Shame and Self-Doubt

[Dr. Shane]

I once had a client that had been to his pastor because of marriage problems caused by his anger.  His pastor believed it to be an issue of self-control and lectured him about the fruit of the spirit.  The anger was uncharacteristic for the man.  He had been married to his wife for fifteen years and had only lost his temper a few times during much of that time.  However, lately he had become very irritable and was losing his temper once or twice a month. The pastor prayed with the couple and gave the man some Bible verses about self-control to meditate on.

 The man felt like a failure when he came to me.  His pastor's advice only served to increase his shame and self-doubt.  I asked him about recent changes in his life and learned about problems at his job and anxiety being caused by a downturn in the national economy.  What the pastor had thought was an issue of self-control, I thought might be a case of depression.  As I asked the man more questions, I learned he had unresolved abuse from his childhood.  I started treating him for depression and helping him work through his childhood issues.  Within a few months he returned to being the pleasant person he had once been.  He also changed jobs during that time to something more steady and predictable.

While sadness is often an indicator of depression in women, anger is often a common indicator in men.  When anger is uncharacteristic, it is really a sign to look deeper into what is going on.  Many of our pastors would benefit from learning more about indicators for common mental health problems.  Many people will often either go to their medical doctor or their pastor with personal problems.  Medical doctors are trained to recognize symptoms of psychological disorders and often refer such clients to the appropriate people that can help them.  Unfortunately, many pastors are not trained to recognize such symptoms and can actually do more harm by causing the person to feel shame and become self-critical.