cricket Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Well, that's a weird wish. Why? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woody Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Well, that's a weird wish. Why? So you could truly know that of which you speak. Quote May we be one so that the world may be won. Christian from the cradle to the grave I believe in Hematology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aldona Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 I doubt anyone here can answer this question, but do pastor's wives really want to be close friends with anyone? In my experiences, they tend to be stand-offish and unwilling to befriend anyone. I'm sure it works both ways. Regular members are reluctant to open up and be close friends with the pastor's wife, fearing that anything they say will find its way to the pastor. Pastor's wife is reluctant to open up and be close friends with members of the congregation, fearing that anything she says will be blabbed all over the church, accurately or not. Both parties are reluctant to open up and be close friends, knowing that in a couple of years the pastor and his wife will probably be moved on. AJ Quote www.asrc.org.au (Asylum Seeker Resource Centre, Melbourne)Helping over 2000 refugees & asylum seekers each monthIMSLP/Petrucci Music LibraryThe Public Domain Music Score Library - Free Sheet Music DownloadsLooking for classical sheet music? Try IMSLP first! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ted Oplinger Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 I have no desire to be a pastor's spouse. I simply asked a question. Do pastor's wives really want to be close, personal friends with others? In my personal experience and relationships I've have with pastor's wives, I find that close, personal friendships are few and far between. Your experiences may be different. It was only a question--not an expression of a desire to be a pastor's spouse. Wherever did you draw that idea? Joining in this thread a bit late... Cricket, you pose a good question - do pastor's wives really desire to be close personal friends with congregants? From my observations locally, it would appear this could correlate well with both the length of time they expect to stay at a particular district, whether that district has the resources meeting their family needs (like a strong, well-run church school), and whether that wife desired to set up her own complimentary ministry separate from her husband's. Length of time: One pastor at my church was the last stop on his tenure. He stayed for 10 years and put down roots. His wife set up a choir ministry which still goes strong today, even though her husband has been retired for over 10 years now. She is well networked within our church - even more so than her husband. Since he retired, the longest we have had a pastor has been 5 years. Only one of those wives (our current one) desired to make close, personal friendships with anyone at either church in our district. Most were cold and distant - nice acquaintances, but not personal friends. Not a single one of them has a ministry she calls her own. I would suspect that this is a defense mechanism in coping with the severe stress of the pastor's job requirements - the lack of desire to add the emotional stress of leaving dear friends in addition to moving locales. I would also venture to extend that to pastor's children as well. What pastors and their families go through in ministries is very similar to families of those serving in the military and living on base - and moved very often. The difference here, though, is that wives and families on base have access to a support group (formal or not) to help with the struggles of coping. I don't think our pastors - or their wives - have such a network in our church. Food for thought, Quote "As iron sharpens iron, so also does one man sharpen another" - Proverbs 27:17 "The offense of the cross is that the cross is a confession of human frailty and sin and of inability to do any good thing. To take the cross of Christ means to depend solely on Him for everything, and this is the abasement of all human pride. Men love to fancy themselves independent. But let the cross be preached, let it be made known that in man dwells no good thing and that all must be received as a gift, and straightway someone is offended." Ellet J. Waggoner, The Glad Tidings "Courage is being scared to death - and saddling up anyway" - John Wayne "The person who pays an ounce of principle for a pound of popularity gets badly cheated" - Ronald Reagan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeb Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Quote: What pastors and their families go through in ministries is very similar to families of those serving in the military and living on base - and moved very often. The difference here, though, is that wives and families on base have access to a support group (formal or not) to help with the struggles of coping. I don't think our pastors - or their wives - have such a network in our church. Ted, I would say that the support network exists in pretty much every church. I think it's more of a choice as to whether or not the pastors and their families want to use it. Yes, people who are not in their exact position cannot understand everything they go through, but that's true for everyone. No one understands everything everyone else goes through, but that doesn't keep people from making friends and getting personal support. I think this once again goes back to the trust in God thing. Are we really going to trust Him to make sure we have everything we need. If we don't we will withdraw and try to deal with everything ourselves. Voice of experience speaking here so don't think I'm judging anyone. Quote Liberty cannot be established without morality, nor morality without faith.Alexis de Tocqueville Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cricket Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Originally Posted By: cricket Well, that's a weird wish. Why? So you could truly know that of which you speak. Woody, I don't understand what it is you think I "spoke". I wish you'd explain better to me what it is you think I said. Use my words, but don't alter them, when you give me that explanation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cricket Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I'm sure it works both ways. I'm sure it does too, but in my experience, when I have opened up it seems to only work one way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OzarkWoman Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Pastor's wife is reluctant to open up and be close friends with members of the congregation, fearing that anything she says will be blabbed all over the church, accurately or not. AJ There is another part that you forgot. I now have a total FEAR of being close to any pastor's wife since the last one did the blabbing all over church about me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators debbym Posted June 24, 2013 Administrators Share Posted June 24, 2013 Quote: There is another part that you forgot. I now have a total FEAR of being close to any pastor's wife since the last one did the blabbing all over church about me. i am sorry you had this experience, sounds like it was very painful. Pain is something the enemy really loves to cause and use. I am thankful God can take any pain and bring something good from it. Quote deb Love awakens love. Let God be true and every man a liar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woody Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Originally Posted By: aldona Pastor's wife is reluctant to open up and be close friends with members of the congregation, fearing that anything she says will be blabbed all over the church, accurately or not. AJ There is another part that you forgot. I now have a total FEAR of being close to any pastor's wife since the last one did the blabbing all over church about me. A case in point Aldona Quote May we be one so that the world may be won. Christian from the cradle to the grave I believe in Hematology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil D Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Boy, What are you guys going to do when the time of trouble comes and you are forced out of your homes, can't buy or sell, and can't survive in the wild??? Pastors are burned out for the very reason that you are alone during the time of trouble....you are alone.... And you feel it....and you wish for something more....and it could be possible if you have a bit more faith...or if the head elder had a bit more faith...or the head deacon...or the pianist....or the last deacon you laid hands on.... You got to learn to trust against the odds....Pastors do it 24/7/365....How often do you do it??? I guess the to identify what the problem is for pastors is that they have no one to network with except lazy, poor, disgruntled human beings whom they pray for everyday....When ws the last time you told your pastor that he was appreciated for his service to the church? When was the last time you told your head deacon that? or the pianist or the 2nd Elder? In fact, when was the last time you said something of faith to those same people? You know that your pastor said to you at least once, "I have faith that you and God will do the right thing"..... Yeeeah, when was that last time you "pressed together" and brought something from Costco for your church member because it's 2 hours away and you were in the neighborhood doing business? When was the last time you went to your brother's house and talk with him, for no real reason except to visit with him? Or just called him...? Folks, it's time to press together...It's time to network....It's time to let other church members that they are important too.... Quote Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. George Bernard Shaw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cricket Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Who says we're not already doing that??? ::scratches head:: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeb Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Quote: You got to learn to trust against the odds....Pastors do it 24/7/365....How often do you do it??? What makes you think pastors don't have the exact same failings as the members of their congrations have? Are they not just as human? Ever met/heard_of a pastor who admits they went for years in their ministry without being converted? Lack of trust in God is a human issue, not a problem that pastors are immune to. Quote Liberty cannot be established without morality, nor morality without faith.Alexis de Tocqueville Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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