Children and the dying

[Gerr]

Would you let your young children see a dying loved one?

[bonnie]

Would you let your young children see a dying loved one?

​My mother spent the ;ast week of her life in the hospice wing of the hospital.The entire family spent the week with her,taking turns sleeping on cots. Her youngest g.grandchildren were there with her. 8-10 years old. 

[phkrause]

Sure why not??

[B/W Photodude]

Would you let your young children see a dying loved one?

​I don't know, but would you let your young children go to a funeral?

[Liz]

When my kids were 11months old and 4 years old, my husbands dad died. We took them to the funeral, showed them that Papa was sleeping, and explained that the reason why everyone was crying was because they couldn't talk to Papa anymore. It really was no big deal.

The 4 year old remembers the plane ride more than anything else; he is nearly 20 now. The baby remembers nothing about that trip.

As to the original question, yes, I would.

[Outta Here]

Of course! Family is family no matter the age.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

Would you let your young children see a dying loved one?

​kinda depends on the situation - but in general, I wouldn't have any problem with it..

[Gerr]

Sure why not??

Sure why not??

For some reason our daughter-in-law is squeamish about our grand-children (5 & 8) seeing their grandma in a dying condition.  Apparently, she "freaked out" when as a child she saw a dying relative.   I don't feel traumatized seeing the dying or the dead as a child. Everybody  in my village went to the funeral when someone died; viewing was part of the ritual, and many saw the dying including the children. It was just a natural part of life. 

[Stan]

It was common for people to die at home in the past. I think t helped those to understand the cycle of life. People were surrounded by ones that are close to their heart, and not strangers

 

These are the tough decisions in life.

[Gail]

I would have no problem with it. 

In Victorian times it was popular to have family photos with the corpses. Death was more "hands-on" than it is today.

[Gail]

Gerry, my heart is sad for this journey that you and your sweetheart are taking. I pray that she is comfortable and thank God that you are near.

((( Dr Gerry )))

[Gerr]

Thanks, Gail.  She is comfortable enough with only an occasional breakthrough pain which I manage with short-acting meds.

[Stan]

Gerry, my heart and prayers go out to you and your bride.   I know it has been a long journey.

[Liz]

(((((((Gerry and wife))))))

[Gerr]

Thanks, Stan, Liz, and others.

[phkrause]

for you and your family Gerry

[Lauralea]

I am so sorry you and your wife are going through this Gerry. Prayers. Regarding your question, depends. Sounds like she is somewhat comfortable sometimes, so it would not be as hard for the child to see as if she was in a lot of pain. Maybe when she was resting quietly she could see the children, and they could know before she is very sick. I do not think this would be traumatic unless she looks very unusual now.  So I would say if it was a planned visit, it could be okay.

[Deaconess]

First, my prayers are going up for what you are experiencing.  

As far as your question, I really think it depends on the age, temperment, and sensitivity of the young ones.    My parents were ill for a very long time and my kids had to go with me to many ambulance calls, hospitals, doctor's offices, and labs, etc., frequently as I cared for them while my husband worked.    I took them with me because I had to and explained in simple terms what was happening and why.  We did a lot of talking and the explanations got more detailed the older they became.   The result has been young people who are not afraid of helping those who are ill and who look different, but rather the opposite:   they rush to help.  

However, although they were allowed to see their grandparents while they were still alive and even extremely deteriorated, I would not allow them to see a viewing.    A funeral?  Yes.  A grave-side service?  Yes.   A viewing?   Not until they were older and expressed a desire to do so.   I would let them watch the service and approach the closed casket with them when they were old enough to understand.   It was not until their teens that they expressed a desire to see their grandparents after they had died.   That was okay for my older son, but difficult.    The younger son was much more sensitive and wanted to follow his brother's actions out of loyalty and his tender sense of obligation. He saw the open casket from about 100 feet away and paused.  We saw that he was unsure, so we talked with him and told him we were making the decision for him not to view the person at his age.   It took the pressure off of him.  Several years later, when he was more mature, he was able to go to a viewing of a close loved one although even that was tough.   It was tough for us as adults.   So, I think it depends on how old the child is and what they understand and want.   Ultimately, each family has different traditions and no one answer will work for all children.   Just follow your heart and their promptings with much prayer for guidance.

Edited June 27, 2015 by Deaconess

[Gail]

Thank you for your thoughtful response, Deaconess, and welcome to the board :)

[Deaconess]

Thank-you!