I've been extending myself financially for some people

[Doug]

and ended up hurting myself more. Pray that i won't make any more decisions like this.

I tried to make an auto insurance payment for my cousin yesterday, called it in but never got a confirmation number. The insurance policy has 3 cars on it but they only wanted 1 car paid for but I didn't know that. The total is like $350 for all 3 and if it goes through he won't be able to pay me back for a while because he has no job. The ins company won't tell me anything, and I can't contact that person because they don't have a cellphone(they lost it for the 3rd time) and they can't make payments over the phone or online because they don't have a debit card.

I have to do this because this person is family.

Someone gave him a computer, and i tried to "fix" it by installing Windows 7 on it, because i figurd it would be easier for him to learn than XP, ended up messing it up so i went out and bought him a new, cheap PC with money I really didn't have. My cousin isn't stupid, but he is a simpleton, and a bit slow. Without typing a whole back story, he gets money from the state because he is "mentally handicapped", when he really isn't. He is capable of going out and getting a job but he doesn't because his mom poisoned his mind that he can't do it.

So I figured that maybe I can help him do better than he is doing now. he now has internet access (I get the bill and he tries to pay for it).

Another thing: Basically I am the only one from our family who goes over and does anything for him and his mom (my aunt), she has 2 other children who don't call or visit unless they need something. There are various other family members who are in Los Angeles, they don't visit or call or anything.

So what is your guys take on this this is very stressful and frustrating.

[phkrause]

and ended up hurting myself more. Pray that i won't make any more decisions like this.

I tried to make an auto insurance payment for my cousin yesterday, called it in but never got a confirmation number. The insurance policy has 3 cars on it but they only wanted 1 car paid for but I didn't know that. The total is like $350 for all 3 and if it goes through he won't be able to pay me back for a while because he has no job. The ins company won't tell me anything, and I can't contact that person because they don't have a cellphone(they lost it for the 3rd time) and they can't make payments over the phone or online because they don't have a debit card.

I have to do this because this person is family.

Someone gave him a computer, and i tried to "fix" it by installing Windows 7 on it, because i figurd it would be easier for him to learn than XP, ended up messing it up so i went out and bought him a new, cheap PC with money I really didn't have. My cousin isn't stupid, but he is a simpleton, and a bit slow. Without typing a whole back story, he gets money from the state because he is "mentally handicapped", when he really isn't. He is capable of going out and getting a job but he doesn't because his mom poisoned his mind that he can't do it.

So I figured that maybe I can help him do better than he is doing now. he now has internet access (I get the bill and he tries to pay for it).

Another thing: Basically I am the only one from our family who goes over and does anything for him and his mom (my aunt), she has 2 other children who don't call or visit unless they need something. There are various other family members who are in Los Angeles, they don't visit or call or anything.

So what is your guys take on this this is very stressful and frustrating.

First all I can say is your doing a great thing. Before I got laid off 2 1/2, going on 3 years ago, we would help my Mom out by sending her money every month. We still did this after I got laid off for a while. Even now when I can get enough together we'll sent her some. We also have a family in the area that we help out, but it gets really tight. Personally I'd say your not doing it just because its family, your doing this because you can and its the thing to do. I for one applaud you.

[Gail]

Doug, it sounds like you are donating a lot of yourself to this situation!

I say donating, because from what you are saying I don't think you will ever be recompensed financially for your trouble.

Is that okay with you? Is it the most effective way to help?

[Doug]

Doug, it sounds like you are donating a lot of yourself to this situation!

I say donating, because from what you are saying I don't think you will ever be recompensed financially for your trouble.

Is that okay with you? Is it the most effective way to help?

yeah for the most part. I try to help them out because I know for a fact i'm all they have. When your own kids won't even visit or call you the situation is messed up. I was hoping that they would somehow get into the situation where they could help themselves but at least now it doesn't look like it will happen.

It's a bit harder to do some things now that I don't live in the area, but they live between my job and my home so I try to stop on the way to work.

[phkrause]

I would add that whenever helping with money never expect to get it back and if you do consider it a blessing from the Lord.

[Doug]

I would add that whenever helping with money never expect to get it back and if you do consider it a blessing from the Lord.

I just wanted to find out if I was being too soft on them. I hope they can become financially responsible.

[Gail]

You are a kind and compassionate relative!

[Gail]

Originally Posted By: pkrause

I would add that whenever helping with money never expect to get it back and if you do consider it a blessing from the Lord.

I just wanted to find out if I was being too soft on them. I hope they can become financially responsible.

If it is a reform effort, then it must be just that- something with effort attached to it!

If your gifts are preventing them from being motivated in improving their situation, you may in fact be hindering them.

I wouldn't know, but you might get a clue if you talk to them about it.

You could also ask yourself the question, What would happen if I died tomorrow and the gifts were cut off?

[phkrause]

I just wanted to find out if I was being too soft on them. I hope they can become financially responsible.

I know what its like Doug, its tough to be without money and depending on others. You want to be responsable. God is good and he'll take care of you and your family.