Dislike Academy does it pass?

[cvicu]

This is my first foray into being a parent of a couple of teens attending an academy 2+ hrs away from home.  We had been homeschooling our brood up until a couple of years ago, when my wife and I decided that we couldn't manage the curriculum for the high school child anymore.  In addition, we had several other children in the younger grade levels.  Too much chaos. 

We as parents had invested several years (and dollars for books) in our children.  It was getting to be more and more difficult to do, I felt building resentment towards the whole homeschool scene, yet, I felt we were the best ones qualified for the job.

So enrolling them in the local Adventist school (elementary/junior high),  was  an incredibly difficult decision to make, and in addition, the high school kid we enrolled in a local "nondenominational" (Nazarene affiliated) school-->which for chapel time played loud contemporary Christian music, I was "ok" with that, because I thought I'd rather have these songs in his head than songs by Eminem, ect.  

Fast forward over the year, we find out that he and the teacher's daughter (the teacher and his wife also manage the school as well-it's a small school) are becoming more close and are now boyfriend/girlfriend to date.  They had a faith-healer come to the school for a spiritual emphasis week last year.   The teacher and his wife are more Pentecostal I'd like, and there was some rolling on the floor, but also a lot of hand raising during chapel rock music time and prayer...We started our 9th grader in this school a few months ago and this is when we found out about all this stuff going on recently...

We pulled them both out and started them in academy (much to the boys' shock and dismay)  2 hours away from us.  They have been homesick, don't like the environment, inform us that the kids there aren't Christian acting, but especially, they miss home.   There is more, but at the risk of you all reading and falling asleep before the end, I'll stop here.  I guess my question is,

If you keep your children in a place where they have negative perceptions of their surroundings, and are developing resentment towards "religion", is it better to back off, and let them attend a public school that is close to home?   If my situation needs further clarification, I am happy to respond again.  I'll quit for now because I have to run.  Thanks in advance for your thoughts....

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

I think I might have tried public school before shipping them off to an academy 2 hrs away... but hard to say, not being in your shoes.

The thing is, no matter where you send your children to school outside the home, they're going to be rubbing shoulders with non-Christians (yes, even at a denominational academy).

[BigMark]

Although I have never had kids, there would be no way that I would send them to a public school. It's not a school anymore. it's an indoctrination camp. Just my $.02

[JDS]

I have never posted here before but this spoke to me. I have a child in grade 12 and one in grade 7. When my grade 12 child entered high school we had to make a decision should she go to public school or away to boarding academy. My husband and I felt neither were a good fit for our daughter and yet I didn't feel comfortable taking on homeschooling. We did however find a wonderful option that has worked out splendidly for her and now my son. It is called PACeS. Prairie Adventist Christian eSchool. It is an accredited SDA school that is online and teacher driven. Online live classes with their teachers. It is like being at a regular Adventist school you just don't sit in a school room. So both my children are at home doing school which also allows me to monitor them but eliminates a lot of the teaching and preparing work. If we travel we still have school as long as there is internet. Students are enrolled in this school from all over the Canada, US and the Caribbean. My daughter started it in grade 9 and she is graduating 12 this year. My son started in grade 5 and now is grade 7. This school has prepared her well for university next year. We have been very pleased with the curriculum, teachers and fellow students in this school. 

[Enabled]

Tough question and one worthy of your concern. Your reaction is well founded and yet leaves still a difficult question in need of much prayer and study. Raised five homeschoolers ourselves, started in a Church of Christ Academy near home and had an awesome experience there. Moved them to Adventist Academy and lived near by, more issues there but still excellent and quite conserative. Then in early grades decided to homeschool after a stint on Academy board and seeing the direction things were going in the church in general, especially as you noted with music etc. Later moved to an Academy as staff, pulled the childrern out after 2 years again and continued through with homeschool and a intense work ethic based program through to adult hood. Focused on basics, sciences were day to day living in the work environment, reading was bible, nature and science documentaries. Thought for a time after they grew up that we had maybe short changed them as some doors of higher learning were closed to them. Now with time gone by we are very pleased with their education, we took a lot of criticism from family especially in the early years, now we hear continually things like what did you do your children have done so well. The flaws we see now are the ones mainly developed in Academy and outside associations since the days at home. They make mistakes as we did also, but God's council never fails, we are ever there for them and continue to speak daily with them and encourage them in Christ. They developed character instead of higher learning and now command good wages and positions, respect others and have a strong sense of community and family values. I was raised a Pentecostal and that is enchanted ground. Many good people there including many of my family and friends, but enchanted they are, mesmerized by experience instead of Truth. I speak generally of course as with time my Mother and her parents understood and proclaimed the truth before their death. Hang on don't give up as E.G. White proclaimed that the poorest school that teaches the truth is better than the best that deceives. (paraphrased of course) If you could handle the homeschool you would be supprised what the Lord can do. Knowing what you have seen if it is a higher education of degrees you want for your children even our schools as has been said will draw them away if they are not solidly attached to the Master. You can pull them through a lot but as we found with time they will have to stand or fall, don't sell yourselves short, a lot what we have been taught is that higher education is the way of the world; degrees that cost a lot in money, character and princples sacrificed. Satan saught a higher place. Hope this helps encourage you.

Happy Sabbath.

[Arlene]

Just a word. I am not a parent, but have a niece and nephews. We live in a town that has an Adventist junior academy so had the benefit of a local Adventist school through l 10th grade. My brother's youngest went away to boarding academy about 2 hrs away his last two years. Complained, wanted to come home, but as a family we are committed to an Adventist Christian education. We are not naive of what influences are there. We were questioning if we had driven him away. But we are positive now we made the right choice! After he graduating last spring, he was in a car accident this fall and died 6 days later from the injuries suffered. Afterward, we heard from many such positive things about where his heart was at just before the accident. These were a result of his attending the junior academy and boarding academy. He would have been even less "ready for death" if he had gone to a local public school like he wanted to. He was consistently exposed to Jesus and the teachings of the Adventist church. Sure there were classmates and dare I even say school employees that did not give a Christian role model. But I believe in may heart of hearts God does not let His schools be without a witness. Even if it was 1 or 2 students, a faculty member, God put people in his path who loved him and pointed him to Jesus. 

Just my perspective. There are no perfect choices. But there are better ones. 

[Jeannieb43]

I'm a firm believer in sending our children to Adventist schools.   I raised three children, and the evidence of their Christianity today (they are in their 50s now) is in direct proportion to the number of years they spent in SDA schools and colleges.  Sure, there will always be some bad influences wherever they go.   But the basic knowledge of Scripture, love of God, and dedication to our message, only comes after a child has had all his schooling in Adventist schools.  They will choose their life's work, their life's companion, and their life's religion, during their college years; so this should take place on the campus of an Adventist college.  All our colleges are now offering scholarships for those who attend all four years, and there are always work opportunities available for the students also.  I would NEVER recommend going into huge debt for school loans.  Taking longer to complete the prescribed curriculum is always an option if necessary; the basic rule is to always keep our children in Adventist colleges.   It pays off tremendously in the long run.

[JDS]

2 hours ago, Jeannieb43 said:

I'm a firm believer in sending our children to Adventist schools.   I raised three children, and the evidence of their Christianity today (they are in their 50s now) is in direct proportion to the number of years they spent in SDA schools and colleges.  Sure, there will always be some bad influences wherever they go.   But the basic knowledge of Scripture, love of God, and dedication to our message, only comes after a child has had all his schooling in Adventist schools.  They will choose their life's work, their life's companion, and their life's religion, during their college years; so this should take place on the campus of an Adventist college.  All our colleges are now offering scholarships for those who attend all four years, and there are always work opportunities available for the students also.  I would NEVER recommend going into huge debt for school loans.  Taking longer to complete the prescribed curriculum is always an option if necessary; the basic rule is to always keep our children in Adventist colleges.   It pays off tremendously in the long run.

I agree totally. I myself attended Adventist schools from grade 1 through University. Meet my husband of 24 years at an Adventist University. Not only has the education I have received been excellent but the spiritual component has been vital in my walk with Christ. This is why we choose the online Adventist school option for our children. Wanting to give them not only the spiritual training at home but also in their schooling. To provide them every means possible for them to grow in their relationship with Jesus. Our daughter will be continuing her journey next year at one of our Adventist universities. 

[Gregory Matthews]

I do not believe that there is any one good answer that fits all situations.  So, I can not presume to tell you what you should do.

However, I will say that sending   high-school age people off to a boarding academy is probably the last decision that I would make.  Our children need us a parents.  No boarding academy can ever fill that role.  There is some truth to the statement that children being placed in a boarding academy are being raised by themselves and without parental guidance.

So, for me, in a situation where the only other options were attending a public school and attending a church operated school I would feel forced to chose one or the other.

NOTE: In a situation that I once faced, I placed a son of mine in the home of a SDA pastor and his wife so that my son could continue to attend a local SDA School and not be in a boarding school type of arrangement.   Of course, I paid  that family a monthly sum for their expenses in caring for him.

I have to laugh at a situation that arose when this son was living with them.  He showed up for a meal one day with a guest.  The wife promptly informed him that in the future, such should be coordinated with her.    

NOTE:  That was probably about 30  years ago and we still maintain relations with that family.  I spoke to that pastor just the other day.

Sometimes God can work in ways that we do not expect.

NOTE:  In a second situation where I had two (2) sons living with me, a local SDA pastor and his wife agreed to provide temporary care in short-term situations where I might not be able to care for them.

 

 

 

[debbym]

15 hours ago, cvicu said:

 

We pulled them both out and started them in academy (much to the boys' shock and dismay)  2 hours away from us.  They have been homesick, don't like the environment, inform us that the kids there aren't Christian acting, but especially, they miss home.   There is more, but at the risk of you all reading and falling asleep before the end, I'll stop here.  I guess my question is,

If you keep your children in a place where they have negative perceptions of their surroundings, and are developing resentment towards "religion", is it better to back off, and let them attend a public school that is close to home?   If my situation needs further clarification, I am happy to respond again.  I'll quit for now because I have to run.  Thanks in advance for your thoughts....

i agree with pulling them out of the faux Christian environment.  Did you have conversations with them explaining  why you were uncomfortable with what was happening on that environment?  and if so did they ever get it?  they are growing and the challenges they are facing are opportunities to grow.  Have you discussed this and do they understand you appreciate they are having challenges but you love them. and there will be school breaks.

Would they be willing to take the Pioneer Christian curriculum Paces that was mentioned below?  would they rather come home and work hard and continue home school at home?

I suspect it all comes with your communication with them whether they stay or return.  I suggest you need clear, deep, and frequent communication, and with cell phones they should be able to talk through stuff with you often.  Walk with them through their struggles and show them you are there for the run.

 

[cvicu]

Yup.  Did the homeschool route for last several years, we, unfortunately, are burnt out on this.  In addition, the kids seemed to take off when they had someone else that was holding them accountable, and for better or worse, made new friends.  In the home school setting, they gave upwards of 56% effort in their work.  Transitioning from being at home all the time to the local SDA 1-8 grade school was a bit of a rough patch.  Now the younger kids seem to be over it now, and have acclimated to the routine.   However, they still have home to come back to at the end of the day.

Options:

1.  Homeschool again.  Nope.  Can't /Won't do that anymore.

2.  Public school.  We are 20+ years removed from public school ourselves.  So I'm not sure what the environment is really like.  I hear stories, however, depending on who you hear the descriptions from, the high schools of today range from being just fine, to sordid bathhouses where orgies happen in the locker rooms while being taught evolution.  (that's a bit of hyperbole on my part).  Parents (me and spouse)/ local church provide spiritual support, buyt they are in a "secular" setting during the day, meet girls outside of our belief structure and pair up with them, potentially for a long term relationship, in spite of what we want for them.

3.  Forge ahead and hope that things get better, that the one to be a sophmore next year becomes acclimated to the routine and setting of being away from home.  However, do you risk the teen being totally put off of SDA lifestyle/beliefs but exposing them to it in a place they don't really want to be in the first place?  How do you mitigate these perils?  In reading many of the responses, it seems the overarching response is to pray for them.  I get that.  And I will continue to pray.  I'm not sure if holding "spinach to their lips" is the best way of keeping them in the church?

 My freshman would like to attend said local high school next year and not return to academy.  In asking why, he said he's tired of the "church all the time" and hates being away from home and his "stuff". (motorized 4 wheel off road type of stuff).   Doesn't like the dorm scene, and as noted above, it does seem like they are raising themselves in this setting.   **and this is what distresses me the most is that I feel like I've abdicated my role as parent, and turned it over to the school.  But the school cannot replace me.***  and again, the two boys (senior&freshman) were put in this setting by me without their consent. 

So, here I am.  My spouse is happy that they are out of the home, because they were causing turmoil amongst our younger children. So I don't know that she would be supportive of having them back in the home scene. 

Well, gotta run again.  Thanks for reading...

 

[LifeHiscost]

On 12/16/2016 at 4:34 PM, cvicu said:

 

If you keep your children in a place where they have negative perceptions of their surroundings, and are developing resentment towards "religion", is it better to back off, and let them attend a public school that is close to home?   If my situation needs further clarification, I am happy to respond again.  I'll quit for now because I have to run.  Thanks in advance for your thoughts....

When one desires their offspring to develop an affinity for the Kingdom of Heaven, introduction to Jesus in public school is not only next to impossible it is often illegal and only the relationship the parents (or other caretaker) have with Jesus will give the child the best possible opportunity to see Him as their best Friend.

God is Love!~Jesus saves!