You might be an AD-ventist if....

[Clio]

Credits to sdanet.org and two of their posters... since I don't have permission to put their names out here, I won't. Especially since it looks like their emails might be live....

You might be an SDA if ...

• The first thing you do when you are introduced to a woman is to look at

  her ears.

  You went to a boarding academy that had two sidewalks one for boys and

  one for girls and the two never intersected. (So true)

  You know all the basic square dance steps, but only know how to execute

  them to march music.

  You go to youth meetings because you know there will be girls under the

  age of 65.

  You know how to play poker with Bible Authors cards and wheat thins.

  You have ever looked for the angels outside a movie theater.

  You have ever asked for a Veggie-whopper at Burger King.

  You are trying to follow the health message by being a vegetarian,but

  you go for seconds when the dessert tray comes around!

  You won't drink Coke/Pepsi, but can't pass up that Hershey bar.

  You take a helping of Nuteena because you actually like it, not out of

  courtesy.

  You pronounce "Adventist" as "AD-ventist" rather than "AdVEN-tist".

  You decide to go hear that new pastor across the county line because your

  church happens to be holding Communion this Sabbath. (ooops)

  You still feel guilty when you shower on Sabbath.

  You have all the "Egypt to Canaan" answers memorized (the 2nd oldest man in

  the Bible? Jared. He lived 962 years. Next question, please.)

  You know how to turn any sport into a Sabbath sport (Bible verse ping pong,

  Bible Verse basketball, Bible Verse football -- the winner of each point

  must

  recite a Bible verse. "Jesus Wept" may only be used once per game.)

  On Sabbath you catch yourself telling the children, "You may wade, but

  don't

  swim."

  Your kids can paddle around the pool/lake, but not splash, jump, or dive.

  You volunteer to ingather on a corner with a good view of the drive-in

  theater.

  If you offer to sing the carols rather than go door to door at ingathering

  time.

  You can calculate sundown in Lincoln City from the schedule printed in the

  Gleaner for Portland.

  You can tell the difference between Linketts and Vegelinks with your eyes

  closed.

  You got your sex education from mom handing you a book by Harold Shryock,

  MD.

  You felt mildly guilty reading Songs of Solomon during Week of Prayer.

  You have sex with your spouse, but you don't dance with her/him.

  You wear a Rolex watch but consider a wedding ring to be ostentatious.

  Your high school principal was an expert in female hemlines but was never

  considered risque.

  You participate in any kind of sport on Saturday, but you don't enjoy it.

  You know how to play Rook, but have never played Bridge or Hearts.

  You know what the terms "social" and "grand social" mean.

  You know that the bells ringing on Saturday evening in Loma Linda are the

  "all

  clear".

  You define "lay activities" as a Saturday afternoon nap.

  You have heard that SDA girls don't drink, don't smoke, don't dance,but

  sure

  know how to kiss.

  You know the 101 ways to prepare FriChik.

  You find yourself counting 10, 9, 8, 7...seconds before sundown Sabbath

  evening.

  You're a kid wondering if the earth will last long enough to get a

  girl(boy)friend.

  You get frustrated when the sun doesn't go down on Saturday night.

  You find yourself going to the local "Sizzler's" for Sabbath lunch with the

  excuse that, "it will only be a salad not a steak".

  You go to Sizzler's Friday afternoon to pay for the steak dinner Sabbath.

  You deliberately look for work in hospitals because Sabbath work is

  "justified".

  The term "Philistine" means anything you do on Saturday nights.

  You find yourself counting down the seconds that you can watch your

  favorite

  show is on Friday evening before sundown.

  You hate seeing sundown Saturday night because it means you have to wash

  the

  accumulated dishes from Sabbath.

  You find yourself lining the rim of your plate with cucumbers at Hometown

  Buffet to increase room for -food even though you're not at the Sabbath

  Potluck.

  You don't make up your bed on Sabbath.

  You have a feeling of satisfaction getting home on Friday from work at

  least 5

  minutes before the sun sets.

  You surreptitiously check out the grocery basket of a member you happen to

  meet at the grocery store.

  You see the pastor in the store and head down another aisle so he/she won't

  see what's in your basket.

  Your excuse for sleeping in church is that taking a shower in the morning

  is

  part of your wake up routine.

  You know more than 12 uses for soybeans.

  You think of kids instead of cars when someone says "Pathfinder".

  "Special K Loaf" makes a regular appearance at your potlucks.

  You went to banquets instead of dances in high school.

  You know who is engaged by asking the time.

  You get "tipsy" from carbonated soda!

  When conversing with a priest you find yourself stammering "Fa..,Bro..,

  Pas...

  I mean Sir"

  You go out for lunch after church, but put it on your credit card so you

  don't

  actually pay for it on Sabbath!

  You don't need an electric knife to carve your Thanksgiving "turkey"!

  You couldn't wait until your mom said you were old enough to get some juice

  and crackers on Communion Sabbath!

  You look at someone's hands, see no ring, and still wonder if they are

  married

  or not.

  You see a watch on somebody's right arm, and you wonder whether they are

  engaged, or just left-handed.

  Your first date was to vespers.

  You weren't allowed to go "trick-or-treating" so you went collecting canned

  goods for the poor, and accepted whatever candy you were offered.

  (explaining

  to your Pathfinder leader that the person had "insisted" you take the

  candy).

  Your SS lesson quarterly has no yellow highlights markings or underlined

  phrases. The whole thing looks like a new quarterly three months later.

  Your response to someone who is going to call says "I'll give you a ring"

  and

  your response is "I don't wear them, thank you"!

  You know that there are some kinds of jello and marshmallows that are OK,

  but

  most are not.

  You set the VCR on Friday afternoon to catch the big Saturday football

  game...

  and then smugly watch it after sunset (Saturday night)!

  You spend all Friday night watching videotapes of last Sunday morning's It

  Is

  Written, Breath of Life, Lifestyle Magazine, etc.

  Your favorite novel was "Brush Valley Adventures" (I loved the chapter

  entitled "Bats in the Belfry.")

  Your favorite movie was "One in 20,000" (That first incision in the poor

  guy's chest sent chills up my spine every time!)

  You thought Elder Fagal was actually the chaplain at Westbrook Hospital!

  You collected all the mimeographed sermons from Fordyce Detamore's meetings

  no

  matter how scared they made you. (And have at least three blue fake-leather

  bound Bibles with the cross attached to the zipper.

  You were moved to tears by the Wedgewood Trio's version of "A Mighty

  Fortress." (I was at a reunion concert a couple of years ago and still

  cried!)

  You were amazed that the Wedgewood Trio were actually better musicians than

  the Kingston Trio.

  You were amazed at your 10th academy graduation reunion that half of the

  group

  brought beer.

  You think fake snake meat tastes like FriChik.

  Your first Bible is plastered full of teeny-tiny bits of paper that

  haveBible

  references printed on them that you cut out, licked, then glued during

  Juniors.

  You won't watch a movie until it comes out on video.

  You've ever gone on a nature hike on a Sabbath afternoon.

  Friday and Saturday are your busiest days of the week.

  You collect books by a certain author but haven't gotten around to reading

  most of them.

  You've ever referred to high school as "academy".

  You've ever worried that toothpaste ingredients may include an animal

  byproduct.

  The words "Sabbath" and "Saturday" are interchangeable, depending on who

  you're talking with at the time.

  You feel uncomfortable saying Saturday instead of Sabbath because of it's

  pagan origin.

  The only word you'll say while someone else is praying is "amen", if even

  that.

  You about the dangers of smoking, drinking, dancing, and meat eating (sins

  that people need to be saved from) more often anger, resentment or

  jealousy.

  While in church you wouldn't dare raise both hands at the same time.

  You know an Uncle Arthur, Uncle Dan, Aunt Sue and Aunt Carol.

  "Silver and the Snake" has meaning to you.

  You understand the following terms: ADRA, NAD, GC, RMS, PPPA, AU, CUC,

  NPUC,

  PUC, SMC, UC, AA, CLA, FLA, IAD, SPD, FED, AID, SAD,TED, ARM, R&H, AUC,

  SWAC,

  LLU, LLUMC, LSU.

  You read labels on cans years before nutritional labeling was available.

  You saved labels off of cans years before re cycling became fashionable.

  You were raised thinking that drinking a coke, eating meat, and questioning

  the infallibility of EGW were sins, but you couldn't define the terms

  racism,

  sexism, or judgmentalism until you were in college.

  You do 2 days cooking every Friday afternoon.

  Take more time at the Taco Bell counter than the prior 6 people.

  Drive past 235 restaurants searching for something vege.

  Embarrass yourself, family, friends and clients sending the waitress back 4

  times, trying to find something vege and kosher.

  Worry more about the caffeine in your Coke than the sugar and carbonation.

  Would die of thirst before drinking coffee.

  You have forgotten that the food you eat is much less important than the

  food

  you share.

  You avoid low fat chicken and turkey like poison, but chow down on high fat

  veggie meat.

  You do not play cards but stay up in the hours Saturday night playing

  Rook

  or Make-A-Million.

  You will not drink coffee, but drink postum with 6 NoDoze tablets in it to

  stay awake for final exams.

  You think you're the only one who has had these thoughts.

  You get sad reading some of these responses.

[Halfstep Denise]

I guess I am truly a red-blooded AD-ventist since I can identify with so many of those statements! And I might add it has been a blessing to be a part of the Seventh-day Adventist family even with some interesting quirks!

Halfstep Denise

[Clio]

Me too... My gappy and pop lived in Loma Linda... and we kids always listened for the Sabbath evening bells.

Not because we were so much in a hurry, but because it just sounded sooo cool.

Clio

[Neil D]

Welll, what if I don't want to be an adventist, but rather want to be an adventist?

Is that gonna disqualify me and cause me to be excommunicated?

[Clio]

Just quoting from the list Neil... Just quoting from the list.

The opinions represented herein are the opinions of the original author. (Of Whom I know Nuthink! except what is herein. ) All claims, representations, and other (fill in the blank here) are the responsibility of the Author. (NOT ME! )

[Neil D]

Quote:

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Just quoting from the list Neil... Just quoting from the list.

---

Yeah, I know...I think I contributed to that list.

Quote:

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The opinions represented herein are the opinions of the original author.

---

If I remember correctly, I believe many contributed to that list, provided that the list is from SDAnet.org.

[Clio]

Yep. It sure is. That's why I put the credit right at the top. There were only two emails on it, and no clue who the author was... but thought if I gave credit we could all smile a little with it today.

Clio

[Neil D]

I don't remember who started it....It was fun as we contributed to it....

The one post that I will always remember from that forum was the one in which some poster wanted to know if sex on the Sabbath was permitted. Of course while he was serious about it, the rest of us had a blast with it. The one post that I remember that just tickled my funny bone was the excuse that sex on the Sabbath caused for absent members of church...You see, if one were to obey the OT laws, having sex was to cause said people to remove themselves from the congregation until sundown. Therefore, those people not in the pews on Sabbath were really obeying the OT law and were really having sex on the Sabbath....

[Clio]

Quote:

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Neil D said:

Therefore, those people not in the pews on Sabbath were really obeying the OT law and were really having sex on the Sabbath....

---

... *ponders how to break this news to Mike*

[Neil D]

Quote:

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*ponders how to break this news to Mike*

---

....Mike????...Current #1 hubby???

[Ron Lambert]

Amazing insights in that list! I didn't become an Adventist until I was 15, had never heard of SDAs before that, and was the only one in my family to become SDA. Yet I can relate to almost all of those statements! I did go to Academy for my junior and senior years, and to Andrews. I guess I received more of an eduction than I bargained for at Adventist schools!

[Halfstep Denise]

The first time I saw this list or one similar, was on the SDA's OnLine Forum on CompuServe in the early 1990's. I remember a lot of laughter while reading the list.

I seem to remember that there were sooo many entries that someone was talking about printing a booklet of the list!

Halfstep Denise

[Clio]

Uh huh...

[Planey]

Quote:

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"If you're all God has, is God in trouble?"

---

Very big time...

Graeme

PS

Sorry

[Clio]

Quote:

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Planey said:

Quote:

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"If you're all God has, is God in trouble?"

---

Very big time...

Graeme

PS

Sorry

---

HUh? What did I miss?

And Graeme? If you're all God has... He's not in trouble. He's got everything you need to make you a Hero!

Clio

[Ron Lambert]

Graeme, look what Jesus had to work with. A foul-mouthed fisherman, a greedy tax collector, an inexperienced teenager, and other assorted untrained peasants. The only one with any education or refinement was Judas--and he did not turn out so well.

[Halfstep Denise]

If you want to quote my "signature", please include the name of the person I was quoting - Dr. Frederick K.C. Price.

God is NEVER in trouble, but if He is relying on just me to spread His message and I'm not cooperating, God will have to work harder on me, or go to Plan B! (I plan on cooperating!)

Halfstep Denise

[Planey]

Sorry Denise.

I figured people would see from whence it had been taken as it said "quote" and it was soon after your last post. However, no slight to you or to Dr Price was intended.

Nevertheless it does tend to make my point.

Graeme