Robert Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 I need prayer. I need to let go of how bad my ex-wife has done me. I thought that I was passed that, but right now I'm steaming...I hate her...and I'm just plain given over the flesh. She is so very bad for me. I need to move on and she needs to stay out of my life. Too much disrespect and I can't deal with it any longer. Robert Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phkrause Posted April 11, 2009 Members Share Posted April 11, 2009 Will be praying for you and your situation robert. Don't give in, keep the faith. pk Quote phkrause By the decree enforcing the institution of the papacy in violation of the law of God, our nation will disconnect herself fully from righteousness. When Protestantism shall stretch her hand across the gulf to grasp the hand of the Roman power, when she shall reach over the abyss to clasp hands with spiritualism, when, under the influence of this threefold union, our country shall repudiate every principle of its Constitution as a Protestant and republican government, and shall make provision for the propagation of papal falsehoods and delusions, then we may know that the time has come for the marvelous working of Satan and that the end is near. {5T 451.1} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Key Guy Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 Robert, Many years ago I faced a difficult bridge to cross, too. I spent 2 weeks (although I didn't set a specific time limit) praying and doing a 'time' fast where I set aside extra time for study, meditation and being open to God's will in making the right decision. The short version is that I finally decided to pull the plug on a failed marriage. I have not looked back and I will be celebrating 16 years of a great marriage to Mrs. KeyGuy this summer. Those 2 weeks were most helpful for me. Nobody else could make the decision that I did because it was only mine to make. My prayer for you is that you patiently allow God to gently lead you to the right decision, that you move forward with a clear conscious (not giving in to the devil's harassment) and that your decision will not be based on those pesky destructive emotions. Give your anger, resentment and fear to God. He'll know what to do with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted April 11, 2009 Author Share Posted April 11, 2009 how is she still in your life??? She wants to be friends, but for very, very self-centered reasons! You see I wasn't ready for the marriage to be over. I didn't know I was being cheated on for almost a year. I thought her moodiness was due to the change of life, but it wasn't! Dummy me! My problem is that I'm still bonded, but I can't let this continue and now I've tipped over the edge. I'm mad! Here's just a few things she sent me in an recent email...things I couldn't see, but she's admitting to me: "i know im using you emotionally.." "...i do cling to you...and i do think of what (ex's name) is getting out of it...i know im hurting you but my need to survive is greater than me knowing im hurting you..i know its almost evil.." "...how selfish of me to use you ..." "and yes i know you would take me as i am...and that is so very great if all the damage had not been done before i did give my heart soul and body to another man..." "i need you so much to be in my life...but i know that is soooo very selfish..." Anyway, you get the idea....Now I'm mad and given over to the flesh. I've been cursing...etc. I don't like being this way, but I can't seem to break lose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 Robert, praying for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woody Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 Yes Robert. Praying Hard. I am confident that our prayers will be answered and you will once again find peace in your life. During this Easter time ... spend some time reflecting on what Jesus did for you on the cross. And His love for you . Remember ... he is crying now for the pain you are in. Quote May we be one so that the world may be won. Christian from the cradle to the grave I believe in Hematology. Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted April 11, 2009 Author Share Posted April 11, 2009 You know that verse, "Be angry, but let it cause you to sin"....Too late! Now I'm depressed, but less angry. The bottom line with the ex is I can't believe a single word she says. Anyway I must end this. I already cussed her out and told her what I thought of her (I know, not good) now maybe she'll stay away. If not I guess I get legal on her. Thanks guys...Keep praying. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted April 12, 2009 Administrators Share Posted April 12, 2009 You know that verse, "Be angry, but let it cause you to sin"....Too late! Now I'm depressed, but less angry. The bottom line with the ex is I can't believe a single word she says. Anyway I must end this. I already cussed her out and told her what I thought of her (I know, not good) now maybe she'll stay away. If not I guess I get legal on her. Hi, Rob, What you are going through sounds like the normal progression for anger. You will also get over the depression in a bit. Some time can be a good thing! It sounds to me like she is co-dependent. That might be why she phones you up and says that she is doing it to help herself. That might be totally true. I have gone through an experience like that, and have found that over time if you fill in the space in your time with other people and other activities that your time with her will lessen. She needs to do the same, to find other positives to fill in the spaces in the schedule. And as soon as you both have had enough time, I think that you will find that your dependence on each other will change and it will be easier to move on that it is now. And with a bit more space you probably will get a break from your anger. Remember that you both have bonded at one time. A separation is a tearing apart, a ripping. That hurts, and it takes time to heal. I am so glad that you are here and have shared your prayer request with us! I would be honoured to lift you both up before the Saviour, who is merciful. Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 (((Robert))) praying.... Quote For what will a man be profited, if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his soul? Mat. 16:26Please, support the JDRF and help find a cure for Type 1 Diabetes. Please, support the March of Dimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 Good advice! Thanks, Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shane Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 I am sorry you are passing through this tough time. I would suggest you get something to take up your time. Idle hands are not good when you are dealing with a crisis. Join a fitness club, go to the library, get active with a local church, volunteer at the Salvation Army, enroll in some classes at a community college, learn a foreign language. Do something. Psychologically it sounds like you need to make some boundaries of what you are going to permit and not permit. You don't have to tell her, but if the opportunity comes up that wouldn't be a bad thing. The boundaries are mostly for you so you know how to protect yourself from further harm. If you need to cut off all contact than that is what you need to do. If you can allow contact on certain levels you need to clarify that, to yourself if to no one else. Quote Pastoral Family Counselor... Find me at www.PostumCafe.com Author of Peculiar Christianity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 Good points Shane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 I am sorry you are passing through this tough time. I would suggest you get something to take up your time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 Sounds like you really need to change your phone number, your email address, and the locks on your house if she has a key. Make sure in a moment of weakness you DO NOT give these things to her. If she comes around and you are at home, do NOT answer the door. Go into another part of the house if you have to, turn up the volume on the t.v. or radio or whatever so you do NOT hear her knocking or calling out to you. If you "know" she is coming over--don't be home, go to the grocery store, just drive around for awhile, go to the movies or the local bookstore. In other words, make it impossible for her to continue to hold you hostage in this relationship. Unless she is mentally ill she will get the hint and eventually leave you alone. And always remember, we are here for you, (((Big Hugs, Robert))) and continuing to pray. Quote For what will a man be profited, if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his soul? Mat. 16:26Please, support the JDRF and help find a cure for Type 1 Diabetes. Please, support the March of Dimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 TU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olger Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 The woman needs to be delivered from her moral failures, through the power of Jesus. That same power can heal bitterness from the your heart. Failure to do that will lead to depression on your part. Resolving bitterness does not mean that we forget the offense, it means that we see it from the perspective of truth. She is playing with your emotions here. It might be prudent to make a suggestion that she resolve her moral failures in order for you guys to continue any kind of a relationship. Do it kindly, and above all be firm. Would she be interested in any kind of counseling to resolve the issues? Her depression is a consequence of her wrong decisions. og Quote "Please don't feed the drama queens.." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Originally Posted By: Shane I am sorry you are passing through this tough time. I would suggest you get something to take up your time. You hit the nail of the head. I hate weekends anymore. Dating? I can't because she comes around unannounced....But then again I'm not ready to date. Besides, at 50 can your really call it dating? That's something I did when I was younger. Then too it seems everyone at my age has got baggage. Not only that but where to find a Christian woman? Quote: Idle hands are not good when you are dealing with a crisis. You got that right. Quote: Join a fitness club I have a gym in my home... Quote: get active with a local church, volunteer at the Salvation Army, enroll in some classes at a community college, learn a foreign language. Do something. Hmmm? Quote: The boundaries are mostly for you so you know how to protect yourself from further harm. If I tell her she doesn't need to come over she comes anyway. I'm still not over her....That's the problem. And as long as this is true I can't move forward. But you are right about doing something. Is there anything worth hanging on to? If so, get into some counseling and maybe something might be salvageable. If not, don't tell her she doens't need to come over, you don't want her to come over that she isn't invited and that the doors wil be locked when she arrives. (Wow that sounds harsh doesn't it? But if she has no repentance, and has a need to continue previous relationships, and doesn't want to change in any way, she is just hurting you further.) That might not be good advice...I am not sure as I haven't been in your shoes, but it is the way I see it at the moment with the limited knowledge I have of the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted April 13, 2009 Administrators Share Posted April 13, 2009 Quote: If I tell her she doesn't need to come over she comes anyway. I'm still not over her....That's the problem. And as long as this is true I can't move forward. I was going to comment on this earlier and thought you had enough from me already! LOL Anyway, I had guessed as much. The reason- because the opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy. A person hates when s/he is still connected, ie- still has feelings for the person. Hate is an intense reaction. If you felt nothing for her or if you had gotten over her it wouldn't matter to you what she did. I think it may be why you are "paralysed" (for lack of a better word) and unable to move forward. Some time apart might be a good exercise for both of you. I believe it is even a Biblical principle for marriages in trouble, to take a time apart for a while. But while the marriage is still in the picture the Biblical goal is for the couple to reconcile. After a divorce, I think the choice against that option has been decided. And also, to add a new activity to your life might very well be a good thing. :) Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted April 13, 2009 Administrators Share Posted April 13, 2009 Robert, I think I'd like to reiterate how special a part of this group you are. I'm happy that you can turn to your friends here in your time of need. AND together we can pray with and for you! Our God is a living God and a present help in trouble. ((((( Rob ))))) Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woody Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Robert, I think I'd like to reiterate how special a part of this group you are. I'm happy that you can turn to your friends here in your time of need. AND together we can pray with and for you! Our God is a living God and a present help in trouble. ((((( Rob ))))) Quote May we be one so that the world may be won. Christian from the cradle to the grave I believe in Hematology. Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Great Post Gail. Yes, we care about you a lot here Robert! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 That same power can heal bitterness from the your heart. I'm not bitter if I'm not given over to the flesh, so I must learn not to feed the flesh when it comes to certain besetting sins in my life. That's the key and God keeps reminding me of this because I keep forgetting. As of right now I'm fine! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 if she has no repentance, and has a need to continue previous relationships, and doesn't want to change in any way, she is just hurting you further. She says she still loves me, but not sexually. And that's because (quoting her) "i did give my heart soul and body to another man...". Anyway, she has apologized, but I wonder if she would have if I wouldn't have caught in her deception. She had moved out and started the divorce. Like I said I thought she was going through perimenopause when she left (what I called man-hating mode), but she was cheating. I found out because I remembered her e-mail PW and so I spied on her. She had recently emailed a girlfriend telling her why she left me. There it was in black and white. Anyway, maybe I shouldn't have spied, but I had to know. It really didn't come as shock. Even then I wanted to continue the marriage. I think even now she is sill interested in this guy even though he is married now. He was 36 at the time and she 50. Anyway, who cares anymore. Not me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 Ooh Robert...so much pain!! I am so very very sorry!! It doesn't sound like she is repentive though only God can judge her heart. If her heart still is given to that guy even if she can't have him, I would say it is over. I wish all of us on CA lived in the same area and could be there for you, invite you to church with us, have you over for a meal or to go somewhere with our family etc. Praying for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.