Meet Dad

[Dr. Shane]

Four years ago my daughter started college.  She was still in high school but was accepted into a program at University of Texas, RGV for gifted and talented students.  She had attended a private Christian school until then.  She was in an Adventist school until it closed at the end of 6th grade.  Then she went to a non-denominational school 7th - 10th grade.  After a few weeks in college she announced she met a boy and agreed to be his girlfriend.  She had a few boyfriends previously, and since she was so young, I had chaperoned their dates.  I asked if he was an Adventist and when she told me he was not, I told her she could not continue to see him.  I am not an authoritarian father so it wasn't simply telling her no.  It was a conversation we had, that included her brother (I was a single dad at the time).  She brought it up as a topic of discussion at the church youth group she belonged to.  I had previously visited with our youth pastor about it.  Her youth group, and her brother, agreed with me.  She broke up with the boy.

A few weeks ago, this same daughter told me she met a boy and had agreed to be his girlfriend,,,, but not until after she graduates college in December.  He is an Adventist.  She met him at school at the jazz club.  He is a musician - like her.  She performed special music for our church yesterday and invited the boy to come.  He lives in Brownsville, Texas and our church is in McAllen, Texas.  (Both in the Rio Grande Valley but about 60 miles apart [we live in the middle]).  The Rio Grande Valley (comprised of four counties) has 38 SDA churches, or companies, totaling 8,000 baptized members.  Brownsville has only two SDA churches.  The church he attends has about 100 members.  Being raised in a low-income family, he hadn't left the county of his birth much.  It was his first time in our church, which is the largest SDA church in the Valley. 

After the church service, he came home with us to have dinner.  Here is the milestone and why I am sharing this in this forum.   Few young adults today bring a boy or a girl they are interested in home to meet their parents before they start dating.  This is tradition but often not done.  My ex-wife and I have been co-parenting our children, as recommended, since our divorce.  My daughter took this boy to meet her mother first.  Yesterday was my turn.  My wife (my daughter's stepmom) and I prepared the food before the Sabbath.  So, arriving home from church we had to warm it up.  My mother is staying in our guestroom temporarily so she joined us.  My son (or transgender daughter), lives with his mom but s/he also came to join us.  We filled up the seats at our large table and we talked.  About what?  We started with the epistles of Paul.  Then we got into a discussion about the witch of Endor.  We ended up talking about Pastor David Asscherick.  Why him?  Well, this boy just converted to Adventism a couple of years ago.  He was raised Catholic and into punk rock.  One of the things he likes about Adventism is that, like punk rock, it is anti-establishment.  The fact that Adventists don't believe in the pope, only follow the Bible and specifically honor Saturday as the Sabbath are anti-establishment things that set well with his background in punk rock.  Of course we had to talk about Pastor David Asscherick.

As a pastoral counselor with a degree in marriage and family therapy, I did not miss how special this event was.  It is an honor to be a father.  When my children were born, I dedicated them to the Lord.  There was a religious ceremony.  Their mother and I took them in front of the church and presented them.  We made a vow to God to raise them for Him.  That ritual is nearly as important as baptism.  Unfortunately not all Adventist parents take it as seriously as I did.  When their mother decided to divorce, I had the great honor of being award full custody and raising my children as a single dad.  But I had partners.  Our church and their church school partnered with me.  I don't know if this boy has a future with my daughter or if that will be someone else.  But it was an honor to have him in our home.  We ate great food, shared non-alcoholic beverages and had great conversation.  After ward we watched a Christian movie and then hiked the Via Dolorosa at a Catholic shrine a few miles from my home.  BTW: my daughter's name is Shania and his name is, Marco.