The Danger of Mixed Marriages

[Dr. Shane]

Often times the term "mixed marriage" makes one think of inter-racial marriages but there is another kind of mixed marriage that is far more common and more likely to end in divorce. It is when two people of different faiths decide they can make a marriage work despite their differences.

In my experience I have found that the truest form of love comes from a relationship with God. I am not talking about some philosophical relationship that exists only in my imagination. Each morning I sit down with my Bible and through it God speaks to me. I bow my head in prayer and speak to Him. I seek to please Him just like I do with others I have relationships with - friends, boss, wife, etc. Now that may sound a bit dull and dry but at times there is a fire burning inside of me for God that can compare only to the head-over-heels feeling of falling in love for the first time. This most often occurs when I am listening to Christian music or to another Christian share their testimony of what God has done in their lives.  If it is really good, it may even happen while watching a Christian movie.  My religious experience with God is real and something to be shared.

One of the greatest things about my marriage is that I can share this relationship I have with God with my wife. We can sit together and read the Bible. We can pray together. We listen to music together, attend concerts together and worship services together. We have family worship in our home.   Our children join us when they are here and experience God together. Our faith is the greatest thing we have in common. It unites us more than anything else.

So, from my experience, love begins with knowing God and from that model it grows into loving others. The only reason I know how to love others is because I know how God loves me. It is because I receive love from God that I am able to love others. Choosing a mate of the same religion was one of the best decisions I ever made. While I am in an interracial marriage, it is not a "mixed marriage".

[Gustave]

From my observation couples of different faith traditions have just as good of a chance to maintain a marriage as couples of the same faith tradition.

I'd agree with you that a marriage between two people of different FAITHS is much more likely to end in failure than not - example: Christian & Muslim, Christian & Hindu, etc. The reason for this is because the Muslim faith is radically different than the Christian faith. Because there is a radical difference between what the Jehovah's Witness believe and what a Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist or Catholic believes it could be said that the Jehovah's Witness isn't Christian so I'd grant that a mixed marriage like that doesn't have as good of a chance as a marriage between a Methodist or Baptist. 

I know many people who were Christian of one faith tradition who married a Christian of another Faith tradition and the topic doesn't even come up. 

Is your O.P. point that SDA's who marry a Christian from a different Christian Denomination far more likely to end in divorce OR more along the lines of a Baptist who marries a Lutheran more likely to end in divorce? 

Interested in hearing what you have to say about this. 

[Gregory Matthews]

For one reason or another, SDAs may find themselves married to  either a non-Christian or a Christian of another part of Christianity.   Typically these will result in stress in the marriage.  SDA pastors may decline to perform such marriages.  Although sometimes they will do so.

I have always encouraged the SDA member of such a union to support their partner in their faith and to uncritically accompany them to their worship services.

In my pastoral experience, I have found that such marriages were most successful when each marriage partner could support the other.

In my early pastoral experience, a devout Methodist was married to my SDA member.  She regularly attended my services with her husband  In addition the SDA congregation used her in official positions in the congregation that did not involve theological issues.  For example, while I was there we were meeting in a Presbyterian building.  We purchase a plot of land on which to build.   After I moved to another congregation that congregation decided it was time to build.  She, as a Methodist accepted the responsibility of raising the money to build, which she did.

By the way, she and I had a very good relationship and she understood Adventism well, while remaining a devoted Methodist.

 

 

[Dr. Shane]

On 4/4/2023 at 10:09 AM, Gustave said:

Is your O.P. point that SDA's who marry a Christian from a different Christian Denomination far more likely to end in divorce OR more along the lines of a Baptist who marries a Lutheran more likely to end in divorce? 

Interested in hearing what you have to say about this. 

The subject involves statistics and trends.  Biblically, I do not think the command not to be unequally yoked prohibits a Lutheran from marrying a Baptist.  I do believe Ellen White did apply the prohibition to Sabbath-keepers marrying non-Sabbath keepers.  From the marriage and family perspective, mixing two different days of rest is likely to be problematic.  The Sabbath, as observed by many, is a family day - regardless if that is Sunday or Saturday.  The weekend is also the time that many people have off.  It is their only real free time.  Thus, if the wife wants to honor Saturday while the husband wants to honor Sunday, that can be problematic.  That is not to say that couples cannot work such issues out.  Certainly many have.  However, when we look at the statistics and trends, we see that divorce or disharmony is more likely.

My original post wasn't just talking about a marriage surviving but about a marriage thriving.  In my marriage, our religious life is the center of our lives.  It is the all-consuming factor that binds us.  We attend multiple worship services together each week,  The majority of our friends are from church.  We go fishing with them, celebrate the holidays with them and eat in each other homes.  The television shows my family watches together are determined by our faith.  The devotions we do together.  The songs we sing at home and in the car.  Seventh-day Adventism, more than other Protestant faiths touches every aspect of the believer's life.

An unpleasant reality is that many people are not emotionally mature enough to get married.  Thus we find many marriages have emotionally immature people in them.  The more factors working against the marriage, the greater likelihood it has to fail.  If two married people are both very emotionally mature, the marriage can survive all types of differences and obstacles.  Take a look at the famous political odd couple of James Carville and Mary Matalin.  They have huge political difference but are obviously emotionally mature enough to deal with them.  Their marriage has lasted 30 years. The sad reality is that kind of emotional maturity by BOTH spouses is somewhat rare in society today.  Thus discouraging people from a mixed religious marriage makes a lot of sense.

  

[Gustave]

20 minutes ago, Dr. Shane said:

The subject involves statistics and trends.  Biblically, I do not think the command not to be unequally yoked prohibits a Lutheran from marrying a Baptist.  I do believe Ellen White did apply the prohibition to Sabbath-keepers marrying non-Sabbath keepers.  From the marriage and family perspective, mixing two different days of rest is likely to be problematic.  The Sabbath, as observed by many, is a family day - regardless if that is Sunday or Saturday.  The weekend is also the time that many people have off.  It is their only real free time.  Thus, if the wife wants to honor Saturday while the husband wants to honor Sunday, that can be problematic.  That is not to say that couples cannot work such issues out.  Certainly many have.  However, when we look at the statistics and trends, we see that divorce or disharmony is more likely.

My original post wasn't just talking about a marriage surviving but about a marriage thriving.  In my marriage, our religious life is the center of our lives.  It is the all-consuming factor that binds us.  We attend multiple worship services together each week,  The majority of our friends are from church.  We go fishing with them, celebrate the holidays with them and eat in each other homes.  The television shows my family watches together are determined by our faith.  The devotions we do together.  The songs we sing at home and in the car.  Seventh-day Adventism, more than other Protestant faiths touches every aspect of the believer's life.

An unpleasant reality is that many people are not emotionally mature enough to get married.  Thus we find many marriages have emotionally immature people in them.  The more factors working against the marriage, the greater likelihood it has to fail.  If two married people are both very emotionally mature, the marriage can survive all types of differences and obstacles.  Take a look at the famous political odd couple of James Carville and Mary Matalin.  They have huge political difference but are obviously emotionally mature enough to deal with them.  Their marriage has lasted 30 years. The sad reality is that kind of emotional maturity by BOTH spouses is somewhat rare in society today.  Thus discouraging people from a mixed religious marriage makes a lot of sense.

  

I would think the primary operative would be honoring Christ by being a Christian - one can do that each and every day of the week. I would agree with you that many are simply not mature enough to be married - no doubt about that.