Doug Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 He is 45 years old, does not work, has no education and lives at home with his mom. He had a friend meet a woman online and he got married so now he thinks he has a chance as well. He isn't computer literate and won't take the time to learn how to use one. He has me set up profiles for him but I really don't know what to write. He needs to learn how to interact with people. A woman emailed him and he told me to tell her to propose to her. I cf course didn't, I just explained the situation to her and who I was and if she felt comfortable talking to him on the phone. But those kind of things are what he does. Someone needs to tell him straight up but I don't know how to say it without hurting his feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators John317 Posted July 9, 2011 Moderators Share Posted July 9, 2011 Honestly, your cousin isn't ready to get married, and I can't see any woman using the mind God gave her getting married to him at this point. He first needs to become independent and show that he can support a wife and possibly some children. If he doesn't have enough ambition or drive and the wherewithall to learn how to use a computer, how is he ever going to learn how to live outside his mother's home? I have grave doubts that he could make a woman happy. You are absolutely right that this 45-year old man needs to learn how to interact with other people. I'm only surprised that he hasn't done it yet. The best thing for him would be for his mother to kick him out of the house and let him find his own way. "Tough Love" is tough but it is the only way. Hurting his feelings is the least of it. Be honest with him. It's time somebody is. Quote John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. [17] For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doug Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 Honestly, your cousin isn't ready to get married, and I can't see any woman using the mind God gave her getting married to him at this point. He first needs to become independent and show that he can support a wife and possibly some children. If he doesn't have enough ambition or drive and the wherewithall to learn how to use a computer, how is he ever going to learn how to live outside his mother's home? I have grave doubts that he could make a woman happy. You are absolutely right that this 45-year old man needs to learn how to interact with other people. I'm only surprised that he hasn't done it yet. The best thing for him would be for his mother to kick him out of the house and let him find his own way. "Tough Love" is tough but it is the only way. Hurting his feelings is the least of it. Be honest with him. It's time somebody is. I agree with you 100%. I have tried dropping hints but he isn't getting a clue. He called me a few hours ago asking me about if anyone replied to his ads. His mom completely enables him, she put him on disability when he was in highschool because he got beat up because of his thick accent. And he has been on it ever since. He has made some progress, he got and learned how to drive a car and he did take a few classes to learn how to be a home health administrater for the business his mom is starting. But there should be a lot more. I bought him a computer so he could start learning how to use the internet but he won't learn or take the time to learn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted July 10, 2011 Administrators Share Posted July 10, 2011 Some women like to "mother" their husbands. All he needs is luck enough to find one. One question should suffice, and Doug, you can ask him: What have you got to offer a wife? Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted July 10, 2011 Administrators Share Posted July 10, 2011 His mother must be getting on in years. I suppose that thought would be a source of anxiety to him. I don't envy him at all. He has his work cut out for him. Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordon1 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Take away his television. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parade Orange Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 so what does this bloke enjoy doing? how does he spend his time? what interests does he have? what makes him tic? what are his hobbies? what does he do in his free time? does he keep up his grooming? Quote All progress in the Spiritual Life is knowing and Loving GOD"there is non upon earth that I desire besides YOU" PS 73:25That perspective changes EVERYTHING-suffering and adversity are the means that makes us hungry for GOD. Disapointments will wean us away wordly occupations. Even sin(when repented of) becomes a mechanism to push us closer to HIM as we experience His Love and Forgiveness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rudywoofs (Pam) Posted July 12, 2011 Members Share Posted July 12, 2011 why is this topic under the "Matter of Prayer" forum? Doesn't look like anyone's praying or that prayer was asked for... everyone is just giving their opinions.. Mine, btw, is that a 45 yr old who can certify as a home health adm, can certainly take care of himself and make up his own mind what to do. Quit babying him. Quote Pam      Meddle Not In the Affairs of Dragons; for You Are Crunchy and Taste Good with Ketchup. If we all sang the same note in the choir, there'd never be any harmony. Funny, isn't it, how we accept Grace for ourselves and demand justice for others? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shane Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Sounds like he needs a counselor more than a wife. Has he been in counseling? I would be careful how I would interact with him. He could be suffering from some mental disability. Quote Pastoral Family Counselor... Find me at www.PostumCafe.com Author of Peculiar Christianity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted July 12, 2011 Administrators Share Posted July 12, 2011 This could very well be a matter of prayer! Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parade Orange Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 why does he want to get married? thats a very good question to probe deeply into his psyche! he isnt simple! PROVERBS 20:5 The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. what does he hope to get from it? cure for lonliness? cure for no where existance? to get away from mother? to get a new mother? to have a person to take care of? to rise to the occassion to be his own man? to look better? to fit in? to satisfy his sexual urges? he needs to take this apart its not cause he met a girl that he fell madly in love with its normal to want to have somebody to 'couple' to share life experiences with to enjoy things together to have somebody to grow old together with unless your happen to be gay according to most christians Quote All progress in the Spiritual Life is knowing and Loving GOD"there is non upon earth that I desire besides YOU" PS 73:25That perspective changes EVERYTHING-suffering and adversity are the means that makes us hungry for GOD. Disapointments will wean us away wordly occupations. Even sin(when repented of) becomes a mechanism to push us closer to HIM as we experience His Love and Forgiveness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators John317 Posted July 12, 2011 Moderators Share Posted July 12, 2011 Wow, dgrimm, 8 posts in a row. Must be some kind of a record. LOL Quote John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. [17] For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators John317 Posted July 12, 2011 Moderators Share Posted July 12, 2011 Some excellent questions there, Parade. I agree with Gail that this is all a matter for serious prayer on behalf of the poster's cousin, and I would hope he is praying for himself as well. Quote John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. [17] For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parade Orange Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 thanku JOHN317 Quote All progress in the Spiritual Life is knowing and Loving GOD"there is non upon earth that I desire besides YOU" PS 73:25That perspective changes EVERYTHING-suffering and adversity are the means that makes us hungry for GOD. Disapointments will wean us away wordly occupations. Even sin(when repented of) becomes a mechanism to push us closer to HIM as we experience His Love and Forgiveness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phkrause Posted July 13, 2011 Members Share Posted July 13, 2011 Wow, dgrimm, 8 posts in a row. Must be some kind of a record. LOL Quote phkrause By the decree enforcing the institution of the papacy in violation of the law of God, our nation will disconnect herself fully from righteousness. When Protestantism shall stretch her hand across the gulf to grasp the hand of the Roman power, when she shall reach over the abyss to clasp hands with spiritualism, when, under the influence of this threefold union, our country shall repudiate every principle of its Constitution as a Protestant and republican government, and shall make provision for the propagation of papal falsehoods and delusions, then we may know that the time has come for the marvelous working of Satan and that the end is near. {5T 451.1} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Gail Posted July 13, 2011 Administrators Share Posted July 13, 2011 Wow, dgrimm, 8 posts in a row. Must be some kind of a record. LOL This place just isn't the same without him... Quote Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreatLakesGramma Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Doug, you need to learn to say "no" and stop being an enabler. People like your cousin need more than just dropped hints. Quote Catherine God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26. "To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." -- C. S. Lewis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SivartM Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 This is an old post and all but with all of the advice to "make your cousin grow up" (at least that's what it sounds like) and and only one person that I see recommending counseling, I have to put in my say. I absolutely agree with Shane; I don't know your cousin at all, Doug, but when I read your original post I immediately thought of Asperger's Syndrome. I'm not an expert, obviously; that's just based on my knowledge of the disorder. Your cousin may be perfectly well and just lazy with no social skills, but he could also have a mental disorder. He needs to see a real psychiatrist. Quote "Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." - Oscar Wilde�Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets." - Jesus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doug Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 This is an old post and all but with all of the advice to "make your cousin grow up" (at least that's what it sounds like) and and only one person that I see recommending counseling, I have to put in my say. I absolutely agree with Shane; I don't know your cousin at all, Doug, but when I read your original post I immediately thought of Asperger's Syndrome. I'm not an expert, obviously; that's just based on my knowledge of the disorder. Your cousin may be perfectly well and just lazy with no social skills, but he could also have a mental disorder. He needs to see a real psychiatrist. A lady i know at my church deals with kids who have autism and she says for me to take him to a specialist. Thing is that he is sorta functional so i can't lead him around like a child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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