How Many Christians Does It Take To Change a Light Bulb

[Stan]

(this one was on here before and is posted a zillon times on the net)

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Pentecostal:

Only one.

Hands already in the air.

Presbyterian:

None.

Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Catholic:

None.

Candles only.

Southern Baptist:

At least 15.

One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change

and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalian:

Three.

One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and

one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.

Mormon:

Five.

One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Methodist:

Undetermined.

Whether your light is

bright, dull, or completely burned out, you are loved.

You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb.

Church-wide lighting service is planned

for Sunday. Bring the bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene:

Six.

One woman to replace the bulb while

five men review church guide on lighting policy.

Lutheran:

None.

Lutherans don't believe in change.

Church of Christ:

They do not use light bulbs because

there is no evidence of their use

in the New Testament.

Unitarian:

We choose not to make a statement either

in favor of or against the need for a light bulb.

However, if in your own journey you have found

that light bulbs work for you, that is fine.

You are invited to write a poem or compose

a modern dance about your bulb for next

Sunday's service, during which we will explore

a number of light bulb traditions, including

incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life,

and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths

to luminescence.

Amish:

What's a light bulb?

[Stan]

Q: How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 15. One to hold the bulb and the rest to drink whiskey til the room spins.

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One to change it and 15 to form a support group.

Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A1: None of your business!

A2: 50. 50? Yeah, 50! It's in the contract.

Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, One to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.

Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Both of them.

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to change the bulb and one not to change it. Note: 1 to change and 1 not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is four. One to change the bulb.

Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Billions and billions.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it sure takes a truckload of light bulbs!

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three: One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.

Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ------" consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

Q: How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. That's a hardware problem.

Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

A: As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

[aldona]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

<hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

Another version...

Q. How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. The light bulb cannot be changed. It must be smashed.

aldona