Lineman Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ That a man should have to seek Him first to find her." Quote Visit and Share the BibleTimelines.com URL ! (Explain the Gospel in just a few minutes, or maybe even seconds.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scripturewisdom Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 hi robert, after 30yrs. of living single, i found my husband online at www.christiancafe.com. it was a strange, weird, uncomfortable and unusual way to meet someone at the time, but we lived 2000 miles apart and would have never met otherwise. it took a year for us to find one another on there and once we did, we communicated online and on the telephone for about 5 mos. before we decided to actually meet face to face. spending all that time talking before meeting physically, was a true blessing. sometimes the physical gets in the way, but we talked about anything and everything; even our silly domestic habits like how we fold towels and which way the toilet paper should be put on the holder. lololol i highly recommend giving this a try. there are a lot of options on the site for you to choose how you want to go about it. you go at your own pace, there's no pressure. i think they offer a free trial as well. 50 is the prime of life, so feel blessed. tc. Quote Pray Without Ceasing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woody Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 hi robert,after 30yrs. of living single, i found my husband online at www.christiancafe.com. it was a strange, weird, uncomfortable and unusual way to meet someone at the time, but we lived 2000 miles apart and would have never met otherwise. it took a year for us to find one another on there and once we did, we communicated online and on the telephone for about 5 mos. before we decided to actually meet face to face. spending all that time talking before meeting physically, was a true blessing. sometimes the physical gets in the way, but we talked about anything and everything; even our silly domestic habits like how we fold towels and which way the toilet paper should be put on the holder. lololol i highly recommend giving this a try. there are a lot of options on the site for you to choose how you want to go about it. you go at your own pace, there's no pressure. i think they offer a free trial as well. 50 is the prime of life, so feel blessed. tc. I agree with this post. I had the same experience with my wife. We met on AdventistMatch.com Quote May we be one so that the world may be won. Christian from the cradle to the grave I believe in Hematology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phkrause Posted March 7, 2009 Members Share Posted March 7, 2009 And with all those chose's she chose you? haha I think she made a wise chose redwood! pk Quote phkrause By the decree enforcing the institution of the papacy in violation of the law of God, our nation will disconnect herself fully from righteousness. When Protestantism shall stretch her hand across the gulf to grasp the hand of the Roman power, when she shall reach over the abyss to clasp hands with spiritualism, when, under the influence of this threefold union, our country shall repudiate every principle of its Constitution as a Protestant and republican government, and shall make provision for the propagation of papal falsehoods and delusions, then we may know that the time has come for the marvelous working of Satan and that the end is near. {5T 451.1} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Key Guy Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I mentioned your request for advice to my wife this morning, Rob. She had some insights that I didn't see mentioned here, yet. Boundaries: Certainly, God's goal is for us to experience restoration, even in our messed up marriages. If you consider wooing her back, do it with clear cut boundaries (like NO sports bars). This accomplishes two things... 1) It tests her true repentance, if she has any (I didn't see that mentioned). If she is truly sorry, she will truly want to please. 2) It re-establishes your role as the husband, head of the home. Of course, you would never place boundaries on her that you wouldn't respect, too. It's a discipline thing, and yes, even spouses need to discipline (not 'punish' as we come to expect) each other at times. If you have chosen to not want her back or aren't willing to work very hard at this damaged relationship yourself then disregard this post and move on with your life. Only you can make that determination. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woody Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 And with all those chose's she chose you? haha I think she made a wise chose redwood! pk Kinda hard to believe it happened pk. But it did. Amazing. Who would da thought. Quote May we be one so that the world may be won. Christian from the cradle to the grave I believe in Hematology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 it doesn't sound like you should trust her again. And you've said she's bad for you. Since you feel that way, you really should break off contact with her. You can never be "just friends" with her after the relationship you had with her. So it's time for you to stop letting her torture you with her games. Hmmm, I'm afraid that's good advice. She tells me she doesn't want to come back (and then gives all types of strange reasons), however she tells me that I'm the only family she has around here and she needs me. I don't know if I like that type of "need"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 You said that your ex seems to be saying things just because she believes that you cannot trust her ever again. What do you think, could you ever forgive her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 TU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 your own individual practice - that might cause difficulties for you? Let's see the odd things might be that I don't generally eat pork, etc. If pepperoni is on a pizza I won't pull it off...or if there's bacon in my salad I won't pick out those little pieces. Besides that I don't drink, smoke, I don't go to clubs...I generally don't go to concerts (although I did go see the Eagles back in '04). I won't go see "R" rated movies and I'm selective with "PG-13", but then again I'm no a movie man. And if I do go I don't like violence, nudity, excessive cursing (prefer none), etc....So I don't go too often. I believe that the last 6 commandments are a standard for Christian living. So I think I could get along with just about any Protestant Christian woman. I wouldn't be opposed to going to church on Sunday (although it isn't the Sabbath). But I wouldn't make an issue of it unless she said something like Sunday is the new Sabbath.... Well, I guess I'm pretty much set in my ways concerning what I believe and that might cause friction. Not that I would force my beliefs down her throat.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 Boundaries: Certainly, God's goal is for us to experience restoration, even in our messed up marriages. If you consider wooing her back, do it with clear cut boundaries (like NO sports bars). I told her no "dating" if you want me to remain in your life. She doesn't agree but instead plays it down. I've consistently told her that if she is dating she needs to move on, but she'll say "your my family"... It's getting old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 We met on AdventistMatch.com Yeah, but I'm I an Adventist? I'm a weird SDA maybe....I'm not Baptist or Methodist, etc. Difinitely not Catholic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darlene Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Robert, I've been president/director of our Adentist Single Adult Ministries in our conference now for 15 years and have a few comments. But, first of all, let me say that I am sorry you have to experience the stress of your difficult marital situation. That is not a easy situation to be in. Single Adult Ministries is a ministry of our church. It is a place for healing and support for the never-married, widowed, and divorced person. It is a place for growth and fellowship. I have seen some singles come to look for a spouse. Some have already dealt with their issues others have not. Those who are desperately and obviously seeking a spouse are often avoided. Those who come with a healthy outlook are well accepted. So....if you go to a single adult ministry event, don't come openly seeking a spouse, come for the fun and fellowship. Yes, from among the singles that come you may find someone but that is not why we exsist. We are ministry. Many of the married in our church do not understand what Adventist Single Adult Ministries is. It is not a place to 'hunt' for a spouse. Those in leadership of Adventist Single Adult Ministries have tried for many years to get rid of that image and we are slowly succeeding. But, all those things, said, Robert, I would certainly invite you to come to a Adventist Single Adult Ministries event in your area, or try out the NAD ASAM Convention, July 2-4, 2009 in Newport Beach, CA. (there should be over 1,000 single adults there) For more information on that you can go to: http://www.adventistsingleadultministries.org or http://www.adventistsam.com/forum (look under the NAD ASAM Upcoming Events) You may also find other information concerning Adventist Single Adult Mistries organizations in your area on this forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shane Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 I haven't read the entire thread but I feel for you, Robert. You have been through a lot. Meeting someone through the church is a healthy way to move forward. I know you have issues with the church. Quite frankly, so do I. We have chosen different paths. I continue to go to the Adventist church even though at times it is too legalistic, other times it is too cold and some pockets are too permissive. I understand it is a group of erring people so I am never going to find that perfectly healthy church. Since you have decided not to be part of the Adventist church you should look for a mate that has made that same decision. You say you want a real Christian and not just one that calls herself a Christian. I guess I don't know what a "real" Christian is. Is this someone that believes everything exactly like you? Are you going to sit in judgment on her constantly deciding if what she says and does meets the standard of a real Christian? If my wife were to do to me what your wife did to you, I would find another woman within the Seventh-day Adventist denomination. I encourage religious affiliation and believe it to be a healthy thing that supports healthy families and healthy marriages. Without a religious affiliation we really are trying to live life on our own and that makes things pretty hard. So I guess my best advice would be to reconsider your religious affiliation. To me it seems thinking about another marriage before joining an organized group of believers is putting the cart before the horse. Quote Pastoral Family Counselor... Find me at www.PostumCafe.com Author of Peculiar Christianity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Nan Posted March 8, 2009 Moderators Share Posted March 8, 2009 Robert, I suffered the rejection of the end of a 25 year marriage I wanted to continue. One of the biggest problems is that rejection, your sense of your self as worthless, sometimes the inability to make decisions for the mundane things of life. The only person you can be sure of having to live with for the rest of your life is yourself. That makes it well worthwhile to make sure you are happy with the guy in the mirror each morning. Until you are happy living with that person, it makes no sense to think that anybody else will be happy living with him either. I am not saying that in a critical sense, rather that if you are unsure of your worth, looking to another to fill your needs, any new relationship will be doomed. Your needs will get in the way of what should be a mutually supportive situation. Your sense of not wanting to be single strikes a deep chord with me, I felt exactly the same. I am not going to elaborate on some of the very foolish paths that took me down, but that need - while very understandable - needs to be kept in perspective. Nearly 8 years, some of which were extremely lonely, after my ex left, I met Sammy. We met online - at ChristianOptions.com, with some additional input from ChristianSinglesDating, and met in the flesh a few weeks after the online encounter. We were married 6 months later and I am deeply grateful for the way my life is now. But looking back I can say that it was probably 5 years after the breakup before I was really emotionally ready to go ahead. That would be different for everyone of course. These are the three rules I set for myself 1. That I had to believe the relationship was over. 2. That it made no sense for me to wish that he would be unhappy in his new life, that would not make me any happier. 3. God loved/s us both equally, regardless of who the 'guilty' party is. I am not trying to preach, just hoping that some experience obtained at quite a high price can do something positive for someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 I guess I don't know what a "real" Christian is. Is this someone that believes everything exactly like you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 I am not saying that in a critical sense, rather that if you are unsure of your worth, looking to another to fill your needs, any new relationship will be doomed. Your needs will get in the way of what should be a mutually supportive situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 How do I post a pic of me and the "ex" sometime before the divorce? I have 1 pic in my email.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil D Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Robert, When I got served with divorce papers, it hit me pretty hard. I still feel like 26 years of my life have been wasted. It's been 2 years, and I still can not talk to her....the last 5 times on the phone, SHE attempted to start a fight...I refused to fight, told her that I couldn't talk with her and hung up the phone. To tell you how I feel, I could not tell any one in ClubAdventist that I was 'divorced'. My parents divorced and thier divorce was one headache for me, after another. When I became of age, I swore to myself that I would never get divorced.And here I was, and I still don't know the reason for my divorce. She can't tell me...I was embarrassed because I didn't know what to do...I was out of my element, and depressed. My therapist told me to go to a Survivors and Thrivers divorce group. We read two books...The first one is called "Who moved my cheese?"...It's a metaphor and it got us to start talking....I started talking...This group had only 2 males in it. The leader and me....The other 4 were females....of which, I am in contact with ONE of them today and she lives in florida and I am in Oregon. The next book is on building your relationships again....taking it slow. I am going to say that over the last 2 years, I have slowly become myself...it is not to say that I am satisfied with myself, but I am working on it. Am I ready for another relationship...? maybe, maybe not. I will say that I have had 2 relationships since my divorce, and I am not getting into another anytime soon. I have decided that I need to be alone for now. So now, I grow....and grow accustomed to being good to me, to being satisfied with me, and to work on having friends, with Jesus as oking or denying that I have met that standard...And when I find I am having fun, I will pack it down in my cup, and when I find that my cup runs over with packed fun, only then will I think that I need someone else to share this fun with... I wish you well, Robert. I have not reached those things that I strive for, but those things out of reach will become within my grasp and will be another memory that I will treasure. Robert, get lots of treasure... Quote Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. George Bernard Shaw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 It ain't easy...huh? Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil D Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Going alone never has been....it's tough going to a resturant or a movie by yourself.... But I am getting used to it.....I like seeing friends, but my married friends have their dutys to thier familys...And sometimes I just need to be alone.... Quote Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. George Bernard Shaw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
True-believer Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 The best advice that I can give I will will tell you again... Phil. 4:4 REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS, AGAIN I SAY REJOICE!!! Quote Luke 4:19To preach the acceptable year of the Lord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 Here's a song that states how I feel (almost anyway): Click here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted March 8, 2009 Administrators Share Posted March 8, 2009 After reading this whole thread, I agree with LynnDel the most. Why worry about it and just look to enlarge your circle of friends? That was the approach I took and the benefit was that I didn't have the stress of the dating scenario. I was much less lonely that way, did not have expectations of people to worry about, and spent more time with people I was comfortable spending time with. There is no rush! When you find yourself spending more and more time with a certain someone, THEN you can think about the next level. Why sweat it? Just enjoy your singleness in the meantime :) Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 Why sweat it? Just enjoy your singleness in the meantime Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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