Please pass the paranoia, and hold the mustard...

[olger]

Think about for it a moment. Many people in our great land are not happy unless they are sad! Let's start with this paranoia and move on to greater asnd more exciting paranoias:

1) ASBESTOS. Whoop whoop! It has to become friable to even be a remote possiblity of a problem, but don't let that dampen your paranoia. Let's go on..

2)We needed another great paranoia to get people worked up..so we came up with..........RADON! That should do it. A lethal nerve gas that sneaks into your house and kills....kills.... well.... it did dispatch an overzealous centipede in the crawl space but people soon got ho-hum over it and we needed another one..

3) THE OZONE HOLE!!!!! The sky isn't falling...it's MELTING!!! And we'd better patch that sucker quick or we will all fry like a plump matron wearing drapery at Redondo Beach! This one worked for a while and it gave the EP-dumb-A an excuse to annihilate several good products like R-11, Halon and hair spray that worked. But soon people grew weary and the paranoia quotient dropped to 3-quarts low (ironically the same as the level of intelligence of the tree-huggers). We needed a fresh paranoia, one that would get our panic reserves operating on all 4-hybrid cylinders.

4) LEAD PAINT!! That should do it, after all 96% of the Civil War casualties died from lead poisoning. Daddies and Mommies ran to the Sherwin Williams store by the million and stopped wringing their hands only long enough to reach into their already pilfered wallets to buy encapsulation paint. Another gallon and Hurry! We are dying as we speak...speaking of dying...have you heard of..

5) MOLD!! Yes mold. Previously isolated with old cheese and Howard's Hughes' money, we found a way to get it into our homes and a wonderful paranoia was upon us again. Nervously we looked around and shelled out part of the few dollars we had left for Mold Experts and abatement procedures. Little Tommy's life span was shortened by 23% and who can put a price tag on THAT ?! But alas, the EPA threw a party (a moldy one, yes) and few people showed up. Paranoia was not what it was used to be and if the little hairs on the backs of our nervous necks were ever going to reach full tilt we needed a bigger better and louder paranoia. Fortunately we had an ex-vice president with time on his hands and he got right to work, after first looking for his Radio Shack thermometer. Locked in a bug-proof, radon proof, asbestos-free room with extra ozone, old Al came up with a doozy.

6) GLOBAL WARMING!! The earth was warming like a pan of fried liver and each of us were heading towards a well-done future. Beads of sweat ran down Al's face as his warm grin heated the Paranoia Room. This would work, and he solicited the assistance of Hippywood, a well-known town on the left coast. They got the word out about this all-star Paranoia and things began to heat up (hmmm). Air conditioner sales, ice chunks, and re-defined beach-front maps abound today. Get `em while they're hot--because the shelf-life of paranoias is traditionally short.

olger

[Planey]

This would have to be the least funny post ever placed in the "Humour" forum.

Lead poisoning.

Asbestos disease

Ozone depletion

I suppose next time you'll have a few chuckles about cancer - oh, hold on, you already did that this time with asbestos and ozone depletion ...

[olger]

It is good to smile once in a while. A good smile can actually turn a prune into an apricot.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

[olger]

For what it's worth, I work with asbestos & mold encapsulation regularly. I own a company that installs commercial roofing and spray-foam insulations in Ohio.

I am also on the rountable at NCFI, so I sit in a place where we see the confluence of these trends.

regards,

olger

[Tom Wetmore]

For what it's worth, I work ... in Ohio.

The Buckeye reference does explain a lot... :smilewink:

Tom

[olger]

Shame on you... .

og

[Dottie]

You forgot that it can now cost you up to $2000 to get rid of the mercury poisoning in your home if you should perchance break one of the wonderful new mercury-filled lamps which they're trying to force on us instead of the old incandescent ones which light better, and cost oh, so much less.

[olger]

Yeah that's another good one. Rather big in England, I'm told.

Call the Mercury Police,

olger

[Guest]

Quote:

5) MOLD!! Yes mold. Previously isolated with old cheese and Howard's Hughes' money, we found a way to get it into our homes and a wonderful paranoia was upon us again. Nervously we looked around and shelled out part of the few dollars we had left for Mold Experts and abatement procedures. Little Tommy's life span was shortened by 23% and who can put a price tag on THAT ?! But alas, the [EPA threw a party (a moldy one, yes) and few people showed up. Paranoia was not what it was used to be and if the little hairs on the backs of our nervous necks were ever going to reach full tilt we needed a bigger better and louder paranoia. Fortunately we had an ex-vice president with time on his hands and he got right to work, after first looking for his Radio Shack thermometer. Locked in a bug-proof, radon proof, asbestos-free room with extra ozone, old Al came up with a doozy.

Mold got into the bloodstream of one of my best friends, causing a bloodclot that eventually cut off the blood supply to his brainstem. He died.

[olger]

Sorry to hear it of course. I would guess that that is pretty rare.

A recent article in RSI Magazine talked about the mold "scare" and how it wasn't "catching on."

The point of my short essay is how paranoia-driven our culture is becoming. We go from one thing to the next, and I'm sure they have several new paranoias in the wings to be trotted out.

These things come around and there's a big bugaboo over them, and then they kind of fade off the radar..

The fact is that life has an element of danger, and our grandparents accepted that reality much better than we seem to.

warm regards,

olger

[Neil D]

Quote:

Sorry to hear it of course. I would guess that that is pretty rare.

"Rare", you say?

Well, I must be seeing a lot of rare people then...I see this mold in houses where there are the gray bricks that have been painted over...usually in rainy places like the Pacific Northwest or like the humid Southeast part of the US, wooden structures are the ones affected....For me, it manifests itself in allergys and alergic reactions. Homes that are water damaged usually have mold in them...[aka roof damage from leaks, water tanks leakage ect]

I suspect that there is a LOT more reactions than many are willing to admit to...

[olger]

Neil, Neil, ol' buddy.

Mold isn't rare.--I work in that field remember?

Death by mold is rare.

I do wish you well,

olger

[Amelia]

I worked at a store once that had mold so bad that I felt like i was going to die from my allergies. BLECK

[olger]

At the rate we are going...

Someday a perfessor will pronounce that hair clippings are dangerous; barbers will have to have special permits; patrons will be black-light searched for the dangerous contraband, and Sewers will look forward to great lawsuits in hopes of becoming wealthy.

"Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools..."

Yours truly,

olger

[Neil D]

Neil, Neil, ol' buddy.

Mold isn't rare.--I work in that field remember?

Death by mold is rare.

I do wish you well,

olger

Granted, "death by mold is rare.", but nevertheless, it is life threatening. Luckly for the human race, their immune systems are such that it can cause bad sensations, which the human race interprets as a "please stop what you are doing as it is not making me feel good" sensation.

As for the EPA and it's relationship to mold, it's not paranoia...it's common sense to avoid mold and moldy homes/enviorments.

So, tell me again how this made it to the "humor" section?????

[olger]

The EPA is widely driven by environmental over-concerns. This in part is self-preservation, as they need to justify their existence to continue their power/wealth.

This was more the case early on, and nowadays few people question them. I do.

They interfered with spray foam blowing agents and caused a monopoly in favor of Honeywell 245 fa. Prior to their meddling, the industry had 5-sources for blowing agent and now there is only one. You guessed it...the price tripled, and the consumer lost value.

But, it is good to smile once in a while. This world is passing away after all according to the Word of God. There is much hope! On the New Earth we won't find used motor oil, styrofoam bonfires, hand-wringing tree huggers, and personal or pontifical paranoia.

warm (not global) regards,

Gerry

[Tom Wetmore]

The EPA is widely driven by environmental over-concerns...

That is hardly close to present realities. But if you are harking back to days gone by, you don't suppose it has anything to do with the fact that it is the Environmental PROTECTION Agency?!?! It's not the Consumer of Resources Facilitator Agency or the Building Contractors Do-it-any-way-you-want Agency. :R Current trends and sentiment might be better served by renaming it the EEA - Environmental Exploitation Agency.

Tom

[olger]

"Environmental Exploitation Agency" (new name for the EPA).

Hey...

I like that. You think that up yourself?

the other Gerry