To die well

[Gail]

What does it mean to you, to "die well"?

Does the idea suggest having courage to face death without fear?

Does it mean to be at peace for having made amends?

[Gail]

For me, dying well would be to haves lived to one's satisfaction.

[Bravus]

Yes, I think that's it. There's in a sense no such thing as a good death, just a good life. Having lived fully and well...

[Tom Wetmore]

With dignity, peacefully.

[Naomi]

Yes, Bravus I must agree with your statement. There is no such thing as a good death, just a good life. To live our life(s) fully and as well as possible.

I recently told my son & daughter-in-law that if I die tonight, I will have had a very good life ... and am looking forward to an even better eternal life. That IMHO is to die well

[Gail]

This is kinda along my line of thinking, too.

I like to read the last words of people. The last words of famous people are often recorded for posterity. I find it interesting to ponder what was on the hearts of dying people. I think I find it interesting because on one's deathbed there is really no time for the inconsequential and trivial. Or is there?

If a dying heart is not at peace, what would the dying thoughts hold while on the threshold of eternity?

Do people think of themselves, their work or legacy, others? I guess that one day I'll find out for myself...

[Liz]

When I hear the phrase "die well" I think, they died warm, comfortable, peacefully and fast.

My uncle was very old and was starting to have trouble getting around on his own. One morning he was having a little trouble breathing and he wanted to be near the door for some fresh air, his wife helped him into a wheelchair and wheeled him over to the door, she turned to get him a lap blanket and when she turned back, he was slumped over-dead. He died well.

As a nurse, unfortunately I witnessed some deaths. One in particular stands out. He was not a Christian, and had no idea what was going to happen to him once he died. He was actively dying and he struggled for every breath, gasping and choking, begging and pleading. He did not die well.

[debbym]

i believe we die the same way we live.

if we live well we die well.

lives can be lived in unresolved pain and fear and torment, death can be resisted, and feared.

[lazarus]

Over the years, as a pastor, I have had the experience of "walking " with people in their last hours, weeks and often months of life. They have been the most moving, humbling and instructive experiences.

Bravus is right that no death is good but some are inspiring.

I remember sitting next the hospital bed of lady who was dying of lung cancer. She had been told a couple of weeks before that at most she had two months. She too off her mask, looked me right in the eyes and in between gasps said "Pastor, I'm ready. I have no fear, God is with me. I have made my peace with my family, and I'm ready". Not many people, In my experience, just come out and say that. It bought tears to my eyes. She died the next day in her sleep.

I remember being called to a unit in a hospital in DC. The patient was dying and his breathing was shallow. I didn't know him or the family. When I walked in his 5 children and wife were sitting with their backs against the walls staring into space. No one was saying a word. All you could hear was his breathing and the sound of the machines in the room. I introduced myself and let them know that often a patient can still hear even though than cannot respond. I encouraged them to talk to him and say their goodbyes. One by one they began to speak. There were tears and some laughter. All but one of them moved closer and gathered around him. I had tears in my eyes as they spoke of the good and the bad. He may or may not have been aware but I'm my mind he died well.

I have many more stories. It's been a privileged to serve people at times like this. For me, this is probably the most meaningful aspects of what I do as a pastor.

[CoAspen]

Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate what you said and for being there for others.

[Gail]

And Lazarus, too:

[Ellen]

If only we could choose how we go. I would like to just go to sleep and not wake up. It is wrenching to see someone suffering long; it doesn't happen much any more, with doctors very quick to ease pain with drugs.

I probably would appreciate that if I were in a situation like that.

The older I get the more funerals I attend. Going to a funeral and there is hardly a good thing said about the deceased is painful. Several recent funerals here were very well attended and it was such a good experience for the family, those were Christians.

[Aliensanctuary]

I've had morphine, IV, following a motorcycle accident. It was really great stuff, turning a bed of rocks into a bed of clouds. I should put that in my advance directive, that if I can no longer speak, eat, or take myself to the bathroom, to give me the legal limit of morphine. Morphine is a pain killer, but it also suppresses breathing. A good dose of morphine would be a peaceful way to go if one is not allergic to it.

[Ellen]

Dying well must be in the eyes of the remaining family/friends.  If there is friction and dissention in the air at the end of a person's life it is not dying well.  So it behoves us to have our relationships in order so there will be no regrets when we are gone. 

[joeb]

Gail,

 

It's obvious you read or heard the phrase "die well" somewhere.  In what context did you run across it?  

 

To me the phrase means to die with dignity, courage, and trust in God.  I think attributes 1 and 2 are guaranteed if attribute 3 is true.  

[Gail]

I am not sure, but to me it is a spiritual matter whether one is a believer in God or not. For me it belongs with those other questions, Why am I here and, What is my purpose for living?

[Guest billyjobob]

Bring on the revolution/persecution. I don't want to die for nothing. I want to die for something.  CH

 

Short of that I do not want to die around family. Yuck. If I feel I'm gonna die I'll try crawl in a hole somewhere and hopefully they'll not find me. That's how to "die well" as I see it.

 

Good topic btw.

[Neil D]

Hmmmmm.......not sure how to answer this.....the phrase "die well" is vague enough

to avoid any sort of criminality [is that a word???]....Some see this as a way to express how they want to die...with family....some want to die without family, due to those same family dynamics.....Some want to be surrounded by friends.....others want to be left alone....some want to die for something, like maybe in a fight for some revolution or principle.....Some prefer something less controversial....

Some people die without any choice ....they just die....alone ...without friend or family....some die with doctors and nurses around them....some die with a "no code" status and a nurse administering pain medicines.....some people die in an alley, or some stinky place......alone...friendless.....

I suspect that there are more people who die of a broken heart more than sickness....they have created broken dynamic relationships in family and in friendships and die regretting a 2nd chance  to make something of this....people die from regrets......and/or shame.....

 

You may be wondering how I will die.....I am not going to tell you......today....maybe even not at all......:-)

[Stan]

Powerful statements there. Speaking of true reality. I have wondered often how things are going with you.

[Bravus]

I like this: the death of the ego. Being willing to be a servant leader.

[Bravus]

I did lose my friend, Lester Zombie, this week. He was an online friend, and that wasn't his real name, but he said he felt like the undead when he survived some major illnesses a few years ago and got a second shot at life. In the end his body just gave up, but he was surrounded by admiring friends and family, both in the room and online, and faced his end with courage and calmness.

[D. Allan]

A good death for me would be to die without prolonged pain after my family had all assured me of their love and I likewise has assured them.  They know I love them already; and they me......... so anytime now.......... without long suffering and pain; AND without being a stressful burden on my loved ones.

 

[Stan]

The truth is this, we have all been given notice we shall die. Some have been given a time table.

[Gerr]

My wife of 47 yrs and I are facing this right now, so this is a very timely question. She woke up with near total paralysis from the waist down Wed.  CT & MRI showed metastatic dz (primary unknown at the moment).  She had been wanting to die for several yrs because of severe pain.  We had a little insight on dying well when our cat of 21 yrs died 2 yrs ago.  The cat started lying on Marge's abdomen or chest when my wife's health deteriorated 5 yrs ago, even sleeping there through the night.  One morning we woke up with the cat dead on her abdomen.  To us dying well is dying in the comfort of one's home pain-free, and the last images one sees are the faces of those you love, not those of strangers in a strange place like a hospital.  Hopefully, I'll be able to take her home and do just that.

[D. Allan]

Sorry, Gerry,  It's something we will all have to face.  I hope everything goes well for you and your wife.  My wife have been married 50 yrs and are thinking about what must come.  Let there be peace for all of us.