Work in a hospital? Try this.

[Amelia]

[]http://images.ucomics.com/comics/cl/2005/cl050816.gif[/]

[Amelia]

Many of our medical types dont visit humor. So I bring humor to them. So there <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/tongue1.gif" alt="" />

[Fran]

Thanks Amelia!

I read them and sometimes I can't stop laughing.

[LifeHiscost]

Quote:

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Amelia said:

Many of our medical types dont visit humor. So I bring humor to them. So there

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I'm not sure whether to put this in World Affairs, Town Hall, or Humor. Maybe somebody who knows how can put it where it belongs and just leave a notification as to where it found a final resting place.

actual 2004 headlines and subsequent snide remarks.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

[no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

[now that's taking things a bit far!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

[what a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace

[i can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

[you think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

[who would have thought!]

Enfield (! London) Couple Slain;Police Suspect Homicide

[they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

[weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

[boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

[Did I read that sign right?]

In an Office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES

WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE

BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE

DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE

BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELLDOESN'T WORK)

AS SEEN:

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."

(and that would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(but, it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."

(well....duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."

(..and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."

(but wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(..I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."

(as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."

(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts - "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

[:"red"] "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine."Prov