Kyle Allen Lewis

[Anthony!]

[:"blue"]My nephew Kyle died on July 9, 2005 of an apparent drug overdose. He was 19 years old, the only child of my youngest sister. He had just inked a record contract with an independent hip-hop label. His street name was "Dollar".

I had the honor, at the request of my sister, to officiate the memorial service, thus delivering the eulogy and sermonette.

[]http://www3.telus.net/aslewis/family/File0002.jpg[/]

Here is a poem by his cousin, Jordan Lewis:[/]

$ Dollar $

Kyle Lewis was an amazing cousin, nephew, friend, and son.

His life wasn't easy but he still new how to have fun.

Kyle was a man, but deep inside he was a boy,

in his room, he kept his favorite toy.

Kyle liked to skateboard, and chill with his friends,

he never wore anything but the popular trends.

Although he dressed like a thug,

he was never embarrassed to give out a hug.

Because family was important to Kyle,

Christmas and thanksgiving would always bring him a smile.

It's a funny thing that Kyle wanted to be something tough,

like a rapper or rocker,

but really inside he was (stepfather) Paul's

little (cook and chef) Betty Crocker.

He loved the Christmas lights, and to turn them

on at the end of the day,

he also loved the way thanksgiving smelled,

and when we would all sit down and pray.

Kyle had choices in life, the cards were on the table.

But not much came his way, except the record label.

God took him for a reason, we know that is true,

and I'm sure he wants you all to know,

he loves everyone of you!

[]http://www3.telus.net/aslewis/family/Kyle18sm.jpg[/]

[Dr. Shane]

I am sorry for your loss. Being a recovered drug addict myself I can't help but think, "But For The Grace Of God Go I"

[Gail]

How tragic...

Thanks for sharing that, Tony

[Naomi]

Anthony,

I am very sorry for the loss you and your family have suffered. Thank you for sharing.

Naomi

[darlene]

Tony, I'm so sorry. I know it was a great shock. We prayed for you and your family in staff worship. May God continue to be close to each one of you.

[A. Lewis Sister]

I AM THE YOUNGEST SISTER TO TONY LEWIS, I AM THE MOTHER OF KYLE ALLEN LEWIS. . .

THERE IS MUCH THAT MY SELF NEEDS/WANTS TO SAY. HOW SO MUCH MY HEART ACHES TO STOP HURTING AND TO START HEALING.

BEING NEW TO THIS SITE, NEEDLESS TO SAY IT TOOK SEVERAL ATTEMPTS TO REGISTER CORRECTLY SO THAT I TOO COULD POST WORDS REGARDING " MY SON, MY BEST FRIEND "

AAAHHH. . . YES, I'M FINALY, IN ABLE TO WRITE.

NOW WHAT ?

PANIC . . .MY HEART STARTS POUNDING AGAINST MY CHEST, TAKING DEEP BREATHS BECOMES DIFFICULT, FEELING THE NEED TO 'THROW UP!!

REALITY IS TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT FOR ME. TEARS, LOTS OF THEM, I SQUEEZE MY EYES SHUT, SHAKING MY HEAD, KEEPING IT LOWERED, QUIETLY SAYING O.K. . AS IF TRYING TO SHUDDER OFF THE MOST UNIMAGINABLE, LONLEY, HORRIFIC, SADNESS THAT ANY MOTHER COULD ENDURE.

KYLE . . HANDSOME, ARTISTIC, CARING, READY TO BE A YOUNG MAN, TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS TO PRIORITIZE.

THE DEATH OF MY ONLY CHILD. FOREVER GONE FROM ALL MY PHYSICAL SENCES OF SEEING HIM, SMELLING HIM, TALKING TO HIM AND HUGGING HIM.

FIVE - 10mg METHADONE PILLS (an extreme pain killer) IS REASON THE CORONER GAVE AS CAUSE OF DEATH. KYLE WENT TO SLEEP AND DID NOT WAKE UP. I KNOW MY BOY DID NOT INTEND TO NOT WAKE UP THAT SATURDAY MORNING.

TONIGHT, TUES OCTOBER 18, 2005 @ 10:53PM. . . TODAY WAS NOT A GOOD DAY FOR ME. THE PAIN, CONFUSION, SADNESS, ANGER AND LONLINESS OF KYLE HAD TAKEN ME OUT. I AM EMOTIONALLY DRAINED, MENTALY TIRED AND PHYSICALLY SICK. PEOPLE SAY TIME, TIME IS WHAT I NEED, AND THAT IT WILL GET EASIER. WELL I AM TIRED OF WAITING AND TIME IS NOT GOING BY FAST ENOUGH. I WALK AROUND THE HOUSE AIMLESSLY LOOKING FOR THAT

HUGE PART OF ME THAT IS MISSING, TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING, ANYTHING TO FILL THAT VOID. STILL IN THE BACK OF MY MIND I HOLD ONTO A SHRED OF HOPE, HOPING THAT MY

SON WILL BE BACK, AND THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE TODAY WILL BE THE DAY THAT HE COMES HOME TO ME. BUT. . . HATING THE TRUTH AND WANTING TO DENY IT !!!

FALL IS OUR (kyle & me) FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR, THANKGIVING, MY BIRTHDAY, KYLES BIRTHDAY, CHRISTMAS ARE SCARING ME. NOT THE OCCASSIONS THEMSELVES BUT MY MENTAL STATE WHEN THOSE DAYS COME UPON ME. I AM NOT PREPARED.

I WILL NEED THE " LORDS " HELP WITH THIS AND PRAYER IS SOMETHING I NEED TO DO ALOT MORE OF. I JUST WANT THE

" LORD JESUS " TO TAKE MY HAND LIKE A MOTHER DOES HER

CHILD WHEN CROSSING A STREET AND HELP ME GET THRU ALL OF THIS SAFELY.

ALL WHO READS MY STORY PLEASE PRAY FOR ME, PRAY FOR ME TO FIND JUST ENOUGH STRENGTH EMOTIONALY AND PHYSICALY TO MAKE IT THRU EACH DAY. I WILL TAKE A

DOUBLE SHOT OF PRAYER ON DECEMBER 11TH.

" A MOTHERS LETTER "

FOR MY SON KYLE ALLEN,

KYLE, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SO PROUD OF YOU. NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE EVER SAID OR DONE WHILE ON THIS EARTH COULD HAVE EVER MADE ME STOP LOVING YOU. MY HEART SCREAMS OUT FOR YOU, CONSTANTLY MISSING YOU WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE. WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN SON AND WHEN WE ARE REUNITED WILL BE THE DAY I AM NO LONGER IN PAIN.

LOVE FOREVER,

MOM

[Gail]

Thank you so much for your testimony here

We will pray for you, that you may be able to feel some indication of peace and healing through our Lord Jesus Christ

God bless you, and please don't hesitate to send me a private message

Thanks

[Stan]

Pamela

I have given you access to the a grieving forum, a few people who know and understand first hand, pain, suffering and death go there. You will find friends and people you can trust there.

It should be the first forum you see now.

Welcome here, and family of Tony's is more than welcome here.

Courage

Stan

[Taylor]

I am so very sorry! I can't even imagine your pain! I will pray for you! May God be especially close to you!

[Anthony!]

Thank you Gail and Stan for your allowing Pam access to this site... it means so very much to her and to me...

Love and blessings,

Tony

<img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/DOVE.gif" alt="" />

[Stan]

Here is a link that gives some great links regarding this sensitive matter.

http://clubadventist.com/ubbtreads/showthreaded.php/Cat/0/Number/192246/an/0/page/0#192246

[Norman Byers, N.D.]

Hi Pam,

I just read your post and my heart goes out to you. I sensed twisting inside me and a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes as I read your thoughts. I can't imagine what you're going through. God will bless you my sister, God will bless you.

My wife, Denise and son, Lee Michael and I will pray for you and your family when we have family worship.

Oh Lord hasten your return, this world is so painful to so many and we need you!

In Christ,

Norman

[Naomi]

I read your story and letter to Kyle with tears. I can not even imagine the pain which you feel.

Please feel free to come to Club Adventist anytime. We are here for you.

You will be on my daily prayer lise and I have marked Dec 11 with special prayers for you.

Yours in Blessed Hope,

Naomi

[Stan]

Every time I read this my heart aches...

[A. Lewis Sister]

THE TIME HAS FALLEN UPON ME, IN A FEW HOURS IT WILL BE 20 YRS AGO AT 20 I HAD MY ONLY CHILD. IT ASTONISHES ME THAT MY SON HAD NOT EVEN MADE IT TO A FULL 20 YEARS. I HAVE A PICTURE OF HIM ON MY DASHBOARD AND THIS EVENING SITTING IN THE ALBERTSONS PARKING LOT I FELT THOSE HARD TO BREATH BREATHS AND THE DENIAL THAT KYLE IS GONE. . . IT'S NOT SO, PLEASE SOMEONE SAY IT ISNT SO ! !

I TRUELLY DONT LIKE THE TRUTH, I CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH, THAT IS WHY I HATE IT AND WHY IT SCARES ME MORE THAN ANYTHING.

I CANT EVEN OR WANT TO THINK ABOUT TOMARROW...ALL WHO READS THIS PLEASE PRAY FOR MYSELF AND FOR MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND WHO HAS REMAINED STRONG AND HAS BEEN GRIEVING IN HIS OWN WAY WHILE TRYING TO UNDERSTAND MINE. (kyle is my husbands step son)

GOOD NITE KYLE !

I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH.

LOVE, MOM

[Anthony!]

My dear sister, it was so good to talk to you on the phone last night. You sounded encouraged as your siblings all contacted you yesterday to give you strength and love. I am glad that with all this pain, you can see and appreciate the blessings of your family and your friends, and your new friends here on Club Adventist. Peace and blessings to you my dear sister Pam.

Now I want to give a huge thank you to all of the friends here on CA for encouraging Pam and reaching out to her. It is a great blessing to her as she receives messages from you and as she checks this thread every morning!

Blessings and thanks,

Tony

<img src="/ubbtreads/images/graemlins/DOVE.gif" alt="" />

[Nan]

Pam I am glad your family was there to help during Kyle's birthday. We continue to pray for you. The whole year after a loss will bring these days to be faced - the first birthday without him, Thanksgiving, Christmas etc. Maybe when the second year comes around you will be able to say, I have faced this once, I can do it again - but for now the journey is a day by day one. God bless you as this Sabbath comes.

[A. Lewis Sister]

HELLO EVERYONE,

IT HAS BEEN QUITE AWHILE SINCE I HAVE BEEN HERE TO WRITE ABOUT HOW I AM DOING, HOW THANKGIVING WENT W/O KYLE.

I AM HAVING DIFFICULTY FINDING THE RIGHT WORDS FOR THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER I'VE BEEN ON.

THANKSGIVING I WAS VERY SAD. I STAYED IN BED TIL EARLY AFTERNOON. I FINALLY FOUND MY WAY OUT OF THE HOUSE TO TAKE KYLES GRANDMOTHER A THANKSGIVING DAY CARD AND A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS. PULLING UP IN FRONT OF THAT 2 STORY OLD VICTORIAN HOUSE SEEING SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT WAS ONCE MY FAMILY STILL SEATED AT THE TABLE OTHERS WALKING AROUND VISITING W/ ONE ANOTHER, FROZEN. . . REALIZING THAT KYLE WAS NOT IN THERE, THAT HE WAS NOT SEATED AT THE TABLE THIS YEAR. HAVING DIFFICULTY DRAWING IN A DEEP BREATH I STILL GOT OUT OF MY CAR, WALKING UP THE STEPS, BEFORE MAKING IT ACROSS THE BIG OLD WOODEN PORCH HOPEING ...PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, OH PLEASE LET THE FRONT DOOR BE OPENED BY MY HANDSOME SON, HOLDING A BIG PIECE OF WHITE TURKEY MEAT IN HIS LEFT HAND. THE DOOR DID OPEN. I HANDED KYLES UNCLE JEFF THE CARD AND THE FLOWERS AND ASKED HIM TO PLEASE GIVE THEM TO KYLES GRANDMOTHER. I WAS INVITED IN BUT POLITELY DECLINED WITH TEARS IN MY EYES,

PUTTING A PICTURE OF KYLE IN MY POCKET BEFORE BEING SEATED AT THE TABLE MADE ME FEEL A LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE. THRU DINNER I REMINDED MYSELF HOW MUCH I HAVE TO BE THANKFUL FOR HOPING THAT WOULD EASE SOME OF MY PAIN. I REMAINED QUIET WHILE WE ALL ATE, SCARED THAT IF I SPOKE I WOULD BEGIN TO CRY AND THAT I WOULD FINISH EATING FASTER BEING ABLE TO EXCUSE MY SELF FROM THE TABLE..

THE FOLLING DAY I TOLD MYSELF THAT YESTERDAY WAS ACTUALLY TOLERABLE, THAT I DID VERY WELL.

I WENT BACK TO WORK ON THE 30TH, ONLY PART TIME, DECIDING I WOULD TRY IT. MY EMPLOYER HAS GIVEN ME KYLES BIRTHDAY OFF AS WELL AS THE DAY BEFORE AND THE DAY AFTER. DAYS ARE GETTING CLOSER I WILL BE HERE WHEN THEY COME UPON ME.

KYLE MY SON,

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND THAT YOU CAME BEFORE NOTHING OR NO ONE. EVERY BREATH I INHALE AND EVERY BREATH I EXHALE I AM THINKING ABOUT YOU...I LOVE YOU !!!

LOVE, MOM

[Jeannieb43]

Dear Pam,

I just wrote you a five-paragraph reply, and then lost it when I bumped the wrong button on my computer. But please know I cried inside when I read this post. The first Thanksgiving without him was a difficult holiday. But you made it through. That's the important thing.

There'll be a lot of Firsts. The First Christmas without him will be here in a few days. And you'll make it through that one too, if you plan ahead. I always make it a point to plan ahead so that I'm with friends or family on the difficult anniversaries or holidays.

You'll make it. Each day will be a little less painful. You'll never forget him -- but Jesus will never forget him either! That's wonderful to remember.

God bless.

[Nan]

Pam. thank you for having the courage to express your deep and personal feelings here. We continue to pray for you, that you will be strengthened each day to meet the challenges you will face.

[Clio]

Pam-

I have just now read this thread. And the tears are pouring down my face. Your words speak to my heart in ways you, nor anyone else, can never know.

This year, I faced my first thanksgiving without two of my beloved children. In a few days, like you, I will face a first Christmas without them also. As I watch my husband struggle to regain his health, I wonder if I will still have a happy anniversary in a few weeks.

Death is such a dreadful thing. So painful, so incredibly devastating, permeating every area of our lives. Kyle was beautiful, handsome, and talented. His love of life and living, his joy in new experiences, and his Abba-given creative talent shine from his face in the pictures posted here.

Pam, we know Abba draws near to those with a broken heart, offering and promising to exchange joy for mourning, and beauty for ashes. His Shoulders are big enough, strong enough, and enduring enough for you to weep out your pain to Him, long after the world expects you to heal. Even more, He knows first-hand your incredible and mind-numbing pain. His Son was lost to Him as well, and those three days must have seemed interminable.

My prayers will encompass you, and lift you up during this time of intense sorrow. Take heart, for our redemption does indeed draw nigh.

Clio

[Nicodema]

I, too have just now read this. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I know how dear my son is to me, so I can only begin to imagine how terrible it must be for you to feel that aching emptiness every day. I pray our Lord will draw very near to you in comfort during this sorrowful time, and help you take each day, each moment, at a time, gently.

[Guest]

TO ALL,

LETTING YOU KNOW I AM STILL HERE AND THAT AFTER CHRISTMAS I WILL BE SITTING DOWN TO RELEASE ALL MY THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, AND STRUGGLES THAT I ENDURED THROUGH KYLES BIRTHDAY AND CHRISTMAS.

I WILL BE REJOYCING THE BIRTH OF OUR SAVIOR AS WELL AS MOURNING THE LOSS OF MY BEAUTIFUL SON KYLE.

KYLE,

MY OH SO BELOVED KYLE. I AM MISSING YOU MORE THAN ANY EXAMPLE I COULD EVER GIVE. THE ACHING OF WANTING SO MUCH TO SEE YOU, HEAR YOU, SMELL YOU, AND FEEL YOU OVERWHELMS ME !

MAN, LIFE JUST ISNT THE SAME WITHOUT YOU !!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS SON, MY LOVE FOR YOU IS GREATER THAN ETERNITY.

LOVE, MOM

[LynnDel]

I'm glad you are still here. I have been thinking about and praying for you.

Hugs,

LynnDel

[Clio]

Pam -

I'm glad you are still here. And I'm glad you have made it through the days when Kyle's special spark would be most missed.

As much as you love your precious son, Jesus loves him more.

Clio