Dubious Distinctions

[SMAN]

[The following is from the British Sunday Express giving Gongs (medals) for dubious distinctions]

To John Bloor, who mistook a tube of superglue for his hemorrhoid cream and glued his buttocks together.

To Henry Smith, arrested moments after returning home with a stolen stereo. His error was having tattooed on his forehead in large capital letters the words "Henry Smith." His lawyer told the court: "My client is not a very bright young man."

To Michael Robinson, who rang police to deliver a bomb threat, but became so agitated about the mounting cost of the call that he began screaming "Call me back!" and left his phone number.

To Paul Monkton, who used as his getaway vehicle a van with his name and phone number painted in foot-high letters on the side.

To Julia Carson, who as her tearful family gathered 'round her coffin in a New York funeral parlor, sat bolt upright and asked what the hell was going on. Celebrations were short-lived, due to the fact that Mrs. Carson's daughter, Julie, immediately dropped dead from shock.

To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock -- and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

[Neil D]

Are you familiar with the Darwin awards?

Indeed, these could pass for nominations for the Darwin awards, espeically the last one.

[SMAN]

This is the first time I have seen the Brit awards; but yes they are very similar to the Darwin awards except that you have to die to get a Darwin. (Yes, the stag hunter would make the cut).

[Neil D]

So, where do you find the Brit awards?

Darwin awards are here. Have some fun reading them and post the ones that tickle your funny bone...

[Amelia]

Darwin Awards Mottos

The tree of life is self pruning. -Joel Determan

Tragic Proof of a Missing 'Why?' Chromosome. -Frank Micle

All people improve the gene pool, some by birth, some by their demise.-A. Chamberlain

Live and learn. Or you won't live long. -Joanne

Natural laws have no pity. -Robert Heinlein

"He who hesitates... is sometimes saved." -James Thurber

"Fool proof systems do not take into account

the ingenuity of fools." -Ken Clayton

Population Control Volunteers -Rod

Chlorinating the Gene Pool -Ed, Jeff Gowdy

Returning the genes that don't fit! -jennifer

[Amelia]

Mining for Elephants

2005 Darwin Award Nominee

Confirmed True by Darwin

15 February 2005, Rushinga, Zimbabwe

The elephants were trampling Christian Munetsi’s maize field, which was planted on a long-standing elephant trail. He had to find a way to fight back. Fortunately, there was an old minefield nearby on the Zimbabwe-Mozambique border. Christian figured a few landmines planted around his field would soon teach the elephants a lesson they would never forget.

Christian may have gotten the idea of using the mines from a couple of incidents that had recently happened. Another Rushinga man had been injured after picking up a landmine while herding his cattle a week before. A week before that, a third Rushinga man lost part of his leg to a landmine he had stepped on. Clearly these mines could do great damage, even to an elephant. They were just what he needed.

Christian dug up five of the landmines, which had been exposed by recent heavy rains, and began carrying them home. Unfortunately, they detonated as he was carrying them from the minefield, killing him instantly. A spokesman said police were unable to recover all of his body parts, which were strewn among the landmines.

[Amelia]

Tree vs. Man

2004 Darwin Award Nominee

21 December 2004, Albany, Georgia

All Reggie Barnnett wanted to do was cut down a tree behind his girlfriend’s house. It was the kind of good deed that might be expected of the 47-year-old associate pastor at Hines Memorial Church, who also helped out with the church’s youth group. Instead, the uncooperative tree crushed him and started a fire that burned him beyond recognition.

Reggie had borrowed his father’s pickup truck, apparently in the belief that he could yank out the bottom of the tree, which would then fall away from the truck. He tied the truck to the tree and floored the accelerator. The tree toppled onto the truck, crushing the cab and trapping Reggie. The still-running engine eventually overheated, starting a grass fire. The flames ignited the truck’s gas tank, turning the truck into a fireball. Police said Reggie was probably dead before the truck caught fire.