Pockey Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 I wasn't sure where else to ask for advice, but since this person will need prayers as well, I will ask it here. I have a very close friend who is hooked on marijuana. Almost everytime I call him in the evening I can tell he's high. Well, I know it's not a hardcore drug like meth, but the problem is is that he is finishing grad school and is very close to getting kicked out because of poor grades. He's sacrificed a huge amount monetary and time-wise to get where he is now. Basically my question is, how do I go about confronting him about the problem? Are there certain words or phrases I can use to approach him about the subject? Also if you could pray for him I'd be so thankful. Thanks so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Nan Posted July 9, 2006 Moderators Share Posted July 9, 2006 I am happy to pray for your friend,Sid, but I have no experience-based advice to offer, with this problem - hopefuly some one will have that too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norman Byers, N.D. Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 Hi Sid, </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> Basically my question is, how do I go about confronting him about the problem? Are there certain words or phrases I can use to approach him about the subject? Also if you could pray for him I'd be so thankful. Thanks so much. <hr /></blockquote><font class="post"> Sid, is there anyone aware of the problem in the family of this person? If not, you should tell them and then get in touch with a social worker or a rehab center. Have someone organize a confrontation with him/her and all those who love him/her. With addicts, it's important that you are straight forward and honest. Don't play games just let them know how you feel about their destructive behavior. Remember, the pot smoking is the fruit of the deeper problem. They will lie to anyone in order to protect the confession of this inner problem. Basically this person needs counselling and so a confrontation can be the way to go. That person may be at a point where just one person might be able to talk them into getting help. That can be risky though, because if they refuse your help and then you go for group confrontation they will blame you and you may loose the ablitiy to talk to them again. You will become the target of their wrath in order to get people's attention off them. Talk to the family and other friends and see what you can get accomplished that way. I am not aware of any info online but I'm sure there's some to help you with this. God bless and thanks for your concern, that could have been me years ago that you are helping. Norman Quote The unconditional pardon of sin never has been, and never will be. PP 522 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olger Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 Dear Sid: People use drugs/alcohol to cover pain inside of them. They smoke to cover nervousness. If I were you, I would seek to understand which of these issues are in his heart and care about him as a friend. That will heal 50% of his pain. There is repentence needed in his life, but we cannot force a person down that path. Speak the truth, but speak it in love. Don't attack him, people who are sinning know it. They don't need to be told what they already know, they need to be shown the way out. Stories can help, for instance if you humble yourself and share things that you struggled with and got the victory over, that can help motivate a person to want to be free from their addictions. There is always a reson that a person is in destructive behavior--see if you can find that reason and help him resolve it. When the root cause is healed, the desire to anesthetize it will leave too. Above all, prayer. I like your request for prayer partners. I prayed for your friend already. Hope that helps, gcw Quote "Please don't feed the drama queens.." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pockey Posted July 9, 2006 Author Share Posted July 9, 2006 Thank-you for your advice and prayers Nan, Dgrimm60, Norman, and Olger. I really appreciate your time. God bless you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rudywoofs (Pam) Posted July 9, 2006 Members Share Posted July 9, 2006 Hi Sid, I've been thinking about your friend too. As a graduate student, your friend must have an advisor, so I'm sure he's well aware that his degree is in jeopardy because of his grades. My hunch is that your friend is now caught in a downward spiral. Despite what first caused him to *escape* through smoking pot, he's in a vicious cycle...smoke pot - bad grades - smoke pot - bad grades - smoke pot - ad nauseum. <img src="/adventist/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> As a former drug addict (not of pot, but of worse), one of the worst things someone could do was to come up and start harping on things I already felt awful about. Made me mad. <img src="/adventist/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> My suggestion to you would be to tell your friend that you realize he's probably VERY concerned about his grades and the repercussions they could have on his future. By all means, ask him if he thinks using pot is ultimately making things worse. Ask him what he thinks might help. Ask him how YOU can help him. I would not overload him with well-meaning suggestions or pry into his personal life unless he asks/confides in you. Kinda depends on how close of a friend you are. My only other suggestion, in regards to prayer, is to let your friend know that you and others are, in fact, praying for him. He may not act very happy about it, but, believe me, the knowledge that someone is out there pounding on the doors of heaven on his behalf is not something a person forgets - not even a non-Christian. I wish I could be more help. Quote Pam      Meddle Not In the Affairs of Dragons; for You Are Crunchy and Taste Good with Ketchup. If we all sang the same note in the choir, there'd never be any harmony. Funny, isn't it, how we accept Grace for ourselves and demand justice for others? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pockey Posted July 9, 2006 Author Share Posted July 9, 2006 Pam, you're a huge help. Thanks for the advice. The thing is, I've seen his mj stash in the past, and haven't seen it recently. I think he hides it from me when I come over. So I guess I don't really know for sure if he's using, but I can *tell* by his voice...you know that "sound". So I've asked him in the past if he's smoking it again and he denied it. Is it rude to just ask him point blank? And if it's ok, how would I ask him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rudywoofs (Pam) Posted July 9, 2006 Members Share Posted July 9, 2006 </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> The thing is, I've seen his mj stash in the past, and haven't seen it recently. I think he hides it from me when I come over. So I guess I don't really know for sure if he's using, but I can *tell* by his voice...you know that "sound". So I've asked him in the past if he's smoking it again and he denied it. Is it rude to just ask him point blank? And if it's ok, how would I ask him? <hr /></blockquote><font class="post"> Yeah, I know the *sound*... <img src="/adventist/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Could be other drugs too, though. Or could be depression. Could be fatigue. You might ask your friend if he has any ideas *why* his grades are slipping. I can't imagine that his advisor has not talked to him about the reasons... If you decide to ask him point-blank about using, I'd phrase it something like this: "Y'know, I may be WAY off base, but I'm your friend, so I'm gonna ask you anyway ... are you smoking pot?" And I'd ask him face-to-face, eye-to-eye. The phone makes it too easy to distract and fabricate. This is a tough situation. It's very difficult to try and help someone who isn't at the point where they can accept the fact that they *need* help. But a concerned friend, like you Sid, could be the catalyst. []http://img.inkfrog.com/pix/Rudywoofs/hug2.gif[/] Quote Pam      Meddle Not In the Affairs of Dragons; for You Are Crunchy and Taste Good with Ketchup. If we all sang the same note in the choir, there'd never be any harmony. Funny, isn't it, how we accept Grace for ourselves and demand justice for others? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pockey Posted July 10, 2006 Author Share Posted July 10, 2006 This is good advice, I will take your advice. Thanks also for your encouragement Pam. I really appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pockey Posted July 10, 2006 Author Share Posted July 10, 2006 </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> Norman said: Sid, is there anyone aware of the problem in the family of this person? If not, you should tell them and then get in touch with a social worker or a rehab center. Have someone organize a confrontation with him/her and all those who love him/her. <hr /></blockquote><font class="post"> Hi Norman. He doesn't have any family near by and I don't think they know. Mostly his friends are his family. Does someone who is a mj smoker need a social worker, rehab and counseling? I guess I can understand counseling, but the social work and rehab part? I thought that was just for the more physically dependant drugs where you need help withdrawing from them. I just called him again tonight, and I could tell he wasn't all there. I hate to say this but it just makes me angry. <img src="/adventist/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pockey Posted July 10, 2006 Author Share Posted July 10, 2006 </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> olger said: If I were you, I would seek to understand which of these issues are in his heart and care about him as a friend. That will heal 50% of his pain. There is repentence needed in his life, but we cannot force a person down that path. Speak the truth, but speak it in love. Don't attack him, people who are sinning know it. They don't need to be told what they already know, they need to be shown the way out. Stories can help, for instance if you humble yourself and share things that you struggled with and got the victory over, that can help motivate a person to want to be free from their addictions. <hr /></blockquote><font class="post"> Hi Olger. I tried that before, and he wouldn't admit to smoking out. I will try again. I agree with you, there's an underlying pain there that needs to be addressed. It's just so...complicated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pockey Posted July 10, 2006 Author Share Posted July 10, 2006 </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> dgrimm60 said: HEY SID have you asked him what he is planing on doing after he grauduates. then asks him if he thinks that marijuana and work mix??? also ask him about if he fails out of schoool what will he do for work??? and let him know if he does fail all that money was lost. these might be a start I also will pray for him and you as you ask him these questions. dgrimm60 <hr /></blockquote><font class="post"> Hi Dgrimm60. Those are all great questions. I'm struggling with asking them though because he won't admit to the problem. So I kinda get stuck. But if I can make a breakthrough then I will ask those questions. Thanks again everyone for your prayers. You all are so awesome. I thank God for you guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicodema Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Sid how close are you and this friend? Because maybe you think you are closer to him than he feels to you and that is why he isn't forthright about admitting his use of pot. He may consider it his personal business and it may be an issue of boundaries more than of needing to lie or cover up. Just a thought ... shame about his grades. Most people cannot handle a mind-altering substance with moderation, it seems. Quote "After such knowledge, what forgiveness?" -- T.S. Eliot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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