Words you would love to have you MD say... (add your own)

[Stan]

... you need to be taking more salt..

... you need to start frying more food...

... it is not healthy to be average weight you should enjoy more food.

... if you do not eat more chocolate you will end up getting seriously ill

... No, that surgeon pays you, he is very wealthy and wants to die broke

... would you mind using my timeshare in Cancun, it is only 3 months, and the place has maids and cooks?

... No I am dissapointed if people do not call me at 3 am

... No, it is normal for people to want that

... Wow the results are as if you were 18 years old... how did you do that??

[Gail]

I regret to inform you that you will no longer have to have Pap tests

[Clio]

Yes, ma'am. Take this little pill every morning and in two weeks you'll be at your ideal weight and muscle tone.

[Jeannieb43]

"You're just wasting your time doing that two-mile walk every morning. Instead you should just breathe lots of deep breaths while you read your Bible and the morning newspaper."

[Dr. Shane]

Exercise is useless, especially aerobic exercise.

No wait, that was Rush Limbaugh that said that.

[Liz]

My colleagues and I have put personal gain aside and actually found some cures. Here they are in no particular order Type 1 diabetes, Cerebral Palsy, any and all Muscular Dystrophy type diseases.

[Amelia]

I have all the time in the world to listen to how you really feel.

[Ginger]

Please eat desserts FIRST at every meal. You will loose weight rapidly that way! (Oh, well, I can dream, can't I)

[Stan]

.....O, and doing this simple thing... will take away all the 'pain in the brain'

[Dottie]

You no longer have to take the eight medications you are now on; substitute a chocolate bar of your choice every day.

[Stan]

***gasp*** Dottie, that was worded as if you are Canadian? Could it be?

[aldona]

A "doctor's eye view"...

Quote:

... you need to be taking more salt..

... you need to start frying more food...

I know some folks with cystic fibrosis. This is a condition where the body has a problem digesting and absorbing enough fat to keep them healthy. They also lose excessive salt in their sweat. Thus, in order to maintain their health they have to eat a high-fat, high-salt diet. How lucky is that...fish and chips all the time...

Quote:

if you do not eat more chocolate you will end up getting seriously ill

Chocolate contains lots of antioxidants which help prevent heart disease and strokes. It is also rich in magnesium, zinc and B-group vitamins. It is an ideal food for Adventists who want to get all the good nutrients that are in red wine but don't want to drink alcohol. Just choose a dark variety without lots of milk and sugar (like the European "bittersweet" varieties). There you have it - you can tell everybody a doctor said so.

Quote:

Wow the results are as if you were 18 years old... how did you do that??

I sometimes say things like this to patients - particularly about their cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. Unfortunately, they are often the ones who smoke 2 packs a day, drink a bottle of whisky and eat 10 deep-fried Mars bars in batter.

On the other hand, I also sometimes get 3rd-generation Adventist health reformers who eat only organic lettuce and drink purified spring water, while living in their pristine mountain retreat and exercising every day, only to end up with high blood pressure and cholesterol and die of a heart attack at a disappointingly young age.

As the late Mother Theresa used to say..."When I get to heaven, God has a lot of explaining to do."

Quote:

I regret to inform you that you will no longer have to have Pap tests

This is what I am pleased to say to ladies once they reach their 70th birthday. (In Australia, anyway.)

There are some who prefer to keep on having them for peace of mind, e.g. if they have a family history of gynaecological cancers. But the official "party line" here is that pap smears are recommended every 2 years for women aged 18 to 70.

Quote:

My colleagues and I have put personal gain aside and actually found some cures. Here they are in no particular order Type 1 diabetes, Cerebral Palsy, any and all Muscular Dystrophy type diseases.

Personal gain aside?? Are you serious?

If a doctor found a cure for even one of those diseases, he/she would be the richest person on the planet within a few months. Scientists all over the world are falling over themselves like rabid chihuahuas attacking a bone, frantically researching for a cure for this exact reason.

Even the most selfish, money-hungry, ruthless, greedy psychopath of a doctor who has no human compassion for patients and doesn't care about relieving suffering, would KILL to find a cure for any of the above, just for the fame and fortune.

Does anybody honestly believe that it is the desire for personal gain that is holding up the quest to cure disease? WHERE do they get these ideas?

Quote:

I have all the time in the world to listen to how you really feel.

A more accurate and honest version would be:

I would love to sit here for as long as you like, listening to how you really feel. We have a much better chance of arriving at a correct understanding of why you are ill, how you got that way and how to fix it. Not only that, but it is much more satisfying and emotionally rewarding to actually develop an understanding and rapport with one's patients. And it is much more enjoyable than giving injections, inspecting samples of body fluids or poking things/fingers into unmentionable cavities.

However, as well as you, I also have thousands of other patients on my books, all of whom want to spend "all the time in the world" with me listening to them. You have booked a 15-minute appointment. So has each one of them. In addition, I have also had 3 emergencies today, one of whom took 45 minutes to sort out and ended up going to hospital by ambulance. Therefore I am now running 1 1/2 hours behind, and I have what sounds like 10,365 patients in the waiting room all cursing me at the top of their voices.

Therefore, unless my husband invents a time machine that somehow generates more than 24 hours in a day or enables me to be in more than one place at once, I am afraid we are going to have to call it quits for now and finish addressing all of these issues in another appointment. I can fit you in at the end of my consulting session on Tuesday - after the 4 "extra" patients I have already slotted in on top of my day's bookings.

Quote:

You no longer have to take the eight medications you are now on; substitute a chocolate bar of your choice every day.

A large number of my patients seem to do this anyway...with or without my recommendation...

aldona

[Stan]

Quote:

Chocolate contains lots of antioxidants which help prevent heart disease and strokes. It is also rich in magnesium, zinc and B-group vitamins. It is an ideal food for Adventists who want to get all the good nutrients that are in red wine but don't want to drink alcohol. Just choose a dark variety without lots of milk and sugar (like the European "bittersweet" varieties). There you have it - you can tell everybody a doctor said so.

You are my Hero!!! :)

[LynnDel]

Yeah, but have you seen this? I fear all the health-giving properties of chocolate will be lost!

Quote:

Editorial: Chocoholics unite!

Don't let the government redefine chocolate

Published 12:00 am PDT Friday, April 20, 2007, Sacramento Bee

The federal Food and Drug Administration is proposing to redefine the very essence of chocolate and allow big manufacturers such as Hershey to sell a bar devoid of a key ingredient -- cocoa butter. The butter's natural texture could be replaced with an array of inferior alternatives, such as vegetable fats. And the consumer would never know it.

Chocolate is under attack.

One of the opponents of this proposal, chocolatier Gary Guittard, said it best: "No one can afford to sit back and eat bonbons while America's great passion for chocolate is threatened."

For every defender of traditional chocolate like Guittard, there are powerful proponents who want to replace cocoa butter with vegetable oil: the Chocolate Manufacturers Association, the National Cattlemen's Beef Association (what do they want to put in the chocolate?), the Grocery Manufacturers Association and the Snack Food Association. These industry titans have filed a "citizens petition" to the FDA, as the Los Angeles Times recently reported, as if there were some groundswell in society to water down chocolate, reducing costs and potentially increasing profits throughout the economic food chain.

At the moment, chocolate requires two basic ingredients -- cocoa and cocoa butter. The cocoa provides much of the flavor; the butter, the texture. So if, say, Hershey wanted to make a chocolate bar without cocoa butter, it can under today's rules. All the manufacturer has to do is label the product as "chocolate flavored" (for it still has the cocoa in it) rather than trying to pass it off as chocolate. That gives the consumer the appropriate signal that something less than chocolate lies beneath the wrapping.

This page, following its tradition of promoting truth and wholesome ingredients in food (guacamole must contain avocados!), stands for chocolate as it has been made for generations. Yet for the masses to rise up and beat down this proposal, many Internet surfers may find the FDA's Web site too incomprehensible to navigate. An easier way to defend chocolate is to visit the Web site dontmesswithourchocolate.com and learn how to submit feedback to the FDA. Spare no adjective. The very future of chocolate as we know it hangs in the balance.

The courage of their confections; Two candy makers are asking chocolate lovers to protest plans to allow cheaper ingredients. Vegetable oil, anyone?

Found in LexisNexis: Business/Financial News on 04/14/07

Calling all chocoholics. Put down the truffles and power up the PC. It's time to weigh in on a fundamental question: What is chocolate? Two of California's oldest confectioners, See's Candies Inc. and Guittard Chocolate Co., are battling an attempt to loosen government rules that dictate what ingredients go into the sweet stuff. Legally, the candy that melts hearts and comforts the brokenhearted is made with cocoa butter and, in the case of milk chocolate, whole milk. But the Grocery Manufacturers of America, a trade group, wants to let confectioners substitute cheaper ingredients -- vegetable oils and milk protein concentrates.

[Gerr]

Ah, dream on, people!

But I HAVE told a few hyponatremic people to eat MORE salt!

I HAVE told some underweight people to eat MORE fried foods!

Gerry

[Barbara]

This office visit is free.

[Dottie]

Stan- -

No, but I do have a Canadian daughter-in-law.

[olger]

Nice try on the chocolate, but another fine doctor says otherwise. Dr. Hans Diehl.

olger