Frightened by church

[Gail]

Here is an article I got from the TED newsletter:

 

 

By Torben Bergland

 

I was conducting a workshop at a conference for young Adventist in Norway. The title of the workshop was simply: ‘So, what do we do?’ We challenged the participants to share their vision of what we need to do in the church and discuss what their contribution could be. After the workshop, two young women in the early twenties came up to me. They told me of their vision, but confided that they had not dared to raise their voices and share it with the other participants. Their vision was a “taboo-free church”. They shared how the church actually frightens them, because, as they phrased it: “The things that ought to be the least taboos, are the greatest taboos”. They listed the taboos within the church: “Eating disorders, depression, mental disorders, alcohol, addiction, sex, violence, homosexuality, divorce and family issues”.

 

The shame of brokenness

Taboos. Frightened by the church. One of the two said: “I don’t even know why I am here”. Fortunately she was. I believe she was there because she wants to belong. But, in meeting the church, the shame of struggling in life, the shame of being broken, is triggered, is turned into fear, a fear that potentially could drive her away from church. Real people have real problems. If we want to be relevant, we have to deal with the problems people actually have. Shame is a real problem. Rather than spending lots of resources discussing issues that have a marginal impact on our lives, imagine if we gathered our best thinkers within theology, counselling, psychology and psychiatry to work out; how are we as a church going to deal with the problem of shame. Imagine what impact that may have had on people’s lives, what relevance that might have had for people inside and outside the church. Real people have real problems, and these should be the focus of our church.

 

The reconciliation

In 2 Corinthians 5, I feel that I have glimpsed into how powerful the message of the reconciliation might in relieving human suffering, and especially in relieving our problem of shame. And I will say, maybe even more powerful and effective than what I as a psychiatrist have to offer my patients. If this is the case, then we have something the people of this world really need, and that is, whether they are inside or outside the church.
In 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 (NIV) we read: ‘17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become righteousness of God.’

Reconciliation? Why do we need the reconciliation? What is there to reconcile?

In the Garden of Eden, there was no need for reconciliation. Adam and Eve were living in harmony with God, in harmony with themselves, with each other and with nature. There was nothing to reconcile, because nothing was broken.

 

Nakedness and hiding

In Genesis 3:5 we read: ‘Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.’ Adam and Eve were ‘naked’ physically, mentally and spiritually, they could be exactly who they were in the presence of God and each other, without any feeling of shame. But then sin entered and the existential reality of man changed:

Genesis 3:8-10: ‘8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called the man, “Where are you?” 10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”’

After the fall, being naked, showing the truth of who I am, became intolerable. Being naked provokes shame. Adam didn’t say that he felt guilty because he had eaten of the tree. No, his reason for hiding was that he was naked. While guilty is associated with what we do, shame is associated with who we are. Guilt is the feeling of having done something wrong; shame is the feeling of being wrong, of being flawed. You can repent of having done something wrong, but you cannot repent of being flawed. This distinction between guilt and shame is important, because while guilt may lead to repentance and a desire for forgiveness, shame leads to hiding, separation and loneliness. Shame drives us away from the ones we need most. Shame is poison to relationships, any relationship, including the God-man relationship. It makes us withdraw and hide, as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden.

 

The broken relationships

In the fall, we were broken and our relationships, which are the foundation of our existence, were broken. Our relations to God: Expelled from the garden. Not seeing God face to face anymore. Man’s relationship to Eve, man’s relationship to the woman, and through that, our relationships to one another: Broken, not severed, but broken, imperfect, being good and evil. Our relationship to nature: Cursed because of man’s fall. Being good and evil.
The order God had created was changed. God created everything good. Man was in harmony with God, with himself, with his companion and with nature. But sin entered. The world was changed. The world was no longer good – it was good and evil. It was a world man was not created for. And this is the world we now live in. This is the world we will live in until the final restoration, the establishment of the New Earth.

 

Broken people in a broken world

So, we are broken people in a broken world. And so it will be until the New Earth creation. Yet, we are called into the reconciliation and to walk in the restoration of what was broken. But the relationships are only partially restored. We suffer from the brokenness, some times more severely than others. In this we are frustrated and grieve the consequences of the brokenness.

 

The new reality

This is where the good news comes to us. Man’s brokenness is no longer counted against him. We still have to suffer the consequences of our brokenness, but to God, our brokenness does not matter, it does not separate us anymore. God has reconciled us, and we are free to move into the restoration of the relationships that were broken in the fall. ‘…the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!’ (2 Cor 5:17.18). The new reality that we live in is the one where God is not ‘counting people’s sins against them’. (2 Cor 5:19) Yes, we sin and God knows it. We are not what we should be, what God created us to be, but God does not hold that against us. Our brokenness does not separate us from God. We are guilty, but we need not be ashamed.

I am no longer defined by my brokenness, my sinfulness or by Adam’s fall. I am defined by what Jesus did on the cross. I no longer carry my shame. Jesus has taken it from me. My identity is no longer that of a sinner. My identity is that by the grace of God and the merits of Jesus, I am a righteous man. I am free. This liberates me to live the life I was created for. A life in connectedness with God, myself, others and the rest of creation. This is the reality that we are commissioned to reveal to the world. The world does not know it. The world does not know that we are no longer defined by our brokenness. The world does not know that were free to live as if we are healed. The world does not know that we free to live as if our relationship to God and each other is restored. The world is in the grip of shame, the unworthiness of being what we were not created to be, and in the grip of the suffering, pain and despair that goes with it.

 

Ambassadors of reconciliation

Paul says that God ‘has committed to us the message of reconciliation’. (2 Cor 5:19). ‘We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors’ (2 Cor 5:20). We are the ones who can bring this good news of relief to our families, our friends, our colleagues, our neighbours, our countries, to the ends of the world. We are to be Christ’s ambassadors, revealing this message of conform and relief. God is making this appeal through us, as ambassadors, his diplomats to the world, proclaiming and sharing the new reality. If there ever were a diplomacy one should desire to enlist in, this is the one. There are no though terms, no tough requirements, and no tough negotiations. It is just telling others the good news they do not know, good news they have not heard yet – news so good that they might have trouble believing it really is true.

The unknowing will have questions for sure, tough questions. No one wants to hear good news, only to discover that it was not true. The unknowing will rather remain in a sober acknowledgment of the evident reality of our brokenness in the world, than suffer the disappointment of false hope of liberation. There will be resistance, there will be scepticism, there will be opposition from the forces set on maintaining the past order of things, the reality receding God’s unilateral act of reconciliation.

 

Transcending brokenness

God is calling us to receive the reconciliation. He is calling us, in our brokenness, to come to Him. Paul urges: ‘We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.’ (2 Cor 5:20). He has already done everything that needs to be done. It’s up to us to believe, accept and receive it, to let go of our shame, to let go of the old order of things, and to receive and embrace the new reality. We might struggle to understand the implications of the new reality. Once we have accepted the new reality, God is calling us to join his side. Relieving the unknowing of their pain and suffering and bring healing is of utmost importance to God. Why should they suffer needlessly? Why should they live under the shame and pain and brokenness when the new reality is that God already has reconciled everyone to himself?

We might struggle in making the reality of the reconciliation the basis of our lives and the foundation of our church. We might struggle in getting a grip on it as an intellectual concept, and even more, to get an experience of it as an existential reality. We need an experiential knowledge of it, to not only know it, but to feel it deep down within. We need it to change us, to change our perspective, to change our priorities, to change our lives and to change the world. The reality is already changed, but the world doesn’t know it. We are ambassadors to the world to fight the darkness, to fight the pain and suffering of the brokenness, that the truth may light up the world, set people free, and bring people back to God. Now is the time to reclaim what is His.

 

Beyond reconciliation

Our job is not done when we have conveyed the message of reconciliation. Our job is never done. The reconciliation is only the starting point of the new reality in God-man relationship. The restoration of the God-man relationship is the ultimate goal. Thus, the ministry of the restoration of the God-man relationship is a continual process while we are here on earth. Our job is to bring people of the world, whether inside or outside the church, into a real relationship with the God. Our churches, our fellowships must be places where the God-man relationship is nurtured, where it can flourish, grow stronger, richer and deeper.

The restoration of the God-man relationship is the ultimate purpose of God’s action in the world, the purpose of the cross, the purpose of the church. This must be foremost goal of the Seventh-day Adventist Church. This is Adventism, as I know it.

 

[Gail]

When people suffer from shame isn't the church a place where you WANT them to go?

[JoeMo]

When people suffer from shame isn't the church a place where you WANT them to go?

Only if the church is a "safe haven".  Most people (not just SDA's) do NOT consider their home church to be a safe haven.  Hopefully, those suffering from shame and guilt in the church at least have friends from church who are "safe havens".  So many people are more than willing to heap judgement and condemnation on those whom they perceive to be less righteous than themselves that many people with "issues" don't trust anyone at church enough to share their issues.

 

What percentage of people at church do you think are dealing with some kind of issue that distracts them fom God?  I would guess close to 100%.  When you ask a church member how they are doing, unless you are a very close trusted friend independent of church, they will say I'm fine/blessed/praising Jesus.  My guess is that I would be rich if I bet that most of them were being less than honest.

[LifeHiscost]

When people suffer from shame isn't the church a place where you WANT them to go?

I didn't have time to read the whole article but did feel it an important observation that the reason Jesus should be the first introduced when sharing ones' faith is largely because INMO, most individuals need to know not only His capability to deliver fom that which is destructive to them, but that He has utmost care for the one He's addressing, through His servants.

 

5"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing....John 15

 

God is Love!  Jesus saves! 

[Sojourner]

One point that I would like to make is that I feel this is an area where a church can have more than just one service and more than just one style of service. We have a standard format for the 10am Sabbath service, yet meetings that focus on youth and charasmatic renewal are relevant to the above post.

There is a church in Canada called "The meetinghouse". They stream their meetings online, often its Jeans and T Shirt on the platform, at the begining of the meeting the Pastor puts his mobile phone no on the data projector and if you have a question on the sermon you are asked to SMS it whilst the sermon is underway and at the end of the meeting he reviews the questions and dicusses them with the audience. Its a great format for a church meeting and something many of our own churches could no doubt benefit from if we were prepared to give it a try.

[Gregory Matthews]

In the congregation that I attend the phone number is projected on the screen.  At any time someone can text a question to the preacher and a response will be made immediately.

[Johann]

We have 69 members in our local church. I know that at least a couple of our members are not attending church becaue our local church has not helped them solve their personal problems. Others are not attending because they feel they are not able to follow our high standards. We need to pray for ourselves When I preach my ssermon next Sabbath I will be preaching to  myself as well.

[aka]

Brokeness, shame, reconciliation, all this was clearly presented in the well written article.

Thanks for posting it. Gail, over the years I've read online how  you showed always a reaching out to broken people.

 

Why is it especially in our sda churches that a supporting of our organisation i.e. giving of our time, talent and money, takes priority over ministering to the broken people full of shame sitting in our pews?

 

Gregory, are you saying that during the sermon the visitor or church member can phone the minister and right on the spot he reads the text and gives from the pulpit the answer to the question so asked?

[Gregory Matthews]

From Post # $:

 

 

Gregory, are you saying that during the sermon the visitor or church member can phone the minister and right on the spot he reads the text and gives from the pulpit the answer to the question so asked?

 

Yes, that is exactly what I am saying.

 

The pastor does not tell us who has asked the question.

 

Of course, the pastor can screen and refuse to ask any rude question.  In this case  the audience will know that this has been done.

 

Example:  Earlier this month, we had a guest preacher.  Someone texted in and asked a personal question (As I recall, it was a financial question.).  The text was read and the name given, (It was the pastors teen son!) and the guest  responded. NOTE:  This question was during an interview with the guest and not during the sermon.  But, the question could have been during the sermon.  Giving the name of the person who asked the question was a mix-up.  Normally that would not have been done.

[aka]

In the Canadian Messenger magazine on the last page is to be found three churches making an insert advertizing for the phone and address of missing church member for the sake of follow-up.   Now I read how your minister lets those sitting in the pews text him  their questions. I am really impressed. Yes, even overwhelmed with these two examples of creative innovative outreach by the Church to meet needs of those members fading away or upchurned with inner questions.   A far cry from this cartoon of a decade ago.....  

 

                            

[Gregory Matthews]

The pastor knows that some people will be using their smart phones, and tablets, to check their e-mail and to play games.  So, he simply wants to change the dynamic.  Now they sit there, listening to the sermon, with smart phone at the ready to text him a question. 

[debbym]

When people suffer from shame isn't the church a place where you WANT them to go?

Toxic shame is harmful it is relentless condemnation and inhibition of a person to even be themselves.

 

By faith in God's love for us, however broken we are, we are free to be our self in Christ and stand reconciled to God.

 

Healthy shame is social consciousness, and inhibits us from doing and saying things that are harmful to others.  And it does not attach itself to our being but just to behaviors.

 

Yes let everyone, and everyone is broken, be reconciled to God and to be true to themselves.  This cannot happen in our church relationships while we continue to be shaming towards the broken, and this we do unless our hearts are changed by the Love of God.  For everyone is a sinner, not just the whores and the drunks,  as sinner's were described in Jesus day.  The sin of religious self righteousness is far more dangerous to a person's eternal life.

 

Just because someone may be broken in a different way then you are does not make you superior or less of a sinner.

[LifeHiscost]

 

Just because someone may be broken in a different way then you are does not make you superior or less of a sinner.

Considering this re: to my own life, that is an astounding (maybe profound) reality.

 

10as it is written,

            “THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE;

      11THERE IS NONE WHO UNDERSTANDS,

            THERE IS NONE WHO SEEKS FOR GOD;

      12ALL HAVE TURNED ASIDE, TOGETHER THEY HAVE BECOME USELESS;

            THERE IS NONE WHO DOES GOOD,

            THERE IS NOT EVEN ONE.”...Romans 3

 

6For all of us have become like one who is unclean, And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment; And all of us wither like a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. ....Isaiah 64

 

The coincidental (providential?) irony of giving this text is that it was being repeated by pastor John Bradshaw on Hope channel just at the time I decided to answer the previous post.

 

Hope you all have a happy Sabbath!! 

 

God is Love!  Jesus saves! 

[phkrause]

Hope you all have a happy Sabbath!! 

 

God is Love!  Jesus saves! 

Back at ya!  

[debbym]

our Sabbath sermon yesterday was on Christian bigotry.  How we as Christians are vulnerable in our fallen nature to judge who is saved and who is not by how well those around us are performing according to our criteria of righteousness.  And broken people generally fail our evaluation.  and how we treat the saved differently.

 

This is truly altogether too common.

 

And it is a form of bigotry that is very damaging to the struggling who find church is not a safe place.

 

It was a timely sermon to this thread.

[aka]

Debby, it would be very helpful that here more about bigotry and prejudice be discussed.

That may be the root cause we are not loving one another.

 

Could you get more notes from the sermon and post them here?

 

We all are sinful sinners. We just ignore that we sin in different ways one from the other.

[debbym]

Thank-you for your response Yentyl,

 

While we are busy judging people we absolutely are not available to love them.  It is very easy for people to be busy judging others and  and not listening to them, understanding them and loving them.  In fact it is our nature to do this.

 

Without Jesus living in our heart love for others will not be produced, but rather self righteousness, self justification, and a false representation of the love of God is shown.  This drives other's away from God without exception.  God is the true friend to everyone.

 

Jesus could be with anyone and show them love and respect and kindness.  But we exclude other's from our friendship, and show our bigotry to those we feel are outside the kingdom of God.  This is what the religious elite did in Jesus day and brought the greatest grief to the heart of Christ.

 

We forget that  "Jesus is the light that lighteth every man that cometh into the world."  We do not have to fear someone because we believe that are not saved.   We can show God's love to everyone and demonstrate that everyone is being profoundly and equally loved and valued by God, including the Pope, and atheists, and the mentally ill, and whoever else we feel are beyond the love of God.  

 

Spiritual bigotry is the worst.  It leads the sufferer to stand between other's and the light of God's love and mercy shining from the throne of God.

[LifeHiscost]

I'm of the opinion that even after a lifetime of learning how to be what God wants to make of me, and remembering so many individuals I bruised along the way, how desperately I need a Savior.

 

God is Love!  Jesus saves!