heart attack

[Clio]

.... He is holding you right now. He is holding your mother. His hands are so large that He is holding all your stress, guilt, grief, anger and confusion. And if you happen to let go and strike out at God, that's ok. He knows it's only in emotion and He wont let you go. Neither will we as we pray for you and your family.

:LS

What Amelia said, Pam. I agree with totally. Abba's shoulders are big!!! He can take whatever you place there... including a punch or two.

Clio

[ChildOfGod4Ever]

Beautiful. Very encouraging. And so True :)

[Nan]

Thank you again, all of you, for your prayers.

This is all so very very hard for me. I have never been to a funeral or even a memorial service. They have always sounded so macabre to me. And here it is that the person who will be mourned is my own father.

Pam it is just over 5 years since my father died, lingeringly after a stroke - but he was peaceful. My mother decided that for various reasons he would be buried and then people would gather in the church for a memorial service. All on the same day. She said she did not want us to go into the church later and remember his coffin there. The service was a mixture of tears and laughter as people remembered the man they had known as work mate, amateur geologist, local historian and author. It was not remotely macabre, but quite honestly a celebration of the life of a special person. He was 88 and you could say his time had come - but until the stroke his mind had still been very sharp, and we still miss him.

I hope you can find a positive experience in the funeral/memorial service when the time comes. It is not all negative at all - and I sometimes rewatch the video to remember the person whom others knew too.

[bevin]

Funerals are not for the dead - they know nothing. They are for the living, to help bring closure to one part of life and to open another. The "mourning" - the emotional expression - is a combination of social traditions and personal style. If you want to be distraught, do so; if you want to be calm and dispassionate, do so.

Your mother is going to need a lot of support for about a year - there is all the winding down of the estate, the learning to do things she has not done before, and the loss of a full time friend. The first few weeks are actually the easy ones because there are things to do and people actively helping - it is the months after that, when her previous life has been destroyed and her new life has not yet been built, that are hard.

/Bevin

ps: Yes, you guessed, at my mother's funeral I was the calm and dispassionate one.

pps: Over the next year, make sure you remember the important dates - birthday, wedding, death, funeral - your mother will especially value your contact on these days

[Nan]

A lot of wisdom in that post, Bevin. I agree wholeheartedly.

[puddles]

Your mother is going to need a lot of support for about a year - there is all the winding down of the estate, the learning to do things she has not done before, and the loss of a full time friend. The first few weeks are actually the easy ones because there are things to do and people actively helping - it is the months after that, when her previous life has been destroyed and her new life has not yet been built, that are hard.

pps: Over the next year, make sure you remember the important dates - birthday, wedding, death, funeral - your mother will especially value your contact on these days

I totally agree Bevin. It has been nearly 2 years since my own beloved father passed away and I can honestly say that while my mother has done quite well, she is EXTREMELY lonely. She admitted this past Thanksgiving that she was lonely and that was huge for her. I wish there was something in our area that was geared for our seniors to be able to get to gether a couple of times a week, if only to socialize! But overall, I am very proud of the way she has handled things since Daddy died and I agonize that I wish I could do more to help her combat her loneliness.

Pam, we're still praying for you and your family. It's been an emotional week with what you've been going thru and my co-worker's father dying and then we found out that one of our cousins passed away. Golly, I sure hate this aspect of our existence but I know we must go thru it. It has really brought into focus this weeks Sabbath School lesson where it is stated "Without God life makes no sense...Without the answer to death, there's no answer to life, and that answer is found only in Jesus, who beat death and with that victory offers us what do can't get anywhere else."

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{PAM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hugs and Prayers

Puddly

[Stan]

Pam, if you are able, please update us, we care for you, and are hurting for you...

It has been 35 years since I lost my father, but pain and hurt is fresh in my mind..

Please let us know...

[Parade Orange]

I came late into this thread.

I pray with four 80 year old saint ladies every wednesday night.

Pam and your family will be at the top of the list.

God bless u

[Morning Glory]

Dear Pam,

I am very sorry to hear of the events in your life these last few days. I am struggling to express sympathy and support, and I am not doing a good job, I fear. Please know that I, too, am holding you and your family dear in heart and prayer during this time. I struggle with being a part of the hospital process in transferring folks in your dad's situation to hospice care on an almost daily basis. Just want you to know that it is not easy to be on the other side of this process. Hospice is a really good thing altho not what anyone envisions for their loved ones. Please keep us updated as you are able to.

Morning Glory

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

My dad died about 4 hours ago. I'd been with him about 18 hrs overnight and most of the morning, and had gone home to sleep for a bit since my brother and mom got there.... couldn't sleep so went back to the hospice. Dad died about 10 minutes after I got back to him.

Thank you all SO much for the prayers and encouraging and helpful thoughts you put here. I think I'm in shock. Too much, too fast. I'm the rock of Gibraltar for others during a crisis like this, but in a few days I crumble.

[archierieus]

oh Pam I'm so so so sorry!!!! You are in my prayers. God shares your sorrow.

[annie]

You are in my prayers and hope you will find peace in knowing God is at your side throughout these times of suffering and loss.

annie

[Nan]

Oh Pam. How I feel for you and your family. You have done all you could possibly have done over the last few days - and now you will be left feeling rather aimless as well as grief stricken. The numbness is quite helpful in the early stages. I pray there will be some one there for you, when the down time comes. That you will be able to sleep. And for the peace of God and a realisation of His love for His children.

[bevin]

You are allowed to crumble

See God treated Elijah when he crumbled and ran away after Mt Camel - God nursed him, not condemned him

/Bevin

[David Koot]

Pam, may the God of all comfort wrap His loving arms around you right now. He shares your sorrow.

Dave

[Gail]

Pam, numb can be a good thing, and it is quite normal.

His suffering is finished now. May the Lord grant you good sleep and strength for your family as you go through the motions of the things that have to be done.

[there buster]

Words are puny things at times like these. Yet with distance, they may be all we have.

A few years ago, I had to tell a father his 14YO son had died. Even though both my parents are gone, telling dear friend he had lost his child is the hardest thing I've ever gone through.

In the face of death, all notions of self-sufficiency fade away. The sense of loss can take with it our confidence, our appetites, our desire even to carry on. If I could, I would simply come and sit with you. In silence if you desire, or listening to whatever you need to say. And I do mean whatever.

When the emotions come, and they will, they will be a mixture. No matter how much we loved the one who has gone, often there is anger at the sense of abandonment, regret for what might have been, as well as sadness at loss. Don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you these emotions are 'the wrong way to feel.' Let them out.

My father died when I was 24, and I had to be strong for my mother and sister. I had no time to grieve. I was going to school at Andrews, and after the funeral I had to return to my studies. I was strong. I did not let the emotions out. It was 18 YEARS later when a Godly counselor helped me find and release that grief. So I turned a two-year grieving process into nearly two decades. What might have healed slowly over a number of months remained an open sore for many years.

So it's OK. When they're ready to come, let all the emotions out, whether they sound good and nice or not. If you need to send me a PM expressing 'bad' feelings, go ahead. We've been through some of this before.

Although you likely cannot feel it now, there is hope for the future. Hemingway said "Every true story ends in death." But he was only partially right. For the Bible assures us that the truest story does not end, but endures in life eternal.

I'm not telling you to "cheer up," or "it's all for the best," because such cheap words wound more than heal in the dark hours. I'm only saying, in the darkness remember that light still exists.

He who sweat great drops of blood in Gethsemane knows what grief is, and He will watch with you in the dark hours, if you let Him. You may even need to echo His prayer, asking God why He has forsaken you. Because the answer always is, "I will never forsake you."

The Jesus who wept outside Lazarus' tomb weeps with you over this loss. Let Him comfort you. "You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon him, for you are his personal concern." 1 Peter 4:7 Phillipps.

PM me if you need to.

[Taylor]

Aww ED!!! That was such a kind and understanding post!!! Thanks for being you.

[Gail]

Well said, Ed, especially when you wrote that words are puny things for times as these

Thank you

[there buster]

All things are small before the specter of loss.

But words are what I can give-

Quote:

The only gift is a portion of thyself. Thou must bleed for me. Therefore the poet brings his poem; the shepherd, his lamb; the farmer, corn; the miner, a gem; the sailor, coral and shells; the painter, his picture; the girl, a handkerchief of her own sewing.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, Gifts

[Gail]

Yes, and how much of that beauty from all those artisans has been borne of pain and no other way!

[Gail]

I think that when someone has to pass through an experience such as this that we who respond are connecting him/her with ourselves somehow.

All those who have walked this path already are there with you in our hearts, even though you are experiencing this, your own grief

You have many friends here :)

[Halfstep Denise]

I am so sorry, Pam!

(((((((((((((((GORGEOUS PAM)))))))))))))))))

I can't wait for Heaven and to see you reunited with your Dad!

Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

Halfstep Denise

[nuff sed]

Hugs((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Pam))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[puddles]

Ditto what Ed said! Pam, you are in our hearts and prayers. I can't agree more with Ed over the grieving. I pray that you can give yourself time to heal. And Pam, it's ok to grieve in whatever manner you want to. I had a friend that was an outward expressive griever and her sister was the one who internalized her grief. My friend couldn't understand why her sister didn't cry at their fathers death. So please don't worry what others think about what they see or not see. You grieve the way you want to. Love your heart, You are so loved by God (and us!). I hope you realize how special you are to us!

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