Administrators Gail Posted September 7, 2005 Administrators Share Posted September 7, 2005 What is it that makes people bond together? Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Nan Posted September 7, 2005 Moderators Share Posted September 7, 2005 The obvious answer is superglue....but I guess you are looking for the non obvious <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Depends. There are positive and negative types of bonding. There is the dependancy bond created between parent and child immediately after birth. There are bonds created when two people have shared goals, dreams, interests, and ideas. There are bonds created when two people share physical intimacies. There are also bonds created through shared trauma. All types of bonds, however, stem from a single universal spiritual principle. It can be a spiritual principle applied as Abba designed, or it can be a human, and thus sinful, application of the principle which further binds us into sin. Bonds we develop are the overflowing of our search to fill our spirit with the communion with Him lost to us when our first parents fell to sin. It is our frail and pale echo of an attempt to assuage the perpetual loneliness that comes from separation from Abba. When the bonds we form and enter into are in according with His Will, those attempts are no longer frail, the bonds no longer ephemeral, but eternal. When the bonds we develop are not in accordance with Biblical teachings, or based on sin, such as extra-marital physical intimacy, then we find that we are entangled in unsatisfactory efforts to fill the void in our life that is filled to completion only through Abba and True Jesus. JMHO Clio Quote A heart where He alone has first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted September 7, 2005 Author Administrators Share Posted September 7, 2005 This is all very good Now, what else I would like to know is, can you will yourself to bond to someone, like talk yourself into it, or is there some "magic" or chemistry that helps the bonding process? For example: if a mother doesn't bond naturally with a child, can she "work on it" or try to bond? Or a victim of abuse or trauma that has hindered the process- can the ability to bond be healed? Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Bravus Posted September 7, 2005 Moderators Share Posted September 7, 2005 There are two main ways - in covalent bonding they share their electrons, in ionic binding they donate them and form a lattice. There are lots of variations on the theme, too - hydrogen bonding, van der Waals forces, and so on... Quote Truth is important Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Hmmmmmm. Good questions Gail. What we're really getting into here are soul-ties. Parents who do not naturally bond with their child generally have deep seated strongholds protecting trauma and emotional injury in their own lives. Even if it's not readily apparent. IMO, and I stress it is only opinion, the only healing possible in these areas is through the healing blessing of the Holy Spirit. Or years of therapy. And apart from the Holy Spirit, I don't really believe years of therapy will work. As far as "working" on a bond? Yes, I do think you can develop intimacy. I also think that intimacy is the basis for all bonding. And intimacy doesn't necessarily mean sexual intimacy. It means emotional intimacy, the opening and making oneself vulnerable in all ways to the one with whom you wish to bond. I think that holds true for all positive bonds that one might wish to develop. I would also say that since these types of bonds have their basis in a spiritual principle, that bonds cannot be forced, only nurtured and wooed into existence. The same foundation principle that operates in Abba's Kingdom relating to forcing of free will under-pins this as well. Abba will not force us to accept salvation, nor will He force us to love Him. He calls on us with love, nurture, and wooing, to develop a bond with Him so strong that it cannot be broken. Surely His love and compassion, when prayed for and earnestly desired, can be placed in someone's heart to enable them to "work" on a bond. But it stops short of forcing the other person from accepting or developing their bond with the one seeking to bond with them. I'm thinking this out as I type, so it may be about as clear as mud. Morning Glory might have some insights here... I hope she happens along and adds her 2cents worth. Clio Quote A heart where He alone has first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/tongue1.gif" alt="" /> So... do I have a covalent or ionic bond with my hubby? Maybe iconic? Quote A heart where He alone has first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Bravus Posted September 7, 2005 Moderators Share Posted September 7, 2005 Possibly... <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I guess it depends what's symbolised by the electrons, really: my Suzie and I share everything, so we're most likely covalent. I could get silly and see we have equal electronegativity so we share the electrons pretty evenly, but dispersion forces sometimes result from minor charge imbalances one way or another, but that would be extending a metaphor just one step too far! Quote Truth is important Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Jeannieb43 Posted September 7, 2005 Moderators Share Posted September 7, 2005 </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> Bravus said: Possibly... <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I guess it depends what's symbolised by the electrons, really: my Suzie and I share everything, so we're most likely covalent. I could get silly and see we have equal electronegativity so we share the electrons pretty evenly, but dispersion forces sometimes result from minor charge imbalances one way or another, but that would be extending a metaphor just one step too far! <hr /></blockquote><font class="post"> Wow! I'm impressed. <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It must be nice to know so much scientific stuff. Keep teaching us, please. <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> Quote Jeannie<br /><br /><br />...Change is inevitable; growth is optional.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LynnDel Posted September 7, 2005 Moderators Share Posted September 7, 2005 In my opinion it all depends on the individuals involved. Some people have bondable personalities; some don't. I don't know if someone can make a bond by thinking, "I will bond or else." It comes more as a result of reaching out to the other person to help, and receiving a response that finds a niche in your own heart. Sometimes that does not happen on one side or the other. I find in my teaching that there is a bond between me and some of my students, and others not so much or at all. Usually the more emotionally needy students reach out to me more, and I reach out to them more. But if there's a student who writes "F-U" on my walls, slashes room decorations with a razor, and doesn't meet me in the eyes when I talk with him on any subject at all (I remember one such student in 1994), I find it pretty hard to get bonded. His guilt puts a wall up between us. LD Quote LD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amelia Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 pheromones Quote <p><span style="color:#0000FF;"><span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">"Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you."</span></span> Eph 4:29</span><br><br><img src="http://banners.wunderground.com/weathersticker/gizmotimetemp_both/US/OR/Fairview.gif" alt="Fairview.gif"> Fairview Or</p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fran Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Amelia; Right on the money! Isn't it amazing at the number of people that just don't have any? Quote The greatest want of the world is the want of men who will not be bought or sold, men who in their inmost souls are true & honest, men who do not fear to call sin by its right name, men whose conscience is as true to duty..., men who will stand for the right though the heavens fall.{Ed 57.3} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LynnDel Posted September 8, 2005 Moderators Share Posted September 8, 2005 I hope it was nothing in my post that made you think of pheromones, Amelia! I don't think pheromones have anything to do with Gail's question, unless she was being excessively subtle (were you being excessively subtle, Gail?) <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Some people have an easy time bonding because they've done it successfully lots of times. There are others of us who haven't had so many opportunities, for one reason or another. It's a muscle we haven't had a chance to use often, and we tend to fence part of ourselves off from the madding crowd in the interest of self-protection. *deleting excessive self revelation* But hey, I love you all anyway, and you make me feel loved, too. I would call it cyber bonding, but Cyber Guy thinks it's his word and I refuse to pay a toll for using it. LD Quote LD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeHiscost Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Quote: Gail said: What is it that makes people bond together? [:"red"] "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." [/] John 13:35 KJV [:"red"] "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." [/] Proverbs 18:24 KJV Cliche': They don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. ((((((( ))))))) Keep the faith! Quote Lift Jesus up!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted September 8, 2005 Author Administrators Share Posted September 8, 2005 Oooooooooooooo.... group hug! Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil D Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Quote: ...pheromones... Hmmmmm....as one who has been accused of having ADHD by a professional teacher :eyesroll:, this brings into question the theory of poor pheromones distributation by those having ADHD. This must mean that there is no bonding among those of us having ADHD.....at least thru the concept of cyber-pheromones.... Quote Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.  George Bernard Shaw  Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LynnDel Posted September 8, 2005 Moderators Share Posted September 8, 2005 I know nothing about the relationship of ADHD and pheromones, but it looks like you chose a valuable topic to study, Neil, considering the circumstances (ahem). I have noticed that some who are "diagnosed" as having significant ADHD relate differently and more distantly to others than those who have not been given that diagnosis. Please note that I emphasized "some" - because I also have developed closer than normal relationships with students who were unable to sit in a chair or keep from interrupting me while I gave instructions. I don't know if that says more about my constantly-developing patience through the grace of God (I am not naturally a patient person), or about how each individual is different. LD Quote LD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted September 8, 2005 Author Administrators Share Posted September 8, 2005 LynnDel, ... excessively subtle... hmm... Sounds like a good title to me! <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Naomi Posted September 8, 2005 Administrators Share Posted September 8, 2005 </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> LynnDel said: Some people have an easy time bonding because they've done it successfully lots of times. There are others of us who haven't had so many opportunities, for one reason or another. It's a muscle we haven't had a chance to use often, and we tend to fence part of ourselves off from the madding crowd in the interest of self-protection. *deleting excessive self revelation* <hr /></blockquote><font class="post"> </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> Neil D said: </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> ...pheromones... <hr /></blockquote><font class="post"> Hmmmmm....as one who has been accused of having ADHD by a professional teacher :eyesroll:, this brings into question the theory of poor pheromones distributation by those having ADHD. This must mean that there is no bonding among those of us having ADHD.....at least thru the concept of cyber-pheromones.... <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <hr /></blockquote><font class="post"> Neil, I knew there was something that I really like about you. <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I have been diagnosed by a professional psy as having Attention Deposit Disorder. It seems to often accompany dyslexia. Is that a double dose of poor pheromones distributation? <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> OTOH, LynnDel observed that perhaps it's a muscle (those who perhaps don't bond easily) haven't had a chance to use often. Actually I was a very introverted child and youth. My need to support myself and 3 children came from forcing me out of office work and into sales. A seasoned "salesman" told me that you'll never met anyone with whom you don't have something. He said everyone has the same needs and desires, they only show their needs differently. Armed with this knowledge I worked to find a common bond with everyone I met. Today only my insistence on having alone, private time would be a clue that I am basically the same person. As for ADHD, I do so much better in an employment environment that allows me to move around and not restrict me too much. Everyone who knows me knows that I do not sit still for long in meetings, will stand up, walk around or wiggle (as quietly as possible). <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> LOL Imagine being seated beside me on an airplane! <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/smilie_zoom.gif" alt="" /> I do think there is a chemical attraction that draws people together. A common interest, All I know that I love you all. Gail count me in that group hug <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> {{{CA Members}}} Naomi Quote If your dreams are not big enough to scare you, they are not big enough for God Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeHiscost Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Quote: Gail said: Oooooooooooooo.... group hug! I was wondering if it would be obvious as to what was trying to be said. And you did it so well. A small case in point of how we each need each other in some way. And when someone loses their way or attempts to put down someone they don't understand, we all lose a part of our better selves. [:"red"] " Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails... " [/] 1 Cor 13:4-8 Brackets, parenthesis theirs, bold mine LHC How could one not bond to this except we were totally opposed to our Father's kingdom to come? Blessings! Quote Lift Jesus up!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil D Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Quote: I have been diagnosed by a professional psy as having Attention Deposit Disorder. I have that as well...Only mine occures when I put too much money down for an item and the clerk takes it. Lately, it has been occuring everytime I make a purchase, especially with gassoline...:P Quote Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.  George Bernard Shaw  Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Naomi Posted September 10, 2005 Administrators Share Posted September 10, 2005 </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> Neil D said: [i have that as well...Only mine occures when I put too much money down for an item and the clerk takes it. <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Lately, it has been occuring everytime I make a purchase, especially with gassoline... <hr /></blockquote><font class="post"> As the tank fills, the billfold empties! Quote If your dreams are not big enough to scare you, they are not big enough for God Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil D Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Quote: Naomi said: As the tank fills, the billfold empties! Billfold? Whatsa billfold???? Is that sometin that holds those green papers that other seem to cherish? Quote Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.  George Bernard Shaw  Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Quote: Neil D said: Quote: I have been diagnosed by a professional psy as having Attention Deposit Disorder. I have that as well...Only mine occures when I put too much money down for an item and the clerk takes it. Lately, it has been occuring everytime I make a purchase, especially with gassoline... Hahaha Neil! No kidding! Money talks.....mine says "bye bye". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Naomi Posted September 10, 2005 Administrators Share Posted September 10, 2005 </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> Taylor said: Hahaha Neil! No kidding! Money talks.....mine says "bye bye". <hr /></blockquote><font class="post"> Taylor, ROFLOL Your money must be related to my money. It says only two words! <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Naomi Quote If your dreams are not big enough to scare you, they are not big enough for God Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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