Engaged

[Dr. Shane]

For those of you that do not know, Stan has a little hobby of matching couples together.

I met Imelda (who I call Céline) online as a result of Stan inviting me to join Adventist Dating. Internet technology not only allows the two of us to visit each day but to study our Sabbath school lessons, cook, go shopping, sing, play guitar and even go on vacation together. Céline is often in my home via video chat on the Ipad which allows her to interact with my children, Alex and Shania. The same technology allows me to interact interact with her son, Gabriel, who loves playing basketball and is an avid fan. At the time of this announcement, we have been dating for eight months.  We chatted online for one month before we officially started dating.  I am on track to complete my master’s degree in family counseling in fall of 2020 but will not be changing careers. My work in counseling will be a part-time ministry.  I have already been ordained by a non-denominational ministry so that I can work as a pastoral counselor and not have issues with the Texas Department of Health.

Let me tell you a little about her.  

Imelda, or Céline, was raised in a Seventh-day Adventist home on a farm in the Philippines. There she played in rice fields and practiced martial arts with her brothers. She attended an Adventist elementary school and was in Pathfinders. She was ROTC captain in high school. She went to Central Philippines Adventist College (CPAC) where she earned a business degree. She speaks six languages, although not fluent in all of them (English, Tagalog, Visayan, Mandarin, Arabic and French). She is 42 years old and has an 18-year old son, Gabriel, now attending CPAC. She never married and has worked in Beirut, Lebanon as a caretaker for ten years to pay for Gabriel’s Christian education. She has also worked in Taiwan and Dubai. She enjoys playing volleyball and basketball. At age 39, she won the last beauty pageant she competed in. It was the third time she had won such a contest. 

I used to be very active here but when my first marriage started experiencing problems, my activity here dropped off.  For those who were not here when I was or don't remember much about me, here is my brief bio.

I was also raised in a Seventh-day Adventist home. My family moved throughout the United States often. I lived in eight different states by the time I was 18 years old (Nebraska, Utah, Iowa, Wisconsin, Texas, Colorado, Washington and Minnesota). I was a soldier for five years in the United States Army, serving a tour in Panama. Later I was a missionary in El Salvador, studied Spanish in Guadalajara, Mexico and graduated Minnesota State University, Mankato with a business degree. While in college, I ran a ministry on campus for three years. I moved back to Texas after college and have worked in commercial building construction since that time. I have custody of my two children, Alex and Shania (17 and 15) from a previous marriage that lasted 18 years. As mentioned above, I am currently a graduate student, studying online at the Adventist university in Mexico.  

I know many of my church friends are concerned for me.  I have been married twice and the concern is that perhaps I should not marry again.  I appreciate that.  I was married to my first wife for 18 years.  She had a mid-life crisis and left me for another man (who was and still is married to someone else).  I tried to save the marriage but was not successful.  Broken-hearted, I rushed into a second marriage, against my better judgement – marrying only 30 days after my divorce was final.  (We actually had lunch with Stan on our honeymoon at the 2015 GC)  We blended families.  The kids didn’t get along and I developed PTSD as a result of the high-conflict divorce with my first wife.  I ended the marriage, under the guidance of a counselor, because of health issues.  I had developed high blood pressure, acid reflux, insomnia and weight gain.   It was simply bad timing.  I needed time to recover from the divorce with my first wife.  I got treatment for the PTSD and recovered my health.  This time I have been taking it slow.  My children are older and have recovered from the divorce and support this decision.  With God’s grace things will work out this time.                                        

I have enjoyed being a single-parent raising my children for over three years.  Actually, more than enjoyed, I have absolutely loved being my kids; dad.  It has been a joy and an honor.  It cost me thousands of dollars to win custody.  I will actually finish paying off the lawyer loan this year in April.  I am so grateful to have been given the opportunity to continue raising my children for God.  It is a privilege that most divorced fathers never have.  My parents divorced when I was young.  I never had a real father figure.  I lived on the streets as a teenager before sobering up in Alcoholics Anonymous at the age of 16.  I learned how to submit to authority, how to listen, how to learn from my own mistakes and even more, how to learn from the mistakes of others.  I read books about being a husband before I got married and about being a father before I had children.  While I am a construction project manager and have built projects valued at more than $10 million, I am a family man.  I am the father to my children that I never had.  I have worked hard to maintain a healthy relationship with my ex-wife so we can co-parent our children together. 

The average time a man waits after a divorce to remarry in the US is 3 years.  That is what it will be for me.  A recent study showed that 61% of divorced Adventists never remarry.  That is almost the opposite of the population in general in which 60% do remarry (and many more cohabitate).  The Bible teaches it is not good for man to be alone and multiple studies confirm the benefits of marriage.  It is unknown why so many divorced Adventists stay single.  Those who experience the forgiving grace of God have no need to perform penance for a failed marriage.  Divorce should be a wake-up call to take inventory, repent of sins and start a new path.  Many second marriages fail because people blame their ex and don’t learn from the divorce.  That certainly is not the case with me. 

This place was like a second church for me for a long time.  I grew a lot spiritually from interacting here and I am sure there are many Adventists that are isolated or in churches that are not very active and could benefit a lot from this forum.  I liked the name Club Adventist better but,,, who am I?  Maybe the GC didn't share my opinion.  I still pop in here every now and again but life is extremely busy right now.  In a couple of years I will be done with graduate school, both of my children will be adults, and I will be married again.  Those are all big changes and hopefully all positive ones.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

That's awesome, Shane!  Imelda (Céline) sounds like a lovely lady...  Much happiness to you both ~

[dgrimm60]

SHANE  

this is a  good  picture of  both of  you====I am  sure  that  both of   you will  help

each other grow in  the bible  truths=====also   the lady  is pretty ==

dgrimm60

[phkrause]

Will be praying for you that everything works out!

[Gregory Matthews]

Shane,I wish the best for you.

 

Gregory Matthews

 

[GHansen]

Shane, You wonder why so many divorced SDA don't remarry. One possible reason is that they can't bare the stigma of "remarrying." Another, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"