Women love rules...

[olger]

Women love rules. I learned this today.

Have you ever noticed that License Bureaus are at the top of the Regulations Roster? I mean, they have Rules, injunctions, laws, codes, pandects (I don’t know what it means either), statutes, rulings and ordinances and more rules.

And, when you go there you better have all your ducks in a row. When the big day comes once a year – I mean, the day to renew license tags you better have the proper identification, the right color shirt, the right paperwork and the correct attitude. By attitude, I mean a penchant for waiting that exceeds the oldest monk in a Monastery.

I took a number and sat down beside seventeen other grim looking “customers.” I call them customers loosely, because their expression looks more like an ancient Christian being marched into the Roman Coliseum. They have been here before. And they have no choice but to be here again. Or get a horse.

After waiting for what seems like two presidential terms, and one full length beard growth, they finally call my number. Then and only then am I allowed to approach the workerette (why are they all women?) and present my case. She forms the word “no” before I even tell her what I want. I figure it’s because I have been sitting there so long she thinks that I am a potted plant, and shouldn’t be asking for anything anyway. I tell her I want to buy a temporary tag.

“Just give me the title sir” she snaps pointing to the rule # 176884 on the wall. “Uhm..if I had the title I wouldn’t need a temporary tag for the vehicle I just bought in Kansas…” I mumble to her that I don’t have one yet (it is being mailed to me) – if I had the title I would buy a permanent tag. My efforts to keep the other bored “customers” out of the embarrassing conversation fail miserably when she raises her voice to “thunderclap” and says “YOU DON”T HAVE THE TITLE AND YOU WANT A TEMPORARY TAG?” I feel so guilty. I slink out of the building and go home to shave, and wait for the title.

Finally it comes in the mail. I go back to the Bureau and assume the potted plant position. Eventually they call my number. I hand her the title triumphantly. “I would like to register this vehicle.” She turns it over cheerfully and finds what she was looking for. She then announces to the other inmates in the room “IT HASN’T BEEN NOTARIZED.” Drat. I hate that sort of thing. Slink 2.0…

The following day, I get the dumb thing notarized and return to the scene of the crime. After my number finally gets called I present the freshly notarized title to the jailer…uhh…jailorette. She turns the title over suspiciously and sees the notary seal. She is visibly disappointed, but thinks of another tact. HAS YOUR VEHICLE BEEN INSPECTED? You guessed it. Rule # 78352311 “Uhh..inspected…I didn’t know it had to… be…uhh…? She cheers up considerably and sends me packing with no tags. Slink 3.0 ensues…. I am now considering just letting the beard grow, it may distinguish me from a potted plant. I come back with the inspection report paper and a slightly thinner wallet and a stack of papers. After the ice age is over they call my number. I present my wheelbarrow of papers & inspections & hopes to the Rule-Loving Thunderclap. She says DO YOU WANT TO DONATE A DOLLAR TO THE POOR STARVING HOMELESS CHILDREN !!? All the other potted plants look at me intensely. I am deeply ashamed so I answer the question discreetly. “No, I give to two other charities.” YOU DON’T WANT TO DONATE!!?

At last I am glad for the full beard, as it hides my identity somewhat. She shakes her head at my cruelty and finally begins filling out the registration. I make the check out to State of Ohio BMV and wait for the total. After writing the total on the check I hand it over, glad to be done with this nasty business. My check is greeted by a malevolent smile from her. YOU MADE THE CHECK OUT TO THE WRONG NAME!! YOU DID IT WRONG !! “Well, the last several years we were told to make it out to the State of Ohio BMV…”

THAT CHANGED THIS YEAR!! NOW YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT OUT TO…. I can tell that she really loves rules. I void the check and start the process over. Finally I am released on good behavior, and I grab the registration and dash for the door. On my way out I hear the thunderclap say to the poor farmer who has approached the counter to get tags for his truck. YOU HAVE THE WRONG COLOR SHIRT ON, TODAY IS BROWN SHIRT DAY. COME BACK TOMORROW IF YOU WANT TO WEAR A GREEN SHIRT…she points to rule #897445620.

OK. I made up the part about the shirt color but the rest shore is true. As I drive home I cannot help but be glad for my wife. She’s different, and I begin to cheer up automatically. I walk in the door and announce “Honey, I’m home.” She comes to greet me and I load up a kiss to fire in her direction. Just before the kiss hits the target she looks down at my feet. “Uh Oh.” You’ve got snow on your shoes and I just cleaned the kitchen floor. Would you please take them off? You know the rules, Hon.” That settles it. Women loves rules. But this one is rewarded with a smootch, so maybe rules do have a place after all. I’ll keep you posted…

Hastily scrawled by olger on the back of a sheet of rules

[phkrause]

Olger it must be you, I have never had any problem with "women who love rules", at the registry.

pk

[olger]

:)

I wondered about that.

og

[Woody]

Olger ... I enjoyed this post immensely. One of your best works. However I do need to nit pic it a little. I do fear that it is a little bit sexist. For ... not only do some women like rules ... but even as evidenced on this forum ... some men like rules also.

But you are such an olger .... for not giving to the starving children of China. Have a heart.

[olger]

Aw shucks.. thet ain't my best stuff...(scuffing toe in dirt).

yours truly,

ogre...I mean,

olger

[Paul Beach]

Dear person,

Mrs. Gray appreciates your observation that women love rules whereas men seem to bend them. However you are wrong.

For instance, if you pulled over for speeding on the freeway, which officer is more likely to give you a break - a man or a woman? Obviously a woman.

If you are standing in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles and there is a policy that makes no sense, who is more likely to find a reasonable workaround? A woman.

If you are waiting to turn right at a red light behind a car who is also turning right and there is nobody coming from the left, who is more likely to go first - a man or a woman? Obviously a woman.

Who is more likely to say, "this is the policy and we have to follow it" when it comes to asking for an extra packet of ketchup? Obviously a man.

Women are much more reasonable and easy to get along with when it comes to common-sense approaches to fixed policies than men are. That is because men make the rules and follow them and women look to results, not just process. Women in bureaucracies look to efficiency and positive results.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Gray

[olger]

Dear Mrs. Gray:

How clumsy of me. Thanks for setting me straight on the relative merits of gender generalities. It seems like I recall hearing that women in prisons are also much more pleasant than their miscreant male counterparts.

I sign off wishing you a happy trip home on the freeway, and should you have an airless tire situation, I hope a woman comes along to fix it for you.

olger

[LynnDel]

Olger, if this ain't your best stuff, where can I find your best stuff? I think it would be highly medicinal.

Mrs. Gray, you said,

Quote:

For instance, if you pulled over for speeding on the freeway, which officer is more likely to give you a break - a man or a woman? Obviously a woman.

The reason for that, my dear Mrs. Gray, is because you're a man.

LD

[olger]

I feel your pain, brother. The big question is..

Should I take pizza next time or soup? :)

[Bravus]

Perhaps it's 'people who work at the License Bureau like rules'?

[Bravus]

And plus, I feel your pain, but imagine having to *work there*! I suspect there are only women there because all the men have already gone mad and been taken out the back and shot.

[olger]

[Liz]

That was great!!!

[GreatLakesGramma]

There is a man working at our local DMV.

I have never experienced anything remotely like Olger has described. The people at our DMV are mostly friendly and helpful. Once I didn't have everything I needed, and they gave me a pass to take when I went back, that would allow me to go right up to the counter without having to wait. Of course, I did need to wait until someone finished with the person they were already serving, but this pass was big enough, and brightly colored, that they could see it in my hand as I waited, and not call the next number.

[olger]

Olger, if this ain't your best stuff, where can I find your best stuff? I think it would be highly medicinal.

Mrs. Gray, you said,

Quote:

For instance, if you pulled over for speeding on the freeway, which officer is more likely to give you a break - a man or a woman? Obviously a woman.

The reason for that, my dear Mrs. Gray, is because you're a man.

LD

I've gotta archive of about 90 articles, with more coming...

eat your broccoli,

og

[Woody]

Quote:

The reason for that, my dear Mrs. Gray, is because you're a man.

Okay. I am relatively new here and have not experienced Mrs. Gray. But if she is a transvestite who appears to be a woman yet is a man ... I want no part of this fraud. So, if this is true ... I want some proof and not just gossip.

Should we hold a trial on this matter. Mrs. Gray ... can you set the record straight on the matter of your sex? Are you infact .... a gender bender?

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

here is Mrs. Gray's picture:

and hopefully she'll drop by to give us some more "advice"

[LynnDel]

I am a longtime fan of Mrs. Gray. I have never met her in person, have only seen her from a distance of about two feet, but have been just relying on a rumor that she is a man. If I am wrong, please forgive me, Mrs. Gray. I meant no harm.

I do know, however, that Mrs. Gray is NOT a transvestite. I suspect, however that Mrs. Gray's name is like many of those on here - NOT the one on her birth certificate (olger, GreatLakesGramma, and Redwood come to mind, and two of these are genderless [namewise]).

LD

[Dr. Shane]

According to what Mrs. Gray posted here before, she is a character with more than one author. That is why she always speaks in the third person. Upon her departure from the forum a few years ago, "she" listed the names of all that had participated in the Mrs. Gray character.

Like the Church Lady character from Saturday Night Live, Mrs. Gray is a self-righteous persona that makes us laugh at some extreme positions taken by the church or odd situations. Her classic dilemma was when her husband refused to take the bacon off his egg Mcmuffin. I believe that most of those writing for her were men, if not all of them, but than the Church Lady on SNL was played by Dana Carvey (a man) too. And Dana Carvey is not a transvestite.

Mrs. Gray is funny and thought provoking. She was an asset to this forum in the past and I hope to see more of her around here. I hope her true identity doesn't become the focus of some obsession. There are only a handful of us here that are using our real names. It is really no big deal. There is no conspiracy that needs to be exposed.

[Woody]

Quote:

I do know, however, that Mrs. Gray is NOT a transvestite. I suspect, however that Mrs. Gray's name is like many of those on here - NOT the one on her birth certificate (olger, GreatLakesGramma, and Redwood come to mind, and two of these are genderless [namewise]).

If ye b referrin to me as 'genderless' ... let it b known that Redwood has a gender ... he is a proud MALE. I will let the 'other' genderless being .... come out for his/her self Olger.

[olger]

This thread needs more cowbell..

[GreatLakesGramma]

One of the creators of Mrs. Gray told me that she was based on a person he actually knew growing up. Mrs. Gray is only a slight exaggeration of her. Mrs. Gray is meant to make us think about our own attitudes.

[Dr. Shane]

Another classic was when Mrs. Gray wanted to disfellowship a church member for parking in the handicap spot when he wasn't handicapped. At least I think that is how it went. It is too bad we don't have a Mrs. Gray's classic thread spot here.

[Bravus]

OK, I'm gonna threadjack off in a completely different direction:

I'd change the topic line to 'Women's love rules...'

Of course, then it wouldn't fit olger's funny story.

[GreatLakesGramma]

Hey DGrimm,

Do we have anything more to say about the DMV? There's no reason we can't go ahead and say it, even if there are a few not quite related posts in between. But I don't really think we want to start a whole thread devoted to explaining about Mrs. Gray. This forum had enough of that in the past (probably more than enough). It's just that the newer members need a little bit of information just now.