The Patriarchal Shame Connection

[teresaq]

In light of the overwhelming evidence that egalitarian scholars have brought to the gender discussion in recent years, have you ever wondered why so many complementarians don’t seem to be listening to the biblical data? I mean really listening with willing, humble hearts and not just with critical minds??

Having just written about “The Strangle Hold of Shame” in my previous post, I feel the need to develop this theme of shame a little further, especially as it relates to the patriarchal mindset. I find myself wondering: Would John Piper ever permit himself to listen to Brene Brown speak on vulnerability and shame? Would he allow a woman to teach him about the hidden nemesis of his own soul and how perhaps the indwelling presence of shame is manifesting in his own theology?

Susanna Krizo recently posted an excellent response to John Piper’s “Sweet Blessings of Masculine Christianity” . In her comment feed on Facebook, I responded with these words:

“The key here is that men fear becoming effeminate” (a quote from Susanna’s post). I wonder if men like Piper fear becoming “effeminate” because to them it is a sign of WEAKNESS. According to Brene Brown’s studies on shame, appearing weak is what brings men their greatest shame. This would lead me to conclude that most of the complementarian package is being designed for men to avoid what they perceive is a “weak position” of letting a woman “lead” them.

It was immediately after I wrote these words that I began to see an unmistakable connection between patriarchalism/complementarianism and men’s fear and SHAME of appearing weak.

For a quick review, here is what Dr. Brene Brown’s TED’s talk said about shame being “organized by gender”:

For women: Shame demands that we “Do it, do it perfectly, and never let them see you sweat.”

For men: Shame demands only one thing: “Do not be perceived as weak”.

Now here are the 3 main connections I want you to notice:

1) Patriarchy began when shame began:

As I noted in my previous post, the origin of shame can be traced to the defining moment of Adam and Eve eating the forbidden fruit. Previous to this action, the narrative tells us that ”Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”

As the effects of the curse are being described to the woman, Genesis 3:16b adds this: “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Interestingly, the point most important for us to notice here is that shame and “male rule” originated at exactly the same time!!!

The shameless equality once enjoyed by men and women is now stained by the curse of sin, shame, male rule, and patriarchy.

2) Patriarchy’s greatest fear is revealed by Piper’s obsessive aversion to “weakness” (and the SHAME associated with weakness and vulnerability).

Complementarians will give lip service to words like masculine humility, and masculine service, but ONLY when these words are couched within a context of masculine strength.

In his article about “Masculine Christianity”, Piper’s use of “masculine” words are ALL words that avoid any appearance of “weakness” and NONE of these statements, as he applies them to men only, are affirmed in scripture:

i) “..male leadership with an ethos of tender-hearted strength..”

ii) “..making men lovingly strong and the women intelligently secure” (inferring that a woman’s security is derived from the man’s strength)

iii)…”the proper place of humble, strong, spiritual men in leadership…”

iv) “The men are so clearly strong and secure in their leadership…”

v) “The presence of masculine men and strong theology give the corporate worship a feel of strength that helps men discover and express…”

vi) The God of the Bible is overwhelmingly powerful and authoritative and often violent.

vii) [God’s] tenderness, gentleness and patience shine in their beauty “because of appearing in this dominant [masculine] light.”

viii) Preaching is “a forceful acclamation”….

ix) “The fear of strong preaching is part of the effeminizing of the church…”

x) “A wartime mindset and a wartime lifestyle will feel more natural.”

Note: In Piper’s article, “strong” is used once to describe women but ONLY if they submit to the patriarchal model and vision of “masculine Christianity” as defined by Piper himself.

3) Patriarchy’s self perpetuating structure of strength, power, and control is fueled by the men AND the women within the movement.

In her brilliant TED talk about shame, Brene Brown acknowledges that for the first 4 years of her research, she didn’t study men, only women. This omission was noticed by a man who had a few important words to add to this conversation and his insights were the catalyst for Brene’s research into the effects of shame on men. His comment went like this:

“Brene, the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else. You say ‘reach out, be vulnerable, tell your story’….but do you see those books you just signed for my wife and 3 daughters? They would rather I die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down [in weakness].”

You see, within the patriarchal and complementarian ideology, there are some very destructive myths being perpetuated by Piper’s “Masculine Christianity”:

–> Men are to be the strong, courageous, decisive, protecting, providing, spiritual leaders of the home and church. Men are the strong and courageous “knights on white horses”. Men will lead the Christian battle with Piper’s “wartime mindset” and with Piper’s “wartime lifestyle”.

–> Women are “strong” IF they accept this model. Piper instructs women to “relax and be more of their nurturing selves without fearing that they must work to create the ethos of God’s [masculine] grandeur lest it be lost because the men are not speaking it or modeling it.” In other words, Piper is perpetuating the cultural myth that men are to stay on their white horses and do ALL the grunt work while the women in their lives defer the battle to their knight-in-shining-armor-upon-his-white-horse, fighting the fight so that she can “relax” and “feel secure” in his manly strength.

–> Having established this model as the only way for men to be Masculine Christians, there is absolutely no room for a weary man to step off his horse or, God forbid, fall off of it. That would be the ultimate shame. Falling off his horse, or even choosing to walk beside it, is an “effeminate” thing for a man to do (according to Piper) and such a weakling would bring disappointment and shame to the women who look up to him upon his great white horse. This is the voice of shame for such men: “You can’t let your women down!!! The pressure is on!!! Ride on, you masculine soldiers, and never, ever fall off. If you’re not comfortable on top, bearing the full weight of authority and responsibility, then you’re not worthy to be called a Masculine Christian.”

It is my fear, and I believe the evidence I have presented substantiates this, that men who think like Piper will continue to have a very hard time facing their own shame and fears. The vulnerability it takes to explore the realms of shame will require an attitude of weakness, submission, and honesty. Quite frankly, I’m not sure their “Masculine Christianity” will survive such internal scrutiny. Their constant aversion to weakness and “effeminate” qualities tells me that they know their masquerade of strength is vital to their survival.

Sadly, the eyes of many in the world who know better are all wondering the same thing: Who will tell the emperor of Patriarchy that he isn’t wearing any clothing?

In stark contrast to the patriarchal emphasis, the Bible actually sends us a completely different message about strength. The well-known children’s song “Jesus loves me” reminds women AND men, girls and boys, that “we are weak but HE is strong”. Masculine Christian men don’t hold the monopoly on “strength”….only God does!!!

Psalm 20: 7: “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God”.

Psalm 28:7 : “The Lord is my strength and my shield”…

2 Corinthians 12: 9 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong”.

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What do you think? Do you see the connection between shame and patriarchy? Would complementarianism, as we know it today, begin to change if more of these men were listening to, and learning from, Brene Brown??

https://theologyconnect.wordpress.com/2014/01/25/the-patriarchal-shame-connection/#comment-48

[LifeHiscost]

Considering this text:

3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.....Matthew 18
 

it would seem the male gender, by and large, are on shaky ground when it comes to entering into the Kingdom of Heaven.

 

God is Love!  Jesus saves! 

[Johann]

Wow!

[teresaq]

On 10/26/2015, 9:55:33, LifeHiscost said:

it would seem the male gender, by and large, are on shaky ground when it comes to entering into the Kingdom of Heaven.

 

I have neither illusions nor delusions regarding the fairer sex. I'd say we're pretty much on equal ground when it comes to entering the kingdom of heaven. LOL