Toxic Families

[Dr. Shane]

Here are some signs that you grew up in a toxic family.

1. Frequent criticism.   For every one time a family member criticizes another, they should say seven to ten positive affirming things.  It takes a lot of good, positive communication to counter balance any level of criticism.

2. Gossip.  Real easy test.  Is it true?  Will it be beneficial for me to share it?  Do I want positive things to result for the subject?  If we can't answer yes to all three questions.  We need to shut the yap.  Toxic families gossip about each other all the time.

3. Perfection is demanded.  No matter what you do or how good you do it, it is never enough.

4. People pleaser.  What other people think about you causes you anxiety.

5. Caretaker.  You can't say no when others ask for a favor.

6. Emotional exhaustion.  Time spent with your family causes you to become exhausted.

7. Control.  The family tries to control you.

8. Avoidance.  You try to avoid family members.

9. Anxious anticipation.  You feel anxious in advance before seeing your family.

10. Alone time.  You find yourself just wanting to be alone.

11. Personal relationships. You experience problems with inter-personal relationships.

12. Intimacy. You experience intimacy problems.

13. Negative comments.  Positive reinforcement is outweighed by negative comments.  For example: after thinking you for doing something, you are told how you didn't do it right.

14.. Inferior.  Your family makes you feel inferior.

15. Neglects.  Your family neglects you, or you were neglected as a child.

16. Invalidated.  Your opinion is not appreciated.

17. Incompetent.  You are made to feel as if you are incompetent.

18. Unpredictable. It is difficult to predict what will be expected or how family members will react.

19. Insecurity.  Your family does not leave you with a sense of security.

20. You ar falsely accused of things you have not done.

If you can identify with sex of these, you come from a toxic family.  The more you identify with, the more toxic it becomes.  This also means that they have influence you and there is a high chance that you have become toxic too.  Recognizing it is the first step toward change.  Then getting help can change your world.

  

[Dr. Shane]

The last line should read, If you can identify with SIX of these, you come from a toxic family.  The more you identify with, the more toxic it becomes.  Unfortunately this software doesn't allow an author to edit their post more than a few minutes after it is first posted.

[phkrause]

On 4/20/2023 at 10:46 PM, Dr. Shane said:

The last line should read, If you can identify with SIX of these, you come from a toxic family.  The more you identify with, the more toxic it becomes.  Unfortunately this software doesn't allow an author to edit their post more than a few minutes after it is first posted.

Thanks for clarifying that!! 🤣