bonnie Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/women-are-more-unhappy-ever Women Are More Unhappy Than Ever * Posted: May 20, 2009 at 10:47 AM * By Meghan O'Rourke Women are unhappier than they have been in 35 years. So suggests a study released earlier this week by the National Bureau of Economics. Two economists at U Penn conducted an exhaustive study of happiness and found that women's "subjective well-being" has declined, "both absolutely and relatively to men," as they put it. In fact, though women have historically had higher self-reported levels of happiness than men, today women are "reporting happiness levels" that are "even lower than those of men." (Men's happiness has dropped, too, but not as much as women's.) Now, happiness is notoriously difficult to study—as I noted a few years back when I wrote about progressive women and unhappiness for Slate—but the findings are nonetheless noteworthy. Though women have made gains in every area over the past 35 years—from education to their place in the work force—these gains do not appear, by the study's measures, to translate into actual contentment. Nor do women's gains in the marketplace translate into zero-sum declines in happiness for men, as some have speculated. Why might women be less happy? I'm curious to hear your thoughts. I would have to go back to an answer I offered when I wrote the Slate piece: that the drop in happiness is pegged to an anxiety caused by the plethora of choices available (Barry Schwarz's paradox of choice) and women's feeling that they have to perform well across more categories. This is not exactly the same as struggling to balance so-called work and life (i.e., children): The study's authors are quick to point out that the decline in happiness is consistent across many categories, irrespective of marital or employment status or whether you have young children. (A notable exception is African-American women, who report rises in well-being.) The authors observe, too, that one common explanation (the advent of the so-called second-shift for women) doesn't seem to be borne out: Time use surveys suggest that men and women experienced "relatively equal declines" in work hours since 1965. Quote Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It's not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument, or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make, period ... ... Wish more people would realize this. Quotes by Susan Gottesman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonnie Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 HEY BONNIE WELL this is an interesting article.....the article did say that both men and women have dropped in happiness.... with the times that we live in it shows that the only true happiness comes from the bible and JESUS..... dgrimm60 That might be true because "if Mama isn't happy,no one is happy" LOL Quote Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It's not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument, or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make, period ... ... Wish more people would realize this. Quotes by Susan Gottesman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Key Guy Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 A happy wife is a happy life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outta Here Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 It could just be that people don't feel as much pressure as they have in the past to say they're happy. Now, it's "okay" to be depressed, okay to be upset, okay to be anything other than happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Bravus Posted May 27, 2009 Moderators Share Posted May 27, 2009 I'm pretty sure I have a happy wife. I *know* I have a happy life. Quote Truth is important Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonnie Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 It could just be that people don't feel as much pressure as they have in the past to say they're happy. Now, it's "okay" to be depressed, okay to be upset, okay to be anything other than happy. I wonder if it isn't a little more than that. "The having it all" can get exhausting. For the past 30 years to be a "stay at home" mom was almost degrading. "Is that all you do" was not a uncommon question. No one can have it all without something getting left out or not done. Quote Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It's not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument, or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make, period ... ... Wish more people would realize this. Quotes by Susan Gottesman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shane Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Relationships make a big difference in happiness. A person doesn't have to have a lot of friends (although that doesn't hurt). It is good to have some good, trusting friendships that provides trust and acceptance by someone other than a person's spouse. The church should be a breeding ground for these types of friendships. Quote Pastoral Family Counselor... Find me at www.PostumCafe.com Author of Peculiar Christianity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Well, lets see. Today 50% of marriages end in divorce. One in every 100 Americans has Bipolar Disorder (manic depression), and their divorce rate is 90%. Sexual addictions, and use of pornography INSIDE THE CHURCH is estimated to be at 30-40%. People are extremely selfish (as the Bible says, in the end times men will be lovers of self, and their love will grow cold, etc... etc...). As a wife, and a friend to many other women (who for some reason feel compelled to share their pain with me) I can say that most marriages, even the ones that don't end in divorce, are empty, cold and unsatisfying. Women are extremely relational. Nothing is more important to a woman than her relationships to her husband, her children, then her extended family and friends. No matter how many friends, and close family members you may be surrounded with, it is your intimate emotional relationship with your husband and children, and especially your husband, that really defines a woman's happiness. That is very sad, but very true. In fact, it was stated by God himself when Adam and Eve sinned. Eve's curse was not just "in pain you will bear children", it was also "Your desire will be for your husband". People seem to forget that. Take a look at how most men treat their wives. Look at how dismissive they are of their wives feelings, and worth. Add to that time spent on the computer browsing at porn, or just harmless things, but completely taking time away from the spouse. I hear many women crying that they want to be loved by their huabands, held, kissed, but their husbands ignore them and their wants and needs, only to then come to them for sex, thinking that sex is a substitute for love. Most women in church today, at least the ones that I know, feel very trapped in their marriages. They get no emotional or loving support, but are expected, as one lady so crudely put it to me, "to put out like a prostitute, simply because he pays the bills, and one day stood before God and man and married me." If what I hear from our church women is any indication, I shutter to think of what most marriages are like. So yeah, I get why women's happiness is down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woody Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Sorry that you have had such a dismal experience with women sharing their hurt with you. I am sure it has colored your view of men. But let me share the 'other side of the story'. Men and women see love differently. The men you describe probably think they are loving and caring for their wives in more ways than sex. They would probably be shocked to hear what you have described. What needs to happen is each partner needs to 'learn' how the other person expresses love so that when they see it they can recognize the expression. Sure ... each partner needs to try to learn and express what the other partner wants. But, they also need to know the 'real' expression from the partner which will be the most genuine and heart felt. Quote May we be one so that the world may be won. Christian from the cradle to the grave I believe in Hematology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Red, The thing is that most women do learn to see how men love, and how it differs from their way of loving. However, most of these women I am talking about have been married for 10-15 years. During those years, they have been accepting and loving and praying and excusing the "crumbs" as they put it, that their husbands throw them. After a while it gets stale. Within the last 5 years, in my local SDA church (of about 300) there have been about 20 divorces. Thats A LOT!!! And of that number only two were initiated by the husband (the first because he had a lover whom he LOVED more than his wife and 2 year old, a lover who he has already divorced, the second because he was a homosexual and so he left his wife and 2 month old!!!) all the other divorces were initiated by the wives. Women often disregard and set aside their own needs in order to be loved and in order to keep their marriage together. They are the nurturers and the ones who really put an effort into keeping the marriage together. But most of them are tired of fighting alone. They feel trapped. And they are extremely unhappy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woody Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Wow. What a slanted and sexist view. I would encourage you to try to understand how men express love and give them the benefit of the doubt. It is best when both couples try to learn about the other's ways of expressing love. Let me give you an example that my wife has learned about me. I feel close when my wife is in the same room as I am in. I feel love when we are in the same room. WE might be reading or watching TV or we might be on the internet. But if we are in the same room ... I can feel connected. WE also might be close and holding hand while 'together'. But it is the presence in the room that I enjoy. Due to this ... my wife makes an effort to do what work she can .... on the computer or otherwise .... in the room that I am in. She is busy and does not always get to be with me. I am a frequent bachelor ... as I am this weekend. So ... we try hard to get together when we can. It did take a few years for my wife to understand this need of mine. But things are working out good now. I just think that both sexes need to be tolerant and understanding. And I don't think women have a monopoly on this as much as they might like to think they do. Like you said ... it is the women who are giving up on the marriages nowadays. Quote May we be one so that the world may be won. Christian from the cradle to the grave I believe in Hematology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Red, There are good husbands and good wives. There are really good marriages too. I am happy that you are in one. I know many who are. But what I am saying is that I also know many who aren't! And I also see that most who are trying are the wives. And if they are giving up it's because they are tired of being put down. What I am relaying is what I am seeing. I am not sexist. I don't have anything against men. In fact I get along very well with men. I was commenting on a study that said women are unhappy. I gave my opinion, based on what I have seen in my local church, and among my friends. Thats all. dgrimm60 I agree 100% with what you've said. Unfortunately many people today are not walking with the Lord. This is in turn affecting the marriages of our members. Did you know that divorce rates INSIDE the SDA church are nearly 10% higher than those of the world? Sad indeed!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woody Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 And your observations are valid Paula. Just as valid as mine which are just the opposite of yours. I have observed that each sex is stuck in their own paradigm. If only they could get unstuck and observe and respect the other paradigm .... the marriage would benefit and the hopeless dispair would disappear. I see selfishness to be more and more prevelant. No one is willing to budge. Women are not exempt and they are not giving or budging any more than the man from what I have seen. The future is not secured by blaming one side or the other. Each partner needs commitment and a love that is willing to explore the others feelings. Quote May we be one so that the world may be won. Christian from the cradle to the grave I believe in Hematology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Gerr Posted September 19, 2009 Moderators Share Posted September 19, 2009 Could somebody post the questions used to determine whether a person is happy or not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woody Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Could somebody post the questions used to determine whether a person is happy or not? Does my spouse provide for my needs in the way that I want them to? Quote May we be one so that the world may be won. Christian from the cradle to the grave I believe in Hematology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Bravus Posted September 19, 2009 Moderators Share Posted September 19, 2009 Well, of course, women have a whole *industry* devoted to making them unhappy - the horrifyingly ironically-named 'beauty' industry. A contented woman spends less than a discontented one, and the consumer society can't have that! Quote Truth is important Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woody Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Hey ... I was going to add a photo of 'beauty' ... but this thread does not allow adding files. What happened? Or is it just that people are tired of seeing 'her' so they have disabled the option for ME? Quote May we be one so that the world may be won. Christian from the cradle to the grave I believe in Hematology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phkrause Posted September 20, 2009 Members Share Posted September 20, 2009 I did notice a factor that's being left out, and that is God. When he is not in this relationship and the one we are focusing on, than it will definitely fail. pk Quote phkrause By the decree enforcing the institution of the papacy in violation of the law of God, our nation will disconnect herself fully from righteousness. When Protestantism shall stretch her hand across the gulf to grasp the hand of the Roman power, when she shall reach over the abyss to clasp hands with spiritualism, when, under the influence of this threefold union, our country shall repudiate every principle of its Constitution as a Protestant and republican government, and shall make provision for the propagation of papal falsehoods and delusions, then we may know that the time has come for the marvelous working of Satan and that the end is near. {5T 451.1} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outta Here Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 What sort of things are the men doing to fill the needs of the wives these days? Are they meeting their needs--doing the little things that their wives need; things like finding out what makes the wife feel loved and doing those? Or is it just the wives who are finding out what the men need and doing things like working in the same room as them, for example, to make the men feel loved? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Bravus Posted September 20, 2009 Moderators Share Posted September 20, 2009 Raises hand: I'm doing lots of little things, hence my happy wife. not smug, just care enough. Quote Truth is important Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Bravus Posted September 20, 2009 Moderators Share Posted September 20, 2009 Seems to me part of the problem is each person whining 's/he is not meeting my needs', when ironically the approach that works is forgetting about that entirely. If you put your time and energy into meeting his/her needs and forget about your own, the magic is that you're both happy, and both get your needs met. (I know, it does take two to tango, and there are definitely people here, like everywhere, who have done everything right and their partner has gone wrong anyway.) I'm still seeing lots of blaming the other sex - or society or whatever else. Each of us taking a good hard look at ourselves and how good a partner *we* are is the place to start, IMO. Quote Truth is important Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outta Here Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Sorry. I was just trying to point out something I thought was kind of ironic-- A thread about women who are unhappy, and a "solution" that showed how one woman was making her man happier. Nevermind. 'Twas lost in my own mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outta Here Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Bravus Posted September 20, 2009 Moderators Share Posted September 20, 2009 Sorry, Aubrey, the forum format bit us again. I *wasn't* having a go at you or responding directly to your post, but more to a vibe I got from the whole tenor of the thread. My point was actually the same as yours - it's about actively figuring out ways to be closer. Quote Truth is important Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outta Here Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 No worries. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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