Growing Each Day by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski

[phkrause]

23 Shevat

"Master of the world, Who reigned before anything was created" (Siddur).

The prayer Adon Olam is the opening prayer of the morning service; some congregations also recite it at the close of the evening service. It is also included in the extended version of the prayer upon retiring.

Adon Olam's being both the opening and closing prayer is similar to the practice of beginning the reading of Genesis on Simchas Torah immediately after concluding the last chapter of Deuteronomy. There, we indicate that Torah is infinite; like a circle, it has no beginning or end. So it is with prayer, which represents our relationship with God. Since God is infinite, we never reach a finite goal in relating to Him.

Indeed, the cyclical natures of prayer and Torah not only indicate that there is no end, but also that there is no beginning. Secular studies have levels of graduation which indicate that one has completed a certain level. In Torah studies, we do not complete anything. Indeed, each volume of the Talmud begins with page two rather than page one, to teach us that we have not even begun, let alone ever finish.

Growth in spirituality has no limits. The symbolism in the cyclical format of Torah and prayer is that we cannot say that we have even reached the halfway mark in spiritual growth, much less the end. This realization should excite us, not depress us, because our potential is infinite.

Today I shall ...

...

try to understand that regardless of how much I think I may have advanced in spirituality, I have hardly even made a beginning.

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24 Shevat

Arouse yourself, arouse yourself, for your light has come; arise and shine. Awake, awake, utter a song, for the glory of God is revealed upon you (Siddur).

An inspiring call to arousal is repeated no less than five times in this liturgical verse. The reason is that merely arousing people to action once may not suffice to bring them out of lethargy. A person whose sleep is disturbed by his alarm clock may simply shut off the alarm and return to sleep.

Just as people often resist being awakened from physical sleep, they are much more resistant being awakened from spiritual sleep. Many people have had moments of spiritual awakening, only to ignore them and return to the comfort of their previous routine. Inertia is a powerful force, and repeated urgings are necessary to overcome it.

If we knew that something extremely important or very exciting was awaiting us in the morning, we probably would not silence the alarm clock and return to sleep. Under such circumstances, we usually jump out of bed, anticipating the special event. Children won't get up easily to go to school, but wild horses will not keep them in bed on the morning of a school trip.

If only we knew and understood that spiritual arousal elevates people and makes them worthy of God's Presence upon them, we would welcome the arousal call for spirituality with the anticipation of something great. By failing to appreciate spirituality, we cause ourselves to linger in lethargy.

Today I shall ...

...

look for experiences that can initiate or enhance my spiritual growth.

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25 Shevat

A man has joy in the utterance of his mouth, and a word at the right time, how good it is (Proverbs 15:23).

As a rule, silence is golden, and generally we do not regret having held our peace. But exceptions exist to every rule, and sometimes not saying the proper thing is wrong.

We often keep silent because we do not know what to say. Especially in cases where others have suffered great personal losses, what can we say? Every conceivable remark seems so inadequate.

Not only do we tend to remain silent, but the awkwardness of keeping silent may cause us to avoid the discomfort of such a situation. Suppose we hear that an acquaintance lost a child in a traffic accident or to a serious illness. What can we say? It is one thing to pay a condolence call to someone who has lost a parent and say, "Please accept my sympathies." It is the way of the world that parents die before their children. These words are so empty, however, to grieving parents who have lost a child. Since we do not know what to say, we may simply avoid the bereaved family and thereby add loneliness to their suffering.

May God spare us all from such experiences. But if, God forbid, we have heard of a tragedy, we should not stay away or keep silent. If we feel another's pain, we should not hesitate to say so. "I feel along with you" are simple words, and when said in sincerity, can support distressed spirits.

Words cannot restore anyone's loss, but there is truth in the adage that "A sorrow shared is halved."

Today I shall ...

...

try to be of help to people who are suffering, if only to let them know that I sincerely feel along with them.

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26 Shevat

May the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart find favor before You (Psalms 19:15).

Why must we verbalize prayer? Since God knows our innermost thoughts, why don't we just meditate? Furthermore, why should we pray at all? Since God knows what is best for us, we should just trust that He will provide that which we need.

Let us consider the second question first. We do not pray in order to inform God of anything, for indeed He knows our needs better than we do. We pray in order to make ourselves aware of our dependence upon God. We are always at risk of deluding ourselves that we have control of our destinies. We may think that what we do and what transpires are indeed cause and effect. We therefore need to be reminded frequently that except where the principle of moral free choice applies, our destinies are controlled by God.

Why verbalize prayer? Speech alone characterizes us as humans and distinguishes us from lower forms of life. Animals undoubtedly think and feel, but only humans can speak. As we stand before God, we need to remember that we are human, and that as humans our goals and behavior should have the dignity of humanity. If we only pray for our physical needs and welfare, we have not advanced beyond the animal stage, and we are then what science calls Homo sapiens - intellectual animals, but animals nevertheless. We need to remember that we are much more than Homo sapiens, for we can aspire to spiritual achievements and goals.

Today I shall ...

... think about the meaning of prayer and realize that I am a being who is capable of spirituality, and that while my physical life is dependent upon God, I am responsible for my spiritual development.

[phkrause]

27 Shevat

May there not be anguish nor grief nor sighing on the day of our rest (Siddur).

It is noteworthy that the Hebrew words for these types of distress are all in the singular: an anguish, a grief, a sighing.

Many years ago, when my brother was gravely ill, I visited a rabbi in Israel and asked for a berachah(blessing) for his recovery. As I left, the rabbi said to me, "May you have many worries."

Noting my astonishment at this unusual berachah, the rabbi said, "When you have many worries, then things are in order. It is when you have only one worry that things are bad.

"You see," he explained, "life is never free of worries. Ever since Adam was expelled from Gan Eden (paradise), life has never been without problems, but these are the normal stresses of everyday life.

"If something extremely bad occurs, people forget all their usual daily worries and become totally preoccupied with this single, truly serious problem. For example, your worry about your brother's serious illness is pre-eminent and has displaced all other worries, because they all pale in comparison.

"My wish for you is that you have many worries, so that none be of such magnitude as to obscure all others."

Today I shall ...

... try to realize that the fact that I can list a number of things that are unpleasant is actually a favorable sign, because none of them is so severe that it obscures all the others.

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28 Shevat

Until now Your compassion has helped us, and Your kindness has not forsaken us, and so, God, never abandon us (Siddur).

At a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, a man who was sober for several years stated, "I wish that I could tell you that since I have been sober everything has gone my way, but it has not. My wife has recently served me with divorce papers, I have lost my job, my car has been repossessed, and my house is up for sheriff's sale. But I am certain that God did not see me through so many ordeals only to walk out on me now."

I then realized that although I had recited the words of the above prayer many times, I had not grasped their full meaning. At moments of great distress and anguish, we may become bewildered and even lose hope. How foolish for us to think that after all that God has done to sustain us, He would now forsake us!

Perhaps the problem stems from our not realizing that God has sustained us until now. In the Amidah, we express our gratitude "for Your miracles that are with us every day." Still, we tend to take many things for granted as though they are natural phenomena rather than Divine miracles and we fail to see the protective and guiding hand of God, every day of our lives. A true faith and realization of God's watchfulness over us would reassure us that just as He has not abandoned us in the past, which is attested to by our very existence, He will not abandon us in the future.

Today I shall ...

... try to realize that God has looked after me in the past, and when things happen that cause me to have fear, I will find security in the knowledge that God will not forsake me in the future.

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29 Shevat

God considers a good intention as though one had performed a good deed (Kiddushin 40a).

Our time is finite, and therefore every moment is precious and irreplaceable. Yet sometimes we waste precious moments because we do not have something constructive to do.

Some people carry a small book with them, so that if they must wait for a bus or sit in a waiting room, they can use the time productively. It may be a book of Psalms or something to study. It may be a notebook to record an idea or jot down plans. While this practice is excellent, what about the times when we are in bed and cannot fall asleep, or are walking down the street and we cannot read?

An excellent idea is to think about how and when to perform a commandment when the opportunity arises. Plan how we can contribute more to charity or other benevolent deeds, or make mental inventory of the sick, lonely, and needy, and think about how we can bring cheer into their lives. One can reflect on the opening phrase of the Shema, and reassert one's belief in the unity of God and in His providence. One can dedicate oneself to serve God with all one's heart, soul, and might, as we declare when we recite the Shema.

One can also think about self-improvement and how to avoid doing things that one regrets having done. This is part of the commandment to repent, and can be fulfilled at least partially by meditation and concentration.

If one had idle cash and knew that it could be invested for great profit, one would certainly seize the opportunity to do so. We ought to do the same with idle time.

Today I shall ...

... try to utilize every moment of the day constructively.

[phkrause]

30 Shevat

In all my days I have never had to look behind me before saying anything (Shabbos 118b).

Lashon hara (gossip or slander) is not necessarily untruthful. The Torah forbids saying something derogatory about a person even if it is completely true.

One of the best guidelines to decide what you should or should not say is to ask: "Does it make a difference who might overhear it?" If it is something that you would rather someone not overhear, it is best left unsaid.

Sometimes the information need not be derogatory. A secret may not be saying anything bad about anyone, but if someone has entrusted you with confidential information, and you have this tremendous urge to share the privileged communication with someone else, you should ask yourself: "Would I reveal this if the person who trusted me with this information were present?"

Sometimes people want to boast. They may even fabricate their story to those who have no way of knowing that it may not be true. Still, they would be ashamed to boast in the presence of someone who knew that their statement was false.

Volumes have been written about what is proper speech and about what constitutes an abuse of this unique capacity to verbalize with which man was endowed. But even if one does not have time to master all of the scholarly works on the subject, a reliable rule of thumb is to ask, "Do I need to look behind me before I say it?" If the answer is yes, do not say it.

Today I shall ...

...

monitor my speech carefully, and not say anything that I would not wish someone to overhear.

[phkrause]

1 Adar

IIf you eat of the labor of your hands, you will be fortunate, and the good will be yours (Psalms 128:2).

The Rabbi of Kotzk had a unique interpretation for this verse. "Yes," he said, "eat of the labor of your hands, but not of your heart and soul. Of course you must work with your hands to earn your bread, but while your hands must work, do not allow your entire being to be absorbed in work. Direct your heart and soul toward goals that are spiritual."

Some Torah commentaries note that when Adam sinned, he was cursed: "By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread" (Genesis 3:19). Since work was established as a punishment, why would anyone want to indulge in punishment? Any thinking person would try to get by with the very minimum penalty.

Today we witness the phenomenon of what happens when people who know nothing but work all their lives reach the age of retirement. Many spend these later years in misery, not having anything else to do; some turn to alcohol in their old age to escape from a burden of an empty life.

If people put their entire being, rather than just their hands, into work, they will not achieve happiness. People who develop spiritual interests have a much happier old age, for as the Psalmist says, "They will bear fruit in their old age, and will remain vigorous and fresh" (Psalms 92:15).

Today I shall ...

...

try to realize that although I must work in order to live, I do not live just in order to work, and so I must develop the spiritual aspects of my life.

[phkrause]

2 Adar

One who humiliates another person in public ... even though he may be a scholar and may have done many good deeds, nevertheless loses his portion in the eternal world (Ethics of the Fathers 3:15).

Imagine a situation: you have a fine home, a well-paying job, a comfortable car, and a substantial retirement annuity. If you do a single thoughtless act, you will lose everything you have worked to achieve: home, job, car, and savings. What kind of precautions would you take to avoid even the remotest possibility of incurring such a disaster? Without doubt, you would develop an elaborate system of defenses to assure that this event would never occur.

The Talmud tells us that everything we have worked for during our entire lives can be forfeited in one brief moment of inconsideration: we embarrass another person in public. Perhaps we may say something insulting or make a demeaning gesture. Regardless of how it occurs, the Talmud states that if we cause another person to turn pale because of being humiliated in public, we have committed the equivalent of bloodshed.

Still, we allow our tongues to wag so easily. If we give serious thought to the words of the Talmud, we would exercise the utmost caution in public and be extremely sensitive to other people's feelings, lest an unkind word or degrading gesture deprive us of all our spiritual merits.

Today I shall ...

... try to be alert and sensitive to other people's feelings and take utmost caution not to cause anyone to feel humiliated.

[phkrause]

3 Adar

You shall know this day and consider it within your heart (Deuteronomy 4:39).

Business people who are involved in many transactions employ accountants to analyze their operations and to determine whether or not they are profitable. They may also seek the help of experts to determine which products are making money and which are losing. Such studies allow them to maximize their profits and minimize their losses. Without such data, they might be doing a great deal of business, but discover at the end of the year that their expenditures exceeded their earnings.

Sensible people give at least as much thought to the quality and achievement of their lives as they do to their businesses. Each asks himself, "Where am I going with my life? What am I doing that is of value? In what ways am I gaining and improving? And which practices should I increase, and which should I eliminate?"

Few people make such reckonings. Many of those that do, do so on their own, without consulting an expert's opinion. These same people would not think of being their own business analysts and accountants, and they readily pay large sums of money to engage highly qualified experts in these fields.

Jewish ethical works urge us to regularly undergo cheshbon hanefesh, a personal accounting. We would be foolish to approach this accounting of our very lives with any less seriousness than we do our business affairs. We should seek out the "spiritual C.P.A.s," those who have expertise in spiritual guidance, to help us in our analyses.

Today I shall ...

... look for competent guidance in doing a personal moral inventory and in planning my future.

[phkrause]

4 Adar

The words of Torah should be as fresh to you as if you first heard them today (Rashi, Deuteronomy 11:13).

Excitement often comes from novelty, but novelty is exciting only as long as it is new. Someone who buys a car fully loaded with options may feel an emotional high, but after several weeks, the novelty wears off and it is just another vehicle.

Spirituality, too, suffers from routine. Human beings may do all that is required of them as moral people and observe all the Torah's demands in terms of the performance of commandments, yet their lives may be insipid and unexciting because their actions have become rote, simply a matter of habit. The prophet Isaiah criticizes this when he says, "Their reverence of Me has become a matter of routine" (Isaiah 29:13). Reverence must be an emotional experience. A reverence that is routine and devoid of emotion is really no reverence at all.

Thus, the excitement that is essential for true observance of Torah depends upon novelty, upon having both an understanding of Torah today that we did not have yesterday and a perception of our relationship to God that is deeper than the one we had yesterday. Only through constantly learning and increasing our knowledge and awareness of Torah and Godliness can we achieve this excitement.

Life is growth. Since stagnation is the antithesis of growth, it is also the antithesis of life. We can exist without growth, but such an existence lacks true life.

Today I shall ...

...

try to discover new things in the Torah and in my relationship to God.

[phkrause]

5 Adar

Go to the ant, you sluggard, consider her ways and become wise (Proverbs 6:6).

The Talmud states that had the Torah not been given, we would have been held accountable to learn proper behavior from observance of lower forms of life. As Solomon says, we could have learned diligence from the ant. The Talmud adds that we could have learned modesty, fidelity, and respect of others' possessions by observing certain animals' behaviors.

We might ask: "Without Torah to teach us, how would we have known which animal traits to emulate? Perhaps we would have learned indolence from the alligator, which basks in the sun all day, and ruthlessness from predatory animals!"

People are endowed with an inherent sense of decency and morality. We are expected to use this innate power to judge right and wrong. The Torah only clarifies and emphasizes for us what we could have achieved on our own.

The Talmud thus teaches us that corruption is not only wrong and sinful, but actually unnatural. People do not sin because they have unnatural desires, but because they fail to exercise their innate intellect. If we think before we act, weighing the pros and cons of what we do, we are less likely to go astray.

Today I shall ...

... be aware that the dignity of a human being lies in the capacity to think before acting. I will not allow myself to be less than a dignified human being.

[phkrause]

6 Adar

[solomon] was wiser than all men (I Kings 5:11), even wiser than fools (Midrash).

What does the Midrash mean by "wiser than fools"?

A man of means was once a Sabbath guest at the home of the Chofetz Chaim. He insisted upon paying the sage in advance for the Sabbath meals - an insulting demand. To everyone's surprise, the Chofetz Chaim accepted the money.

After the Sabbath the Chofetz Chaim forced the guest to take the money back. He explained, "Had I refused to accept the money before the Sabbath, the thought that he was imposing upon me might have distracted from the man's enjoying the spirit of the Sabbath. Although it was foolish of him to feel this way, I wished to put his mind at rest."

Not everyone thinks wisely all the time. Some people have foolish ideas. Yet if we oppose them, they may feel they have been wronged. Insisting on the logic of our own thinking may not convince them in the least. In such instances, it may require great wisdom to avoid offending someone, yet not submitting to his folly.

By accepting his guest's money, knowing that he would return it to him after the Sabbath, the Chofetz Chaim wisely accommodated this man's whim without compromising on his own principles.

A wise person may be convinced by a logical argument, but outsmarting a fool truly requires genius.

Today I shall ...

... try to avoid offending people whom I feel to be in the wrong, without in any way compromising myself.

[phkrause]

7 Adar

[Just before Moses' death] God said to him, "This is the Land that I promised to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob" (Deuteronomy 34:4).

The Midrash says that Moses pleaded to live long enough to be able to enter the Promised Land. He surrendered his soul only after God instructed him to enter Heaven and inform the Patriarchs that the Israelites had come to their Land and that God had indeed fulfilled His promise to give the Land of Israel to their descendants. To fulfill God's will was dearer to Moses than his craving to enter the Land.

It is only natural to cling to life, and the thought of leaving this world is depressing. However, if a person develops the attitude that he lives only in order to fulfill God's will, then life and death are no longer polar opposites, because he lives to do the will of God, and when that will requires that he leave this world, he will be equally obedient.

The seventh day of Adar is the anniversary of Moses' death. He wanted to enter the Promised Land so that he could fulfill the commandments and thereby have a new opportunity to fulfill the Divine wish. He surrendered his soul willingly when he was told that there was a special commandment for him to perform, one that could only be achieved after leaving this earth.

We refer to Moses as Rabbeinu, our teacher. He not only taught us didactically, but by means of everything he did in his life - and by his death, as well.

Today I shall ...

... try to dedicate my life to fulfilling the will of God, so that even when that will contradicts my personal desires, I can accept it with serenity.

[phkrause]

8 Adar

In order that you remember and perform all My commandments (Numbers 15:40).

Memory is a unique Divine gift. Indeed, to this very day, neuropsychologists have not discovered the secret of exactly how memory operates. The turnover of the chemicals in our bodies is such that after a period of time not a single atom remains in the brain that was there several months earlier, yet a person's brain retains memories for years, decades, a lifetime.

This unique gift should not be abused. Many times the Torah tells us what we should remember and cautions us against forgetting. The concepts and events that we must retain are goals that are vital to our spiritual well-being. Most siddurim list six verses of the Torah that we should recite each day to remind us of who we are and to caution us against idolatry and lashon hara (harmful talk).

However, if we use this wonderful gift to remember those who have offended us and to harbor grudges against them, or if we remember the favors we have done for others and expect them to be beholden to us, we are abusing this Divine gift.

The key to discerning what we should remember and what we should forget is contained in the above verse: "In order that you remember and perform all My commandments." Any memory that does not assist us in working toward the ultimate goal of serving God does not deserve being retained.

Today I shall ...

... try to retain in my mind only those things that contribute to my devotion to God, and dismiss those things that may deter me therefrom.

[phkrause]

9 Adar

Gather together and I will tell you what will befall you at the end of days (Genesis 49:1).

Prior to his death, the Patriarch Jacob wished to disclose to his children the future of the Jewish nation. We know only too well what those prophecies were, and Jacob knew that revealing the enormous suffering that the Jews were destined to experience would be devastating to his children. The only way they could hear these things was if they "gathered together" and, by virtue of their unity, could share their strengths.

What was true for our ancestors holds true for us. Our strength and our ability to withstand the repeated onslaughts that mark our history lie in our joining together.

Jacob knew this lesson well. The Torah tells us that "Jacob remained alone, and a man wrestled with him" (Genesis 32:25). Jacob discovered that he was vulnerable only when he remained alone.

Some people feel that they must be completely independent. They see reliance on someone else, be it others or God, as an indication of weakness. This destructive pride emanates from an unhealthy ego. In my book Let Us Make Man (CIS 1987), I address the apparent paradox that a humble person is one who is actually aware of his strengths, and that feelings of inadequacy give rise to egocentricity and false pride.

Not only are we all mutually interdependent, the Torah further states that when we join together, our strengths are not only additive, but increase exponentially (Rashi, Leviticus 26:8). Together, we can overcome formidable challenges.

Today I shall ...

... try to join with others in strengthening Judaism and in resisting those forces that threaten spirituality.

[phkrause]

10 Adar

Do not throw a stone into the well from which you drank (Bava Kama 92b).

The Talmud states that this folk saying is related to the Torah commandment, "Do not reject an Egyptian, because you were a dweller in his land" (Deuteronomy 23:8). Since Egypt hosted the Israelites, we, their descendants, must acknowledge our gratitude.

The brief period of tranquility that our ancestors enjoyed in Egypt was followed by decades of ruthless enslavement and brutal oppression. Thousands of newborn Israelite children were murdered. This unspeakable horror more than obscured any favorable treatment they had received earlier, and our natural inclination is to despise the Egyptians with a passion.

The Torah tells us to take a different path. Although we celebrate, every Passover, our liberation from this tyrannical enslavement and commemorate the triumph over our oppressors, we have no right to deny that we did receive some benefit from them. Even though a denial of gratitude might appear well justified in this particular case, it might impact upon us in such a manner that we might also deny gratitude when it is fully deserved.

If people cast stones into the well from which they drank, the well will not be hurt in the least, because it is an inanimate and insensitive object. The act, however, might impact negatively upon those who do it: they might subsequently behave with a lack of gratitude to people as well.

Today I shall ...

...

try to remember to be considerate of anyone who has any time been of help to me, even though his later actions might have been hostile.

[phkrause]

11 Adar

God instills an additional neshamah (soul) in a person on the eve of the Sabbath (Beitzah 16a).

We know that two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Although spiritual substance need not be subject to the law of physics, we might still ask, "Where does this additional neshamah fit? Was there previously a vacuum in the space it now occupies?"

As the Sabbath approaches, we create a place for the additional neshamah by discarding much of the weekday matter we have accumulated. To the extent that we rid ourselves of the weekday problems, to that extent we can receive the additional neshamah of the Sabbath.

We are instructed to approach the Sabbath with an attitude that all our weekday work has been totally completed, and so nothing has been left undone that could cause us to think about it on the Sabbath. Weekday activities relate to the means of living, while the Sabbath represents the goal of life. It is the time when, freed from all other activities, we can direct attention to the study of Torah, to prayer, and to contemplating on what God wants of us. Vacating the thoughts, stresses and worries of weekday life leaves "space" for that extra neshamah.

We can begin preparing to receive the additional neshamah during the week: we can consider our weekday activities as merely the means to earn a livelihood, and then look forward to the Sabbath, on which we will be able to focus on the purpose of life.

Today I shall ...

... try to realize that work is a means rather than a goal, and to look forward to the Sabbath, when I will be able to more fully concentrate on the goals of life.

[phkrause]

12 Adar

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt badly that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall ...

... try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

[phkrause]

13 Adar

From the mouths of babes and sucklings You established strength (Psalms 8:3).

The Talmud tells us that when Haman threatened to annihilate the Jews, Mordechai gathered the children and led them in prayer to God. Why children? Because they are likely to be more sincere, and their prayers more genuine.

A Chassidic master said that one of the things we should learn from an infant is that it cries for whatever it wants. When an infant wants something, it wants it with all its being, and nothing else either interests it or distracts it from the object of its desire. The baby will cry relentlessly until it gets what it wants.

We pray for the redemption of Israel. We tell ourselves that we really want the Exile to end. We ask for redemption no less than three times a day in our prayers. But just one question: If we really wanted it as much as we say we do, why do we not cry for it?

An infant does not play intellectual games. It does not rationalize. It does not debate why it is preferable to get its way or not get it. The item of its desire may be only a brightly colored ball or a wooden block, but at that moment, it is as important to the infant as life itself, and it makes its desire well known to all with ears to hear.

Parents respond to the infant's cry because, in their intense love for the child, they do not wish to deprive it of something it wants so desperately.

God loves us more than a parent loves a child. If we would cry for our redemption, we would certainly get it.

Today I shall ...

... try to understand how being in Exile prevents me from attaining maximum intimacy with God, to the point where I will cry to Him for redemption.

[phkrause]

14 Adar

Mordechai said to respond to Esther, "Do not think that you can save yourself [from Haman's decree of annihilation] because you are in the royal palace" (Esther 4:13).

Esther, the heroine of the Purim episode, received this sharp rebuke from Mordechai. No Jew should ever assume that anti-Semitism will affect only others but not oneself. No one has immunity. Every Jew must know that he or she is part of a unit, and a threat against any Jew anywhere in the world is a threat to all Jews.

History has unfortunately repeated itself many times. Spanish Jews who held powerful governmental positions were sent into exile along with their brethren. Jewish millionaires and members of European parliaments were cremated in Auschwitz ovens. Throughout the ages, those who had thought to escape anti-Semitic persecution by concealing their Jewish identities sadly learned that this effort was futile.

Esther accepted Mordechai's reprimand and risked her life to save her people. In fact, the Megillah (Book of Esther) tells us that Esther had not revealed her Jewish identity because Mordechai had instructed her to keep it a secret. She never would have stayed hidden in the palace and watched her people perish. Mordechai spoke his sharp words not to her, but to posterity.

Some people simply refuse to accept history's painful lessons. In defiance, they continue to say that they will be different. Neither any individual who feels secure for any reason nor any community that lives in what it considers to be a safe environment should have this delusion of immunity.

Mordechai's message reverberates throughout the centuries: "Do not think that you can save yourself by hiding when other Jews are being persecuted."

Today I shall ...

... be forthcoming and proud of my Jewish identity and at all times retain a firm solidarity with my people.

[phkrause]

15 Adar

For Mordechai ... was approved by most of his brethren. He sought the good of his people and spoke in peace to all their descendants (Esther 10:3).

The great Mordechai, who saved the Jewish people from total annihilation, won the approval of only most of his brethren. Most, but not all.

Some people need to be liked by everyone. If one person out of several hundred does not approve of them, they are devastated. They are likely to become "people pleasers," going out of their way to obtain universal approval.

This attitude comes from low self-esteem. People who feel secure about themselves believe that they are generally likable and do not feel threatened if one or more people does not like them. They realize that some personalities are simply incompatible with certain other personalities. The "chemistry" between two people may be of such a nature that one person simply does not like the other, but that need not be a reflection on the latter's worth.

People who are insecure and feel unlikable expect to be rejected. They therefore interpret innocent comments or gestures as confirmations of their unlikability. Since they fear such "rejections," they do things in order to be liked, in other words, they try to "buy" affection.

Mordechai sought everyone's welfare and spoke peace fully to all, but he was not perturbed that he did not achieve universal approval. If some did not approve of him, that was their problem, not his.

Today I shall ...

... try to avoid using universal approval as the measure of my self-worth and avoid buying friendship and affection.

[phkrause]

16 Adar

It is not incumbent upon you to complete the work (Ethics of the Fathers 2:21).

In economics, the bottom line measures success and failure. Someone who goes into a business venture with complete recklessness, yet makes a great deal of money, is considered a successful entrepreneur. Another person who was extremely cautious and applied sound business principles, yet went bankrupt, is considered a failure.

Unfortunately, we tend to apply these values to our personal, non-business lives. If things do not turn out the way we wish, we may think that we have performed badly. This is not true. If parents abuse and neglect their children, yet one child wins the Nobel Prize, or discovers the cure for cancer, they do not suddenly become good parents. On the other hand, if they did their utmost to raise their children well, yet one becomes a criminal, they are not necessarily bad parents.

We must understand that we have no control over outcome. All we can control is process, i.e. what we do. If we act with sincerity and with the best guidance available, then what we are doing is right.

Parents whose children turn out to be anti-social invariably fault themselves and may be consumed by guilt. Their pain is unavoidable, but their guilt is unjustified.

Humans do not have the gift of prophecy, nor do we always have the most accurate knowledge. We should hold ourselves responsible for that which we can control, but we should not hold ourselves responsible for that which is beyond our control.

Today I shall ...

... try to realize that I must judge the correctness of my actions by how I arrive at them, and not by what results from them.

[phkrause]

17 Adar

I stand between God and you (Deuteronomy 5:5).

We can also read the verse to mean that it is the "I" that stands between God and you. Indeed, many commentaries make the illuminating interpretation that the ego not only forms the barrier between God and people, but it also separates us from our fellow men and women.

Self-centeredness renders us unable to empathize with others - to share in their distress or participate in their success. When we are completely preoccupied with ourselves, we lack the time and capacity to be attentive to others, and barriers to communication inevitably develop.

The great works of mussar and chassidus stress that people must efface themselves before God, because to the degree that they are occupied with their own importance, to that degree they separate themselves from God. Even sin cannot separate a person from God the way vanity does. It is of the vain person that God says, "I cannot coexist in his presence" (Sotah 5a).

Self-effacement does not mean low self-esteem. How? If people realize that their abilities are gifts from God, they can then be both humble and aware of their skills and talents.

If we allow awareness of our potential to go to our heads, however, we begin to consider others inferior to ourselves. Our hollow feelings of superiority not only disrupt our sense of belonging with others, but also cause the vanity and arrogance which repel the Divine Presence.

Today I shall ...

... try to recognize my self-worth, while being aware that my strengths are a Divine gift. I am no better than any of God's creatures, and I should not allow barriers to develop between myself and them.