Winning back inactive and former church members

[Stan]

BY MIKES JONES from the Adventist Review website

Source

I LEFT THE ADVENTIST CHURCH IN 1983 following a divorce. I’d been the editor of Insight, served as a pastor for five years, and had written three books. At the time I left, I was doing departmental work in the Southwestern Union Conference Ministerial Association.

From the perspective of someone who left the church and then came back, the purpose of this article is to share some ideas on how to reconnect with and perhaps reclaim some who have become inactive or who have left church membership completely.

In my case, I submitted a letter of resignation to my local church. I had no major doctrinal differences with the church—but ministers aren’t supposed to get divorces, and I was embarrassed. So I decided to step aside and return later. I didn’t expect to be gone for 16 years, however.

After turning in my resignation, I never heard from anyone at my local church. One of my sons called me a few months later to tell me I was no longer a member. When I asked him how he knew that, he told me he’d just read about it in the church bulletin.

After returning to membership about eight years ago, I learned I hadn’t been alone in leaving. Denominational statistics show that more than 1.6 million members worldwide were dropped from membership or were missing between 2002 and 2006.1 Some church leaders believe that number could be much higher. Each of the first two pastors of the church that my wife Diane and I joined after returning to membership also left the church, which was a bit disconcerting. Here are some recent statistics for you to mull:

• The ratio of new members who join the Adventist Church to the number who leave is 100 to 24.2

• Worldwide between 2002 and 2006, l,684,303 Adventists dropped out or went missing.3 This breaks down to an average of 6,478 who slipped away every week during this five-year period.

• Forty to 50 percent of our teenagers in North America become inactive by age 25. In his book Why Our Teenagers Leave the Church, Roger Dudley writes: “It seems reasonable to believe that at least 40 percent to 50 percent of Seventh-day Adventist teenagers in North America are essentially leaving the church by their middle 20s. This figure may well be higher.”4

As you can see, we’re hemorrhaging. So how do we reach those who’ve left? How do we stop the bleeding? Here are a few thoughts for your consideration:

Leave the former member on your church mailing list. I no longer heard from my church again once I was no longer a member. Because my name was removed from the church books, I also stopped receiving the union paper and the Adventist Review. So let me ask you, If we want to reclaim inactive and former members, does it make sense to cut off all communication with them?

Several years ago, the Adventist Review ran an article I wrote about my return to church membership. A few months later, I heard from someone I knew back in the sixties who has been out of the church for nearly 50 years. It turns out he still received the Review, saw the story, and made contact with me. So keep the inactive and former members on your mailing list.

Watch for inactive members on Sabbath mornings when they visit. During my years away from church, I used to visit local churches several times a year—and so do other inactive and former members. Frankly, I was usually lost in church once I got by the greeters. I can recall only one time when a pastor encountered and spoke with me.

Diane and I were invited once to speak at a small church whose leaders told us they had a plan in place to reach former members. After the sermon, I chatted with a man in the lobby and learned he was a former member who hadn’t attended church in 23 years. I asked him how many of the members had greeted him. He said, “None.” During the afternoon meeting I told the group about him, and they were shocked. They also confirmed what he had told me—not one of them had connected with him.

So let’s watch for these people. We tend to think of inactive or former members as being “out in the world” when, in reality, they may be sitting in church only a few feet away from us. And keep in mind that they don’t arrive wearing “backslider” signs, and they may arrive late and leave early.

The church I used to pastor in Anchorage, Alaska, reclaimed a large number of inactive and former members largely because the church leaders joined me in greeting and talking with people in the lobby. We focused on getting acquainted with everyone who darkened our door. Did you notice I said it was the “church leaders” who were engaged in this ministry? That’s an important point to remember.

Pray for but don’t nag your family member who has dropped out. Several years ago I discovered I was trying to do the Holy Spirit’s work with my oldest son, who had been inactive for more than 20 years. How do I know I was doing that? Because I learned through a family member that he was frustrated when I’d come to visit because “all Dad can do is talk about religion.” I did, in fact, give him a bad time because his boys were growing up with little spiritual nurture. But I decided to clean up my act. The next time I visited I didn’t say a word about God or church. I mainly asked questions about his favorite hobbies, which are coaching basketball and football. A few weeks later, my daughter-in-law e-mailed my wife and told her that Mike Jr. was talking about coming back to church. About a year later he was rebaptized, along with two of his sons.

This doesn’t mean, however, that we shouldn’t encourage inactive members to consider coming back. Recently I talked with a businessman in my home church about his time out of the church. “I was out for about 20 years,” he told me. “I just got busy and drifted out. If anyone had invited me to return during those years, I believe I would have,” he said.

Consider anointing the former member who becomes ill. My friend Don Gray tells the story of anointing his brother Burt, who had been out of the church for 43 years, in part because of a drinking problem. Don stayed in touch with Burt throughout the years, but was unable to reach him spiritually until Burt was in the last stages of cirrhosis of the liver.

Don’s first hospital visit found Burt in a coma with four tubes coming out of his body, his skin the color of a pumpkin. A few days later, when Burt was able to hold a conversation, Don asked him if he’d like to be anointed. He agreed, and the day after the anointing, Don found him sitting up and alert. Not long after that wondrous event, Don rebaptized him, and Burt rejoined the church and lived for another nine years.

Several years ago, Diane and I anointed one of my sons and his wife whose marriage was in trouble. The result was amazing. They got better right away. They still talk about that event as a time when God touched their lives.

Apologize for the church when a former member feels wounded. You and I never know for sure how accurate their “church-done-me-wrong” story is. But we can tell them we’re sorry for their pain. I often tell the inactive or former member, “I’m really sorry for your pain, and on behalf of our church I’d like to ask for your forgiveness.”

Most people tell me it wasn’t me, it was the church that caused their problem. And I always tell them, “I understand, but I’d still like to apologize on behalf of the church for whatever happened or didn’t happen.” Then I ask if they would be willing to forgive me.

Very few turn me down. And when they say yes, I quickly pray with them, thanking God for the forgiving spirit the person has just exercised. I also pray that the Holy Spirit will make their decision a reality and bring great healing into their lives. Believe me, these are always healing moments.

Consider prayer warrior Roger Morneau’s protocol for the inactive. Morneau, author of the books Incredible Answers to Prayer, More Incredible Answers to Prayer, and others, developed the following plan to reclaim inactive and former members:5

a. Read Matthew 27:24-54 daily, then plead the merits of Jesus’ shed blood on behalf of the inactive person and pray that their sins will be blotted out.

b. Pray for the Holy Spirit to minister the graces of redemption for them and fight their spiritual battles, even though they haven’t asked for this kind of help.

c. Ask the Holy Spirit to re-create their spiritual faculties, looking to the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:2) to do this miraculous work.

d. Pray this way daily, recognizing that the person you’re praying for has the power of choice, but that the Holy Spirit now can work with added power in the person’s life.

e. Give thanks daily for what God is doing in the life of the person you’re praying for, whether you see any results or not.

Remember to claim God’s promises on behalf of the inactive or former member. Then let God do what God does best. There’s an example in Jeremiah 3:22 in which God promises: “I will heal your backslidings” (KJV). In wonderful ways God seems to be reconnecting with inactive and former members more and more often lately.

One formerly inactive member told me that several years ago, as she was sitting alone on her couch, a voice said to her, “Vickie, you must go back to church. Take your family and go.” She did, and today she is a Sabbath school leader in her church.

Colin McClay had been out of the church for 35 years. He had gone through a divorce and had been casually thinking about God and maybe attending church sometime, but he had taken no immediate action. On July 5, 2002, however, he heard a voice speak to him while he was showering. “The voice was so powerful,” he said, “that at first I thought someone was in my apartment.”

What did the voice say? Simply this: “Go to church tomorrow.” He did. Some months after his baptism, Colin wrote to me from Tampa, Florida: “Since deciding to recommit my life to Jesus and follow Him, I am experiencing the greatest joy I have ever known.”

In my case, I don’t know who may have been praying for me for so many years, and I never heard any voice speaking to me. But God has a thousand ways to reach people that many of us have never thought of. For me, it was an unlikely way indeed—when I met a special woman named Diane and asked her out. She responded by telling me she dated only Christian men and asked me if I was a Christian.

I told her I was a Christian, but that I was not active in a church. She said she wouldn’t date a guy who wouldn’t attend church with her. I told her I was willing to negotiate church attendance. That was the beginning of my return to church, and a beautiful relationship that culminated in marriage.6

Listen, listen, listen. If an inactive or former member honors you by sharing their possibly painful story, suture your mouth shut and listen. Don’t defend the church. Just listen empathetically. Remember that Job’s friends really did comfort Job—until they started to talk.

Never give up. Roger Morneau tells of praying for a young man named Robert for three years before Robert was ready to turn his life around.7

Was someone praying for me during the 16 years I was away from church? I may not know the answer to that question until I reach heaven. But if there was, I will be eternally grateful.

Don’t stop praying, and never give up. After all, God doesn’t.

[Jeannieb43]

That's a beautiful testimony. Thanks for printing it here, Stan.

I have that same burden for our missing or inactive members. Trouble is, looking out for them and talking to them in church each week takes TIME. We have to be willing to spend time looking each person in the eye as we speak, not appearing hurried -- and then remember them and call them occasionally during the week!

But I guess if each of us ministered to just ONE such inactive member, we could together be a moving force for the church.

[Gail]

Mike has a new book out:

Former editor and author Mike Jones (Insight; Help, Lord, I Blew It Again) has written practical and easy-to-read new book for those dealing with life’s challenges (depression, addictions, panic attacks, alcohol abuse, surviving a crisis, being a church dropout, etc.)

He shares through anecdotes and specific steps a secret he contends most Christians don’t know, namely that life gets a whole lot easier if you exchange your present life for a new one. In chapter 5 he details how to do this and how to get some power in your life.

Mike also tells the story of his divorce and 16 years out of the church, then describes what it was like trying to come back. This is an excellent book for inactive or former members. Order a copy and check it out. You just may want to share it a friend or loved one.

Mike wrote this book during the time he headed Voice of Prophecy’s outreach to missing members. VOP Speaker-Director comments on Mike’s book: “Mike writes from personal experience about some of life’s greatest challenges. I especially appreciated his practical, biblical solutions and the anecdotes that made those solutions so much more understandable.”

[Parade Orange]

sounds like good stuff

amen

[Gail]

I've had a customer come in to the store and ask for that book by name already, so word is getting around

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Mike and his wife Diane are two of the most kind-hearted, generous, and humble people I've ever met. Though we have had our disagreements, Mike's one of my best friends. He knew me when I was still practiced witchcraft, and it didn't phase him one iota.

[Joe_in_RP]

Good Post Stan

I am very involved in backsliders in Philippines.

"Winning back inactive and former church members"

To often we are trying to win people back to church. First of all its the Holy Spirits work. We should be helpers but never try to do the spirits work. More on that later. Do we want them to come back to our little club because we want a bigger club or do we want them in Heaven. There is a diffence.

Its our human nature to have more people like us so we often solicit our friends to join a swim club or health club or other program. So we have to gaurd against this.

"Forty to 50 percent of our teenagers in North America become inactive by age 25."

I have a hard time believing that number. In Michigan it is 80% to 90% in my expierence here.

"Did you notice I said it was the 'church leaders' who were engaged in this ministry? That's an important point to remember."

What is a church leader? Is he the head elder who prepare schedules and thinks he is the juniour ruler in the church? Is he the pastor who thinks he is in charge of the church? Is it any elder or decon who is assigned tasks in the church?

We in North America have a serious problem with control and abuse of authority.

Lets assume you stopped coming to church for 5 years. What will have more imapct on you: A visit from a pastor on salary, A elder or decon assigned to visit you, or an average churh member or a personal ministries leader. The last two convey a mesage of concern for your salvation.

"Pray for but don't nag your family member who has dropped out. "

We always underestimate the power of prayer.

"whose marriage was in trouble." Everytime I have observed this there is one main cause. Selfishness. Sorry if I step on toes here.

My method is this. Nag, Conjole or use any method to get them studing the bible. This is the root cause of all the problems. If it is a couple I try to get them to study together and pray together. If they pray together the marraige improves. We do not want them to come back to church just for the sake of coming. They may not be ready spiritually. They may cause trouble at the church if they are not studying. By studying the bible the fire can be rekindled. But some know this and resist. Our goal should always be for them to build/rebuild a relationship with Jesus through bible study and prayer. If that can happen the spirit will tell them where and when to go to church. We should be their encouragement, example, guilding light and have the fruits of the Spirit as a testimony. We should be telling them what God is doing in our life. Thats our role. Thats the great commision. To show the love of Jesus and to testify about our expierence with Jesus.

[Neil D]

"nag" someone into a bible study??? OOOOoooooo that don't sound appealing....And bible studies have been a bit low on my priorities...at least, when I hear "bible studies", I hear that i am about to study the same doctrines that I have been studying for the last 30 years...That doesn't sound appeeling to me...

I have recently moved. I have a friend in the area...and while that is well and good, I need NEW friends...otherwise, I feel that I will begin to die from loneliness...and I hate being alone...

When I go to church, I have no way to make friends, no activity unless I speak up in 'bible class' and if I do, I either cause a controversy or an arguement and I am trying very hard to get away from that. I need someone to talk to....I am NOT a pathfinder person, nor am I musically inclined. I am the average person who visits the SDA church.

Ok, group, here is your challenge....Let's pretend that I am coming to your church out of the blue. HOW do I come into YOUR life? How do I get to become aquainted with YOU? How do I know and become known in YOUR church?

[Woody]

Neil. Just be who you are and that will attract many. I do that in my life. I am best at 'nagging'. Now comeon ... admit it. My ability to nag is what attracted you to get to know and appreciate me. Right?!! So, I think that 'nagging' someone into a Bible Study would work just fine. It has worked out for my popularity here on Club Adventist/ Adventist Forum hasn't it ?!!

[Neil D]

Quote:

Now comeon ... admit it. My ability to nag is what attracted you to get to know and appreciate me. Right?!!

{cough, cough} Uh, sure, Redwood....sure...

Um....really, I don't think it was your 'nagging' that did it...it was the fact that you interacted with me...You took the time to talk....

....and when you are at church, it is hard to go 'fishing' for an Sabbath lunch invite when you don't know anyone, so that you can get to know some people. Not only that, it's down right embarrassing...So, check off the Sabbath Lunch invite, cus you don't know anyone, and your home is in shambles as it is getting unpacked....

Any other ideas, guys?

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

"nagging someone into Bible studies".......

[Woody]

Neil I know about the 'home is in shambles' bit. Yesterday we just about completed our move but had to stop for the Sabbath hours ... Praise God for His Sabbath.

We were lucky to find the makins for Hay Stacks. But we couldn't find the silverware so have to eat on/with plastic.

OK. Since you don't like my idea of nagging ...

How about inviting others to join you for a walk at the beach. I could name one in particular that I am fond of. But, you could have a picnic. And since you are single ... I would hope that the others would volunteer to provide most of the food.

Personally, I don't eat out at restaurants on Sabbath. But, if you do ... you could invite those who do .... to go with you.

Last ... I don't know what things you enjoy doing. I used to like mountain biking and hiking. But, whatever it is ... invite others to join you.

[aldona]

Just an observation...

Your attempts to win back the inactive church members will have very limited success if you:

- Use words like "backslider." (just as appealing as calling potential members "interests".)

- Assume that because the person is not an active church member, they are therefore not in relationship with God and therefore are automatically damned if we do not intercede for them, claim Christ's blood over them, ask God to forgive their sins, etc. (like a lot of the suggested actions in the first article.)

aldona

[Stan]

That is SPOT ON about backsliders, 'they' can call themselves that, but it is, in my opinion, uncouth for others to do so.

Especially for those who have been chased out of the 'Church' for trivial matters, and then looked down upon for doing such.

As Luther said, "Lord protect me from your followers"

[Amelia]

Quote:

Especially for those who have been chased out of the 'Church' for trivial matters

I don't suppose it's trivial for the church but I have come to the conclusion that our church does not approve of their divorced members. Even though they may say "welcome, welcome you have a home here" in reality the divorced person gets the message pretty quickly and then feels like they are carrying the plague. I don't think the church really wants them back.

[Ron Corson]

The problem I think is that we have degenerated church into something that does not facilitate creating friendships. Unfortunately few churches or people even try. Here is the last section of an article I wrote on the subject.

http://cafesda.blogspot.com/2007/02/sermons-part-2-local-church-in.html

Our tradition of using the pastor as our spiritual caretaker has prevented the local church from developing into the multilevel care that would seem to be more useful. We don’t care for people near as much if we don’t know them. We don’t know them because we don’t have occasion to talk to them in meaningful ways. We don’t know what is going on in their lives or their families lives because we don’t talk to them. Asking someone you don’t really know about their family is today about the same as saying “how are you doing”, it is used as a greeting but most of us know that the proper answer is “good”. We know very well that they don’t really want to know anything in detail. Even if we did want to tell them something about our lives if we don’t know them we are not likely to trust them with such information.

As we are now, we are left with a majority in each local church who don’t know each other. Rarely communicate with each other and therefore don’t particularly care for each other. What is often heard is that we have a great desire for a caring church yet we have been promoting an uncaring church by our tradition of isolation and passive church attendance. My feeling is that a church that cares for her fellow members will then take that caring out into the community at large. That kind of caring inside the church will also attract people to the church, as well as stimulate people to want to involve others from outside into their church. Because the church will then have something to offer, something more meaningful then a good praise band or high church music or a possibly entertaining sermon. Our tradition has told us that we have “the truth” and we have assumed that is all that is needed. It never was “the truth” and today the postmodern questions claims about some group having all “the truth” and we have to address the reality versus the tradition. The local church is not only theological it is sociological and we have in general failed on the sociological perspective.

I am not a very outgoing person, so my perspective is certainly different from the extrovert but I think my perspective is represented in many and maybe even the majority of people within the SDA church. Here I have to get more specific because I am dealing with my experience. Of the friends I have had through my life in the SDA church I got to know those people through the Sabbath School discussion classes or through someone that was in the class with me. (This is opposed to the Sabbath School lecture classes such as Doug Batchelor does, that are mere sermons). Having friends in church is an integral part of the goal of the local church. Or rather it should be the goal, numbers in attendance is often the goal but numbers are misleading the world of religion. A Recent Duke Study says:

Americans’ circle of confidants has shrunk dramatically in the past two decades and the number of people who say they have no one with whom to discuss important matters has more than doubled, according to a new study by sociologists at Duke University and the University of Arizona.

“The evidence shows that Americans have fewer confidants and those ties are also more family-based than they used to be,” said Lynn Smith-Lovin, Robert L. Wilson Professor of Sociology at Duke University and one of the authors of " Social Isolation in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks Over Two Decades."

Most sociologists consider these “discussion networks” to be an important social resource, providing counseling and other valuable help in people’s lives.

My experience does not mean Sabbath school is the answer, it is rather a useful tool and maybe it would be wise to consider something similar for the time which is now wasted in sermons. Unfortunately with our high regard for traditions we have not built our churches to serve the congregation’s needs. We spend millions on large sanctuaries which don’t offer many possibilities for doing other things besides “passive resistance”. A term here by which I mean sitting silently in church resisting the call of God to be an active Christian, to actually share our thoughts and feeling with others. Certainly other denominations have taken the lead in this area by building churches with multipurpose buildings and furniture. The Latter Day Saints with their inclusion of gymnasiums and even outdoor picnic areas or shelters have realized the need for the social aspects of church.

With the limitations of each local churches building facilities it is likely that each church would have to make changes in stages should they decide that there should be change. I would like to encourage people to think about making changes. Areas of theology are not the only traditions that cause limitations in the Christian churches, our very local church practices should be reconsidered.

It may be that I have taken too many words as Solomon would say, though my goal is not just to present information or my opinions but to persuade. But if I were to sum up my position it would be: “create a church that creates friendships, friendship lead to teamwork and teamwork to outreach and outreach creates friends.”

[Amelia]

Quote:

Americans’ circle of confidants has shrunk dramatically in the past two decades and the number of people who say they have no one with whom to discuss important matters has more than doubled, according to a new study by sociologists at Duke University and the University of Arizona.

“The evidence shows that Americans have fewer confidants and those ties are also more family-based than they used to be,” said Lynn Smith-Lovin, Robert L. Wilson Professor of Sociology at Duke University and one of the authors of " Social Isolation in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks Over Two Decades."

WOW, I thought it was only me!

[Neil D]

Ron,

havent seen you for a while....Nice to see you again...

nice post...

....and come back often....

[Woody]

I will second what Neil has said. We need to hear more of this kind of practical advice. Thanks Ron.

[Robert]

My thoughts:

1 My wife said she would never set foot in an Adventist church again (especially with me). My wife associates "terrible times" when we joined the SDA church...so I don't see anything changing her mind. And she's right because Yes, I became a legalist - a mean spirited, flesh driven legalist. I didn't stone anyone, but that's because I couldn't find any stones.

2 I absolutely don't believe that salvation comes by church attendence. To share and build one's faith? yes, but not salvation.

3] I disagree with some doctrines...like tithe or else. Some of the rules that folks makeup for Sabbath observance. The preoccupation with the law by some. So how can I get along with folks who disagree with my view and yet be at peace? In other words, why come back?

Rob

[carolaa]

You can only do it if you agree to disagree. And if both sides can't agree to that, then you should find another place of worship. Thankfully, there are some Adventist churches where it is considered ok to do that, but there are many where it is not possible to live in peace while disagreeing.

[Gail]

Pretty hefty input! Thanks, everyone

Well, I'm just going through Mike Jones' book and I am impressed. Lots of homework for everybody! Somehow it becomes more relevant when it is someone who's been there who says it...

Just a hint of what's in store- he tells you what HE did when encountered by an unfriendly church upon his arrival back

[Neil D]

Just a hint of what's in store- he tells you what HE did when encountered by an unfriendly church upon his arrival back

Don't leave us in suspense....tell us....

[Gail]

I'm always guilty of giving out too much on movies or books. It's worth buying the book, either if you are in that position or if you have friends that are.

Available at your local ABC

[phkrause]

I believe that I read his story in the review. Pretty interesting. Wasn't he the one that mentioned that Clifford Goldstein was the one that got him interested in getting back to the Church.

pkrause