Grieving

[Guest]

Thank you everyone for your support and prayers.

We saw the Oncologists last Thursday and he said that the tumour was too big for radiation treatment and suggested chemotherapy. He also said that chemo would not cure mum of her cancer, and, if it worked, it may extend her life for 3 to 6 months longer. There are two malignant tumours, one is 10cm x 6cm x 10cm, the other is a malignant lymph node that is 1.5cm.

Mum has deteriorated a great deal within the last two weeks. She is tired all of the time and cannot walk up small hills or stairs anymore. She will have her first dose of chemo this Thursday. Today, it finally hit her that she is dying. She is feeling fragile and afraid of what the chemo will do to her. Please pray that the Lord will give her the strength to cope with what is happening to her.

I am trying to be strong and feel ok when I don't think about it. It is hard seeing her deteriorate so quickly. All I can do is be there for her.

BAPM

[Nan]

Thank you for the update, BAPM. I will certainly continue to pray for you, it is a hard road for you both.

[Clio]

Quote:

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Gerry Cabalo said:

One thing for sure, as long as we are in enemy territory, we shall suffer loss of one kind or another sooner or later.

Gerry

---

I have discovered, after walking out the potential loss of my beloved husband, that I no longer live in enemy territory. Yes, my physical body is here, but the I that is me doesn't live here anymore.

My home, the place I'm homesick for, is heaven. That which I am homesick for has never existed on this earth. I tend to view myself as on a sortie, walking in miracle territory, never having to fear because True Jesus promises His Grace is sufficient for me.

It was only when I was able to place my trust in Him, to the point that whether my husband lived or died was irrelevant as long as we could stand united at the foot of Abba Father's throne, that this world and who lived and died in it, became a sortie on the field of combat and NOT my home.

My angel, True Jesus, and the Holy Spirit sustain me. They take physical pain from me on a daily basis, They sustain me with peace, Joy, compassion and trust in True Jesus every day. I could not face living without Them, for my life is overwhelming.

According to my husband's doctor, I should be heavily medicated or catatonic. It amazes her that I am not in counseling, heavily medicated, or showing any other signs of stress. It is all in Their hands... They love me, They love all those who are important to me, and that I desire them to be in Heaven with me. There is no fear, no sorrow. After all, whether I live to see Jesus come, or die to be raised to see Him come... either way... I'm going to see Jesus come.

And when He does, all will be made plain, all will be wonderful, all will be right.... and I can cast myself at His feet, to sob out the overwhelming emotion, the Joy I cannot contain, the relief to finally, finally be going home.

I hope my angel comes with lots of pretty hankies to sop up my tears of joy....

Even So, Lord Jesus... Come soon my Beloved Bridegroom.

Clio

[Guest]

Mum had her first toxic cocktail yesterday and handled it really well. During the treatment the nurse warned us about how toxic her urine is and told us not to use the loo immediately after her and for her to flush twice so as not to contaminate anyone. Mum has a wicked sense of humour and asked, if she peed on the garden would the weeds die or would they mutate and turn into monsters. We joked about how she was turning into toxic waste and I took photos of her so that I could make a toxic waste sign to put in my car. We laughed and had so much fun during the treatment that the nurse told us we all belonged in Richmond Clinic (a psychiatric hospital). Today I bought her a water pistol so that she can pretend it has toxic pee in it and squirt anyone who gives her a hard time. This may all sound a little crazy and weird, but it really helped us to get through the day. If none of you ever want to speak to me again I will understand.

[Clio]

That's GREAT BAPM! A sense of humor and a positive outlook is sooo important during this whole ordeal.

So much of what my mama engaged in, during the years she fought cancer is related to a positive outlook, a sense of humor, and getting healing for the mental and spiritual aspects of who she was.

When she was first diagnosed the doctors gave her 90 days. She started her own regimen to get her emotions, her mind, her spirit as well as her body healthy and lived for 9 more years.

I cannot count how many times she told me that dealing with her anger at her father for being killed when she was 2 in WWII and the healing that came with that was one of the key factors, to her mind, of what allowed her body to work with the chemo and radiation treatments to fight off the cancer as long as she did.

That's AWESOME! I'm so glad she's doing well in the sense of humor department. It WILL help.

BAPM, if you can, I would recommend YOU seeing a counselor... just someone to help you process all this. It will help a lot... even if it just seems like your visiting and not really going anywhere. Our clinic has an on staff counselor that works with the physicians. It's an awesome system.

It's sooooo stressful on the family members of someone with a severe, prolonged illness. My husband has been severely ill for the last 18 months... Sometimes just an objective viewpoint can be all the difference in managing your own emotions. I know it's been that way for me.

(((((BAPM & Mom)))))

Clio

[Gail]

Just found this today and would like to add that I lost my mother to cancer a couple of years ago. She died at home and the family took care of her till the end.

It was one of the most memorable things I ever did- to be on hand

Many many hugs to BAPM

((((((((((((((((((( BAPM ))))))))))))))))))))

[Nan]

Thanks for the update BAPM....and I hope if you are contaminated it is not catching over the net <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I have heard sometimes that when a loved on is facing a terminal illness, the shared times can become more open, and very very special - that is what seems to be happening to you and your Mum, and what Gail describes.

I know my mother found the later chemo treatments more physically draining than the first, you may have been warned of that - and prepared.

Continuing to pray for you both.

[Guest]

Beapeacekeeper,

I almost used your name, but choose not to, I am back in Panama looking for work again. I know how you feel about loosing a mother and a friend, I lost my mother back in 1996 after years of being the best of friends, when she got older she moved into a apartment building for the eldery, and she could cook and such for herself. I spent many a week end visiting her in Orange Florida, I was working for Oracle and they whould give me a round trip ticket to see her on the weekends from anywhere in the world that I was at the time. We would spend out days on the beach and nights going out and just being to gether. I lost her the morning after I left her one Sunday, we had just gone out to a very nice restaurant on the beach and I had no hint that she might die the next day. What really hurt was that the nursing home just packed her up in a box and shipped her remains to Orange California to be next to her husband my father, I did not even get a chance to say good bye but I guess I did because I told her how much I loved her while we were together. I felt very dispondent with her gone. The family knew how close we were. Many were very jealous of our relationship, which is why she was put in a box the morning she pasted away. Years later I finally got the courage to fly to her grave and say good and to show her what a woman I have grown to be (She was always wanting me to get a real job, not the one I had as a jet setter for Oracle), It was a very sad day but I felt that I had mended the loss that I felt without her.

I am alone most of the time now. I know what you feel like, people say that God and Jesus are near to comfort me but sometimes you need a physical person, Annie, my Labrador and JoJo my Kinkajou just do not fill the void that she left behind, I know that I will see her in heaven.

I was in Seattle, Washington teaching Starbucks Coffee and Baton Rouge, Lousiana teaching Oracle.

Love

Raquel

[Gregory Matthews]

The decisions that you have to make, the choices are not easy. No human can walk in your shoes for you. May the Lord be with you in this time.

[Robert]

In short, I understand your grief. My Father died in 1995 (I was 36). He had liver cancer and had been struggling for about a year.

I remember sitting in the room with him the day before he died. My wife and I were taking care of him that weekend. I hated to see him suffer as he did so I ask God to take him. According to the doctors he had another month or two.

My prayer was a cry, but apparently God heard it and responded. Three hours later he was gone....I never regretted that prayer...never!

Now that's my story, but from what I've read I don't see you giving up on your mom's recovery. I'll ask God to heal her completely...but if not I revert to the story of Lazarus.

Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies...." The resurrection of Lazarus absolutely, positively proves that Jesus Christ is whom He claims! Rest in that fact no matter what....

Rob