Dr. Shane Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 After hearing all about this book on many Christian radio and TV shows (some being Adventist), I finally decided to read it. This is a great book. I finished a few weeks ago and have bought it in Spanish for my sister-in-laws and sent a newer version "The Five Love Languages For Singles" to one of my nieces. The book deals with the five love languages: Words of Affirmation Quality Time Gifts Acts of Service Physical Contact It explains what they are, how one can figure out what their primary and secondary love language is and how to use these to love our spouses and children. Often times two people that are married to each other love each other but neither "feels" loved because their "love tank" is not being filled by the other. That is because they are speaking two different love languages. Say for example my primary love language is Acts of Service and my wife's is Quality Time. Following the Golden Rule - I will do unto her as I would have her do unto me. What does that mean? I will do Acts of Service for her. I will cook for her. Clean the house. Wash the dishes. And several other acts of service that I would like her to be doing for me. She, on the other hand, will be wanting to take walks with me. Sit with me on the couch. Keep me awake at night when I am trying to sleep. Because she is trying to give me the Quality Time that she would like me to give her. Neither of us would be speaking the other's love language and even though we would both love the other, we would both feel unloved. Quote Pastoral Family Counselor... Find me at www.PostumCafe.com Author of Peculiar Christianity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted March 15, 2009 Administrators Share Posted March 15, 2009 Neat! I've always enjoyed these. I do think the concept is helpful. ANYTHING that helps us understand the other sex! Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shane Posted March 15, 2009 Author Share Posted March 15, 2009 The author is Gary Chapman. I have heard his book referenced on such programs like Focus on the Family and Hope Channel's "Keeping The Faith". Quote Pastoral Family Counselor... Find me at www.PostumCafe.com Author of Peculiar Christianity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyle82 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 that looks interesting. which book talks about five love languages. and the author please.. the first one who posted. please tell us. thanks. area fiftyone, play station Quote kyle A Pal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolaa Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 This is an excellent book to use in marriage and pre-marriage counseling. Of course, it helps with other relationships, too, not just spouses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe_in_RP Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Shane, this is a great book. But I must disagree just a little. I have also read the John Gray books and had his personal training seminar. Here is my disagreement. "I will do unto her as I would have her do unto me." Lets say I like back rubs and I have determined one of her lang is Physical Contact. So as a typical American man I want to give her back rubs. I feel good about myself because I am making my wife happy. But if I stop there. If I am not a master detective to learn exactly what physical contact she likes, then I am not fulfilling her desires. Maybe her needs but not her desire. She really desires cuddling(I changed it a little to protect privacy). But its our human nature to want to give what we like. How many times has someone brought a gift to your house and its not what you like. We do this unconsciously. Because I appreciate back rubs I assume my wife feels the same way. If I would stop and think about it a little I would realize this is flawed thinking. BTW this is the essence of the John Gray Philosophy. So our challenge should we decide to accept it (mr Phelps) is to uncover our spouses desires in love languages. Some times they are secret desires. Why? because women don't tell us! They expect us to be mind readers! Not really. They want to keep it secret and want us to observe their behavior and determine what is the special thing they want. Its this process of close observation and listing that score so many brownie points with them. When we become the master detective and learn these things about our spouse it makes them feel special. Sadly this is the way they treat us. They are always analyzing what we say and do trying to figure us out. All they have to do is ask! It so simple but they make it complicated. If she just asks what do you like? In a new york second I reply back rubs. case closed. But they fall into the same trap we do. They are feeling loving so they want to cuddle. But its 98 degrees and I don't want to cuddle. I would take a back rub though. It is amazing how different God made us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted April 18, 2009 Administrators Share Posted April 18, 2009 If I am not a master detective to learn exactly what physical contact she likes, then I am not fulfilling her desires. Maybe her needs but not her desire. She really desires cuddling(I changed it a little to protect privacy). Oh, good! LOL Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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