Need prayer for a difficult situation at church.

[Doug]

I am trying to be a Christian but it is hard because of the way one person is acting.

Long story short there is a guy that comes to our church, I am not sure how he gets here but the issue is when he needs to go home. I think he comes for community service mostly but stays for potluck, then there is a few of us who stay in the church cafeteria or in the chapel and just talk till midnight or so. Sometimes we even go out to eat. The problem is that this guy does not have a car, so he usually ends up staying late and someone has to drive him home. This gets tiresome sometimes.

For me, I say you shouldn't go anywhere if you don't have an established reliable way of getting home. I think we all should try to help out each other once in a while, but there is a point where a person needs to take control of their situation and figure out something. So he just hangs around and tries to bum rides off people. I did it a few times, but a lot of the time the way he asks people is kinda rude. One Sabbath he just announced to me that he was ready to go home he needed to go home. So he kinda sprung it on me right then and there. So I feel like I am being taken advantage of. He barely even offers money for gas. He tried to give me a dollar a few weeks ago. It is possible to take the bus, I know plenty of people who take the bus to church. I even did it for about 10 years or so before I got a car it isn't difficult.

Last week took the cake. I was going out to my car to get a sweater and he just approached me and asked me if I was going home any time soon. I said no I was staying late. One time I took him home, then turned around and came back and everyone had left. So he spent the time I was at the church doing things following me around giving me puppy eyes. Also this guy is a few years older than me. Eventually someone he kinda new left and he told the person "I guess I am coming with you", without asking the person if he could get a ride. It seems to me that he kinda expects people just to do things for him just because and that annoys me. I wish I didn't have these thoughts in my head but I do.

[phkrause]

That does seem like a tough situation. Will be praying for God's will to be done. I was thinking maybe you should beat him to the punch, just after eating ask him if he needs a ride and take him home, than you will have the rest of the day free to study, read, etc., and feel you've done a good deed. Not trying to tell you what to do or not,but this is what the sabbath is all about, helping others. Anyway I recomend you also pray about it. Maybe take him aside and tell him how you feel and see what his feelings are.

[Dottie]

It sounds to me as if maybe he doesn't really know how to properly ask for things, and is lacking in social skills. Maybe doesn't feel as if he has friends. Perhaps you could talk to some of the others there and take turns taking him home.

[BobRyan]

There is an elderly woman out our church that does not have a car - every time I see her I ask if she has a way home or if I can take her home.

So do a number of other people at my church watch out for her.

in Christ,

Bob

[cricket]

Does that man have a family?

Is he mentally or physically under-abled?

Does that man have any friends?

Does he have a cell phone?

Is his home kept up neat?

What is his favorite meal?

What does he pray for?

Can you answer any of those questions?

Are you his friend?

[Naomi]

I don't know what size church you belong to, but perhaps your members could get together and make him a mission project. Those in the area in which he lives could take turns taking him home. Perhaps this would help him NOT to have such sad, puppy eyes when trying to ask for a ride. It is not always easy for many people to have to ask for a ride/or anyhing

Does he have sufficient resources to buy bus tickets or to offer more money to you for his rides home? Does anyone know?How does he get to church?

Or, as it appears he is not really welcome perhaps someone could 'get to know him a bit better' and could help him find a church that would be a better fit.

Yes, prayer is definitely needed

[LynnDel]

You sound frustrated, Doug. I have been in similar situations, and I learned something about myself: My negative reaction to such people was largely due to my feeling of guilt over having such a negative reaction! I had to turn myself around, and with God's help I now find it a joy to help those who need rides. It must be difficult to always be asking for a ride, and that may explain the presumptive or roundabout way this individual has of getting transportation from you. He may not have enough money to ride the bus, or the ability to wait a long time for the bus to arrive if there is not a bench or shade at the bus stop.

Sometimes God puts persons in our paths to give us an opportunity to serve Him. He doesn't always make it easy or convenient for us. We don't want to feed the poor or clothe the naked because they smell bad or because they have aspects of personality that are not pleasing.

Helping someone else teaches me to become less focused on myself and my wants when I take time out of my day and miss some of my pleasures to help someone who is looking for human or divine companionship. I can provide the first, and help give guidance for achieving the second.

Prayerfully,

LD

[Doug]

There is an elderly woman out our church that does not have a car - every time I see her I ask if she has a way home or if I can take her home.

So do a number of other people at my church watch out for her.

in Christ,

Bob

I shouldn't be the only one. Also this man is not an elderly woman, he is a grown man. I had the same situation when I was working a guy was there always wanted a ride home even though he made more hours than me and had been there longer than me.

[Doug]

I don't know what size church you belong to, but perhaps your members could get together and make him a mission project. Those in the area in which he lives could take turns taking him home. Perhaps this would help him NOT to have such sad, puppy eyes when trying to ask for a ride. It is not always easy for many people to have to ask for a ride/or anyhing

Does he have sufficient resources to buy bus tickets or to offer more money to you for his rides home? Does anyone know?How does he get to church?

Or, as it appears he is not really welcome perhaps someone could 'get to know him a bit better' and could help him find a church that would be a better fit.

Yes, prayer is definitely needed

I am thinking about asking the pastor to post a board for people who need rides to and from church so that people who are in his area or pass by where he lives can give him a ride home

[LifeHiscost]

I am thinking about asking the pastor to post a board for people who need rides to and from church so that people who are in his area or pass by where he lives can give him a ride home

Ahh! The life of a servant.

"And He was saying to them all, “ If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me." Luke 9:23 NASB

One doesn't have to accept the role. One only has to accept the consequences of the role one accepts.

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name’s sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life. Matthew 19:29 NKJV

Just think of the multitudes in heaven that will be more than willing to literally give you the shirt off their back if you should need it.

God blesses!

[Gail]

Many hands make for a lighter load

[Doug]

Well my idea was a success. Several people have already signed up and offered people rides.

[Woody]

Well my idea was a success. Several people have already signed up and offered people rides.

[phkrause]

Praise the Lord Doug.

[LifeHiscost]

Well my idea was a success. Several people have already signed up and offered people rides.

"Jesus answered, “I am the Way "

John 14:6 NIV

Where there's a will, there's a Way!

God blesses!

[Doug]

Now there is another problem. This person has a habit of lying. He makes up stuff about his past. Nobody really knows too much about him but he likes to tell tall tales. I can't stand when people do that. I think he just wants to be accepted even with his financial situation but he doesn't need to make up stuff. I am praying that I can hold my tongue because there are many times I want to cal him out on his lies. I guess I can just walk out of the room.

[Woody]

Hang in there Doug. Appreciate you sharing the details. I think most can relate.

[phkrause]

Will continue to keep you in our prays. Like Woody says, just hang in there. Maybe as your giving him a ride and your alone with with, call him out on his lies! See what he has to say.

[Gail]

Now there is another problem. This person has a habit of lying. He makes up stuff about his past. Nobody really knows too much about him but he likes to tell tall tales. I can't stand when people do that. I think he just wants to be accepted even with his financial situation but he doesn't need to make up stuff. I am praying that I can hold my tongue because there are many times I want to cal him out on his lies. I guess I can just walk out of the room.

Doug, there are some people in this world that you have to put up with. He sounds really insecure, and for sure this aspect of him will not help to form regular friendships.

More than we like we are all products of our past. Even if we are no longer slave to our past we were shaped by it. He might not be as "far along" in healing as others. In any case try to accept him as he is for now.

I once knew a blind person who was needy like that. She would phone members up several times a day just to talk to another human. One kind church member finally said to her, "_______________, you must not call so often. This is affecting our friendship." She was very kind in how she spoke to the girl, and the girl responded.

In dire situations, many people just don't relate to life or to others in a healthy manner. They don't know how.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Now there is another problem. This person has a habit of lying. He makes up stuff about his past.... I am praying that I can hold my tongue because there are many times I want to cal him out on his lies....

I kinda feel like that too, here on the forum..

[Naomi]

Now there is another problem. This person has a habit of lying. He makes up stuff about his past. Nobody really knows too much about him but he likes to tell tall tales. I can't stand when people do that. I think he just wants to be accepted even with his financial situation but he doesn't need to make up stuff. I am praying that I can hold my tongue because there are many times I want to cal him out on his lies. I guess I can just walk out of the room.

I no doubts that you are correct about his telling tall tails but I do have to share a personal experience concerning telling stories about my past. At one point some years ago I had to start over in life, location and financially ... long story, doesn't change this account. I took an entry level position. The other girls in the office were probably 20-30 years younger. One day I mentioned something about Paris and everyone stopped and looked at me. They began asking questions like you'be been to Paris, where else have you been. In my ignorance I answered them. For several days they would ask me questions about some of these places and if I answered them they would all giggle. It was then I realized that they didn't believe that an entry level leasing agent had ever traveled anywhere and were having great times at my expense. The reason for my sharing this, not so good part of my life, is that sometimes you can't always know from a person's current place in life where, or who they have been in the past.

[Gordon1]

In my ignorance I answered them.

lol - there's a good lesson.

[OzarkWoman]

I no doubts that you are correct about his telling tall tails but I do have to share a personal experience concerning telling stories about my past. At one point some years ago I had to start over in life, location and financially ... long story, doesn't change this account. I took an entry level position. The other girls in the office were probably 20-30 years younger. One day I mentioned something about Paris and everyone stopped and looked at me. They began asking questions like you'be been to Paris, where else have you been. In my ignorance I answered them. For several days they would ask me questions about some of these places and if I answered them they would all giggle. It was then I realized that they didn't believe that an entry level leasing agent had ever traveled anywhere and were having great times at my expense. The reason for my sharing this, not so good part of my life, is that sometimes you can't always know from a person's current place in life where, or who they have been in the past.

There ya go!!! If some of you saw me you would be surprised at where I have lived and some people I know and have met and all. I habve always said that one never knows whom one might meet on any given day and time.

[Ellen]

I have a feeling airing your problem is going to bring the solution pretty soon.

We had a blind guy come that felt members should take him home for lunch each week and asked the members who would take him. A couple people did, but one lady said she had to put him in his place. He was probably on gov assistance and felt everything should be handed to him.

I kind of felt guilty, but couldn't bring him home without my husband agreeing.

He had to accept us just like we were and not manipulate us.

But the question remains, What would Jesus do?

[Doug]

The situation has resolved it self, it seems. So this individual has burned several other people at church, his lies have been revealed to several people. Apparently he got caught in a few lies and everything unraveled. I still see him at church, but his whole attitude has changed. I no longer hear him make fake boasts about his exploits. A couple of friends of mine who attend church there almost got killed one night taking him home, just because he wouldn't be honest.