Modeling Desired Behavior

[Dr. Shane]

Have you ever considered how much anxiety a control freak must have?  Choleretic have serious issues trying to control people and circumstances.  Sanguines and Melancholies can also be controlling, or what some call "bossy" too.  Phlegmatics are more observers and critics but would rather have someone else to the controlling.  Control, in many ways, is an illusion people have because they think it will bring them a sense of security.  It is often most problematic for those who grew up in dysfunctional homes where there was no stability.  As an adult, some think that if they just do everything right, they can control other people and circumstance and thus gain the stability they never had while a child.  Yet, the more a person tries to control, the more out of control they feel.  Anxiety spikes. 

Is it reasonable to try and reason with someone who is not reasonable?  You may need to read that again.  The answer is no.  Yet that is what control freaks try to do over and over again.  One description of a control freak is a co-dependent.  There are many types of addicts.  There are those addicted to troubling behavior and those addicted to substances.  Something one almost always finds near an addict is a co-dependent.  An airplane cockpit has a pilot and a co-pilot.  Similarly when there is an addict, there is often a co-dependent next to him or her.  The co-dependent's addiction is the addict.  The co-dependent tries to control the addict.  An addict is an example of an erratic person but certainly others also fall into that category.  The co-dependent is often more psychologically sick than the addict is.  Trying to control an erratic person is in essence trying to reason with someone who is not reasonable. 

Instead of trying to control others, the gospel teaches us to love them.  That means turning them over to God for Him to battle for their soul.  The best way I can influence the behavior of others - especially family members and co-workers -   is to model behavior.  I need to live my own life the way I think others should be living their lives.  Then I can leave the rest to God.  If God doesn't have control of the situation, I certainly am not going to either.