Words to use on your "too sick to work" certificate

[aldona]

Are you asking your doctor for some time off work due to illness?

Do you need to fill in a "sick leave" application form?

Here are some words to put in the "nature of illness" blank that will hopefully get you more sympathy while leaving your boss unsure exactly what it is that you've got.

With some other suggested applications in everyday conversation. (Source: "The Superior Person's Little Book of Words" by Peter Bowler.)

Afflatus- A sudden rush of divine or poetic inspiration. While eating dinner, lean over tensely and whisper to your spouse, "Jennifer, I think I've just had an afflatus!"

Alopecia- Baldness. "My husband's alopecia is very bad this morning, Mr Smith; I'm afraid I may not be able to get in to the office until about 11 o'clock."

Aprosexia- Inability to concentrate. (That's likely to get some strange looks.)

Cardialgia- Heartburn, mild indigestion. (sounds like something seriously wrong with the heart - useful for excuses and sympathy-seeking ploys.)

Ergasiophobia- Fear of, or aversion to, work. Reluctance to tackle a job.

Kinetosis- A fancy name for travel sickness.

Lippitude- A bleary-eyed condition. (E.g. the morning after a big night out.)

Lucifugous- Avoiding daylight. For similar situations to the above. "I'm feeling distinctly lucifugous this morning."

Naupathia- A fancy name for sea-sickness.

Odontalgia (toothache) and odontiasis (a child's teething); both useful for excusing yourself from work.

Oligophrenia- Feeblemindedness.

Oniomania- An irresistible urge to buy things. (e.g. skipping work to go to that SPECIAL sale.)

Temulency- Inebriation, drunkenness.

And here is a great word...

Wedbedrip - A medieval agreement under which a feudal lord's tenant was bound to provide him, on request, with a day's reaping from the tenant's land. Instead of telling your workmates on Friday that you will be spending the weekend gardening, you could say that you have to carry out wedbedrip for your husband/wife.

Happy Sabbath! (well, it's Sabbath here already...)

aldona

[D. Allan]

Thanks, Aldona for those amusing words. I just effervesced into an afflatus of lippitude.

Due to my aprosexia I can't use all those words in one sentence. Can anyone?

[Parade Orange]

Afflatus!

During the night an angel came upon me and revealed his afflatus!

[Halfstep Denise]

Alopecia is funny? NOT!! Wait until you experience it or know someone with it, then let's see if you think it's funny!

I gave 10 inches of my hair last year to help Locks of Love make hair pieces or wigs for children who have long-term hair loss diseases or disorders. And, I am letting my hair grow to do it again.

There are other words on that list that are equally not funny! And my funny bone still works!

Halfstep Denise

[D. Allan]

You're right, Denise, that some of the conditions the word denote are not funny at all. Like baldness! But the words themselves can been experienced as funny because of their inconcruity with their denotations in some cases like 'afflatus'. Also the pretension of using such a big word, in the hopes that your boss or others don't understand what it means is funny, also. But I agree that of themselves, feeblemindedness, heartburn, or drunkeness are not funny conditions. But then your boss might not excuse your absence from work if he understood.

[Halfstep Denise]

Point taken! Thanks D. Allen!

Halfstep Denise

[D. Allan]

Here is one that strikes my warpped mind as funny:

The nature of the illness is pithecoid_pilosity.

pithecoid adj., apelike

pilosity noun, hairiness

[Bravus]

Hmm, my back is getting a bit pithecoid in my old age

[Bravus]

Fortunately so far my head has remained fairly pilous, rather than wax alopecial.

[aldona]

Words were not included on the list because they were funny...but because they sound impressive to someone who doesn't quite know what they mean, or they sound similar to something that IS funny or rude ("afflatus" is an example), or they get you sympathy on your sick note while you know they just refer to a common non-harmful condition.

Sorry if any of the inclusions have caused offence, that was not my intention.

aldona

[D. Allan]

Those words really are funny, Aldona; especially, "afflatus". It is a real gem of a word! 'Lippitude' and 'oniomania' are certainly useful in todays society. They way they are offered to 'a boss' makes a person grin.