Your story: How did you become a SDA ? Or left & came back?

[Gerr]

I was reading the bio on one of our newer posters & found it interesting. I am starting this thread so we can hear "the rest of the story" of how you became a SDA, or may have left the church and decided to come back. I always enjoy reading stories like that.

Gerry

[Bravus]

Born and bred.

Drifted in my late teens and early 20s, particularly when my mother and brother both died in one year. I always attended, but at that stage more for social and family reasons than out of belief.

A big part of my return has actually been the birth of my children: experiencing love as a father myself helps me understand a microscopic fraction of what God feels for us, and got me off the rules hooks and back into understanding the nature of God.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Here's a very condensed version of my story:

Background: I grew up in a semi-Adventist home - my mom was a member, but my dad didn't become an SDA until I was 20. Went to parochial schools from 1st grade through college. My brother is an SDA minister. He won the Christian Leadership awards in school; I, on the other hand, made it my goal in life to skip chapel.

I left the church in the early 80's after I was out of college. I hated EGW (too much of being force-fed her works when I was a kid); the sermons meant nothing to me; the people (I felt) were hypocrites, pharisees, and gossipmongers. I was very unhappy.

I became addicted to drugs and went through some hellish times. Got out of that and went straight into witchcraft for nearly 10 years. I practiced wicca most of that time, but eventually started veering off into the darker arts of the occult (no - it is not the same thing as witchcraft). I kept my distance from Adventists as much as I could during that time - I wanted nothing whatsoever to do with any of them. Or with any Christian group for that matter....

About 3 years ago - out of the blue - I was called to interview for a job....I didn't want a new job, but went anyway and got convinced to accept the new position. I had no idea that the owner was an Adventist minister. Nor that the PR guy was also an SDA minister and former editor of Insight Magazine that I'd read when I was a kid. So there I was - a witch working side by side with a couple of Adventist ministers. Oh brother.

My boss started talking to me about God and I DIDN'T want to hear it. Pounded on his desk, I did, and yelled at him. Didn't phase him though. Kept on talking to me. After a few months the PR guy left to work for the VOP. A couple months later I saw a VOP ad in the Review about former adventists and I didn't like it. So I shot off a nasty email to VOP. Got a very nice email back from Lonnie Melashenko - which, of course, I thought was a form letter, and wrote back and said so. Got another personal reply....and it sort of blew me away that this busy guy was taking the time to write to me. So there I was with ANOTHER Adventist preacher as my friend!

Wait it gets better! In the course of about 1 1/2 years, this little witch ended up with 6 well-known SDA ministers as her best friends. And they're still my best friends.

I'd begun thinking about going back to church and was hesitatingly giving my witchcraft paraphenalia to my boss to get rid of for me....hesitant because I wasn't sure...actually, I was afraid to give up my witchcraft completely because it made me feel like I was protected (of course, that was a facade). Then one night I was driving home from work in the midst of a bad storm, when lightening struck a huge fir tree just as I was racing by (yes, I drive fast!) -- the top 20 feet of the trunk blew off and came hurling on fire through the air straight at me and landed directly in front of the car. There was no way to avoid hitting it....but my car went right past it.... Then not more than 10 minutes later I'd gotten onto the backroads when the accelerator cable broke with the car in full throttle. I couldn't brake hard enough to stop it and I'd have lost the powersteering if I'd shut off the ignition. I dont know how the car came to a standstill. If I'd been out on the highway when that happened I'd have lost control of the car and probably crashed.

All of that happening scared the bejabbers out of me! I didn't know if it was a sign from the devil telling me to stop thinking about going to church or signs from God showing me He would and could take care of me. I decided it was both. Within two weeks I went back to church for the first time in 24 years. The Sabbath morning I went back, the devil threw everything he could to try to stop me...witchcraft items that I'd thrown away suddenly appeared...my car brake warning lights came on and stayed on from the time I left home till I got to the church and all the way home again. And aside from that, when I got to the church and finally sat down I looked up at the front...it was Communion Sabbath. I nearly left -- but I stayed. Later in the afternoon when I was back home, I started the car again. The warning lights never came back on.

There's lots of other stories I could tell you of miracles that have happened that I KNOW were not coincidence - one of which was demon possession....yes, that still can happen in this day and age. God's hand was in my life all the time, whether I knew it or not...

I was baptized almost 4 months ago.

[Stan]

Welcome Home Pam!!!!

[Gerr]

Thank you Bravus. Enoch had the same experience, i.e. better walk with God after his son was born. I, too, had a better insight into the longing, the tenderness of God towards His children when I felt the same for my son.

Gerry

[Gerr]

Yes, welcome home, Pam. There is great rejoicing in heaven for your return.

Your story brought tears in my eyes. It brings me courage to keep on praying for those near & dear to me who either know the truth, known the truth, but either not fully committed to it or have turned their backs to it. There is hope!!!

Thank you Pam,

Gerry

P.S.

Those of you who have a story to tell, please do so. You will never know what encouragement you will bring to someone.

[Jeannieb43]

Yes, Pam, thank you for your story. I learned two things: [1] that the devil(s) are still alive and well on this earth, operating beneath the surface but doing their best to capture any whom they can; and [2] God is stronger than the devils. No matter how hard they try, they'll never be successful against you again as long as you invoke the name of Jesus. In the face of that power, the devils tremble and are afraid.

So many of us are experiencing that same battle between evil and good every day, but without the physical manifestations such as unexplained car trouble, etc. We must stay close to Jesus every minute.

And on the other hand, we never realize just how many times our GOOD ANGELS are saving us from danger. They're there, too, just as surely -- and much more powerfully.

Won't it be great to meet our guardian angels in heaven, and to hear about some of the times we've been saved from harm -- times we didn't even realize?!

God bless you.

This Christian life won't be easy. The devil doesn't give up without a fight. But it's the right way. And we know the prize at the end will be well worth the struggle!

[Clio]

Hmmm... Cool topic Gerry. I've never told the whole story, although some of you may have read part of it in the March Review.

Maybe now is the time.

I was born and bred SDA. Baptized in the Loma Linda Campus Hill church, by someone many of the older crowd might recognize... Elder J.W. "Bill" Lehman. My uncle was a conference president for many years, East Coast, West Coast, and points in-between. Three of my 5 brothers have been missionaries, one of them is an SDA Minister and a VP for ADRA in the Carribean.

I left the church when I was 18. I dabbled in the occult, learning to read tarot cards, and meeting someone with a name I won't post here. Turns out it was the territorial demon for the Pacific North West. Yeah... I don't mess up often, but when I do, it's generally big. Bypassed wicca and went straight to demonology.

I didn't have a teacher, I dabbled on my own, for about 5 years. I thank True Jesus every day that He and my angel protected me from what I was doing. I had no idea then, and never did really get an inkling of the danger I was in, until this year.

I married, had children, became a millionaire, and had the world by the tail. Who needed God? I certainly didn't. Couldn't stand him. He was cruel, harsh, unreasonable, and I could never measure up to His standards. I had no idea how to pray prayers Abba Father could bless, and I hated the name Jesus. Not that I hated Him mind you... just the name. <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

In early 2000, we owned a ranch, a lumberyard, a water-well drilling business, and a small continental US Freight hauling business. Had money in the bank... life was good. But my marriage definitely was NOT. By mid-march with the bottom falling out of the technology sector, and dot.coms crashing left and right, we'd lost a little over $800,000 in 3 months. Life was no longer good, and the only tie holding our marriage together broke. My husband packed up and left.

For the first time in 20 years I did the right thing when faced with such a situation. I hit my knees and acknowledged this was beyond me, and if I didn't get a miracle, my life in general was toast, because I couldn't see continuing without my husband. I am not now, nor have I ever been suicidal. Wasn't then either... but well... anyway.

I prayed a prayer I later came to regret, and have now come full circle to being thankful I prayed it.

"Whatever it takes Lord, for our family to be whole and complete before Your Throne."

I was give the book Shattering Your Strongholds by Liberty Savard. I gave it away. 3 times over the course of a year. And my prayers bounced back at me off brass ceilings.

Finally in March of 2001 I was give Shattering Your Strongholds and the Power of a Praying Wife (which I had also given away at least twice that year). This time I read them.

Of course, by this time, we had lost the lumberyard, the water-well drilling business, and the semi and freight hauling business. I thought I could save the ranch, but in April, it became obvious I wasn't going to be able to. So I read those books. And learned how to pray in a way Abba Father could bless.

(This is really really condensed... get the Review from March 24th if you really want to know).

Miracle after Miracle followed us, or led us to Alaska. On the trip up here Abba Father fixed the cracked block in our vehicle, while the mechanic watched and I prayed. Abba Father moved a storm so severe that the Yukon Territory had grounded all flights, and then wondered where the storm went. He provided corn chowder to cheer my husband and keep up our flagging morale through Northern BC, just because we asked for it. He sent angels to push our vehicles an extra 200 miles because I took a wrong turn and there were no gas stations. My husband was amazed at the miracles, and promised to attend church with me when we landed in Alaska.

We arrived in Alaska at the beginning of winter with no friends or family here, no jobs, and $800 in our pocket.

My husband was sent by the Red Cross to help at the WTC disaster site. He ran the Red Cross landfill team for 5 weeks. SO I was by myself here with 3 kids for those 5 weeks... and he wasn't earning any money.

When he came back, Abba Father handed him an extremely well-paying job as a civilian employee of the military, without his ever interviewing for it. And my husband reneged on his promise to attend church...

From 2000 until now, I have been praying for my husband and family in very intense ways. Always recognizing that whatever it took was the only way we were going to be in heaven together. So I prayed "whatever it takes, Lord".

How foolish I was to expect attending church would fix what was wrong in my life and my husband's life. Church is a hospital for well people. It's pretty meaningless to someone who has no clue. Mike tried to go with me... but he had no idea about SDA's and felt out of touch, ignored, and looked down on. Everywhere we went. No one ever talked to him about Jesus... just about all the stuff you have to "do" or else...

It was too close to his hell-fire and brimstone baptist roots to make him ever want to go back.

I kept praying.

In February of last year my husband was airlifted to Anchorage and had heart surgery. Over the next 11 months he was airlifted 3 more times and made 2 additional trips to our local ICU. He was diagnosed with Chronic coronary disease, hypertension, diabetes, chronic pancreatitis, gall bladder disease, emphysema, angina, lytic bone lesions in both legs, kidney lesions, sleep apnea and chronic pain syndrome.

We lost our small business (2/3 of our income), my truck was repossessed, we sold all our furniture, my son's truck, my daughter's snow machine, my son's fishing skiff, and lived on Love, Inc. food boxes trying to survive. All while I attempted to manage my husband's health care.

January 2, 2005 was our 19th wedding anniversary. We spent it in the emergency room where I watched my husband stop breathing. He clawed at his throat like he was trying to get something off. His eyes got big and panicked, and I ran for the doc. We had just arrived you see, and they didn't have him hooked up to all the machines yet. His eyes rolled back in his head, and just as he was about to suffocate, they got a tube down his throat.

No one could find anything wrong with him, other than what they already knew about. And none of it was acting up...except his blood pressure, from fear and pain.

A few days later I took him home, with no satisfactory answers and the docs telling me I needed to get some grief counseling and "prepare myself".

He looked like a corpse when I took him home. His skin was grey, his nail beds were blue, his hair was lank and limp, his skin was loose, and he was so weak walking 10 feet tired him and he needed to rest.

I thanked the doctors for their help and went home and contacted one of my prayer warrior mentors. She is an SRA survivor, and was formally married to Satan at the last feast of the beast 28 years ago. Praise to True Jesus He sets captives free.

We began praying for healing for Mike the week I brought him home. I knew if True Jesus did not heal Mike, he was dead in a few months. We prayed healing upon him... and then we both felt the need for a 48 hour fast specifically for his healing. So we did that. After fasting and praying, on our faces before True Jesus, we met again to pray for Mike. As we were praying, me crying and praying, we both spontaneously burst into prayer to remove the "fausten'ke" from him. A fausten'ke is a demon that has a body like a dragon, a head like a python, and a long tail.

I'd never heard of a fausten'ke, I was praying to have the demon removed from him. My friend explained what we had been battling after True Jesus broke it off him, and poured True Jesus blood into the wounds it left.

I'd never heard of such a thing and was pretty freaked out. This was Waaaaaay outside my experience. It was the first time I asked the question, "Jesus, what just happened? Please explain it to me." Hooo boy did I get my answers.

Edited to Add: I had been praying the Armor of Abba for about two years, every single day. And that night, after He broke off the fausten'ke, He gave me new armor. I can't explain it, but I'd always thought of my Armor as leather, steel, much like a Roman Centurian's armor.

After that night it was Gold. With writing on it. And a long beautiful white streamer from the helmet. It has since changed a couple of other times, and is now bright, bright white. I've never seen it, but I've been told of the changes by SRA's who still have darkside alters...

End Edit

In my prayers, I was impressed very clearly, I heard Him say it, that I would know this was of True Jesus by the healing in my husband. Whenever I doubted, until I learned what He would teach me, I was to look at my husband and remember it as His sign to me. Then He told me that this was a generational curse, placed on my husband's bloodline to 1000th generation, in 1569. At that time the Laird of my husband's clan castrated and murdered the Laird of another clan in Scotland. Then he fed the results of the castration to the rival clan leader's wife. True Jesus told me the record would be at the Luss Parrish Church in Scotland.

Imagine my surprise when I contacted the Luss Parrish church by email and they told me this same story, and provided a photo of the plaque mentioning my husband's ancestors.

Within two weeks my husband's blood pressure was declared much better and his BP meds were reduced by 50%. He was able to totally stop his diabetes meds, and is controlling it with diet alone. People he didn't know started stopping him on the street and telling him how much better he looked. The gall-bladder removal surgery in April was a success, and he continues to improve. He is receiving healing emotionally, mentally, physically, and told me last night he thinks he's maturing spiritually as well.

In February he was declared cured of emphysema. In fact, they decided they must have made a mistake, until they pulled his test results again.

He still has a long way to go, but he's not dying and there have been miraculous cures. I am 100% certain the balance of his healing is linked to his continued spiritual growth. Especially since the origin of all this was spiritual to begin with.

I walk with True Jesus and my angels. They support me and help me, care for me, and visit with me. Without them, I would have succumbed to what was attached to Mike.

You see, demons are layered in through sexual contact. Especially demons layered in with blood and sex. Had my husband and I been intimate over those 15 years other than for the purpose of procreation, I would have had no defense.

Now that he is healing, and the fausten'ke is gone for good, Abba Father and True Jesus are even healing *that* part of our relationship <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />.

Blessings and curses are mentioned over 600 times in the Bible. Makes for interesting reading.

My husband keeps Sabbath Holy now, although he still refuses to attend church. Which is fine. We have awesome Sabbaths. <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

He also claims True Jesus as his personal Savior. We pray together now too... although... where True Jesus takes me tends to freak him out. He's still a baby Christian, so I feed him milk and chew the meat of the Word with my warrior friends.

Clio

[Clio]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />

Jeannieb43 said:

No matter how hard they try, they'll never be successful against you again as long as you invoke the name of Jesus. In the face of that power, the devils tremble and are afraid.

<hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

Erhm... not quite. If you ever find yourself in that situation, call Him by His full title. Demons and cult folk will use the Bible and the name of Jesus to create Mind Control Programs in their victims. This helps cloak their nefarious doings, and ensure the victim can't get help from most therapists. You don't know until too late that you're up against demonic doctrines programmed in unless you REALLY REALLY understand the Gospel.

The full title that they can't stand up against is:

True Jesus of Nazareth come in the flesh and raised on the third day by the Father, and ascended in glory.

For those who wonder why I almost always call Him True Jesus, now you know.

Clio

[Jeannieb43]

I like this thread, Gerry, so "bumped it up."

As for myself, I'm also "born and bred" in the church. Fifth generatiion Adventist, actually. But my concept of this faith has undergone substantial change over the years. I now believe in GOD instead of THE ORGANIZATION. And two ordained ministers whom I trust have each preached from the pulpit that the SDA Organization as we know it will cease to exist before Jesus returns. We won't be able to ask the Conference President, or even our own local pastor, how to respond, or what to say, in an emergency. They won't be available. We'll have to have our own intimate personal relationship with God. He doesn't require telephone or telegraph or internet in order to receive our messages. God will never fail us.

This illustration of the weakness of our U.S. federal government which we've seen in the Gulf States after Hurricane Katrina, has renewed my realization of just how bad the physical situation can become, if a man-made crisis arises, or even another natural disaster. We may have only the clothes on our backs. Our bank accounts won't be accessible. Our keepsakes and family pictures hanging on the walls will be gone.

None of this stuff matters. Not even our manner of diet, of dress or of Sabbath observance. Only our personal relationship with God.

[aka]

...i am so with you in kindred heart,sister, as you spoke out your heart's conviction above in your last message.

The crux of your message was in quintessence this what you said "We'll have to have our own intimate personal relationship with God". This is exactly that what I have been working on these last few years.

Of course, both of us will be faithful to our SDA.org. However, I believe we two are not the only ones around knowing that our personal eternal salvation through our true Son of God Jesus the Christ is all based on our personal commital to Him intimately.

Turmeric

[Clio]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />

Turmeric said:

...i am so with you in kindred heart,sister, as you spoke out your heart's conviction above in your last message.

The crux of your message was in quintessence this what you said "We'll have to have our own intimate personal relationship with God". This is exactly that what I have been working on these last few years.

Turmeric

<hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

Amen and Amen! Even so, Lord Jesus, Come!

Clio

[Parade Orange]

well, I dont want to be a broken record. I have shared much thru the months. But I know there is newbies here so I will share as much as I can or dare.

I grew up in a chaotic,abusivive,hedonistic,undisplined home. I am the oldest son. My mother got pregnant by a boy she went out on a date with in the backseat of a car. She married someone else 2 months before I was born. This was in the early 60's(with a early 50's mentality)in a small town. My mom hated me but to this day dont realize or admit it and acts like nothing was wrong in the family growing up.

All my sibling are from different men. My mother was dropdead gorgeous in her heyday and slept with every man she went out with except the man whom she married when I was five. My stepfather raised me and they are still married. He never called me by name. It was always some derogatory word or slang. And sad to say- He beat us with garden hoses,broom handles and golf clubs. Anything he could grab when in a fit of rage he grabbed. My mother ignored us and read her book while the monster beated us in the same room. Anyway... enough of that, I still get light headed and anxious and my tummy starts hurting when I go there in my mind.

O how I hungered for the spiritual while growing up. I would ask questions about God at a very early age. The movie 'Ten Commandments' rocked my world every year. I would sit spell bound everytime it was on. I would cry at night and think about a God who knows whats going on. I remember praying to Him. Not understanding anything but that movie taught me that He existed. My parents were raised in strict religious alcoholic homes so when they became adults- they stayed away. Of course I didnt know this growing up.

[Parade Orange]

I realize I am sharing too much of myself and putting my heart on my sleeve. And I havnt exactly put my trust in strangers here. But I feel I need to share who I am and where I came from. So here goes...

When I was 12 we moved next door to a SDA Minister who was about to start up a small country church in a small town(Population 400 at the time). We were just a few miles from the town. I was hogheaven! Learning about Danial and Revelations. I learned about Do's and Dont's and clean and unclean and all kinds of doctrine. I relished in the RULES!

I became quite a little Soldier for the Church.

At the same time I was going thru puberty and slowly realizing that my male peers were talking about girls more and more. I didnt understand why I related to the girl peers more and more in relation to their feelings about the boys. My parents always had dirty mags all around the house. The kids at school were calling me FAGGOTT and I didnt know what that word meant. I came home from school crying and asking mom "whats a FAGGOTT???". Well my mom, who reads so many books, feigned ignorance and suggested we look it up. Keen! So we did. Well it said 'its a bundle of sticks for burning'. And with great finality she closed the dictionary with a satisfied look on her face. I walked away thinking it didnt make sense that kids were calling me a bundle of sticks. But deep in my heart I did figure something out-dont talk about it.

Anita Bryan,who was a christian, spoke out against homosexuality. At the same time the Briggs Intutive was up in California(firing you if your gay and a teacher). GODHATESFAGS signs up. I didnt say anything to anybody. The shame was swallowing me up. I would cry to GOD to make me straight. but at the same time didnt really talk to God about it. Because of all the antigaygod stuff-I didnt feel safe to talk to anyone about it. I knew deep deep whithin my heart that GOD has forsaken me cause God does indeed hates fags. The Do's and Dont's became lead around my belly and I stopped going to church when I was 15.

[Parade Orange]

Now flash to my early 20's I am working and going to school and getting stoned and drunk all the time. Playing Dungeons n Dragons. Petending I am a straight redneck and getting my girlfriend pregnant. Not talking about God or Homosexualalty. Just being who I am not. Living with a roommate (straight redneck cowboy) and doing what I thought was manly stuff.

I just got off of work and there was a knock on my door. My roomate answered the door and and told me a guy is giving away free books. I said "sure!" I like to read. The book was 'The Great Contraversy'. I couldnt beleive what I had in my hands! I felt like God dropped this precious book in my hands! He wanted me? I ran out of the house looking for that man who gave my roomate that book. He was very stoic and not interested in me or what I had to say. He said he wasnt a SDA. I ran back home not understanding his indifference.

In those three years in church I never read this book(or any other EGW book for that matter). I looked up the Table of Contents and spyed the last chapter-Contraversy Ended.

I read how I would be outside the KINGDOM watching JESUS die for me! u mean I would watch JESUS DIE for me!!! and it was too late to accept His Gift!!!!! AAARRRHGGGHHH! I couldnt bare that thought and fell to my knees in deep repentence.

[Parade Orange]

I read my posts and I typoed Anita Bryan-its Anita Bryant. Sorry Anita if your reading this! anyway I will share more and its darker.

I became a new creature in Christ that Day. I contacted my small town church ole friends and started to go to church again! Praise God-I was home. We fellowshipped every Sabbath! We went caroling and witnessed together. We had Sat. nights together with popcorn and a G rated movie. We made homemade icecream. We cleaned out old people houses together and painted strangers homes. We were a Family. They were there when I was forced to quit my job over the Sabbath. My Minister and church family rejoiced with me in my Testimony. We prayed, We Loved, We Shared.

I loved my little country Church!

I became a Bible Story Salesman. I became a deacon with keys to the church. I became a Sabbath School Teacher.

and more importantly.. I fell in love with JESUS!

but

I still couldnt talk about my problems. As wonderful as my church was It still was a republican,legalistic,white,worksdriven,homophobic,small town congregation. I would test various people with innocent questions-Testing the waters in private to see if there was a really safe person to talk to.

I realized that this wasnt a place I can go to for support.

I may have been mistaken but I was watching. It was good as long as I was good.

I went to my parents home to do washing one sunday and they were at work. I was sitting at the table and a really different thought came to my head out of the blue."there is porno upstairs in your parents closet". I laughed knowing that was the devil cause I havent entertained those kind of ideas in ages. I still struggled with those thoughts at the time and looked at men but always chastized myself for it and cried to God. I didnt know what to do with em. I couldnt talk about em. I dared not go to a christian book store and buy a book about it cause people will see and definatly talk! My church loved to talk about others. I cringed when I thought I might become the topic of 'prayer'! In my prayer Journal- I left out my gay issues cause what would happen if I should die and my church family found out!!! I wouldnt be known as the SabbathSchool Teacher or 'that nice young christian bible Salesman'. I would be known as a reprobate or a sodomite. So its me alone fighting my demons that haunted me since I was 12.

So here I was in my poarents home knowing the devil was tempting me. I wish I have never went upstairs to look for my parents porn.

[Parade Orange]

Lets fast foward a few months later.

I am going out by day selling Jesus books(The Great Contraversy as well) and at night going to Gay bars. Getting drunk and spending the night with strangers.We didnt get much sleep! I was very cute and very young and very aggressive when drinking. I had a small town macho persona that I worked. And I became the Belle of the ball.

Going to church was harder and I did manage to share my struggle(out of shame and desperation) with an elderly lady at church and she wept over me and prayed over me. It was our secret... for awhile. One night in the bar- I actually bumped into a guy I tried to sell books earlier that year. That wasnt good! I also met quite a few gay SDA's that I went to school with. The percentage of gays in the SDA's outnumber the society numbers it seemed. I couldnt live a double life anymore and I confessed to the board that I was gay and asked to have my name name blotted out from the churchmembership- I didnt want to put the church and Jesus to shame anymore. They have asked me not to be in the kitchen(fellowship potluck) cause of AIDES( I am not infected to this day) and I remember my minister who used to rejoice with me couldnt talk to me and wouldnt look at me anymore. I said goodbye to God and went deeper and deeper into the Gay Lifestyle.

[Parade Orange]

I cant type anymore. I type like a chicken and I do want to share more. If anyone is interested.

[Taylor]

Gay4Jesus, I have never had the background or the struggles you have been through, but I admire your honesty and willingness to share. You have been through some pretty horrendous things in your life and I am sorry that as a child you had to experience such neglect and abuse! I have read what you wrote before about your conversion or snapshots of it, and all I can say is that Jesus loves you dearly and that he died for you. I hope you will continue to spend time with Jesus, growing in him daily. He is the only one who can get us through the tough times of life. Take care!

[Jeannieb43]

Dear friend G4J,

Yes, we're interested. Please continue as soon as you have the energy. Just reliving these dark days must be very painful for you. But please know there are those here on C/A who support you in your quest for Christian fellowship under very difficult circumstances.

On the days when you begin to feel sad and alone, please remember that many others are also alone and just facing each day bravely. It's always easier if one is in a committed marriage, but those good ones don't always last - and the bad ones are worse than none. So sexual orientation doesn't determine your happiness.

I call you my friend, because we've chatted here in the chat room. I'm so proud of the strength you've shown in coming through a tough childhood and youth. Remember, it won't be long now till Jesus comes. Then we'll all have perfect love in our lives, forever.

Sincerely,

[Parade Orange]

thanku 4 saying that friend.

I look forward to perfect love forever. I cant wait much longer.

I will continue my testimony of God's Goodness in a few days.

Meanwhile I wait to see others share!

please share

[Michelle]

My past seems so bland and milquetoast, but there have been a lot of internal struggles while the outside was calm. Raised in an Adventist home. My dad was a Literature Evangelist for about 10 years (well, LE, then assistant Pub. Dir, then Pub Dir). Went to SDA schools. Moved around and made new friends. Etc.

Then grade 10 came along. For about 2 years, my dad had been working under a Pub. Director who was a really "great guy" to everyone except his associate directors. As a kid, I really liked him. But he started doing worse and worse things to my Dad and several others of the associates (I think he was quite insecure for his job, because he always attacked the most successful leaders under him), till it came to the point that it was either get "transferred" or quit (or fired--I honestly don't remember after all these years). They of course pressured my dad to get the 'honorable' transfer, so that they wouldn't look bad. But my Dad stood up to them and said, no, I'm not going to cover up for you guys. So he was fired or quit.

I was 15. During that last year, my parents couldn't hide what was going on, so they told us a lot (doubt if they told us all) that this guy was doing and pulling. I had always so much admired the conference workers. I had grown up with them knowing me and me playing with their kids. Now to see this happen . . . . I couldn't believe it.

So I started separating myself from God. I figured that if God couldn't have stopped this from happening to my dad, I didn't want to have any more to do with him. I still went to church and didn't get in any more trouble than usual in my academy, but I was completely empty and hollow inside. This continued through academy. I think maybe one teacher reached out and tried to reach me, but most of them saw the mask and didn't look further.

I intended to attend state college, but my cousin, who teaches in the seminary at AU, convinced me to give AU a try. I went there and met my future DH there. But still it was all hollow inside.

It took going to China for me to really open myself up and cry out to God to help me. I remember that our SDA sending organization was going through some bad times (eventually closed down), and I asked one of the other English teachers, who was a former pastor in NY, how he had been able to deal with the stupid politics for as long as he had. He looked at me for a long time and, just as I was apologizing for having asked such an insensitive question, said very sadly, You're too young to have to know about all of that.

I still struggle constantly with separating the church's politics from my personal relationship with God. I am a very jaded and cynical person in many ways. I don't want to be, but I feel that I must protect myself from being hurt by the idiots. I have several friends whose fathers have had similar situations, and we all struggle with the church we were raised in. As two of these friends told me, on separate occasions, I'd leave the church but I don't know where I'd go. Kind of how I've felt.

Now I'm married to a man who is an administrator. He has gone through some nasty situations and I just hate it. It is difficult when you are the pastor's or principal's wife, because there is NOBODY with whom you can share problems. You end up bottling it all up or crying out to God to take it away and then wondering why it doesn't go away.

So there's my story, boring as it is. I actually wonder why I'm sharing it, but I was so touched by G4J's willingness to share that I decided to. Maybe I should just delete it.

M

[aka]

"I am a very jaded and cynical person in many ways. I don't want to be, but I feel that I must protect myself from being hurt by the idiots. I have several friends whose fathers have had similar situations, and we all struggle with the church we were raised in. As two of these friends told me, on separate occasions, I'd leave the church but I don't know where I'd go."

Michelle ... that is so just how I am inside of my heart to SDAism right now. Due solely by my 8 years of SDA online experience.

My sda-life where I live has never given me hurts directly by any of it's leaders or church members. I was close to it's politics but not involved enough to experience disappointment after having put trust in some man leader. The main burden of not feeling well with SDAism in my part of the world is the lack of Church profile identity or the measuring up to EGW's mission statements for the Church. Being part of the ecumenical movement is no hard thing to adjust to and that is what hurts me most.

I have names and mental pictures of such wonderful true SDA's here in my part of the world. Wonderful in the sense of meaning me being able to see Jesus in them in their actions and words. So my fuss with the SDA.org politics is not so actute as most of what you all cope with because of my lovely SDA believers I know and because of the new sda church I am now regularly attending weekly for the last months. Not new as a church to me because of visiting off and on there over many years. The new road is finished to that town and using it saves me a whole 40 minutes of drive. I still need to drive 55 minutes to reach it. They are so loving one another there as I have never experienced elsewhere. I have other positive things to report but know this is not the right topic thread for it.

Turmeric

[Jeannieb43]

So glad I came back to this thread this morning.

Michelle, your father's (and husband's) experiences are more common than not - sad to say. The politics of the SDA organization is just like the politics of any organization: those who are greedy and selfish will step all over anybody who's in their way. The only consolation is that they'll all come tumbling back down again, sometime. It's the secure, steady, unselfish mainstream, Godly men and women without personal ambition, whom you can always trust and count on. And since they don't seek "higher office," the good ones usually can't spare you from the meanness of the bad ones.

Here I need to say that the SDA organization is NOT a hierarchical organization, in spite of what the conference "officials" seem to think. The power is at the grass roots -- the pastors and teachers -- because that is where souls are won and saved for the Kingdom. Our officials sometimes forget that they work for US, not vice versa. [Knowing this gives little comfort, however, if one is being battered by those officials.]

I've been "in the work" and know something of the stress it places on those in pastoral work and school administrators in particular. There's never enough money for the things you need to do, and so MUCH "busy work" is required of you [score-keeping, I call it] so the Conference can rate your effectiveness. (Which is NOT a good way of measuring effectiveness, by the way.)

When I was on the faculty in one of our Adventist colleges, was engaged to be married, one of the college officials began circulating a false rumor about me, disparaging my morals. Turns out she was just jealous. It was a horrible few weeks for me.

I've lived long enough to see that it's the LEAST charismatic, LEAST brilliant, LEAST intelligent members of my college graduating class - who have "risen" to being Presidents of Conferences and of Unions and even of NAD. They are NOT there by virtue of their skills and ability; they're there by accident - by "knowing the right people." The truly bright ones have instead written books, have stayed in pastoral or teaching ministries, etc. And that's why we have some Union Conferences making such unwise mandates of their conference personnel -- all just in order that the President can say "See this Great Babylon which I have built."

So please don't feel you're alone when you run into this type of thing.

The gossipy, power-hungry, selfish people will always be with us. But remember, "the Lord looks on the heart." Truth will come out, if we are patient.

God bless you. You're making a difference in the lives of those you touch. A good motto is: Bloom where you are planted.

[Robert]

You don't have enough room for me to tell my story....But I'll tell you this: Until the local Adventist's churches renounce their legalistic gospel and preach the truth as it is "in Christ" I won't be attending. Been there, done that, won't do it again....