Perfectionism

[Dr. Shane]

Psychologically speaking, we know that perfectionism is a negative trait that can contribute to low self-esteem, depression and anxiety.  Theologically, we are taught that perfection should be our goal.  Are those two ideas compatible?  Are they contradictory or complimentary?  The desire to be perfect often manifests itself in ways that are not always so evident to ourselves or to others.  While some Christians believe perfectionism is the same as sinlessness, and honestly try to achieve that status in this life, others struggle with different form of perfectionism that is not defined in terms of holy living.  Perfectionism for many people is simply trying to live without making mistakes - even small ones like spilling a glass of water.

Some people born with certain temperaments seem to become preoccupied with what others think of them.  It is important for them to live in such away that is above criticism.  It upsets them when they make mistakes which are seen by others.  These can be small things like misspelling a word in a post on social media.  Or, they can be big things like having a spouse divorce them.  This concern is probably a manifestation of pride.  Their desire to be perfect is not motivated by the desire to live a life pleasing to God.  It is motivated by a desire to escape criticism.  Of course, those mistakes, often cause other people to become endeared to a person instead of criticizing them.  This is especially true for those that are highly skilled or educated.  The pratfall effect is the tendency of people to like or trust these people more when they make open mistakes and thus become vulnerable.  However, for those that are of more average intelligence, making such mistakes does cause people to think less of them.  To be emotionally balanced, it is best to simply do the best one can without worrying what others will think.  Seek to live out God's will and let others think what they will.

Perfectionism in a theological sense is different, although still debated among scholars.  Psychologically, a perfectionist will be upset with themselves for misspelling a word on social media or spilling a glass of water at the dinner table.  Let's note that neither of those are sins.  Psychologically, perfectionism often does not involve sin.  A woman may want a perfect marriage.  Her husband gets addicted to drugs and abandons her.  She committed no sin that caused the divorce but feels that something is wrong with her because he left.  Theological perfectionism centers on abstaining from the willful act of violating the law of God.  Ironically, many perfectionists psychologically, take no issue with violating parts of God's law they deem unimportant - especially when society deems them unimportant.  Thus it appears that theological perfection is based more on the desire to please God while psychological perfectionism is based more on trying to avoid criticism of other people.