Robert Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I don't know if this is the correct forum for this, but here goes: I'm 50...I've been through a roller coaster marriage and the "ex" still try's to keep me in her life, but she's bad for me and I think I need to move on! I believe that marriage is forever, but she didn't and apparently doesn't. This hanging on isn't healthy for me and I need to move on. Any suggestions for someone thinking about starting over at 50? I have thought about remaining single, but...that's too lonely. Help, Robert PS: And those I've opposed as legalists...well, I'm all ears. Your opinion is very welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Bravus Posted March 7, 2009 Moderators Share Posted March 7, 2009 I probably don't have a lot of advice to give, but I do feel for you. I'm very lucky/blessed in my marriage, but occasionally think about what it would be like to start over now and it's a scary thought. I think perhaps the best course is to look for ways to serve people and the community that involve working alongside a range of people. Rather than trying some of the dating sites and those kind of approaches, better to spend time with women without the pressure of expectations, and get to know them. Having said that, both my Dad (after my Mum passed away) and my sister-in-law have participated in Adventist Singles activities and found new partners with whom they are very happy. Courage, Rob, and thoughts and prayers are with you. Quote Truth is important Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phkrause Posted March 7, 2009 Members Share Posted March 7, 2009 Legalistically speaking Robert! hahahahaha just kidding. I'm not sure what advice to give you, I really don't know your situation. I do know that God has given provision for that in the Bible. But Jesus says that only adultery is grounds for divorce. What you need to do is step back and look at the situation and say to yourself, What would Jesus have me do. I'm not sure that really answers anything. Pray and ask for him to guide you. Allow the HS to really talk to you, and seek council from the Bible. pk Quote phkrause By the decree enforcing the institution of the papacy in violation of the law of God, our nation will disconnect herself fully from righteousness. When Protestantism shall stretch her hand across the gulf to grasp the hand of the Roman power, when she shall reach over the abyss to clasp hands with spiritualism, when, under the influence of this threefold union, our country shall repudiate every principle of its Constitution as a Protestant and republican government, and shall make provision for the propagation of papal falsehoods and delusions, then we may know that the time has come for the marvelous working of Satan and that the end is near. {5T 451.1} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Jeannieb43 Posted March 7, 2009 Moderators Share Posted March 7, 2009 My first thought would be to find out whether you and your Ex have any children together. If there are minor children involved, that IMHO would determine whether or not you should "move on" by getting out of town, changing jobs, and finding a new community and a new church were you can make a fresh start, with new friends and possibly a new mate. But if you have minor children, they need you to be available to them -- actually more so now than when you all lived under the same roof. You can guide them and love them and help them through this turmoil. [They didn't ask for their parents to split; they're the innocent victims here.] You really should devote your life to your children until they are adults and living on their own. God bless. This too shall pass. Quote Jeannie<br /><br /><br />...Change is inevitable; growth is optional.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 Legalistically speaking Robert! hahahahaha just kidding. I'm not sure what advice to give you, I really don't know your situation. pk In a nutshell she cheated on me for about 9 months then left me hoping to get with him, but that blew up in her face. The guy didn't stay around and now she try's to keep me in her life. We are divorced - her idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 if you have minor children None...no kids between us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 ((((Robert))) how painful. You need to give yourself some time to heal, so that one day you can open your heart to someone else. Then get involved with your local church, if they have singles type activities, then there is always dating online. Quote For what will a man be profited, if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his soul? Mat. 16:26Please, support the JDRF and help find a cure for Type 1 Diabetes. Please, support the March of Dimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phkrause Posted March 7, 2009 Members Share Posted March 7, 2009 Have you ever thought about seeing someone, or do you think that its pretty much something you'd never forgive her for. Do you think it would happen again? I had a brother-in-law who also had his wife cheat on him. He stay friends with her till the day that he died. He told us that if she wanted to come back to him he would have taken her back. He said he married her for life. He did go out with some others but he never really gave them a chance. But you do know that you are in the right if she cheated on you. So if you did want to start over you could. At 50 just thinking of dating again is scary. I don't envy you. But you can pray and ask God to be with you, to decide what he would have you to do. People do start over again at 50 and older. There spouse die's or like you they get divorced. You do have options Rob. And I know I'll put you on our pray list, and pretty sure others will to. God bless you man, and have a good Sabbath. pk Quote phkrause By the decree enforcing the institution of the papacy in violation of the law of God, our nation will disconnect herself fully from righteousness. When Protestantism shall stretch her hand across the gulf to grasp the hand of the Roman power, when she shall reach over the abyss to clasp hands with spiritualism, when, under the influence of this threefold union, our country shall repudiate every principle of its Constitution as a Protestant and republican government, and shall make provision for the propagation of papal falsehoods and delusions, then we may know that the time has come for the marvelous working of Satan and that the end is near. {5T 451.1} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 do they have churchsocials at your church???? I don't go to church, not that I have anything against church...its just that the SDA church I use to attend (12 years ago) was all law, law, law and I got very discouraged. I never could measure up.... That brings up another issue, namely, if I want to date I need to date (that word sounds funny being 50 ) Christian women...not women who say they're Christian, but women who are Christian. Should I date SDA, Baptist, etc? I'm more in line with Evangelical Adventism. What's your suggestion? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 .... then there is always dating online. Scary! I tried a Christian dating service. I didn't post my picture and I received some interests, but I never replied. These weren't SDA. Should I date SDA? If so, where. I'm in Columbia SC. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phkrause Posted March 7, 2009 Members Share Posted March 7, 2009 Well I can't tell you it has to be an SDA but Jesus does say we should not be unequally yoked. So you need to find someone who believes in God. pk Quote phkrause By the decree enforcing the institution of the papacy in violation of the law of God, our nation will disconnect herself fully from righteousness. When Protestantism shall stretch her hand across the gulf to grasp the hand of the Roman power, when she shall reach over the abyss to clasp hands with spiritualism, when, under the influence of this threefold union, our country shall repudiate every principle of its Constitution as a Protestant and republican government, and shall make provision for the propagation of papal falsehoods and delusions, then we may know that the time has come for the marvelous working of Satan and that the end is near. {5T 451.1} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmin M. Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Try, http://adventistdate.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 Have you ever thought about seeing someone, or do you think that its pretty much something you'd never forgive her for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Well that kind of all depends on what you want. You say you don't go to church, so if you started dating an SDA Christian woman and got remarried, would it be a problem if she still attended church and you didn't? That really isn't fair to her as most women like to go to church with their man. Another thing to consider would be, if you were to date other Christian woman of different faiths, would you really allow them to be themselves, or would you be trying to convert them? Maybe even trying to do it without realizing it? Which is why I would probably try and do the online dating--then you could weed out what you don't want, and hopefully narrow it down to what you do want. There are Adventist dating sites--sorry I don't know them offhand. Quote For what will a man be profited, if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his soul? Mat. 16:26Please, support the JDRF and help find a cure for Type 1 Diabetes. Please, support the March of Dimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 Well I can't tell you it has to be an SDA but Jesus does say we should not be unequally yoked. So you need to find someone who believes in God. pk But someone who believes like me would be better? Boy, I'll never find anyone.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phkrause Posted March 7, 2009 Members Share Posted March 7, 2009 I guess that will be a tough one buddy! hahahaha Your not out there that far or are you. Give yourself a break. Besides you won't know unless you try!! And if you think the ex will be a good fit, you can always get together and let the Lord lead. pk Quote phkrause By the decree enforcing the institution of the papacy in violation of the law of God, our nation will disconnect herself fully from righteousness. When Protestantism shall stretch her hand across the gulf to grasp the hand of the Roman power, when she shall reach over the abyss to clasp hands with spiritualism, when, under the influence of this threefold union, our country shall repudiate every principle of its Constitution as a Protestant and republican government, and shall make provision for the propagation of papal falsehoods and delusions, then we may know that the time has come for the marvelous working of Satan and that the end is near. {5T 451.1} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phkrause Posted March 7, 2009 Members Share Posted March 7, 2009 Good advice dgrimm. pk Quote phkrause By the decree enforcing the institution of the papacy in violation of the law of God, our nation will disconnect herself fully from righteousness. When Protestantism shall stretch her hand across the gulf to grasp the hand of the Roman power, when she shall reach over the abyss to clasp hands with spiritualism, when, under the influence of this threefold union, our country shall repudiate every principle of its Constitution as a Protestant and republican government, and shall make provision for the propagation of papal falsehoods and delusions, then we may know that the time has come for the marvelous working of Satan and that the end is near. {5T 451.1} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 ... would you really allow them to be themselves, or would you be trying to convert them? Yes, but it might cause problems especially the doctrine on the state of the dead. You know most Christians believe their loved ones are in heaven...so I could see problems there, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 IS there another S.D.A. CHURCH near you No, well two..but they split years ago. Still the same folks though. There's a black church downtown....I'm not opposed to dating a black woman, but could cultural differences make that complicated? Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmin M. Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I'm not opposed to dating a black woman, but could cultural differences make that complicated? Rob I say not. But gossip in church is what drives me nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 And if you think the ex will be a good fit, you can always get together and let the Lord lead. pk She says I would never trust her again....She says she's not good for me.....Hmmm? She does feed the flesh a bit....She likes the attention of men and goes to a local sports bar with her girlfriends. I don't like that because that's trouble in my book.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmin M. Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Never been to a sports bar before... Most likely because they don't show soccer on their TVs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 Try, http://adventistdate.com/ How do you narrow the search down to the US? Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolaa Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I know what it's like to be older and looking. It is scary and somewhat difficult, and it's very easy to get impatient and think about settling for less than you want or less than what is really good for you. It can be hard to just relax and enjoy the journey when you have your eye on the goal. It's possible to meet a great match relatively quickly. First of all, you need to know what you want. I'm not sure you do, from your posts. So make a list of what you want. You need at least a dozen things on your list of what you are looking for in a woman. (I heard of one woman who had a hundred things on her list. Maybe a little much, I don't know.) The great thing about a list is that it helps you be focused. You will be more attuned to the things on your list, and you will hardly notice the women who don't fit your list. In other words, you aren't going to find something that you aren't looking for, so it's important to know what you want before you start looking. Of course, ask God to help you make your list, and then continue to pray over your completed list and ask God to guide you to that woman. When you meet a woman and have chemistry, it can be very difficult to wait on God's answer or timing, so just being aware of that ahead of time can help you through it. I'd highly recommend premarital counseling once you do find "the one." People our age are often stuck in their ways and can find it difficult to live with another person, no matter how in love they are. A good counselor can give you tools for working out the differences that all couples have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 Never been to a sports bar before... Most likely because they don't show soccer on their TVs. Yeah...probably football, basketball, and baseball. And intoxicated women and men....That sounds like a good place to start a relationship....NOT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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