Unequally yoked - Should we as Christians marry non-Christians?

[doctortechie]

Every quarter, our Sabbath school focuses on a region in the world and many of these stories talk about families where the father (surprise surprise) isn't a Christian and forbids the wife and children to go to church only to have them heroically disobey the father. I can't believe how many times I hear this same story regardless of race, culture, or country. This begs the question: are we REALLY not supposed to marry and start a family with someone not in our religion?

[Bob Sands]

The answer to that is rather obvious, but what about a spouse being converted and then wanting to take the kids to church. A little trickier. Usually in that case, the wife and kids are welcomed by the the male to go while he sleeps in or plays golf with his buddies.

For peace in the family your question smacks of the obvious.

Note the gender gap in the survey at this cite:

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http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_prac.htm#gen

Male Female

Attended church in the last week 35% 45% *

* This is a reduction from 55% in 1991. Attendance data are grossly inflated. Independent studies that count actual participation have revealed that the actual attendance values are typically one half of those found by polls.

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This does not look like a problem of being unequally yoked but maybe the way the service is structured:

http://www.house2house.tv/index.pl/00014

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A Man's Gotta Do . . .

Generally speaking, men don't like going to church. "Women go to church, men go to football games," says Leon Podles in The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity. According to Podles' research, women are twice as likely as men to attend a church meeting during any given week. This lopsidedness holds true for Catholics, Anglicans, Methodists, Presbyterians, Charismatics, and most other varieties of Christianity, with the exceptions of the Eastern Orthodox and the Southern Baptists. While the Orthodox tradition persists among highly patriarchal cultures, Southern Baptists thrive in a relatively egalitarian land. So why do men frequent these churches more than the others?

As one who grew up in the Southern Baptist tradition, I can easily say: There's just so much to do in a Southern Baptist church, and just about anybody can become a leader of something. In a highly liturgical church like a Catholic or Episcopalian church, only the minister and one or two others get to do anything that "matters." But almost any and every man in a Southern Baptist church can become a Sunday school teacher or a deacon, both of which involve the same kinds of responsibilities that are found in the priesthood. Even the ministerial staff of a Southern Baptist church has been expanded to include everyone from the music leader, to the preschool director, to the business administrator. In short, a person stands a much better chance to FUNCTION in a Southern Baptist church than most other places. However, this is not enough to totally satisfy the typical man's hunger for purpose. Men despise their passive role in most churches, whether they have been able to label their frustration or not. Indeed there is something emasculating about just sitting, listening, and then going home. No wonder men would rather fish, or hunt, or watch the game! These activities provide a small measure of action, of purpose, and of accomplishment, even if that means yelling for your team while you sit in your favorite chair.

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[Bob Sands]

http://headlines.agapepress.org/archive/4/72005f.asp

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Author Tells Women-Oriented Churches How to Get Their Men Back

Book Urges Re-Emphasizing Christian Men's Strengths and Masculine Qualities

By Allie Martin

April 7, 2005

(AgapePress) - A Christian author says churches need to do a better job when it comes to responding to the needs and gifts of men. In his book, Why Men Hate Going to Church (Nelson Books, 2005), David Murrow asserts that churches are designed to appeal to their greatest constituency -- women.

Murrow says churches need to challenge men to live out their faith boldly and according to their strengths. But instead, he contends, "Most of our volunteer opportunities in a local church involve traditionally feminine roles -- childcare, teaching, singing, cooking, planning for gatherings -- [so typically there is] not a lot for men to do in a local church."

And, the author points out, as a result many men are not coming to church. He cites statistics showing that more than 20 percent of married women attend church without their husbands. And while church leadership is often male, studies show that women make up the backbone of most churches, representing more than 60 percent of membership and an even larger percentage of the volunteer force.

In his book, Murrow addresses the question of why the phenomena of male absence or disengagement from church is happening. He believes a major reason is that many churches have a concept of Christianity that is based on a feminine model. For instance, he notes, "The ideal values of a Christian are often identified as nurturing, verbal expression, tenderness, gentleness. If that's the definition of a Christian, it's going to be a lot harder for a man to achieve that than for a woman to, in most cases."

Still, the Christian writer cites studies indicating that men want an authentic faith experience but find churches boring and irrelevant. In Why Men Hate Going to Church, he suggests ways to address this problem.

"We have to give men opportunities to use their strengths and their gifts in the service of God instead of trying to squeeze them into roles that they feel are feminine or emasculating," Murrow says. "We need to start valuing masculine traits such as aggression, boldness, and competitiveness and figuring out ways that we can integrate that into every area of church life."

Also, Murrow asserts that churches need to "recover the masculinity of Jesus." The author says Jesus as described in scripture was and is "a very bold, aggressive character, but we [in the modern Church] have turned him into a wimp -- and men don't follow wimps. They follow leaders." Through his book, Murrow hopes to encourage churches to recapture the adventure of following Christ.

© 2005 AgapePress all rights reserve

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[Dr. Shane]

Studies have shown that children from families where the father is a believer and the mother isn't are more likely to stay in the church than children from families where the mother is the believer. Thus it seems it is worse for a woman to marry an unbeliever than a man. With that said, the male believers in the time of Ezra were commanded to divorce the unbelieving wives they had married!

Beleivers and unbelivers are like water and oil. They can coexist together but cannot mix.

[Bob Sands]

Make the services more meaningful is what the answer is.

[LifeHiscost]

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In short, a person stands a much better chance to FUNCTION in a Southern Baptist church than most other places.

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When one 'becomes' a Christian, he/she are betrothed to Jesus. The 'church' as it is commonly understood in our secular society, is an organized body of believers for the purpose of advancing the gospel of Jesus Christ, with the Holy Spirit as its' guide. Because of the fallibility of even the true believer, this last statement is not necessarily believed by believers or unbelievers alike. No man/woman is without purpose when the reality of this betrothal is faithfully pursued, whether or not any one else accepts their betrothal seriously.

And there comes the rub for the Christian, in marrying a non-Christian. Or even for a believing Christian marrying a 'non-believing Christian' (an oxymoron). Everytime the Christian wishes to deny themselves rightful privileges in order that they may advance the gospel, the unbelieving mate takes it as an affront, believing the denial is robbing them of other things they have their mind set on for themselves.

[:"red"] "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? " [/]

2 Cor 6:13-15 NASB

Even the general body of professing Christians have a hard time accepting, [:"red"] "...You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: `It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" [/] Acts 20:35 NLT

Imagine the difficulty of the non-believer in accepting, [:"red"] "And he (Jesus) said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." [/] Luke 9:23 KJV

How true the Word, [:"red"] "But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. " [/] 1 Cor 2:14 NKJV

[:"red"] "For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit."[/] Rom 8:5 NKJV

[Parade Orange]

yes

as a male going to church i can say that my experience rings true with that insightful studies that you show in this post.

all my life i have been surrounded by women in the church.

its diffilcult to find christian male companionship.

i remember years ago crying about it to my spiritual mother.

I dont know what a

hstrong christian male look like up close.

Just Lady christians.

up close is the key term i use

lone ranger christians and male christian men separate from their own emotions- I see from afar (dissattached or threatened by emotions-therefore not whole).

No male fellowship. No healing.

[bevin]

My eldest daughter, attending university at McGill in Montreal, has noticed the huge male/female unbalance in the christian fellowship there. Indeed almost all denominations now are experiencing major male/female imbalances.

Why?

Basically because the christian denominations today are inappropriate for many males. Most men are either (a) into logic and science - and the denominations are VERY inappropriate for this type, or ( into organized productive action - and the denominations are somewhat inappropriate for this type.

In short, the denominations have actively chased away about 2/3rds of their possible male pool.

The women have no choice - if they want to get married, they need to find a man. There are plenty of them who have rejected organized christianity.

But the result is not unequal yoking. Unequal yoking is when you clash on important values. The denomination you attend, if any, is not an important value.

/Bevin

[Dr. Shane]

They can do like Abraham and I did and go to another country to find a spouse. Eight years now and still not one regret!!!

[Gerr]

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Every quarter, our Sabbath school focuses on a region in the world and many of these stories talk about families where the father (surprise surprise) isn't a Christian and forbids the wife and children to go to church only to have them heroically disobey the father. I can't believe how many times I hear this same story regardless of race, culture, or country. This begs the question: are we REALLY not supposed to marry and start a family with someone not in our religion?

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[:"blue"]If you want to beg the question, why don't you do a research into those who have done so? Keeping a marriage together is difficult enough even when you marry someone in the same church, but marry someone outside the church? [/]

Gerry

[Bob Sands]

Bevin, remarkable observation. Very astute.