her pastor, friends, employer to make sure the qualities I saw in her was real and then I took the plunge. We have been married over 11 years now. The other method is that we get emotionally attached, overlook the defects we don't like and then see how long we can stave off divorce.

In Men's Ministry we try to do the sporting events and such things as family or church activities outside of our ministry. Our men's ministry events are monthly breakfasts. We get together, have breakfast and discuss a topic. Normally we have a speaker or a DVD to stimulate the discussion. Then we may plan a multi-family event like going to the beach, zoo, sporting event, etc.

Forgive me if I'm wrong or less than tactful, but it doesn't sound much different from the typical Sabbath School - something to endure. I can't see many men being attracted to a "discussion." They might endure it for the sake of the event that follows.

What are you doing that makes it a ministry? What is its purpose for existing?

Well, many of us enjoy Sabbath School. Many of us don't see Sabbath School as something to endure. That aside, our discussions are much like men sitting around in a dinner or cafe eating donuts, drinking coffee and talking about local politics, business and sports. It is what we call male bonding. There are no events that follow. The breakfast is the event. There are events on other days that are family orientated but they are not on the same day.

Just from my perspective this could be the problem you have such a low turnout. Most men are very busy with their jobs and see little of their families, so they are probably choosing to be with their families instead of doing the male bonding--which they need in my opinion.

So why not try and work the schedule so that at the same time as say Pathfinders, you also schedule the men's and women's ministries, then at the end of *the meeting hour* all come's together for a very short intercessory prayer session, and then part ways.

Then during your meeting you can have the donuts and coffee and discuss anything, all the while knowing that you are not "taking away" from family time because your wife and kids are busy in their own meetings.

If you want to do some outreach project then pair up with the Pathfinder club, sort of like the idea of *take your child to work* only it would be *take your child to feed the homeless* or whatever your outreach project is.

Anyways, this is my two cents.

Well, we've had three Men's Ministries Retreats in our conference and they have been wonderfully received by the men. For the 1st one we had Randy Skeete as the speaker and he really inspired the men to study the Bible. One of reasons he was so inspiring was that he can quote chapters and chapters of the Bible from memory and that was really inspiring. I'm sure there was more than just that from his presentations. Other presenters have been very good also. We've had Lee Venden and Willie Oliver.

Men's Ministries was started under our Family Life Department because we've had Women's Ministries for many years, why not men? There were some men in my office one day who expressed an interest and I picked up on that so asked one of our pastors to lead it as a coordinator.

This year October 31-November 2, our speaker is going to be Randy Skeete again. The men have asked for him to return. I suspect we will have a very good turnout.

For the past three years we've also had a Men's Ministries workshop at our camp meeting. These have been well attended.

It may seem strange but, I prefer the Men's Ministries Retreats to the Women's. (My job at a Men's Retreat is to do all the behind scenes work. I do not attend the meetings but, provide the hot drinks, decorations, extra activities, etc. and my secretary does the registration.) I prefer the men's because men are more accepting of other men. Women save seats for the friends and tend to be in cliques. I for one enjoy being included in activities, etc. That is why I do not go to Women's Ministry events.

We choose Sunday morning after doing a poll in the church. The vast majority of men preferred Sunday morning - but few of them show up. We do it only once a month so it doesn't pull much time away from their families. But we need priorities straight and isolating ourselves from having intimate relationships with other men is not for the benefit of our families.

Sorry, Shane, I didn't catch that this was only once a month. I thought it was a weekly thing. I agree with you that men need to bond with other men. Perhaps take another poll and find out what they would like to do? I don't know, sometimes you just can't beat apathy.