A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. (Prov. 15:1-2)

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. (Colossians 4:6)

And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. (2 Timothy 2:24-26)

FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT

These verses deal with having the right attitude but the application of "Fake It 'til You Make It" can apply to any character defect. The concept is that right actions will lead to right thoughts quicker than right thoughts will lead to right actions. I can think about mowing my neighbor's lawn but thinking about it doesn't get it done. It has been observed that thinking tends to lead to more thinking while action leads to change. Now let's say that instead of thinking about mowing my neighbor's lawn, I actually get outside and do it - even though I don't feel like it. Well, that means I am "faking" the good deed. I am doing it even though I don't feel like it. However after doing such things over an extended period of time, I will actually feel like doing them. Thus I will have "made it".

I AM NOT MY CHARACTER DEFECTS!

So these verses tell me to be patient, kind and not reactionary. But what if that is not the way I am? What if I am loud, opinionated and boisterous? If that is how I am, shouldn't others just accept me that way? After all, if I change from being that way, I won't be me anymore. Maybe I don't have an attitude problem but others have a perception problem.

The truth is that is not who I am if I am a child of God. I can change but it is not an overnight process. Just like losing weight or getting in shape, shedding our character defects takes determination, time and exercise. The Bible tells us to let our speech be gracious, seasoned with salt. Well, what if that is real hard for me to do? I've had this problem. I've been there. I can share what I did. Every time I wanted to explode, I would bite my tongue. Sometimes I would have to remove myself from the situation. Other times I would just have to grit my teeth, smile and speak softly even though ever fiber in my body wanted to scream. Over an extended period of time, not only did it get easier, I actually changed.

Recently my wife dropped the TV remote control into a basin of water while my daughter was giving her a foot massage in the living room. Both of them snatched it out, quickly drying it and quite startled. I was sitting on the other end of the couch and couldn't help but notice something was going wrong. For several years I have lectured members of the family to keep all the remote controls in one place so they wouldn't get lost. I guess they thought I may get upset because had the remote been where it should have been, it wouldn't have fallen into the water. I wasn't even concerned about the remote. I was concerned about the emotional state of my wife and daughter. When they showed me the remote I immediately responded by telling them not to worry. We can buy another one. The significance of the incident isn't that I didn't yell, it is that I didn't even need to bite my tongue - although I had bitten my tongue on many occasions and may have to again. The significance is that by doing the right actions (not yelling) over an extended period of time, eventually right thoughts (not wanting to explode) will come. Thus is it said, "Fake it 'til you make it."

Very nice Shane, something from time-to-time which I need to remember. (not that I have any )

Good thoughts, Shane. The "fake it till you make it" idea is intriguing. One thing - If I'm faking it aren't I working on changing from the outside in rather than from the inside out?, If I'm still still thinking "I am unworthy; I am a sinner", while pretending to be a saint, will I pretend forever? Don't I need to change my thinking to "I am a child of the King; I have Christ's righteousness' I am loved.

"45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.: (Luke 6: 45-46)

The combination of acts and thoughts (faith combined with works?) will bring about the complete man.

Please don't take this as meaning I believe in salvation by works. I truly believe and practice that

"6 God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Eph. 2:6-10)

God's salvation and grace precede our good works.

Peace and Blessings to you,
JoeMo

I am not sure the terminology matters too much. Whether it is inside out or outside in, what is important is what works.



My value comes from what Christ did for me. My effort to get rid of character defects is not driven by a desire for salvation. In trying to become a better person, I really have to set the salvation issue aside and deal with that separately. After all, if my desire to become a better person is motivated by a desire to be saved, that is a selfish motive. My desire to become a better person is motivated by my realization that my ways doesn't work, God's way does so I want to do things His way.



No. We don't have to pretend forever - just for an extended period of time (weeks or months). Eventually the pretending stops because we actually transform into that which we were "pretending" to be.



Again, right actions tend to cause right thinking quicker than right thinking tends to cause right actions.

I cannot stress separating the salvation issue enough. My salvation is a theological issue and is achieved by what God has done for me - not what I do for God. However my wife doesn't care much about my salvation when I am yelling at her. Nor does my boss care about my salvation when I am slacking off on the job. Nor does the shop owner care about my salvation when I am shop-lifting from his store. My desire to become a better man isn't so much to get "saved" as it is to live the way God wants me to live because I am convinced that He knows better than me.

I find that the Lord checks me, controls me, more and more. Like right now. I had a post all written out, was ready to click on submit when a thought came to me, checked me, so I went and did something else thinking and praying about it and came up with something else to say.

For me it seems the right thought leads to the right action. A right thought comes to me and I can either act on it, or resist it. I may not feel like acting on the right thought. So I either give into my feelings or resist the feelings and act on the thought.


To follow those bible verses, I have to pray for the Lord to speak through me. I don't always think to do that but in trying situations I am always amazed at what comes out when I do. Certainly weren't me! Not anything I would have ever thought of....when I try to be nice when I feel like giving the other person a good shake, "Wake up and die right, already", I just feel phony and dirty...and hopeless. And sound phoney.

I find for me that as my thinking and priorities change so does my behavior. It is a struggle tho, the battles often lost before the war is won. Wanting to give into feelings can be very strong...but God is stronger. Looking back and seeing where I no longer am tempted in certain areas leads me to trust more and more in God...to lean more and more on Him to continue giving me victory, to continue giving me a new way of thinking.

This principle is quite old actually. Blaise Pascal (1623-1662) applied it to believing in God Himself.



Follow what Pascal is suggesting. He is suggesting that unbelievers can act their way into faith quicker than they can think their way into faith. They can start out by pretending they believe and eventually all their pretending will actually end up transforming them into true believers.