Divorce

[Hanseng]

I had a friend, a highly educated, attractive woman. She was recently divorced, emotionally unstable, possibly with a substance abuse problem. She mentioned to me that she had gone to an SDA pastor for counseling. He immediately referred her to a mental health professional; said he couldn't help her. Regular meetings with an attractive, weepy, emotionally needy woman.  What could go wrong?  Kudos to a wise pastor.

[Dr. Shane]

When my wife and I had marriage problems, we went to our pastor and he referred us to a pastoral counselor.  The pastoral counselor he referred us to was also a mental health counselor (LPC) and had a radio program on a local Christian station.  Our church offered to pay for the first two sessions.

I think that is a common practice among SDA pastors.  They understand that their training has not qualified them to be family counselors.  Currently, there are Adventist pastors that refer clients to me.  I limit the number of clients I work with so when I have too many I refer them to the Abide Network.

 https://www.abide.network/

[Dr. Shane]

6 hours ago, Hanseng said:

Regular meetings with an attractive, weepy, emotionally needy woman.  What could go wrong?  Kudos to a wise pastor.

I do not counseling with women alone unless they allow my wife to sit in our sessions with us.  Family counselors work more with multiple family members together than we do with individuals which means I don't have to address the issue.  However, when their is an individual looking for counseling and she is female, I tell her that I can only work with her if she allows my wife to sit in on our sessions.  The exception (which is more common now) is if we are doing video counseling online.  Then we are not actually in the same room together.

[Hanseng]

1 hour ago, Dr. Shane said:

The exception (which is more common now) is if we are doing video counseling online.  Then we are not actually in the same room together.

It's sinful for one human to be taken into the confidence of another. Hardly different from the RC confessional. If people start telling me their problems, I stop them, explain that I am a sinner like themselves. The only real solution is developing a saving relationship with Christ. You are not their priest whatever license or degree you have. One Christian physician described psychiatry as "sinful men trying to help other sinful men." It doesn't work. If you think having your wife in the room while another woman spills her guts to you is the ultimate safeguard, you really don't know yourself.

[Dr. Shane]

9 hours ago, Hanseng said:

It's sinful for one human to be taken into the confidence of another. Hardly different from the RC confessional. If people start telling me their problems, I stop them, explain that I am a sinner like themselves. The only real solution is developing a saving relationship with Christ. You are not their priest whatever license or degree you have. One Christian physician described psychiatry as "sinful men trying to help other sinful men." It doesn't work. If you think having your wife in the room while another woman spills her guts to you is the ultimate safeguard, you really don't know yourself.

I probably don't need to state that much of Christianity disagrees with that.  I do think that one person should not make the decisions for another person.  As a counselor, I help people find options.  I avoid giving advice except when it is an emergency like suicidal thoughts.  Part of being an NCCA counselor is that I have access to the NCCA Counselor's Forum.  We often post information about our cases there and help each other help our clients.  My clients know this.  It is on the informed consent form.  I require my clients to take the FIRO-B when we start working together, as do other NCCA counselors.  Every request for help in the counselor forum starts with the client's FIRO-B results and a brief summary of the issue.  Thus when I work with clients, they are not just getting my expertise but they are getting help from multiple other counselors in the NCCA network of counselors.