If Jesus Preached Today....

[SMAN]

If Jesus preached today, He would be wanted by:

* The FDA for turning water into wine without a license.

* The EPA for killing fig trees.

* The AMA for practicing medicine without a license.

* The Department of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising the dead, and for feeding the 5,000 people in the wilderness.

* The NEA for teaching without a certificate.

* OSHA for walking on water without a life jacket and for flying without an airplane.

* The SPCA for driving hogs into the sea.

* The National Board of Psychiatrists for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life.

* The Interfaith Movement for condemning all other religions.

* And by the Zoning Board for building mansions without a permit.

[olger]

:) you got that right.

Aaron and the EPA

The messenger puffed over the horizon and skidded to a stop at the door of the building. Eying the door, which read EPA in big bold letters, he mumbled to himself “We got them this time!”

The door soon opened revealing a rather snappy, officious man and a very plump lady in black skin tight pants. “Well?” the snappy one asked.

“We got `em sir!” the messenger announced, subconsciously puffing himself up to his full height of 5’4”. “We got em this time and if you come quickly we can sneak up on them and catch the whole bunch in the act and I waited for two days for this opportunity and you…”

“Slow down” the agent said, drawing him inside the EPA building.

“I assume that you’re referring to those nasty nomads in the desert—the ones who have been violating the Clean Air Act, the Animal Rights Act, and the Open Burning Laws, and the Occupational Safety Guidelines, ALL WITHOUT PERMITS!!!” the agent granted himself a flash of indignation.

“Yes Yes!” the messenger said. They got their codebook and headed out to the wilderness…

“This wilderness should be protected” exclaimed the agent in a burst of self-importance. “That’s right!” the messenger said ecstatically.

“Let’s talk about these environment violaters”, the agent shifted in his seat. “We can nail them on three serious charges, and possibly a dozen more. That will justify our funding, and hopefully increase it.” It was going to be a good day.

They pulled up to the encampment. There were thousands of tents scattered across the plain. Smoke was rising from a large tent in the center of the camp. “Yep, there’s an open burning violation right there” the agent said. “There’s a big cloud of pollution in the center of this camp already!!” “AND, I am pretty sure that they are disturbing the native habitat of the green-nosed long-livered toad-frog.” We’ll nail em big time on that one!”

They knocked on the door of the large tent. A distinguished elder with a long white beard met them. His unusual clothing stood in stark contrast to their own. He wore a breastplate with 12-stones.. and a mitre on his head. There was a golden belt around his waist, supporting the beautiful blue robe.

“Can I assist you? the man asked. “Have you come to repent to the Lord?”

“Repent!?” You’re the one who will need repentance when we’re finished” the agent, snorted. “First, what is your name?” the agent barked whipping out his violation book.

“I am Aaron, the son of Amram.”

“Last name?”

My name is Aaron.”

The agent sighed… “What is your address?”

“Address…?”

“WHERE DO YOU LIVE?”

“I dwell wherever the Lord leads.” Aaron replied.

“WHERE DO YOU WORK?” The agent was getting steamed..

“Ahh…I work in the tabernacle of the Lord.” The old man’s face brightened with the satisfaction that peace brings.

“Oh really?” The agent rolled his eyes. “And what do you do for your employer?”

“I offer the morning & evening sacrifice. And I oversee the slaughter of animals for the remission of sin. It is hard work, and it is good work.”

“So you’re running a butcher shop out here” the agent shook his head. “You will need FDA approval at once. And there will be a massive fine for not possessing a license.” “Furthermore”, the agent continued “you will have to be inspected.” His indignation mounted…

Aaron listened patiently to this strange arrogant man… He sure looked like he needed remission, but we don’t force it on anyone. The Lord would deal with him.

“And.” Where is that smoke coming from?” The agent demanded.

“That is from the burnt offering, my friend” Aaron replied.

“Take us in there, now!.”

Aaron led the men inside.

“I want that fire put out immediately”, the agent said.

“It can’t be done,” Aaron replied. “That sacrifice is to the Lord. If He wants it out He will have to put it out.”

The agent smiled darkly. This was going to be fun, making an example of these weird people.

“‘Tell your boss to come here at once” the agent said. “We might as well arrest the whole bunch of you.”

“You wish to meet the Lord?” Aaron said.

“I Do!” Get him in here.”

“He’s already in here.”

“Really? Is he hiding under that table?” The agent smirked. “Tell him to get his tail in here.”

Aaron looked long at the agent. His eyes were the deepest the man had ever seen. It was almost uncomfortable, and the agent raised his bluster another notch to cover it. “Get him in here now!”

“He’s right behind that curtain, my friend” Aaron paused. “I don’t recommend disturbing Him.”

“Oh really?” The agent chuckled as he took three quick steps to the large heavy curtain.

“I should warn you, Aaron said. “One must never enter the presence of the Lord unholy.” Something in his calm voice troubled the agent.

“Hear that?” he sneered to the messenger with him. “One must never enter the presence of the lord unholy..” He quickly raised his hand to the curtain to yank it aside, when he stopped. All of a sudden he felt uneasy. A wave of dread crashed over him.. He walked away from the curtain “Cmon,” he said to his accomplice. They both walked outside.

“But boss why are we leaving..?” the messenger asked. “What’s with you?”

“I’m going to get a warrant” the agent replied. “I remembered that we didn’t have one yet. No matter, we will be back!”

The agent turned to Aaron as they walked away. “We will be back, and you’ll be sorry!”

Aaron watched in silence…

The two men drove away.

“What a bunch of weirdos, huh?” he messenger looked at his boss.

“You got that right. We’ll be back and clean the whole gang up. That will be GOOD for the environment to see them rot in jail. That whole cloud over the place makes me sick.”

“Boss, I noticed all the people around there and it occurred to me that they are part of some dumb religion. Is that possible?”

“Of course it is. They’re all a bunch of fanatics. I can’t believe why anyone would need that weird religion anyway..” he drove on...

The messenger thought for a moment “Yeah, I prefer our church. The Ecstatic Environmentalist.”

“Me too!”

[John317]

Yeah, heaven save us from political correctness gone wild!!

[John317]

Thanks, Olger, for that story about Aaron and the EPA. I can't wait for Episode II.

[olger]

:)

It gets exciting..