When people are in pain

[Gail]

When people are in pain and are going through stressful times, they are bound to think differently than usual.

What is the best way to help? Should we help? Can we?

Should we expect them to behave as if they are not floundering?

[Outta Here]

We can help by relieving them of some of the stress: do little things like make a healthy meal for them, walk their dog, do a minor home repair, pick up their kids from school, give them a "night off". 

We can give them encouraging notes, texts, etc.

We can help by getting them fresh air, rest, sunshine.

We can pray for them; we can offer to pray with them.

We can be forgiving if we feel hurt by them--even if they don't ask for forgiveness.

We can help others who may be affected by their erratic, albeit expected, behavior.

We can offer a hug.

We can sit with them in silence.

We can listen when they want to talk.

 

[Gregory Matthews]

Gail, the first three things you should do are:

1)  Listen to what they are saying.

2)  Listen for what they are feeling.

3)  Listen for how their lives will be affected in the future.

After you have listened, begin to reflect back to them  what they have said.

1)  You are telling me  that you don't see how you can deal with this.

2) You are feeling a great sense of loss over the death of  . . . .

3)  You are questioning as to whether or not life is worth living.

After you have reflected back to them, begin to focus their thinking.

2)  Tell me more about this loss and how   X impacted your life.

3)  Are you planning to hurt yourself?

At this point, what you should do next will depend upon how they respond to you.

 

 

 

[debbym]

Show interest and concern without judging them or blaming them or trying to fix them.

Be available in a disinterested way.

Let them lead in communication, show you are there for them.

Be gentle and unobtrusive yet persist in caring.  Let them know you will pray or ask if you may pray for them.  

Listen listen listen.  Affirm them in how they are experiencing their pain.  Nod and respond kindly.  Do not feel you have the answers.

[JoeMo]

My wife and I are going though a time where we must sacrifice to help another in need.  He is living with us now; and has significant mental and legal problems.  We have been so unraveled that we are seeing a Christian Counselor.  She shared a devotional with us that said to remember - this is not our tragedy - it is the other person's tragedy.  We are to support others without trying to solve their problems.  When people are in dire straits, many times only God can solve their problems.  Compassion, empathy, and support are the human way of showing and channeling grace.  We must remember that unlike God, we often can't supply an infinite resource of grace.  Only God can do that; and our prayers and kind words can make that available to those in pain.