Senility

[SMAN]

Senility

A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says, "Well that's great......just great.....Do you know where my pen is?"

***************

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman:

"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"

the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

* * * * *

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

* * * * *

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to

the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth your going home is it?"

* * * * *

I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and

diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than

a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me

dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and

feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all

my friends. But.....Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!

* * * * *

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her

will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First,

she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her

ashes scattered over Walmart.

"Walmart!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Walmart?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."