Sex and the Christian

[CGMedley]

It's often said that sex is God's greatest gift. If so, then what is Scripture's take on sex. Tom shepherd offers his perspective. Read more.

http://www.adventistreview.org/issue.php?issue=2011-1514&page=20

[fccool]

This articles presents all of these "don't do" and avoids some very important cultural issues that we as society got ourselves in by delaying the marriage and extending the childhood.

Consider the following:

1) The ancient culture empowered children to grow up with their sexuality. I.E. the age of adulthood was 16 for boys, and as young as 12 for girls. It was not uncommon for 12-16 year old girl to marry a 16-20 year old guy. Such would be outrageous in our society, simply because we delay the childhood for another 5-10 years.

2) By delaying the childhood we likewise delay the sexual activity which does bloom at a certain age. The young people end up suppressing a lot of it as "sinful", when it's simply the natural response of their body/mind. There's nothing "dirty" about being aroused by the sight of a beautiful woman. The body works that way, you can't help it. You can help controlling where your mind goes, but in a sense we teach them that the mere act of "arousal" is offensive, when it's perfectly natural.

3) We drive our young people right into the hands of port industry. They outgrow their sexuality. They are curious. The sex is prohibited, so many of them go to experience sex vicariously.

So, instead of addressing all of these cultural problems, we just fuel the suppression mechanism that eventually ends up hurting them. IMO we should be

1) Educating the parents to empower their children to grow up early. My father owned his own farm at 18 and was self-sufficient. Most young people today could not survive if you cut them loose at that age, mainly because their parents don't adequately prepare them for adult life. They are trained that that's the job of some educational institution out there.

2) There's NOTHING wrong with marrying young, as long as children are growing up and maturing along with their sexuality. We keep telling children that they are not ready for this and that. We should have be ready much sooner.

Essentially, the sex before marriage is a result of such culture, and we are absolutely failing to address this issue. We try to define OT guidelines of sexuality and carry over to our day and age, and it's taking a toll on our youth.

[Dr. Shane]

I don't buy into the age-old excuse for teenage sex as given above. Psychologists testify that people really are not mature enough to be considered an adult until they are in their early twenties. Many states use to consider a person to be an adult when they reached 21 years of age. That changed because as a society we wanted to send our boys off to war. The average age of a soldier in WW2 was 26. The average age of a soldier in Vietnam was 19. A 19 year old isn't mature enough to handle the ravages of war and he isn't mature enough to be making sexual decisions.

Many in Mexico get married when they are teenagers. It is extremely common. It is also one of the best ways to assure one will remain in poverty for their entire life. Keeping the zipper zipped up until one is a mature adult is one of the best ways to assure financial prosperity.

One does not have to have sex before marriage. That is a message we can talk about. For single people seeking to wait until marriage, one of the best way is to go on group dates. I worked with a guy at Andrews University who told me he was never alone with his girlfriend until they got married. It really isn't that hard to stay pure if you are out with a group of friends or in the living room with your parents in the house.

[Tom Wetmore]

And some think maybe we should take a different approach - Abstinence Only?

[Dr. Shane]

Many Christian kids are not prepared for sex and it does "just happen." My wife found a used condom in the Adventurers' room at church so we have proof that some kids are prepared. But many are not. In fact, I read an article once that reported Christian girls are more likely to get pregnant out of wedlock even though they wait longer to start having sex than non-believers.

My kids are eight and ten and we have already had talks about sex. It is on going really. They hear things from their peers or from TV & internet and ask questions. We also have sex education books in our home from the Christian book store for children.

When my father-in-law died my sister-in-laws were teenagers and I spoke with them about sex. I asked them if they wanted a purity ring and bought them each one. I spoke with them about birth control, the emotional consequences of sex and about alternative means of having sex that would not cause pregnancy. When one of my sister-in-laws got engaged I sent her a condom and told her to keep in her purse and plan on using it for her honeymoon but just in case "something happened" she would have it with her. She asked me to give her away at her wedding and told me she still had the condom waiting for her honeymoon.

I think going on group dates and can really help. We also need to let kids know that they are not missing anything. Good sex happens after being in a committed relationship with the same person for years. Most of the excitement for teenagers comes from doing something forbidden or something that makes them feel grown-up. They need to know that Hollywood sends out the wrong message. Hollywood is all about making money. Hollywood knows that sex sells so they exploit it. In the real world, real satisfying sex doesn't happen during the dating process. It happens between two people with a history together, committed to each other that have been having sex with each other for a long period of time.

I have mixed feelings about masturbation but mostly because of what Sister White has written. The Bible is silent on it. Some may say it is splitting hairs but I think there is a difference between the act of masturbation and the fantasizing that often accompanies it. Of course that is too hot of an issue for the church to take on in a sexual education format but it is something parents should think about. Masturbating does release sexual tension and if it can be done without sinful fantasizing (and I believe it can) I am not so sure it is a bad thing. I am aware of one vision Ellen White was given regarding masturbation but the sin of it could have been the fantasizing. Fantasizing is a major problem as it cause one to long for what they don't have but one need not masturbate to fantasize.

[phkrause]

You make some really good points Shane. I totally agree.

[Tom Wetmore]

You are a good man, Shane!

[fccool]

I don't buy into the age-old excuse for teenage sex as given above. Psychologists testify that people really are not mature enough to be considered an adult until they are in their early twenties.

Way to take my observations and twist it into something I did not say .

1) I did not say teens should have sex before marriage

2) Maturity is primarily mental... has little to do with age. I've seen a lot of mature 14-15 year olds, and I've seen my fair fare of immature adults.

The "age old excuse" has been the way worked for thousands of years.

[CoAspen]

Very interesting opinion article, TW. But more interesting and rather perplexing were the replies. If the those replying are an indication of a predominant church membership viewpoint, than I suspect the issue will remain. It seems that for many, extremes, are the only thoughts they have. Education is the avenue to encouraging changes in behavior. Yet there are certain issues in Christianity where education is seen as 'sinful'. Mind boggling!!!

[Dr. Shane]

One means of education is Adventist Youth Society. All the local churches here have ATS but the area where I went to college did not have. Sex is a good topic for AYS programs. If your church does not have an AYS program, that may be a ministry waiting for you.