GayatfootofCross Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Stupid Phrases for People in Crisis http://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/2015/09/28/stupid-phrases-for-people-in-crisis/ God will never give you more than you can handle. While some may believe it is theologically correct, depending on your definitions, it is singularly unhelpful to the person who is neck-deep in a crisis, trying to swim against a Tsunami. A wonderful phrase recently came from Support for Special Needs. They suggest changing this from “God will never give you more than you can handle” to “Let me come over and help you do some laundry.” This strikes me as even more theologically correct. It gets better. Yes, yes it does. But right then, it’s not better. And before it gets better, it may get way worse. When God shuts a door, he opens a window. Maybe, but maybe not. Maybe he just shuts a door. Maybe there is no window. There was no window for Job. There was a cosmic battle that raged as he sat in distress. There might not be a window. Did you pray about it? Again – theologically correct. “Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything…” but in a crisis, you don’t heap guilt onto pain and suffering. Pray for the person, but please, please leave the clichés at home. God is good – all the time. Another one that is technically theologically correct. But is it helpful to say this when someone has just lost a child and is screaming at Heaven? Is it helpful to say this to the person who just had their fifth miscarriage? Is it helpful to say this to the woman going through a divorce, because her marriage could not hold up under the stress of a special needs child? They may say it, and we can nod our heads in agreement. But for us to say this from a place that is calm and safe will probably not be helpful. But for the grace of God go I. “But why you? Why do you get that grace and not me? Why am I the one in the crisis? Was God’s grace witheld from me?” Those are valid responses to that phrase. I understand the phrase, and I’ve used it myself, but it doesn’t help the person who is in deep pain. Don’t worry. God’s in Charge. Yeah? Well, he’s not doing a very good job then is he? God is in control, but it brings up some serious theological implications about God’s role in the crisis. Instead of a theology of suffering, we might want to think about a fellowship of suffering. Maybe God needed to get your attention. Thank God no one ever said this to me during times of crisis – because I might have to punch them in the face with a knife. That’s all. Maybe it happened for a reason. Remember what I said about punching someone in the face with a knife? Yeah – that. Just call me if you need anything. While I want to appreciate this, the fact is that people in crisis usually don’t have the ability to call, so they won’t. Even if you don’t know someone well, you can bring them a meal or drive them somewhere. I could never go through what you’re going through. This, my friends, does not comfort. A false elevation of the character and ability to cope of the person going through the crisis only serves to further wound and isolate. The one who is going through a crisis longs to be on the other side. They wake up and breathe deeply, only to remember the awful reality of their situation, and wish they didn’t have to go through it. When I think of your situation, I’m reminded how blessed I am. No. No. No. First off, this is theologically completely incorrect. The beatitudes heap blessing on those that mourn, on those who are meek, on those who are poor in spirit — not on those who are safe, secure, financially stable, and proud. Those in crisis are not an illustration of how blessed everyone else is. In the counter intuitive, upside down way of the Kingdom of God, blessing looks completely different than what we in the West have made it to mean. There are big problems with our use of the word and concept of blessing. So what do we do? How do we respond? I think those are difficult questions, but the best analogy I have for people in acute crisis is looking at them as burn victims. Caring for burn victims is divided into three stages that overlap. The first is the emergent or resuscitative stage. At this stage priority is given to removing the person from the source of the burn and stopping the burning process. The big things to think about are fluid replacement, nutrition, and pain management. Translated into crisis care, this means we’ll bring meals, coffee money, and pick up children from day care. The second stage is the acute or wound healing stage. At this stage, the body is trying to reach a state of balance, while remaining free from infection. During this stage, patients can become withdrawn, combative, or agitated. This stage can be a lengthy and unpredictable stage. Burn victims, like people in crisis, often lash out at those closest to them. Translate this into listening, listening, and listening some more. The final stage is the rehabilitative or restorative stage. The goal at this stage is for a patient to resume a functional role within their family and community. Reconstruction surgery may be needed. Encouragement and reassurance are critical to the person at this stage. This would translate into going on walks with the person, taking them out to a movie or dinner, having them over for coffee or a meal. Burn care has a lot to teach us about loving and caring for people in crisis. And those who care for burn victims rarely use clichés — they are too busy caring. In February, I wrote a piece called Toward a Fellowship of Suffering, and I’ll end what could be a cynical post, with words from that piece. “There is something about suffering that longs for someone to sit with us through the pain. It’s the fellowship of suffering. It’s the words ‘you are not alone’ put into action. The sitting bears witness to our pain. More than a card or a casserole, the familiar, patient presence of another says to us ‘it’s too much for you to bear, but I will be with you, I will sit with you.'” For Part Two: Caring for People in Crisis, tune in here and a written sequel is here. Kevin H and CoAspen 2 Quote For all Eternity God waited in anticipation for You to show up to give You a Message - YOUR INCLUDED !!! { a merry dance }?️? " If you tarry 'til you're better You will never come at all " .. "I Will Rise" by the late great saved Glen Campbell If your picture of God is starting to feel too good to be true, you're starting to move in the right direction. "My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite." Romeo and Juliet
BigMark Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 I would prefer to be like Job's friends at the beginning when they sat with him and said nothing. I'd rather the victim talk and I'll just listen. GayatfootofCross 1 Quote
Administrators Tom Wetmore Posted October 10, 2015 Administrators Posted October 10, 2015 Yes, that is very much like the wisdom I heard once of the moving example of someone coming to comfort a person grieving the loss of a loved one. The person just sat beside them and said nothing. But just wept for awhile, gave the person a hug. I learned the less said the better. Being there is the most important part. And being there after the flowers fade and the mourners have left. Check in with the person a week later. A month later. Six months later. A year later When the burden of loneliness is crushing their soul. Do something normal with them and for them. Remember their loved one with them. GayatfootofCross 1 Quote "Absurdity reigns and confusion makes it look good." "Sinless perfection is such a shallow goal." "I love God only as much as the person I love the least." *Forgiveness is always good news. And that is the gospel truth. (And finally, the ideas expressed above are solely my person views and not that of any organization with which I am associated.)
CoAspen Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 God will never give you more than you can handle. At the top of my list for most disliked phrases. Blaming God is a cop out. GayatfootofCross 1 Quote
GayatfootofCross Posted October 10, 2015 Author Posted October 10, 2015 At the top of my list for most disliked phrases. Blaming God is a cop out. I know people who make the worst decisions and the fruit of those decisions are rotting and blame God. That is one thing and it's not pretty. The other thing that comes to mind is Bad things happening that you didn't have your hand in producing and a lot of Christian theology teaches it was God behind it. That is very troublesome and blocks God from view! God bless you CoAspen! Quote For all Eternity God waited in anticipation for You to show up to give You a Message - YOUR INCLUDED !!! { a merry dance }?️? " If you tarry 'til you're better You will never come at all " .. "I Will Rise" by the late great saved Glen Campbell If your picture of God is starting to feel too good to be true, you're starting to move in the right direction. "My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite." Romeo and Juliet
LifeHiscost Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 I know people who make the worst decisions and the fruit of those decisions are rotting and blame God. That is one thing and it's not pretty. The other thing that comes to mind is Bad things happening that you didn't have your hand in producing and a lot of Christian theology teaches it was God behind it. That is very troublesome and blocks God from view! God bless you CoAspen! But I'm glad I'm not like all those other people. See how well I handle the circumstances. 21 “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. 22 On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ 23 But I will reply, ‘I never knew you.Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’....Matthew 7 15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you....John 13 God is Love! Jesus saves! Quote Lift Jesus up!!
GayatfootofCross Posted October 10, 2015 Author Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) But I'm glad I'm not like all those other people. See how well I handle the circumstances. 21 “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. 22 On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ 23 But I will reply, ‘I never knew you.Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’....Matthew 7 15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you....John 13 God is Love! Jesus saves! I'm not sure what you are saying. The OP about comforting those that mourn in the best manner. Even being comfortable in the silence and not filling it with poor words but good intentions And I am directly replying to Co Aspen thoughts regarding this. . ".But I'm glad I'm not like all those other people. See how well I handle the circumstances." -LifeHiscost I sense animosity. Is this from your past? Did I strike a Nerve? Is this left over from another thread? . Otherwise.. not sure what you mean. You see gloating in my post? Comparing? I don't understand your application of scriptures. It is a Sword. not a Bat. If I see it all wrong... I am sorry your post went over my head. And I saw worst! forgive me! maybe others eyes can see this and chime in either way I am at a lost. . God Bless you... I wish you well. . Edited October 10, 2015 by GayatfootofCross Quote For all Eternity God waited in anticipation for You to show up to give You a Message - YOUR INCLUDED !!! { a merry dance }?️? " If you tarry 'til you're better You will never come at all " .. "I Will Rise" by the late great saved Glen Campbell If your picture of God is starting to feel too good to be true, you're starting to move in the right direction. "My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite." Romeo and Juliet
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.