My Son.

[bonnie]

wonder where it was mentioned that someone had perfect children?

[Jeannieb43]

Part of being a good parent is to know when to cut the apron strings! If we do a good job raising the child, by the time he is old "he will not depart from it." [Well, that does NOT mean he will never do ANYTHING differently from the way his parents do it...]

But my point here is, that after a "child" reaches his/her teen years -- and certainly after s/he is an adult and moves out of the parents' home -- we stop telling them what to do! Period.

The time for "being consistent in standards and discipline" is past. The child knows, without our repeating it, how we believe and how we worship. All we have left now to offer is our example. When the child comes home for a visit, our example speaks louder than any words we might use. In fact, words may do nothing but alienate the child.

We must by that time hold our tongues and give advice only when asked.

This gives us a bit of understanding of how God feels when we make wrong choices. He never stops loving us, but he leaves us with free will, to choose our actions, at every step of the way.

[Guest]

Exactly! No one has perfect children, neither does Redwood, neither do you or any one on this earth today. So why then make a statement so judgmental as "Is this child a product of a broken home perhaps? Not trying to put thoughts in our minds, but it might be significant. " This statement implies, that those in un-broken homes don't have the flaws that those from a broken homes do. Thats just rubbish, broken home or not, people make choices, we have free will given by God. Even he doesn't deny the freedoms of choice. So what is a Parent to do, I just DO NOT see anything wrong in what Redwood said. And no, you don't have to agree, but lets not try to tell others how they are flawed in their parenting skills as Christians. We all have different amounts of knowledge, experiences, and so on, we raise and love our kids the best we can, and if someone were to start to tell me what it is they do and how it works for them, I would say well than help me raise my kids! I think Redwood described exactly what God does with us every single day! He does not reject us even though we are all sinners, he offers us forgiveness, he does not abandoned us, even though we continue to be sinners, he does not stop listening to our prayers even though we are sinners. So, I will listen to my kids, forgive my kids, and I would encourage and wait as patiently as God did on me. Many of us lack Patience, we lack forgiveness and love or is it me, is my understanding of Gods character mistaken? I am so glad that my heavenly Father has been patient with me in my youth. If it wasn't for him, who knows where I would be today.

[bonnie]

I disagreed with him period. Nothing more.

No one was advocating rejecting a child. Not in the least

Rejecting and having limits in your own home as what you will accept are two different things.

Having your children remain in the church does not make them clones.

[Gregory Matthews]

My response is a general one and not directed to any one.

I am thinking of one of my sons who is not a member of any church. When he and his family are visiting in our home, he knows the rules and respects them.

When we are visiting in their home, we respect their rules. However, as a matter of courtesy he leads his famly in not infringing on what he knows we prefer. NOTE: Due to space issues we do not sleep overnight in their home. On Sabbath the main TV goes off. The food we are served is normal to our diet.

At one time, prior to his marriage, he telephoned my wife (not his biological mother) and told her that his female friend was going to move in with him. My wife talked to him about those plans, in a non-judgemental way, and he decided that she would not move in with him.

Later that changed and she did move in with him and again he telephoned us and talked to us about it.

I performed their wedding, on a Sabbath afternoon. They told me that if I could not do it on Sabbath, they would pick another time. I did it at their prefered time.

At the time of their marriage she was not actively involved in a chruch. She has since become involved. On one of our visits with them we informed her that my wife and I would accompany her to church Sunday morning. We did. Religion is becomming more a part of her life.

We simply accept them as they are. We encourage the woman he married. We often tell them how strongly we beleive that my son made a great choice in a wife.

I do not know what the future holds in thier lives. But, I do know that God has not called us to relate to them in a judgemental way. Rather, God has called us to relate to them in love and living what we profess.

[Neil D]

Quote:

But I will say .... I am one proud Dad.

Man, Redwood....that is the coolest statement one could make about his children.....And everyone here, who supports you, wishes you well.

AS FOR THE REST OF YOU

Sheese! Your comments are NOT helpful. and help take the luster out of comments like the above....I find your comments....disturbing...[he says, mimicking Darth Vadar]

[Gregory Matthews]

I am going to relate what I think is an interesting story about one of my sons:

One Friday evening, when he was a teen and living with his mother, he visited in the home of a friend of his. They decided to go bowling that evening. The family was SDA. The Father immediately begain to berate my son for leading his son into sin by encouraging himn to go bowling on Friday evening.

Finaly my son had had enough. He begain to list the numerous ways in which the Father was not living up to SDA standards of life and behavior. When he stoppd the man asked him how he know so much about SDAs.

My son infomred him that his Father was an ordained SDA minister, he had been raised in a SDA home and knew what he was talking about. The Father immediately apologized for his attack on my son and for his life style.

On our next visit to my son he arranged for the man to meet me.

NOTE: I have edited the above as I have been told that I was confusing in one of the comments that I made. I hope that this clairfies what I meant to say.

[bonnie]

Accepting the choices of our children when they became of age is one thing. When and if they expect their choices to change or negate our choices for wishes in our home is quite another.

If one of our sons had decided another course in ife than their siblings, and what we hoped to instill in them ,the one would be treated no differently than the other three. The one would still be expected to conduct himself as his three siblings and as we asked in our home.

If one decided he no longer saw anything objectionable concerning R rated movies, that would be his choice. He would not make his choice mine by bringing it home expecting us to enjoy. The reverse is true as well. If my husband and I decided this was acceptable, we would not bring it into their home and expect them to enjoy it. If we did so we would be told rather quickly to please put it away.

Discussing the topic of R rated movies,and why one may feel they are no longer objectionable is one thing. Deciding I no longer see it as objectionable and trying to force my feelings on that by bringing it into my son's home is another.

I can think of many things they may decide to do that would bother me more than an R Rated movie.

If they did bring an R rated movie home, the movie would not be my major concern.

For me, with our four sons, it would be the lack of respect for our wishes in our home. That would bother me more than the content of the movie.

I am sure many times our four could point to what they believe(and can be) inconsistencies in the life of their parents. Doesn't matter.

Does not negate the wishes we have within our home. Will not give them the power to say, well, you have done this so don't tell me I can't bring XYZ .

[olger]

Dear Seth:

I would like to state right up front that I am not responsible for your behavior or any one elses. You are responsible for your own behavior. You are also freely entitled to your opinions.

Now then. We live in a culture where Godly principles are under violent attack on a number of fronts. The family is but one of those fronts, albeit an important one.

Children from broken homes face a few challenges that others don't. This is where God comes in for healing, restoration, and forgiveness (Psalm 27:10; Jer. 29:11). God has a desire to prosper us in righteousness regardless of our circumstances.

I spent last evening in counsel with a pre-marital couple. Neat kids. The girl's father is in the process of leaving the mother, and that provides a pain that needs healing. I am happy to report that God in in the business of saving, changing and healing. All three of these are needed in my life & yours.

Failure for this girl (in my above example) to find healing from the abandonment will lead to a chain of consequences in her own life, and there are a million cases I can use to illustrate this.

This morning I was visited by a sales rep for roofing products. During our conversation, he shared with me his great burden for his three sons in the aftermath of his own divorce. I helped him find hope and healing in God. He took a video of mine and a Bible Answers brochure. This is a greater purpose than roofing, and God brings the people into our life that He wants us to minister to.

Now... My dear wife of 25-years is also from a broken home and together we know the pain that results, and the healing that makes one stronger. She is an inspiration to me.

There are patterns that can follow divorce, and some children demonstrate these consequences in their own lives, and ALL need to find healing and freedom in Christ.

I wish you well,

oG

[Woody]

Love Love Love Love

Christians this is our plea.

Love you neighbor as your ... self.

For God .... Loves ALL.

(And as Stan the Man would say ... Repeat as needed.)

[olger]

Thanks. I'll take that as a "yes."